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Blonde Poop

Postby Deja Poo on Mar 29 2011 9:00 pm

For all of you filthy minded bastards who think this thread is a Blonde joke thread, you can stop reading right now. No, this thread is about my last three bowel movements. And, while I have my Blonde moments, I am not a Blonde.

It all started yesterday. At work, I parked my butt on the crapper and squeezed out three decent sized turds. Upon inspecting the contents of the bowl I was treated to quite the sight: two solid blonde turds and one half-and-half. Now, the half-and-half was half a normally colored turd, a light chocolate brown, and the other half was Blonde, almost yellow with just a tinge of brown in it. It can only be described as the same color as coffee with cream when the drinker likes just a little coffee with their cream. The other two chunks were this same color. I found it pretty curious, but figured it was just something that I ate earlier that was causing this turd discoloration.

Then, this morning after I had put the kid on the school bus, I squeezed out another pile of more of the same stuff. Once was a fluke but twice was starting to look like a trend. Still, I didn't get too worked up over it. I figured it must be the remains of the same meal that was emerging and that shortly, my turds would return to their Crayon brown color.

Of course, this evening, I sat my ass down on the toilet after dinner. Once more, I squeezed out a long blonde snake of a turd.

I can see maybe pushing out one big meal out over two good dumps, but I just don't think it's possible over three. So now I wondering why my turds have taken a turn for the pale. Thoughts?
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Re: Blonde Poop

Postby blind mullet on Mar 29 2011 9:32 pm

:-?
...You haven't taken to drinking bleach yet, have you?
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Re: Blonde Poop

Postby prarie doggin on Mar 30 2011 6:45 am

You didn't accidentally sit on a Sharpie highlighter recently?
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Re: Blonde Poop

Postby Deja Poo on Mar 30 2011 8:44 am

No, I haven't taken to drinking bleach (although that last bottle of water THAT THE MISSUS FILLED FOR ME did seem to have an unusually strong taste of chlorine), nor have I been using my highlighters as suppositories, nor have I been indulging in my wildest fantasies of Drywall Primer enemas. I haven't really changed much of anything in my diet or in my anal hygiene behaviors.
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Re: Blonde Poop

Postby ChiefThunderbutt on Mar 30 2011 8:58 am

Deja, Here is some information that I brazenly lifted from a website called "scoop on poop" that gives a couple of reasons for blonde poop. I hope this helps assuage any fears you might have.
According to Michael F., one cause of this is Gilbert's Syndrome. "I have a benign condition known as Gilbert's Syndrome. It affects quite a few people, males mostly, in their teens+. It is a deficiency in the liver where red blood cells are broken down. I was informed when this was diagnosed that the broken down blood cells is what gives poop a lot of its color. People with Gilbert's Syndrome don't process as many blood cells - or not as fast - and their poop tends to be pale brown or yellow from the lower quantity of discarded red blood cell matter. This is especially true if there is less matter in your intestines (i.e., on a diet - as I have noticed) to remove the excess blood cells. Very frightening until you determine what is causing it. Gilbert's is a totally benign thing that doesn't harm anyone, although when a person is sick they can turn yellowish as if jaundiced, but it is not jaundice."
Another cause of yellow poop is a giardia infection. Giardia are tiny Protozoan parasites that can invade the intestines and result in severe yellow diarrhea. It is a dangerous and contagious affliction that doctors are obligated to report to the Center for Disease Control.


I have an idea that if it were a giardia infection you would be in some other kind of discomfort. Perhaps you need to send a sample to the Doggin-Thunderbutt Institute so the esteemed Dr. Doggin can investigate more thoroughly.
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Re: Blonde Poop

Postby prarie doggin on Mar 30 2011 9:20 am

ChiefThunderbutt wrote:Dr. Doggin can investigate more thoroughly.


Great idea Buttbergerstein, but I'm afraid you'll have to take on the task of handling Mr. Deja's poop yourself. I am currently in Rio investigating the correlation of womans butt shape and the ability to spike a volley ball on a beach. Yeah, I know it was a crappy assignment, but I took it out of consideration for you in that the assignment fell on the same week as the Possum Grease Festival. No need to thank me, but you do owe me one. Maybe during the next Jersey festival of some kind.
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Re: Blonde Poop

Postby ChiefThunderbutt on Mar 30 2011 11:04 am

Sorry Dr. Doggin but my schedule is filled for the next several mont.......er.....decades. I wonder if we could engage the services of the highly esteemed Dr. C. Everett Poop?
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Re: Blonde Poop

Postby Deja Poo on Mar 30 2011 11:43 am

Hey, he eats shit just like all Teabaggers do. He could give my blonde turdage the Taste Test ...sans ketchup, of course.
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Re: Blonde Poop

Postby Butt of the Joke on Mar 30 2011 2:33 pm

Simple:Your poop is getting old. Not you,just poop. Hair loses it's color after awhile,but it still grows. You still have new poops,so it hasn't been building up. It just isn't half the poop it used to be. It's on the back nine. It is going gray,but blonde instead. I don't see why hair and poop can't have similar characteristics.
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Re: Blonde Poop

Postby Deja Poo on Mar 31 2011 12:11 pm

For those who care, I just made another blonde deposit at the Porcelain Bank. Either my blood cells are living longer, my bone marrow is producing far fewer of them or my liver isn't cleaning out my bloodstream properly. I doubt that it's the latter as my skin hasn't taken on the sallow appearance.
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Re: Blonde Poop

Postby blind mullet on Mar 31 2011 4:36 pm

Have you been eating white chocolate lately?
A guy at work once told me a story of how "a friend of his" managed to get locked in to the store room of the school canteen. He was hoping to grab the cash box and then break out, but all that was there was a box of Freddo Frog white chocolates.
Image

He was so pissed off that he sat and ate the whole box of 'em before forcing a window and getting out, but he swears he shat white shit for the next two days.
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Re: Blonde Poop

Postby prarie doggin on Mar 31 2011 5:05 pm

On a candy note BM, I recently ate some imported licorice from down under and it was unbelievable. It actually had molasses in it and tasted so good. I tried the red ones next and they rocked also. Is licorice popular down there? It doesn't seem to be a real big deal here.
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Re: Blonde Poop

Postby Butt of the Joke on Mar 31 2011 5:48 pm

What's the deal with chocolate licorice? I know it exsists,but why is it so hard to find? From what I've heard, it is extremely tasty and delicious. Anybody have some they would like to send? :D
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Re: Blonde Poop

Postby prarie doggin on Mar 31 2011 5:55 pm

It seems some marketing genius has decided that licorice can come in a whole shit load of flavors. What's wrong with the plain old black stuff. They shouldn't be allowed to call the other ones licorice. In my book anyway. Which I haven't written yet.
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Re: Blonde Poop

Postby Butt of the Joke on Mar 31 2011 5:56 pm

Didn't red licorice come along first?
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