[Di Uhreea]

About three weeks ago I received My SweetPee in the mail. As I said in the forums, my boyfriend intercepted the delivery from the mailman right in the middle of an argument we were having.
I told him what it was and why I was getting it and he replied with a snotty “How much are you getting paid to do this?” I just rolled my eyes and secretly stashed the green cylinder for later.

He finally left and I anxiously got the parcel from my night table drawer. I immediately opened it and spread out all the contents on my bed.
I was so excited. I read the instructions first and saved the rest of the paraphernalia for later. I had been saving this pee for about half an hour. I had to go! I thought I’d try the non-disposable one first. I didn’t want to waste the disposable one at home. I grabbed My SweetPee, the liners and the lovely citrus spray cleanser. In my haste, I had only scanned the instructions and thought I knew what I was doing.
Don’t we all do that with instructions?

I put the liner in the “X” hole at the top of the device and proceeded to “funnel” it. I let loose with a stream of pee comparable to Niagara Falls. When I was finished, I stood there for a moment not knowing what to do. I tried carefully to balance the wet liner laden device in one hand while I attempted to roll out & rip some TP with the other hand. I managed to keep it steady in my hand while doing this but some stray droplets of urine trickled down the liner on to the toilet seat. I wiped myself and then the seat. Now I had to deal with this piss covered liner sticking out of the SweetPee. I figured I would just take it out with my fingers and do a good wash job when I was finished. I took it out and threw it in to the toilet. Done. Thank God I had TP on the roll - I hadn’t checked beforehand due to my anxiety from this first trial run.

<A NAME="wipe"></A>I didn’t know whether to wash my hands first or the SweetPee. I took the small bottle of spray cleanser and gave the SweetPee a few squirts. With one hand again, I rolled & ripped some more TP and wiped the thing off. I rolled it back up and put it in its Ziploc bag with the bottle of cleanser. After that, I washed my hands really well and put the baggie in the bottom drawer in my bathroom.
I wanted to come and start my review right away but the stress and anxiety of all that had taken place just left me craving a cigarette. I went outside, had a smoke, and started contemplating the whole ordeal.
I tried to picture doing all that while in a cramped public stall. I just couldn’t see it happening.
After my smoke, I came in and started to review the instructions more carefully.
Apparently, I had forgotten to tuck some TP under my arm.
Now it all made sense. Yes! That would have saved a lot of anguish. In fact, it would have made the whole ordeal a lot easier. I vowed to do it properly next time and considered this to be my “first experience” and that my anxiety was just due to opening night jitters.
I think in the instructions that part about the TP under the arm should be in BOLD lettering.
Oh, and they might want to mention to stuff TWO wads under your arm not just one.
One for you and another for removing the liner from the device.

Upon my next trial of My SweetPee, I didn’t have to go pee as badly. I knowingly put the TP under my arm, had My SweetPee all lined and ready to go. Everything went off without a hitch, not even a drop on the seat this time! After only two tries, I was feeling like a pro at this.

Thursday morning, my boyfriend called me and told me to get a babysitter for the night because we were going to see the Canucks play the Flames. My mind started racing because I had so much to do. Pick up the sitter, figure out what to leave for dinner, do a little laundry, charge the battery for the camera, figure out some warm clothes to wear, pick up the kids from school, blah blah blah…
One thing I didn’t forget to do was pack my disposable pink SweetPee.

The first thing I did when I got to the game was get a $7.25 beer. Then I got a free T for signing up for a new MasterCard.
Hell, who doesn’t need another MasterCard, right?
We found our seats and checked out all the cool stuff going on. My beer was finished in about ten minutes. I grabbed a twenty from my boyfriend’s wallet and proceeded to get more beer. I figured I deserved two beers this time. It made sense by saving myself a trip. Glug, glug, glug. Damn that beer went well with the game! I tried to smile and make friends with the people closest to the aisle - I would need that friendliness later when I was saying, “Excuse me” to get past them to go to the bathroom.

The time finally arrived. I had to pee - really bad (three large beers bad).
I grabbed my purse and headed for the washroom. Luckily for me, the washroom was close.
It was unbelievably empty too. I went in a stall, shut and locked the door and proceeded to get the disposable SweetPee out of my purse. I had folded it once more after the original fold down the middle. This created a bit of a problem but my smart beer brain just figured out how to fold it back the other way thus cancelling out the fold I had made. I hung my purse on the hook and started to pull my pants down. I almost dropped the thin sheet of pink paper right in the toilet. I positioned myself and let ‘er rip.
How liberating! I felt like a dude! Being at a hockey game, drinking beer AND standing to pee.
I tried to fart but couldn’t muster a bluster. That would have been the cherry on top.
After I was finished, I simply tossed it in the water, kicked the flush handle (like I’m sure guys do at a hockey game) and went to wash my hands, fix my lipstick and brush my hair (like I’m sure guys do at a hockey game).

