definitely the million wiper. i hate it!_______i love poop.
Well! I am the third voter on this poll. I have always thought diarrhea was the worst--a waste of formerly good food that feels awful as its builds up inside, feels yucky coming out, stinks much worse than normal poop, and leaves me weak. Ugh! (Not, I hasten to add, that I am fond of the other choices either, but the question asked for the worst.)
I had to vote for the big asshole ripping shit. The million wiper is no problem since I usually shower immediately after shitting. The hole ripping turd gets you again later as you try to take a dump through the remnants of your tattered sphincter.
_______Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
i think the main reason i chose the million wiper is cuz that's the one that happens most often (to me), and therefore, it is the most annoying.
the others are certainly less bearable, but not necessarily what i would consider annoying._______i love poop.
I voted for the sticky milloin wiper. This shit is the biggest pain in the ass to me, because even after wiping a million times, I still don't feel clean. The easiest shit to deal with for me is the liquishit, because I know that my bowels are fully evacuated when this happens, and it is cleaned up in one or two wipes. But this kind of shit keeps me on the toilet the longest, the million wiper is second as far as time spent on the toilet goes.
_______In search of the ever evasive BM
I had to vote other, again...the most annoying, for me, is the shit that wasn't...a few farts, bloating's gone, yet no real satisfaction of having accomplished a goddamn thing. THAT, my friends, is fucking annoying._______ The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Ever have more than one type at once? It ain't pretty... _______You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....
I have to say other. The ones that turn me pale as a ghost are the ones that feel like they're wrapped in barbed wire. They can be prevented by chewing the glass thoroughly.
Giganto shit. If an oversized turd slides out smoothly, the asshole can adjust and accommodate. But the really fat ones usually have a dry, knobby texture to make sure that won't happen. They're designed for maximum abrasion and engineered to get stuck halfway out so that the misery will last as long as possible.
Fire is the worse... feels like your ass is burning and it keeps burning even when the poop is out. Not fun.
I suppose that in reality the shit that bothers me the most is the one that was done by someone else. When entering a restaurant I always go to the bathroom to wash my hands and to check for cleanliness. If the bathroom is filthy the kitchen probably is also. Bathrooms are much easier to clean than kitchens.
I don't count this against the cleanliness of the establishment but it kind of spoils my appetite a little to enter right after someone has squirted a paint peeler into the potty.
Nothing worse than circling the buffet table, and just before going in for the kill, someone opens the bathroom door and the room is enveloped by the stench. A real mood killer.
Why do people have to shit at restaurants anyway? Can't this be done before or after? It's one of my pet peeves. Is it legal to kill them?
Not only kill them, but slice them up and serve them on the buffet table.
I had to go with the first one. Although I'd say it was more traumatic than annoying....I actually forgot about that until I read this poll, that could actually be a poop report....
Nay, nay, and thrice nay! 'tis none other than other, the unexpected one.
______Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!
Finding a turd in the punch-bowl would be an annoying occurance. That would go under other I suppose.
The million wiper, for sure. Nothing worse than having to use up half a roll of TP and wind up with a raw, bleeding ass.
Of course, the liquishit, with the cramps and all that, is no bargain either.
Voted for other. The most annoying shit for me is an un-flushed one!
I voted for the liquid shit. I have had this happen to me on numerous occasions. I usually feel like I have to fart, but as I prepare to release it slowly, I realize it would be a shart, so I head for the toilet. On more than one occasion I have spackled the toilet bowl above the water line, and a lot of it stayed behind after the flush, so I left my calling card. Usually as the chunks are launched into the water at high speed, it results in a tremendous splashback, so I have to wipe my whole ass, not just my asshole
Actually, you could say all shits are annoying.
Think about it, you have to stop whatever you're doing to go squeeze out a dookie.
Babies have it so easy, all they do is shit their pants wherever they are, then scream and yell till somebody changes them.
Postman......If I had your job I think I would find the old trick of the turd in the mailbox to be highly annoying.
