How do you deal with dried dingleberries/ dangleberries/ winnits/ tag nuts/ clag/ excrement on the anal hair?

// 113 Comments
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I don’t have such a disgusting problem. My anal area is naturally pristine and hairless.
18% (124 votes)
I shave/depilate/wax my bottom to prevent it.
11% (73 votes)
Try to moisten and scrub it away in the shower or bath.
17% (119 votes)
Trim it off with scissors.
7% (49 votes)
Yank the shitty hairs out by the roots
16% (111 votes)
Try to wipe or pull the crap off with TP around my fingers.
11% (76 votes)
Pick it out of my hairs with my bare fingers – less hygienic but more accuracy.
9% (59 votes)
Comb or brush it out.
1% (7 votes)
I leave it. It drops off or disintegrates eventually.
6% (44 votes)
Other, discuss.
4% (28 votes)
Total votes: 690

113 Comments on "How do you deal with dried dingleberries/ dangleberries/ winnits/ tag nuts/ clag/ excrement on the anal hair?"

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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i wouldn't say my anal area is naturally pristine or hairless. but i suppose the hair is short enough that dingleberries have never been a problem for me.

unless i just don't know about them. how do you know when you have dingleberries?
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

El Scumbag's picture
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Oh trust me Pance, you'll know. You'll be forever tugging at them when you wipe your arse, and if you don't notice them, your lover will.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Wedgie has her ass hairs corn-rowed and braided...she couldn't tell a dingleberry from one of her beads....

As for me, the cat usually takes care of it, if, for some reason, I DO end up with one or two, incinerating them with a butane torch (not a lighter, far too feeble a flame) works for me.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

El Scumbag's picture
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Interestingly (well, to me anyway), dingleberries were once used as evidence to help convict the gang who were once Britain's most notorious criminals. The historic £2.6m heist from Her Majesty's Mail Train in 1963 (The Great Train Robbery) resulted in one of the biggest and most extensive manhunts in British criminal history. Indeed, several films have been made about it (including the ghastly eighties romcom Buster, featuring Phil Collins and Julie Walters).

After the robbery, the gang hid at a remote farmhouse (Leatherslade Farm in Oakley, Buckinghamshire) and following a tip off, the police raided the premises a few days after the gang departed from it. The gang had arranged for the house to be thoroughly cleansed of prints by professionals who prided themselves on their ability to remove such damning evidence, but the abilities of these "dustmen" may have been exaggerated. Prints were found, but the most damning evidence of all was to be found in the septic tank. A number of the suspects clearly had obstinate stubborn dingleberries as paper was found in the slurry with dingleberries (complete with hairs) attached, proving the presence of specific individuals.

prarie doggin's picture
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My ass looks like Don King poking his head out of a gopher hole. I have to borrow an acetylene torch from the local ship yard to burn the berries. There's a lot of smoke produced, but it smells a bit like grilled lamb.

phatmanxxl's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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I just leave em. Theyll dry off and fall away on their own.

prarie doggin's picture
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Easy for you to say Phat, but what about the poor guy walking behind you that winds up tripping over them.

Postman's picture
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I never knew there were that many different names for it.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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To answer the question, I just keep wiping till the TP is clean. Anything that's still hanging on the hairs after that will dry up and fall off, eventually, I suppose.

Frankenberry's picture
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I put them in boxes with super-sweet cereal and sell it to unsuspecting kids.

Russell's picture
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I've not had a problem with hanging poop.
_______
Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen

I'll Never Own Up To It's picture
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I send them to CEP with Doniker's return address on the box. Sorry you spooge monkeys.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get the hedge trimmers sharpened. The plecostal foliage needs another trimming.

Dingleberres Everywhere's picture
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Why are you picking on us? We're not bad, just misunderstood.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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My wife takes care of my dingleberries with the Toro weed whacker. Speaking of which, I have to get another spool of 100 test line tonight.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Who wants the job of performing a Brazillian wax job on someone with giant dingleberries? You'd think people would take care of shit like that before going to have the hair in their ass yanked off but I can safely say that no, no they don't.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Bran Lover's picture
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Mrs. Mad Crapper, you don't work down at the Hairport Salon & Spa do you?
(Please say you don't. Please say you don't.)

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Feto D Walcott's picture
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Being a fat, smelly, hirsute blue collar worker I decided to change my life by having my posterior pumiced and pruned to prevent my backside from looking like the matted dreads found at a Bob Marly concert.

