Do you fart before you poo, or poo before you fart?

// 62 Comments
m 1+ points - Newb
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0
The gas passes first
69% (901 votes)
Solids lead the charge
8% (101 votes)
For me, it's a simultaneous burst
15% (203 votes)
N/A -- my poops are silent and fart-free
8% (110 votes)
Total votes: 1315

62 Comments on "Do you fart before you poo, or poo before you fart?"

Mary Queen of Scats's picture
l 100+ points
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For me it really depends.

Sometimes I poop and am fart free. Other times all I get is a fart and no poop.

Most of the time, I get a few machine-gunesque little popper farts in between poops.

_______
What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

Bad kitty! Bathtubs are NOT litterboxes!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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0

Pee. Fart(s). Poop. Always in that order.

Then comes the last little "Okay we're all done down here!" trickle of pee.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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0

Always fart first, its a turd honking for the right-of-way.....

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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oh yeah, and throw a cat in there somewhere, at the reader's discretion, as its become something of a trademark for me, I guess...

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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0

"Never try to flush a cat. It clogs the toilet, and annoys the cat!"

Toots N. McCrack's picture
l 100+ points
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Farts always sold separately for me....
GGG, I have the completely done trickle of pee too! I asked somewhere else in comments if guys (and other women) get this "all clear" signal but never got a response....

_______
'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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0

Toots, there's a whole thread about it, somewhere... it might be in the forums. I'll get back to you on that.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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I think the fart depends on how much you need to go, and how much you've farted before actually getting to the toilet. For me, there's usually a build up of wind beforehand - just depends when I release it.

On the peeing thread, the more urgent the need to shit, the likelihood is that all peeing will be either afterwards or simultaneous. But yes, Toots, I do get the 'all clear' signal too (nice way of putting it - thanks!).

Poo de Grace's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I've noticed that when my wind has to pass a turd in the fartpipe canal, it gets imbued with special power. Like Superman, the turd is giving the fart a savory pat on the back on its way to freedom.

Pee, fart, poo...in that order usually. Every now and again I can do all three in one fell poop. This usually follows a bout of heavy partying.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points
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If it wasnt for the FART I wouldn't be...............
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

Toots N. McCrack's picture
l 100+ points
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0

GGG-- really? cool.... always wondered about that but never voiced the theory/phenomenon until I found PR.
And, Thunderous? You sound like someone I met long ago in Jersey-- did you ever own a shirt that read: "I party, there for I am." ?

_______
'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

Pantload's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Uncle Eddie's gotta light his pipe before he can poke his nose out.


What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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With me its a huge explosion with a lot of tephra, so I suppose I do it all at once. However, today I had an exception to the rule. I felt the cramps coming (because I ate a really greasy meal yesterday) and ran into the bathroom to let it out on the bowl. All I got was this continuous series of vulcanian explosions with no actual ash or lava. I counted about seventeen of them in a row and then suddenly... pyroclastic flow in the bowl. Remind me not to eat Korean stir fry again.

_______
What if everyone farted at once?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

For me it's always fart first, then poop. And then once I'm on the toilet releasing the beast, sometimes there's that hissing fart as the turd is coming out. Nothing like killing two birds with one stone.

Chuck's picture
l 100+ points
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My morning ritual is farting under the blanket. When that ends it is time to find the bowl and evacuate the solids. On the toilet my dumps are usually gas free.

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points
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I usually don't fart when I poop. I normally fart about 30 minutes before it's take to take a seat. However, I think I may start trying to save that "30 minute" fart to see if it is still around and ready to come out when it's time to have a seat and deal with Mr. Turd. It would be interesting to see if it is still around, and if it comes out before or after the turds.

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

I usually don't fart while I'm pooping. However, I do usually fart about 30 minutes prior. I am going to start trying to save that prior fart to see if it's still around when it's time to be seated. I would like to be like most people and fart when I'm pooping. I also want to see if the fart comes out before or after the turds.

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points
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0

Sorry for the double post above, I'm new to this and somehow lost track.

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I fart all day long, and in my sleep, so "before and after" is a chicken and egg kind of question for me.
_______
SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

TurnMaster's picture
0
0

I fart before, during and sometimes after ... piss comes along for all of the ride

Thats crap tastic

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points
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0

No never wore that shirt toots you must be thinking of someone else.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
0
0

Within the last few months, gas passing first. Not just passing, but roaring at glass shattering proportions.
_______
"Thunder in March betokens a fruitfull year" .Or is it "Thunder in March, frost in June"?

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Toilet Expert's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

For me, I fart first, then poop, and then I have this kind of inward fart, as though what's left has shifted majorly. I hear a kind of gurguling, but no gas comes out.

tdu's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
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I just can't stop farting in general. I do get a large blast that produces a projectile quite frequently when pooping though.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Healthy 1, you just gave me a very funny image in my head. So see, I do vote "great" for some of you commentary.

