i chose other, because i can't say i've ever noticed. but i also don't think i've had many times where i eat more "healthy" food than normal. but it really doesn't seem like what i eat has much impact on my poop one way or another in general, other than a burning bunghole after spicy food.
however, i have noticed that when i eat less fast food than normal (we've been really bad about eating fast food instead of making our own meals), my poops come out a lot cleaner and i don't have to wipe as much. the poop itself, how often i have to go, etc, seems to be about the same as usual._______i love poop.
Ocsassionally I will overload on something like turnip greens, when I do this my poop is considerably longer and has a darker color (almost black) but that's about all. I overloaded on very stringy snap beans a few days ago and had a very satisfactory fiber filled poop which worked like a roto-rooter on my intestines....very enjoyable.
br>_______Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
I voted other and it didn't record my vote eventhough it said it did record my vote. I get bad lowd big gas from eating healthy. Nothing changes the constipation foodwise. Nothing._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
The other day I pretty much ate alot a biscuits and the next day, I felt sick and had diarrhea.
I chose the first option. I always eat lots of fruits and veggies and whole wheat bread. I guess a better test for me would be to start eating nothing but crap and see what happens.
I just had this experience on a trip--lots of salads with things like endive in them, whole wheat high fiber cereal, the works. I literally pooped after every meal, sometimes solid, more often not, including a near-blowout at a restaurant. It was really good to get home where such healthy food is taken--as all such things should be--in moderation. It took my bowels a couple of days to return to what passes for normal these days.
I usualy have constepation. my poops are big!
When I first changed my diet to include more healthy foods, and less fast food, it made me poop a lot more and have gas.
I voted other primarily because I typically eat healthy. Cheerios and fruit for breakfast, a spinach salad with almonds, feta cheese, turkey, and NO dressing for lunch, then a protein and veggies for dinner. My morning poops are fairly floral, but the rest are soft and long. _______Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.
Being as I only eat whole wheat, plus a day without veggies is rare, and lean protein (fish especially) is the order of the day, healthy eating is the norm. Nasty eating is for road trips, as are the greasy squirts, and the noxious toots.
After I eat a big salad, which I doo more of during the summer, my dumps come more quickly and take the form of hard, round-edged chunks in a thinly viscous liquid. Clean up is usually relatively easy, but the splashback factor is increased. It also takes more effort to blast that shit out and it leaves me wondering if there's another nugget hiding in my colon somewhere. It's all a guessing game with one's ass, I suppose...
What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?
The more veg I eat the bigger the logs are. Kind of like launching a small boat.
Being a veggie eater makes you a serious shit machine. Soft serve, bebbeh. I chose option four.
_______.....hugging bunnies since 1969 www.daphneszoo.com
I ate a big bowl of raison bran the other night and oatmeal in the morninings to no avail._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
Up that to All Bran SP. Then add prunes to it. Have raw spinich on there too. Add some gravel while you're at it. Maybe you'll finally feel it. Just maybe._______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
I dont know brannie. That doesnt sound very tasty and my teeth would break on the gravel. Prunes give me big time stinky gas._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
Just swallow it all whole. That should make ya go._______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
Brannie, that would be worse. Just fix me one of your famous muffies and I will be fine._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
NP SP! Flour. Eggs. Brown sugar. Now where did I put my bag of gravel???_______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
May I have raisons and nuts instead of gravel, please. Be sure to hide this one from Bilgepump. _______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
Shhh! It's our secret._______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
Raisins, blueberries, plums, fresh fruits of all kinds give me gas and loose stools if I eat them in sufficient quantity. In moderation they are fine, but I must be careful. Same with green leafy veggies (spinach, lettuce, beet greens); delicious as they are, I eat them with caution and in small quantities if I can. (By the way, beet greens can make your poop an intriguing red-green tint.)
I know its terrible but I have to say it. Bran, can I have your muffin? Sorry everyone. You all know it was there and someone had to do it. I took one for the team. _______Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.
Brannie, I just drained my fish tank and I have some of that colored gravel that was on the bottom. It should be easier for SP to swallow as it need not be chewed. I think I got most of the dead fish out of it. It should make for a colorful poo too.