I would recommend My SweetPee to any girl/woman/lady on these grounds:

1) Read the instructions carefully.
2) Opt for the disposable ones if you’re going to be drinking.
And
3) Don’t attempt it in public until you have practiced at home.

The best part for me was the ultra liberating experience I had at the game.
Now I’m waiting for snow so I can try and piss my name.
I’m also waiting for courage so I can try the backwards piss and the “dark side” uses for My SweetPee.

[doniker]

$7.25 a beer? I guess that's Canadian money.

Our beer prices at sport events in Ohio are about $5.25 for a 22 oz. beer.

One of the reasons I stopped going to such events is because my wife no longer can get free tickets and I was tired of spend $100 on beer every time we went.

Anyways congrats on being able to pee like a man.

[Artful Dodger]

Next time your guy gets snotty with you, Di, you can just whip out your new wang and pee on his shoes. That'll shut him up quick.

[Di Uhreea]

LMFAO Dodger!! I hadn't thought of that!! If the damn thing wasn't so awkward and didn't require such preparation, I'd do that in a second...

Yes, Doniker, the beer prices are a tad high
But there was no way in hell that I wasn't going to consume beer at an NHL game!!

The poop portion of my review should be up soon - it's in Dave's chop shop right now.

[Justa Girl]

Ok my American friends... don't hate me for telling the truth but the reason your beer is cheaper at sporting events (and at the gas station) is because it's not really beer. Not by Canadian standards, anyway. Beer companies can afford to charge less for American beer because of it's lower alcohol content. I know this because of my highly scientific experimentation while drinking American beer during my recent trip to Las Vegas. In the end, it all evens out. Canadian beer is more expensive but also more potent... takes less to get you drunk. American beer comes in nifty packaging (and the coolest shapes and sizes), and is cheap so it doesn't matter that it takes more to get you drunk. I'm looking for grant money to do a formal study on this phenomenon.


Di, I have sweetpee penis envy now. I'm going to have to get one for the next time we go camping. I'm daydreaming about the possibilities. Thanks for the long-awaited report.

[Artful Dodger]

Imagine the sweeping social changes that could occur if this goes mainstream. I can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from millions of men as their wives, girlfriends, and mothers stop nagging them to put the toilet seat back down.

[Justa Girl]

It takes more effort to nag than it takes to just put the seat down yourself. Why won't women learn this? We need to spend our energy training men on the important things like "Accepting 'Trading Spaces' as a desirable tv program" and "Why farting under the covers (Dutch Oven, as he affectionately calls it) is JUST PLAIN WRONG!" But putting the seat down? Just not an issue.

I still want a sweet pee. I've been thinking about it all afternoon. Di? Did it make you feel powerful to pee standing up without getting your socks wet?

[doniker]

I don't know justa.....I think the price has more to do with quality over alcohol content.

At a beverage store in Ohio:

A 6 pack of good beer in bottles is about $7.

A 24 pack of shitty beer in cans is about $10.

I know a web page that lists all the alcohol contents of all beers and I am positive I could find at least one shitty beer with a higher alcohol content than a good beer.

Trust me....your dealing with a seasoned alcoholic here.

[Chip Brown]

Perhaps someday you'll be able to use a urinal (like guys do a t a hockey game).

Cigarette smoking will kill you. It says so right on the package (at least for the American ones).

[Di Uhreea]

Fuckin A!!

I hope Canadian cigarettes have a higher tar and nicotine content than American ones....the "quality" must be better - they're more expensive as well.

[Justa Girl]

I'd like to see the web page that lists the alcoholic content of all beers. Things like that fascinate me. Here, the alcohol content, by law, is listed right on the packaging. I noticed that's not the case in the states where I purchased beer. Then again, I was just so damned happy to even FIND beer in Utah that I didn't care what the alcohol content was. Poopoo to the person who told me that Utah is a "dry" state.

[doniker]

justa your wish is my command. Here is one, my sweet:

http://brewery.org/brewery/library/AlClbinger.html

[Justa Girl]

This is getting good! Wonder which of my other wishes are Doniker's commands?

Thanks man... you "rock out with your cock out" (to quote Di).

[doniker]

I figure if I grant enough wishes you will send me that nude photo of yourself, or at least one in tight clothing.

doniker@hotmail.com

[Di Uhreea]

I think it was "Super Bowel" that had first written "Rock out with your cock out"

http://www.poopreport.com/phpBB/viewtop ... 99&start=0

I have loved that since I read it and it's a common term now amongst my family and friends. We say "sock" when the kids are around. My bro-in-law tried to counter it with "slam out with your clam out" but it flopped. Just like the "Sophist-A-Twist".