_______
Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

fartmodel's picture
0
0

Scheiss! Always a purely symphonic production under the blankets in the morning (usually fragrance-free), followed by a far more substantial movement 30 minutes later. And yes, it all gets topped off with a final little sputter pee.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

Fartmodel - your name and the fragrance-free bit suggest you are a lady - a couple of questions! Is this like, an every morning ritual? So you never have any of those urgent experiences we get regaled about on the site?? You never get taken short anywhere??

wyld1's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
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fart 1st then poo sumtimes i poo then fart if its sloppy

Captain Craptastic's picture
l 100+ points
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What usually happens is a condition known as "The Pre-Poop Farts" that are numerous, small in gaseous volume and invariably vile smelling. They usher in the solid matter with vaporous precursors. On rare occasion, the opposite occurs, often with surprising or shocking results. The Poop that has its own propulsion by farts can make quite a splash! What I found to be disappointing are the "false alarms" where I feel like I have to poop, but only gas is emitted. This can make for some entertaining acoustics in the watery confines of the porcelain fixture. Sitting on the can and hearing "Whunk, Vorp, Weeeee!" can set me into hysterics. It is fortunate that there is a gap between seat and bowl for gas to escape, otherwise the pressure may increase to several atmospheres and you would feel upward thrust against the buttocks. This could be why Mary Poppins (read Poopins) was able to levitate...----Captain Craptastic!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

da shit masta's picture
0
0

fart poo piss normal then i have a quick wank and have a fag
.............

.

.

n!994s rule!

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and take carboard

funny shit

hah

get it ???

funny SHIT lol

i typed this when i was going for a shit

it smelt nice

like roses

and

well.

pooo!

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have nice shitting

BowelMovementQueen's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

If i ever fart while i'm on the throne, it's usually before I have my BM. Then after that the turd slides out and i'm done. When i go, it's never really messy, so it only takes about 30 seconds.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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0

Usually I fart several times at intervals starting 15-20 minutes before I poop. Once seated, I pass a tight little sputtering fart that has to get around the turds. Then I poop, and finally I pee. Sometimes I have to pee more after I stand up following the poop. Yesterday my afternoon poop was a little different: I had additional farts that literally propelled my second and third turds out of my anus--pffFFT! plunk; pffFFT! plunk. Had the cleanest wipe in a while, too, though still a double wiper. Now and again I will have additional farts in the 10 or 15 minutes following a b.m.; aftershocks, so to speak.

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points
0
0


da shit masta, stop trying to convince your mom that you are ill, and get your sorry ass back to 8th grade before the principal knocks the days turd back into your tummy (mummy)

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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MSG, when the fart envelopes or encapsulates the terd as one package, the terd doesn't touch the o-ring upon exiting, thereby no sign of departure noted. Thus a clean wipe. I only wish....
I usually have the pre-poop farts in the morning under the covers announcing the oncoming crap-attach. I never know what kind of symphonic poodrama awaits me. The blow-out mixture of poop and gas feels satisfying in sound and texture(and sometimes odor), butt not really effective in complete elimination of the solids. And I always have to clean up the sides of the raised toilet seat afterwards. The gas facter has significantly improved, however, since I'm not living with Pacific ocean beach rock columns impacting my entire abnormally twisted and stretched out large colon. Sometimes the morning pre-farts are so noxious, I can feel my cat's body lurch from a deep sleep on the bed and begin retching. At which point I get up and either give her her medicine for nausea and vomiting or run for the toilet before my mess will be bigger to clean than her mess.

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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0

Supercavitation, is the phenomenon that sittingpretty is describing...I learned that from Smash Lab.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

I usually fart about 10 minutes before the impending arrival of Downtown Brown.
My dear old mother (God rest her soul) used to say "Its a message from Turd Island that a shits on the way".
True story.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

James007's picture
0
0

As far as I can remember from my childhood till now my poo is fart free 98% of the time.

Q's picture
0
0

I say, James, you're most mistaken. Why, just last month Miss Moneypenny and I were aghast at the state of the loo after you were finished. The wallpaper peeled, my good man.

Why do you think we've not served vichyssoise here in a dog's age? It's not because you find it banal, but that it gives you intolerable gas. The seats in your Astin Martin had to be replaced twice, now. So, be a good chap and stop shining all these good people on. You stink.

Maybe it's time to consider them stirred instead.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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As far as I know we each have one asshole, and it's shared by the gas company and the brownie factory. They're both running three shifts around the clock and are both keen to use the shipping dock when the door is open.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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I cannot resist - is it run by the Poonion?


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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-10 SUPER LAME!!!!

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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That would be local 238 of the Cleveland Steamsters.

snowpea's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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For myself, the fart is both the thunder before the storm, as well as thetrumpeting peal heralding the completion of the turd's journey. Usually followed by a short, gentle yellow rain shower, which I have never been able to account for.

CAN"T control's picture
0
0

fart, then i know that i have to poop then sometimes pee fun. some of these comments are funny lol i have a really stupid joke: me chinese me go poo me go peepee in your shoe i know stupid, my annoying cousin had to write okay he has another, me chinese me know joke mw go peepee in your coke stupid

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
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I always fart before. Once I start farting I know I will have to shit soon.I also fart while shitting at times as well.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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I'm very happy for you.

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points
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Kinda makes you wanna cry... *sniff*

_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

hayley's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I fart before I have to poop. Once I start farting I know the turds will soon be plooping.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Sometimes I poo and fart at the same time. This is unfortunate when I am out shopping.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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CLEANUP IN AISLE 3 !!!!!