Niner, I believe Bran's muffie is currently at the 7-11 in Jersey City. It's 99 cents with the purchase of a medium coffee.
Oh absolutely PD! I'd love the colorful gravel! (Don't worry about the dead fish. A lil protein added in won't hurt anyone.)
Nine Inch, you can test out..err, enjoy the first muffin from this batch. We at Poop Report would like a report on colon travel time and other fecal results, like consistancy, color and such. Please fill out the paperwork in triplicate. Sign the waiver of liability to DTI here:
And here:
And here: Here: Here: Here:
Aaaand one more right here:
Thank you for participating in our test...uhh, taste test! Enjoy your muffin Nine Inch Log!
_______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
I love a good beet poop, though the first time I had one, and I had dark purple turds and the bowl was filled with magenta liquid, I screamed in terror. My mind could not grasp it. It took me about five minutes to remember the beets. Then it was, "Co-o-o-ol!"
My bowels are so weirded out right now that even though I'm eating as healthy as possible, it seems that I get surprised with everything that comes out my ass. _______Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!
Having recently stumbled upon Poop Report, I've spent the last week and a half gorging on fruit and veg and swilling water like never before in a bid to improve the efficiency of my colon and, being a tad overweight, to shed a pound or twenty. Yet, to my dismay, I have had but one BM in the past week. A strained affair, resulting in the passage of a few hard, yet buoyant pebbles. I am currently contemplating the merits of this exercise and considering a brief return to my usual stodgy, greasy, glutinous fayre in order to facilitate a million wiper clear out.
Welcome, Sugarplum Poopie. Just keep doing what you're doing. You'll get there.
Good job Sugarplum Poopie......Keep up the healthy eating and it will work out in the end, or should that be, "out of the end"?
_______Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
Cheers for your words of encouragement. Will likely try to stick with it and look forward - though with a little trepidation -to an explosive BM soon ;)
Welcome to the insanity Sugarplum! Your system might be in shock from the suddenness of the change. Everyone is different. Some do well with a "throw it in reverse" change. Others may need a graduated improvement. Instead if taking everything away, take your "normal" diet, and add more water, fiber, veggies, exercise, etc, and shave off the fats, and whatever else it is you wish to eliminate. Your weight loss will be slower, but sustainable. Walk towards you goal and succeed.
I love me a good bowl of shredded wheat.
Hello, Sugarplum, and welcome! You don't mention nuts as part of your diet; are you eating (and chewing well) some peanuts, almonds, cashews, etc.? My experience is that they help bulk up the feces and contribute to copious bowel movements. And do keep up the water! Good luck--keep us posted!
Thanks Branie! I am honored to taste, er test, er eat out, I mean try your lovely muffin. I have a few questions however. I noticed that you require saliva and seamen samples. Would you like those to be insured when I ship them? Frozen, in steril lab cups or can I just ship some old magazines that should have samples of both. Also, why do I have to sign all the forms with my tongue?
Those questions aside I am looking forward to what I will call "Experiencing Bran's Muffin". Please respond ASAP so I can write a full report on the process.
_______Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.
Since you are allergic to nuts Brannie, could I have sunflower seeds in my muffie. You didn't forget about my special muffie, did you?_______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
We at DTI need samples of all bodily fluids before the testin...tasting of the muffin. We will need samples after the testin...(dang it!)...tasting of the muffin too. The seamen sample is for my benefit alone. I will bring him back to his ship within 48 hours.
I have sent UPS brown envelopes for each bodily fluid needed. Put each kind in each packet in which ever condition deemed easiest for you. Whatever. Sign the papers however you want. Whatever. Just sign the dang things.
Send the seaman first class on Delta ASAP!_______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
CEP!!! You heard the woman. Go satisfy her so I can taste her muffin. _______Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.
So many things are so wrong with that statement. _______Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.
Brannie, there are currently no ships in dock and CEP is busy stocking up on ammo, but the sailor from Village People said he's not too busy.
phatmanxxl said, "I love me a good bowl of shredded wheat." A few days ago I got the Brillo Pads confused with the shredded wheat and didn't notice any difference.
You will when they come out Chief.
