How do you remove excess anal hair?

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72 Comments on "How do you remove excess anal hair?"

wonderpance's picture
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i chose the first option. while i wouldn't describe my ass as "perfect," i don't have so much hair that it bothers me enough to remove it.
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i love poop.

i love poop.

Bilgepump's picture
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Had to choose "Other"...I use kerosene and a blowtorch, followed by a treatment of 220 volt electrolysis using jumper cables and the main breaker box.


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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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Dave left out a special cat-egory just for you Bilge. It asked what you do in the spring when your cats are shedding. Enquiring minds need to know.

wonderpance's picture
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i'm the one who posts polls (i forgot to send you the email telling you it was posted--sorry!!). i didn't include the question for bidge because there's very limited space in the poll content entry. i wanted to put it in there, though!
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i love poop.

i love poop.

IBS NO MORE's picture
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See PD? I told you Bilge did the 220. He's a REAL man... even if he screams like a little girl.

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How I beat IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

Bilgepump's picture
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but its such a delightful, precocious scream Ibby....
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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My ass, like my head, is devoid of hair, as a result I do nothing. I must admit that there is a small amount of hair on my head but there is none in the inner recesses of my crack. "Praise his name."


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

IBS NO MORE's picture
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I bet it is, Bilge! I imagine it sounds much like the frightened girly scream of Chris Tucker's omnisexual radio host character in The Fifth Element.

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How I beat IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

Frank Benway's picture
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I will admit- the way to a clean, odor free bung lies thru the doorway of a handmirror you squat over in the shower, Mach III in hand. Feels so squeaky clean!

daphne's picture
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My butt is fine. Nothing to braid.


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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Poopsy McGee's picture
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I don't really have any fur. If I did I'd leave it there. Removing ass hair seems weird to me.

MSG's picture
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I have some hair around my anus, but not enough to give trouble. I have never noticed any problem that I could attribute to that hair, so I have never done anything with it.

ChiliKahKah's picture
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I think that you can use Ron Popiel's "flo bee" to de-frizz your butt.

The sittingpretty's picture
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I had to vote other because I use scissors to trim. IT IS NOT MUCH BUT A LITTLE FEELS LIKE ALOT to me. IT'S THAT SENSATIVE THING I HAVE. I'm not yelling. Once or twice I have used the razor. A big itchy mistake every time. I have alot of hair on my head. I used to have two thirds more. After the illness with malnutriton in the nineties and the illness with malnutrition I had a few years ago, I'm lucky I still have hair! Chief, somebody told on me at work, that I got on the internet at work. So now I'm scared to get on even a little bit at work. I don't want to lose my job over my Poopreport addiction.

runninggrrl2's picture
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I picked "other" because I routinely get a Brazilian wax to keep everything clean down there. They take ALL of it off--including the few hairs I may have straggling by my poopchute. I know there aren't many because it never hurts much when they do it.


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An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Brazilian waxer's picture
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Runninggrrl2, I've been able to create a Cher collectible human hair wig business on Ebay just from you. THanks for the stimulus!

P.S. Might want to get your hearing checked, it sounds like I'm working with 4" wide strips of velcro when you come in.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I use the redneck gals secret weapon- Duct tape.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Captain Craptastic's picture
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The American obsession with depilatories is unnatural. A hairy ass is a joy unto itself! I was getting a full body massage and the gal rubbing me down made a comment about butt hairs extending upward to connect with lower back hair. I have never shaved, trimmed or otherwise altered the hair anywhere on my body, with the exception of haircuts and beard trimming.

I used to have a girlfriend of Mediterranean ancestry with thick dark hair, both on her head and between her legs. She was a tad self-conscious about her butt hair which resembled a tiny whisk broom of black hair just above the anus in the asscrack. She had a fine strip of soft hair down both sides of her pouty little butthole. Gives me wood just thinking about it! Her posterior fur was no barrier to anal sex, so long as adequate lubrication was utilized. I always like a lady with natural fur, the way nature intended! I need to go meet more Italian ladies.....pasta and furburger anyone? Sign me up right now!

Having butt hair presents absolutely no problems and should be cultivated, not shorn!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

Daddy_Not_Prarie doggin it's picture
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If u have that much butt hair wax it, never thought of butt hair being that much of a problem...some of yall seem alil too happy with poop, yall must like shitty sex and golden showers

Logjam's picture
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For God's sake, Bilge, pull the switch. Go for it, dude.

Logjam

Bilgepump's picture
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Just did, LJ...I've made a resolution to continue at least 3 times a week. I've found that electro-convulsive therapy has provided me with many positives, the least of which is a bald ass.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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Just remember. Along with the positives, you need a neutral, and a ground.

Logjam's picture
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Bilge -- you did get the double meaning in my request, right?

