Let's say you're backed up. Do you have a go-to food or drink that you know will get things flowing again?

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61 Comments on "Let's say you're backed up. Do you have a go-to food or drink that you know will get things flowing again?"

wonderpance's picture
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i wouldn't say that i choose to drink beer to get things flowing (i actually don't ever get backed up, luckily!), but if i did get backed up and had to choose a food or drink to get things moving again, it would be beer.
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i love poop.

i love poop.

sittingpretty's picture
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Before i knew i have Hirschsprung's varient, i would eat prunes and drink the large bottle of prune juice. All it did was blow my belly up and give me killer stinky silent gases. Now i double up on the miralax, 2 scoops every two hours. Nothing food or drink wise is a cathartic for me.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
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oh yeah, twenty five years ago i would get a bag of licorice when i was backed up. Back then licorice gave me long ropes in a bucket. Five years ago, i would get a wendy's frostee. that would make me go a little juicy the next morning. i also used to eat gummy candies that had mineral oil in them to go poot when i was backed up. i voted other.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

the poop one's picture
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root beer really does the trick for me for some reason. One can of A & W, or maybe Barqs, and bam. I get this urgency to poop all of the sudden. Love it. And I love root beer.

phatmanxxl's picture
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I voted other, Metamucil drink mix gets me to dump some thick-ass toilet snakes.

pnuttycorn's picture
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I'm not a big beer drinker, so for me it's vodka. I'll be peeing out my ass all day the next day.
I also hear there's a tea called Super Dieter's tea that rivals ODing on Ex-Lax.

Nine Inch Log's picture
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Typically beer for me too. Lately I have been noticing something rather counter-intuitive. Protein powder tends to push things along quite nicely. In the mornings I drink a 16oz protein shake (EAS Premium Protein, chocolate, 2 scoops in 16 oz of water) on my way to work. I finish the drink halfway there and by the time I arrive at the office I have that warm feeling in my belly. Walk up the 2 flights of stairs and drop my bombs.
I am fairly certain that it is the drink mix. Sometimes I quickly drink it right before I leave the house and about halfway through my walk I have the need. I stop in at the neighborhood grocery store, lay cable, buy lunch for the next few days, and walk the rest of the way to work.
Ah, the advantages of living in a city. There are 5 public restrooms that are all clean and on my direct path to work.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Bilgepump's picture
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A quart or two of Mobil One Synthetic works for me.


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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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2 pints, 2 words. Ben & Jerry.

daphne's picture
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Strong coffee. Yessiree.


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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Major Dookie's picture
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Hooters. Buffalo Chicken Sandwich, 911 sauce. Abolutely will cause a colon blow in 8 hours or less!

MSG's picture
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Not that I ever get constipated any more (and it was always a rarity, even before my high-water regimen and now the beta blockers), but I could always count on any of the following for a large, voluminous bowel movement:

Nuts: peanuts, cashews, almonds, or a mix; mucho poopo.

Soft drinks with carbonation, especially Coke or Pepsi: guaranteed explosive decompression.

Bran cereals, especially with raisins: large ploppy powdery poop.

Quiche lorraine, or more than a couple slices of pizza: large loose lava-like stool.

What I wish for these days is a large solid turd.

El Scumbag's picture
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Muesli or Fruit 'n' Fibre cereal always gets me going eventually but I find that a nice bag of dried fruit like prunes, dates, apricots, even raisins, will make me shit like a veal calf who's just noticed a French farmer grinning at him.

Or a damn hot curry.

Or a donner kebab with extra chilli sauce.

Or a gutful of ale.

Come to think of it, there isn't much that doesn't make me crap myself empty.

Thunderbox's picture
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A bucket of Theakstons Old Peculiar.

The voice of sanity

El Scumbag's picture
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Indeed, Tbox, it will. And one can use the bucket again afterwards. But most of the readers of this 'ere site, being American, will find OP hard to come by, so any decent dark imported British ale in sufficient quantities should do an adequate job of doing to a chap's bowels what a steamboat would do to a beaver's dam.

Thunderbox's picture
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I`ve just got back from a long weekend away and have quaffed down several buckets of Theakstons, Timothy Taylor`s and Copper Dragon`s fine ales over the four days.

My bowels have performed miracles in transforming beer into bowl filling anacondas.

The voice of sanity

Russell's picture
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I'll eat lots of hot stuff and I'm unblocked.
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Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
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Holy shit! I was surprised to see my poll up as I submitted it months ago and totally forgot about it. Anywho, it used to be the Taco bell beef taco for me. I'd shit within an hour of eating it but lately it seems nothing could "make" me go at all. I guess I have a stubborn ass.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

phatmanxxl's picture
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Some good 'ol chips in salsa turns me explosive with some nice hot salsafied farts!

shitake boy's picture
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For me it is usually a nice salad, or something very greasy. Also, a cup of hot coffee usually gets things moving for me. The best thing is a McDonalds breakfast sandwich. Within a half an hour after eating one, I am on the toilet, having a very full and satisfying bowel movement.