Exfoliating these fecal entrapping hairs has now provided me with a confidence and a exuberance which has brought back the lovely Mrs Walcott (her yeast infections and goiter are both fixed!) and enabled me to be appointed to the position of Manager of Waste Management Systems in Apopka Fla.

Management is always right you're just jealous.

Johnny Rotten's picture
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Bloody hell, me an me mate after a few pints an a bit o H start yapping bout r ass hair. Well me mate says "Oy Johnny ya feckin cunt, just roll me hairs tgether and make spikes", so's I did, you might know him, is names Skid Vicious.

MSG's picture
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I don't get dingleberries, though I have had them a few times long ago. The t.p. I use (Scott's or Marcal) doesn't seem to wad up that way, and my hairs are not as numerous as they used to be. So I wipe as well as I can, finish off with a dab of Noxzema on the last bit of paper, and that's it. Sometimes I use a wiping pad, like for hemorrhoids, followed by a dab of Balneol, if I feel itchy or sore; but that is also infrequent.

Thunderbox's picture
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My dangling tagnuts double up as an impressive wind chime when I fart.

The voice of sanity

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
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Oh I'm everywhere Bran Lover....everywhere.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Bilgepump's picture
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Congratulations, Feto, on your turn around...well done sir, but can I play devil's advocate briefly? You had a similar turn around not so long ago, moved up the management ladder, with clean briefs, no less, and still got stabbed in the back by your counterparts...be careful, Feto, those fuckers are still out there, and as you know, the fall from grace is a long way down.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Anny's picture
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I use toilet paper first to get rid of most of the mess and then a washcloth with hot water and soap until it comes away clean.

prarie doggin's picture
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Actually Bilge, that fall from grace can be as little as 6 feet with as little as 6 beers.

Son of Elvis's picture
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I pluck them and place them in my dingleberry collection. If I ever become rich and famous I feel that they will be in high demand as memorabilia.

Squirty Dirty's picture
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I swear I never knew this was a real problem for humans! (or am I being naive? Is this some kind of JOKE?) I've lived in Texas my entire life so I know about horses & cows having them- they just cut or brush 'em out if they get too big.
_______
Fold or Wad?

Fold or Wad?

Andy Asshole Lover's picture
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"Anny (not verified) -- 05.05.2009
I use toilet paper first to get rid of most of the mess and then a washcloth with hot water and soap until it comes away clean."

Anny...you seem to possess the type asshole I cherish the most.

sittingpretty's picture
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I really like the dingleberry wind chimes. I voted other because, I trim my little bit with scissors to prevent dingleberries. I can feel a dingleberry when its tangled in my hairs because it hurts. I am tender headed, so I guess that's tender anused. If I get one, I attempt to pull it out. If I can't pull it out then I wash it out. When dingleberries form it is time for my trim. I try to keep the trimming up about once a month.That prevents them. Beyond a month and I get them. I prefer pristine therefore I prevent.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
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BTW, I am relieved to learn that there are others with the anal hair gene. I thought I was the only one. I am too embarrassed to ask my mother if I got my hairy ass from her or him. I thought it was abnormal because I have seen a lot of asses. But not many with beards.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

El Scumbag's picture
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Indeed, SP. Hairy arses are more common that you might imagine. After all, at the time of posting this, 67% of the voters clearly had winnits from time to time.

Mrs Scumbag had (and I must assume that she still has) a very hairy arse, although being blonde her hairs were not visible beyond a soft downy rug along the length of her crack. I used to tweak or pinch the hairs from time to time, which caused much annoyance for her and much amusement for me.

A girlfriend once had thick brown hairs on her arse, very much like the beard you describe, which she absolutely hated because she reckoned it made her bum look mannish. She waxed it just once and hated the growing-back process so much that she vowed never to do it again. Personally, I quite liked it. It was unusual and strangely attractive, like two coconuts side-by-side. However, I am not aware of her suffering with dingleberries (I certainly didn't see any despite frequent inspections of that area) but I assume she must have from time to time.

prarie doggin's picture
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SP, as long as you don't have a butt beard that looks like Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top, you shouldn't be concerned.