Logjam

Logjam's picture
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Good Lord, I just looked at who's on line and discovered that it's me, you, and Teddy, and that Teddy is between us. And I just felt the earth shake.

Logjam

Bilgepump's picture
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Yes, I did, but I wanted the subtlety to remain between you and I, and played the obvious for those unfortunate bastards ill equipped to grasp the not-so-obvious.

I missed the Teddy sighting, but I definitely felt something disturbing the time-space continuum...I had attributed it to some nasty gas.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Bilgepump's picture
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Oh, by the way, LJ, welcome back, hope your trip went well.

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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

prarie doggin's picture
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I like to lay on my stomach and fill my ass crack with Nair. After marinating about an hour, I back up in to a wire wheel spinning at about 3000 rpm. The hair is removed right down to the muscle tissue. A healthy splash of aftershave and I'm good to go.

Logjam's picture
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Prarie. I'm gonna try that tonight but would like your recommendation for aftershave brand. Do they still make Jade East?

So Bilge, my vision is that we work our way in tandem up the board and just roll right past those high achieving assholes.

Logjam

Logjam's picture
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Let me know when you're ready. I have no idea how many we could rack up in an hour, but am dying to find out.

Logjam

Anonymous Coward's picture
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You left out waxing, so I picked the first :)

prarie doggin's picture
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Hey LJ, how's it going? Glad to see you back. I'm kind of partial to Clubman aftershave. The kind every goddam barber uses. I really miss when you and Bilge banter back and forth. Please do so, as I've had about enough of this fucking holiday as I can take and need a laugh.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
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have your spouse hold up a belt sander to your ass. Sure you might lose some ball bits but who'll really notice.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Bilgepump's picture
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Ah...hell...I was at work, and missed the opportunity...but regardless...I love the fact that Daddy not prarie doggin it made it abundantly clear that he is not, in fact, prarie doggin...the similarity was quite eerie especially that golden shower thing...I envy PD's shower made of gold.


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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Logjam's picture
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Are you there Bilge? If so, "Tag, you're it."

Logjam

Melanie's picture
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Razor all the way!

♥ ♥ MeLaNiE ♥ ♥

♥ ♥ MeLaNiE ♥ ♥

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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Welcome aboard Melanie! Have a merry mach 3 Christmas!

prarie doggin's picture
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Melanie, would that be a Gillette at home, or a hot lather, straight razor shave at your local barber shop?

Captain Craptastic's picture
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She sounds pretty young, probably uses Dad's electric razor.
Hypothetical conversation at home:
Dad: "Melanie? Have you been using my razor? My beard comes in gray and there are some black hair bits in here."
Melanie: "Ummm, yeah, I did"
Dad: "I don't mind if you use it to shave your legs..."
Melanie: "Ummmm, that's not where I was shaving, Dad" (giggles)
Dad (look of horror and disgust)

----Captain Craptastic!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

prarie doggin's picture
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You know there's nothing I hate more than going to see my little Italian barber and finding a lady customer before me bent over the chair, pants down, lathered up butt, getting an ass crack shave. Sheesh, don't those salons do that stuff?

Anal Fissureman's picture
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The beard trimmer leaves it short enough not to crust up, but long enough so that my ass doesn't itch.

poopcase's picture
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Melanie's comment reminds me of the incident at band camp with my trumpet!

...yes, I agree, -on the whole, preparation H feels good...

Dr Scully's picture
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I also chose razor. Fortunately for me, there's only a few long stray hairs around the brown eye, removing them doesn't cause any problems.
I also do it for the man... I don't want him trying to lube me up and get fingers (or something else) caught and tangled up in ass hairs.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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As an Indian I just bend over and have my squaw pluck my ass with clam shells.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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The Indians used clam shells as currency. Now we know why.

Toilet_seat's picture
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it all starts with the toilet seat... after im done poopin i check for any excess poop/ dingleberrys... then with TP i clinch and pull and the excess poop, at the same time removing and dingleberrys..... a little painful but not to worried

mistressofconstipation's picture
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I think the dermatologist will do electrolysis on ass hair...seems like that would take quite a long time and it's not really guaranteed. I'd try it

Constipation's picture
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Electric razor. I keep it trimmed, shaving it the whole way down tends to lead to ingrowns, and that hurts like hell.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Has the poopMeister of this site ever talked about the percentages of those (male/female, gay/straight) who wipe from front to back, or back to front. Please do so! I'm curious...

prarie doggin's picture
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Ok AC, here's the deal. There are no percentages. Men wipe in any and all directions needed to get the job done. Women wipe front to back to keep the germs out of their vajay-jays. Straight guys don't talk about their asses, as that will make them seem gay, and gay guys multi-task with their asses so they use swirlys to stay minty fresh.

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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PD You have left out bi-sexual cross-dressing trans-gender midgets... AGAIN!