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In search of the ever evasive BM

In search of the ever evasive BM

prarie doggin's picture
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I just buy one of those packages of cut up chicken, cut a small hole in the top and suck out the chicken juice with a straw. Usually by the time I get released from the hospital, my colon is as clean as a whistle and I'm about 15 pounds lighter to boot.

turdfan's picture
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That rarely happens to me anymore due to my fiber and water regimen. But if it does, I don't try to force it. I drink a large dose of Metamucil and I'm usually able to go within the next hour.

phatmanxxl's picture
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I just came back from a funeral, they had a coffee station with green tea packets. I drank two cups of it and within ten minutes I was shittin bricks in the basement bathrrom. Whew what a rush!

prarie doggin's picture
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I assume no one in that funeral home basement complained about the smell.

Deja Poo's picture
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Too bad. If he'd sharted in the refrigerated room, it might have raised the dead.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Deja Poo's picture
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Two things clear me out. My favorite is Trader Joe's Dried Peaches. A bag of those will make everything pass within 24 hours. Heck, my asshole is quivering at just the thought of it.

This second one I find a bit surprising: insomnia. If I have one of those nights where I can't sleep more than 3 hours, I guarantee you that at some point during the day, I will get the squirts and it will clear everything out of my system. I rarely get plugged up because, unfortunately, I'm a frequent sufferer of insomnia.

Lastly, a bottle of spring water from El Rio de Caca, direct from Tijuana, Mexico. I hear that they're coming out with a new Pork flavor too.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

DR T's picture
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The poll does not apply to me. I have to watch what I eat, just to keep from having butt pee!

Postman's picture
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I'm not usually backed up, but if I am, I just need to drink a shitload of beer, and them I'm fine. Except for the headache.

Captain Craptastic's picture
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Very seldom have I experienced any constipation; it's usually problems with too frequent/too liquid that get me. If I were backed-up, I would just increase my fluid intake. Drink twice as much clear liquids: water, tea, gatorade, black coffee, etc. That would undoubtedly do the trick within a day.

I would not use OTC laxatives, but I might eat half a loaf of multi-grain bread with a side of wheat crackers and a half gallon of milk. Fiber in the intestine draws water into the poop for a delightfully fluffy and easy-to-pass crap experience! Try the fiber route, it should work for most people unless there exists a type of intestinal pathology that needs attention on its own (like Hirschsprungs disease, colonic stenosis or colon cancer).
----Captain Craptastic!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
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I'm highly disturbed that you would drink water from the Shit River Deja. I finally found something to eat to clear me out, a chicken club toaster from Sonic. Now if only I could avoid the horrible stomach cramps and dry heaving I'd be golden.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Get the door, it's Dominos!

Niclos Sarkozy's picture
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When I am backed up with the merde I eat the English food and drink scotch whisky, always works for me!!

Queen Shit of Turd Mountain's picture
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Hey pnuttycorn... have done the Super Dieter's Tea. Make sure you are near a bathroom. It creeps up like a stealth bomber. A shit stealth bomber. And I would not advise it if you have a tender butthole. If you don't eat your roughage regularly, it can make you feel like you're shitting something akin to sand mixed with hot sauce. Yikes!!!

asiansprinkles1's picture
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I am lactose intolerant so a hearty helping of any dairy product will get the feces flowing. But I rarely get backed up enough to need a food product. Usually a spreading of the cheeks and a good effort blasts the last couple dooks.

dropanchor's picture
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White Castle works for me!!

Carla Bruni's picture
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Je suis l'italienne. Je mange gelato pour le merde.

Buy my album!

sittingpretty's picture
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What"s that, Carla. Your mango gelatin...i dont understand french.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
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It is difficult to understand Fench, and worse when its typed with an Italian accent.


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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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sittingpretty......Literal translation of Carla's post, "I am Italian, I eat gelato for shit."


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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Carla Bruni's picture
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Je mange merde pour gelato aussi.

N'oublier pas, j'adore les hommes americain. Don't tell Nicolas!

Buy my album!

Poopsy McGee's picture
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Carla,

Pour faire poop vous pouvez utiliser de fort café aussi. Le français fait de bon café.

Your album sounds like bad poetry put to guitar plucking.

Love, Poopsy

sittingpretty's picture
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Lol. Thanks Chief. Sorry Carla.Carla can you write in English. im not good at reading Italian (or French).
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

prarie doggin's picture
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Damn, why do you fucking French insist on having a different word for every one of ours.

sittingpretty's picture
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Nobody's French PD but Lol i finally got the joke.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Lorsque je laisse constipé Hulk Hogan a battu la merde de moi.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Poopsy McGee's picture
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Hulk Hogan? Il est fille. Il est un peu haricot vert. Il est un homo.

He is a grape smuggler with a sock in his crotch!

sittingpretty's picture
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Poopsy are you and Chief saying Hulk Hogan is a homo in Italian. I hate being illiterate!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Squirty Dirty's picture
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Milk is a sure thing for me. The lettuce they use at Sonic is also quite the stool loosener!
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Fold or Wad?

Fold or Wad?

Butt Pirate's picture
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16oz of carrot and beet juice. apples make it taste better.

Captain Craptastic's picture
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(phonetically speaking)
Ya nikogda ni govorit' frantsuzkiy yazyk (zasun sebye v zhopu)! Moi lyubimmyi yazyk dlya govna: russkiy! Shire zhopy nye pernesh!

Translation: I never speak French (shove that up your ass)! My favorite language for shit: Russian. You can't fart wider than your ass. [popular expression]

----Captain Craptastic!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!