Ring of Fire in Arizona's picture
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Dredlocks Baby
_______
NO GRASS OR WEEDS IN MY BACKYARD

NO GRASS OR WEEDS IN MY BACKYARD

Captain Craptastic's picture
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I have a particularly hairy butt crack, hair that extends from the scrotum past the asshole on either side and eventually merges with lower back hair at the northern end of the cleft. This is why I perform my morning rituals in the order that I do: brush teeth first, poop second, shower third [ALWAYS IN THAT ORDER]. Never any problems with dingleberries (fresh/new or dried/historical) for that reason: all sins are washed away!
Poops that occur later in the day are cleaned completely by a wet paper towel following the usual TP paperwork. Nobody likes an itchy, crunchy butt crack, and I don't like finding skidmarks in my shorts either!
So there! Now you know!
----Captain Craptastic!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

Captain Craptastic's picture
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To El Scumbag:
I like a gal who isn't afraid to present a furry butt. Your old girlfriend available?
----Captain Craptastic!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

El Scumbag's picture
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She might be. I'm too scared to look her up on facebook.

Poopsy McGee's picture
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I've never had a dingleberry/ winnit. I don't have a very hairy bum and what hair is there is kind of baby fine like the rest of my hair. I guess baby hair is not prone to hoarding shit balls.

Postman's picture
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The 3 of you who trim it off with scissors, just one question: How can you possibly see what you're doing while you give yourself a haircut down there?

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Postman.........I had a friend who was to cheap to go to the barber so he would set up two mirrors in his bathroom and give himself a haircut. He did a remarkably good job. I suppose one could use a similar system for trimming ass-crack hairs.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

spattacus's picture
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Postie, I agree; I'm a leftie and crap with scissors, so the thought of sharp implements around the ringpiece is fair terrifying!
I suppose the "back, sack and crack" beauty treatment would sort out the problem.

Bran Lover's picture
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WARNING!

Nair for short-shorts causes extreme distress when used for ass-hair removal!

Just thought I would pass this bit of trivia along in an ongoing effort to save the dingleberry wild life.


_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Postman's picture
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Maybe the most efficient way to get rid of them would be to just back up to a belt sander.

prarie doggin's picture
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Good advice postman. The method I prefer is to get one of those worn steel belted tires (you know with the metal cord exposed), put it on a high speed balancer and back that ass right into it. It'll sound (and smell a bit) like the starting line at a drag strip. Just warn others of the high speed flying winnets.

Postman's picture
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Or, PD, just have somebody burn them off with a blow torch. But the smell of burning hair along with burning shit would be too much for a lot of people to take.

prarie doggin's picture
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Always make sure you know which way the wind is blowing. And since a lot of skin will also be burned off, be sure to splash on some rubbing alcohol and a splash or two of aftershave for that fresh tingly feeling.

Postman's picture
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Another way to deal with it would be to whip out the Schick Twin Blade. Might want to use one that's a little dull instead of one fresh out of the package. Don't want to cut any of that tender tissue back there.

Bran Lover's picture
k 500+ points
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Laser hair removal is another option. Laying with legs spread-eagle and ass end up for an hour or two sounds like fun! Sizzle them aromatic pellets away! Hair will grow back finer and silkier than ever. Dingleberries will find it more difficult to latch on in the future.

While we are here, let's start a home for wayward dingleberries, shall we?

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

sittingpretty's picture
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PD, El Scummy, I dont have a heavy beard. It is just enough to bother me. I'm due for a trim as I type, but because it is a dangerous little chore, i procrastinate. Postman, i try to position myself on the tiolet with one leg up like a squat to see what i can. I cant see much in the anal region so i go by feel. I pull on a few, kind of tight, and trim closer to my fingers. Usually i catch a liile skin at least once during the procedure. Where I am really careful is around the liitle lips. So far i have'nt cut one off, but let me tell you that hurts when i cut the little lip. Everything gets trimmed, not just around my pucker. i epilate the groin. Not much there, in the groins, more on right than left, but still minimal, yet enough to poke out of bathingsuit legs. br>_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

prarie doggin's picture
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Postman, you had to ask, didn't you?

El Scumbag's picture
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SP, do you not have a loving steady-handed trustworthy person available to trim it for you? It's always my job to shave the Mrs and remove any stragglers from the dirtbox region.

sittingpretty's picture
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No El scummy, I don't. Nothing of the sort. I am singly unattached. After the last rape(in my 30's), I stopped dating. I am afraid now.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17