I grew up in a family that has always been pretty lax when it comes to farts. In fact, it's damned near impossible to offend anyone in my family with a mere fart (most of them would actually be pretty good additions to PR). I also have a very blue collar group of friends that appreciate a good fart or poop story. I once worked with a close friend, that I swear to this day has undiagnosed digestive issues. We were drinking buddies at the time, and I could tell what he had drank the night before based on how rank he was at work. Until recently he possessed what I believed to be the stinkiest ass ever. Long story short, I've got quite the resume of experience in the world of farts. I might also add that given the ages of my children, I've been changing shitty diapers daily for the last four years.
About a year ago our company hired a guy that was previously a full time truck driver. Now he primarily drives a truck for us but also does whatever the job calls for. A few weeks ago I got a call from my boss in a panic asking me if I could come in as soon as possible. Our office seriously under-bid a portion of the contract that dealt with signs needing to be posted before we could start the actual job, and they needed a relief crew to take over posting said signs so that we could start work the following night.
This guy and I got to our yard and headed out to the job in our mechanic's service truck loaded down with all the extra material that the earlier crew had forgotten to bring. Sorry, I'm rambling. We went to a location to unload a bunch of stuff to close an on ramp semi-permanently. We had just finished unloading and were about to leave for another location. I climbed into the driver's seat waiting for my passenger to get in the truck when I heard him from the sidewalk mutter, "uh oh" Before I could ask what was the matter my nose let me know. Now let me reiterate, he was not in the truck yet. "Uh oh" also didn't mean that he shit himself, this was a fart from out side the vehicle.
After a few seconds the smell was so bad that I had to exit the vehicle that he hadn't even entered yet. I was gagging so bad that I actually threw up right there in the street. I cranked up the a/c to high with both doors open and walked around the truck for a couple minutes to try to clear it out. After what should have been adequate time I re-entered the truck and sat down. I immediately started gagging again and had to exit the vehicle once more. Again I puked all over the street. I've experienced some awful farts in my day, but nothing that ever induced vomiting. After the stench cleared enough to re-enter the truck I gave the guy a well deserved, "congratulations", followed by a "fuck you, you nasty bastard". He is a rather timid guy so I wanted to reassure him that no matter how disgusted I was, he should be very proud of his accomplishment.
After reading about some of Tuba Cheeks' accomplishments I've began to wonder if he moved to California and started driving for a construction company, or if all long haul truckers have rotten guts. My assailant can't blame truck stop food because he's been running local for us for a year now. I've been the victim of some pretty awful farts in my day, but this definitely tops the list.