I am usually fairly carnivorous. When I get a more balanced intake, it has beneficial effects on poop quality, size and variety. I need to eat more fish and veggies. The vegetables, especially, make for more interesting and even entertaining poops to observe. I always enjoy the Good Morning Poop and frequently the Mid-Afternoon Poop, the After-Dinner Poop and the Good Night Poop. So, obviously, I don't need cleaning out that fiber can do for some slower-transiting persons. Things are moving through well enough without extra help.
More grains and fiber leads to HEAVY poops! You can tell the mass of the turd exiting your anus not by feel, but by speed of impact. The short (about a foot) drop from ass to water allows a moment of free fall for the poop as it begins the next segment of its strange and wonderful journey toward the sewer processing facility. Dense, heavy poops with a specific gravity approaching that of stone or iron (see FECALITH in any medical dictionary) fall fast and can even be witnessed to slide part way down the bottom hole of the toilet as if to say that they are eager to begin the voyage, where loose, low-density poops just float on the water's surface, mocking you for creating such a low quality turd.
----Captain Craptastic!!!
Hey SP you ever tried adding a bit of magnesium citrate or milk of magnesia to that loooooooovely bran cereal o yours? Might help a bit.........( Just don't add too much ok?) (not liable for anything that happens to you)
Chief, Brillo pads would be a great way to clean out your system. You should market that idea as a weight loss product. _______Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.
Not only will you you lose weight, you will lose some of your intestines too!
Brillo. The easy way to drop pounds and organs. As an added bonus, get your trace minerals too!!! _______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
PD, aren't all the Village People gay? For my purposes, he won't help me. Keep looking. _______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
Chief, expect the blue Brillo soap to turn your poop green. AC, MOM will definitely ruin the taste of raison bran for me. I shant try it, thanks._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
Chief, on the bright side, it should scour out the dingleberries, and you should be able to see your reflection on your bung hole.
Brannie, I own and operate a boat on Lake Havasu, when I have gas money for it. Do I qualify? _______ The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Is it a sailboat, Bilgepump. I love to sail. I love to be on the water, next to the water, in the water._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
Sadly, no, SP, it is an 18' jet boat, with an engine much too large for the boat...its way too fast...and I'm afraid if you rode in it, your mangos would give you black eyes. _______ The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
I can tie the mangoes down. I want to go for a ride! Please! Please! Please, Bilgepump! I will be good and not poop over the side of the boat. I promise._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
There you go Bilge. You've got a date for this weekend, and she is even going to shit inside your boat. Lucky bastard.
Oh gawd PD! After I get done laughing...I was gonna take Bilge up on his offer too. But now he's taken. Bilge is SIL. I'm SOL. _______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
Does an inflatable ducky count? I have several of those. I use them to float the rivers. Even taken one down class 3 & 4 rapids once. _______Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.
Brannie, don't fret, my boat seats 3 comfortably, provided there aren't mangos bouncing to and fro violently, and since I have to drive with at least one hand, I can only manage to contain one mango with my free hand. On the positive side, were you both to join me, I'd have some readily available boat bumpers. _______ The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
We shouldn't have a buancy problem with mangos and cantelopes on board._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
Are you calling us boat bumpers by chance? Just checking. _______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
No, people bumpers. We won't have to worry about drowning because fruit for titties means we float._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
I just threw a cantalope in the pool. It sank like a cinder block. Branny you might want to think twice before jumping into the water. SP, you should be able to tread water for a minute or so before you go under.
Let me rethink this a little bit. _______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
ok. I called the plastic surgeon. I asked about adding helium to enhance my breasts. He didn't like that idea. He said it has to be something natural. I decided to add a couple farts to each. That's natural. Should be lighter than air. Right? Farts float up.
If you like this idea SP, his number is 1-800-555-3384. That's 555-fDTI. _______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
Wait, we won't float? We will sink? What happened to floating fruit? Fruit doesn't float anymore? When did this start? I'm flabbergasted!_______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
After a cheese and veggie dinner, FIREWORKS! Or should I say, Class A toots. The booming can get REAL loud on the holidays.
We wait to hear about more solid accomplishments, AC (we hope, not liquid ones).
I often go to a soup and salad bar in Denver. The place has great bean chili. After the chili, you can had a plate or two of salad and then be prepared for a sit down of some duration. Bring both the Sunday newspaper and a gas mask !
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