Chief, I've actually found that one to be really funny.
Oh, now I see what you mean. I thought you meant when the carrier leaves a turd in the mailbox. That is funny. Not so much when a customer does it.
Was it sent postage doo?
Better postage doo than COD.
The sticky kind is the primary reason I like to shower after the first poop of the day. Later poops require a wet paper towel to be sure I am clean. When I was a kid, I soiled many a washcloth (to my mom's chagrin). Learned a valuable lesson: go disposable for poop-related activities!!! ----Captain Craptastic!!!
the gigantic luiquid burner u get a combonation of all of them but it worse becuase u have u to sit there for and hour not including the wipe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Flush-refuser: The one that is so big, that it wont flush.
The most annoying shit to me is the shit that isn't really there. Let me explain with a typical cell phone interaction between a wife (at home) and husband at the market.
Wife, "where are you?" Husband "I stopped at the market" Wife, "what are you getting?" Husband "Oh just some beer, chips and shit" Wife, "ok, see you soon dear".
I've been all over many supermarkets and have yet to find the aisle that has the shit in it. Where the f**k is this shit? Does it come in cans? Freeze dried? Fresh? It's so annoying.
I worked at Sam's Club until my recent retirement. We sold lots of shit. We even sold shit wholesale. We had so much shit that management would give me some shit everyday. Finally I couldn't take anymore shit so I quit.
PD, on your way over here, stop off at the Peace Hall in Halifax, West yorkshire.... they sell nothing butt shit.
Post Script: there is a joke circulating the UK thus:
Q: What is yellow and full of shit?
A: A Netto bag
Netto being the UK version of K-Mart but worse.
_______Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!
Diarhea is the worst kind of shit followed by the sticky shit. Both of those you have to use an entire roll of toilet paper. I enjoy the big turds that splash water on my ass. Job well done.
I voted for the million wiper. However, reading the comments it occured to me that the most annoying shit is the shit taken in one's pants. It does not matter if it was a big shit, little shit, or liqui shit. They all end the same way: with the stench filled walk of shame, a shower, and one less farorite pair of pants. _______Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.
the most annoying shit for me was after i got home from major surgery. I had been all kinds of medications that constipated me and i hadn't pooped in like a month. Also i had a broken leg and pelvis so i was forced to use a bedpan. that first poop was probably the biggest turd i have ever seen. it looked like it weighed 20 pounds. plus it had been in there a while so it was extremely hard and took two hours to push it out....not my favorite moment
What about the shit you can't see? You unload a big turd, or think you did, then look in the toilet bowl and it's gone. Now THAT'S annoying. I know I shit, but it's fucking with me. It makes me question whether or not I shit it out. Quick little bugger.
To ilovemytoilet: I, too, had surgery (kidney & bladder stones; doc took them out through my penis) and had to wear a Foley catheter afterwards; thanks to pain meds, didn't poop for 4 days, an all-time record for me. I knew it was in there, but there was no comfortable position to sit on the toilet, and I couldn't get it out. Finally I semi-squatted, performed some manual extraction (pain, blood), then got the rest out by extreme pushing--one of the biggest, hardest, longest turds of my life. Not easy, not fun, but necessary. For this poll, I still voted for diarrhea; hate it.
For me it's a tie between 21 day constipation/diarrhea from medication and the stick in the butt rabbit poop. My doctor started me on a new medication that made me so bloated and constipated I didn't poop for 21 days. He gave me Ducolax to get it out. Never take Ducolax!!! I was on the toilet for 3 hours, first the big dried out poop and then the extreme fire diarrhea, not to mention the fact that I briefly passed out from stomach cramps before I started pooping. I was pale, fevery, needed a shower, and I felt like I had been raped by Megatron.
After surgery poops suck. I had my appendix taken out. At that point it hurts your incisions to bend and the morphine makes you constipated.
My most annoying shit: the skinny sticky ones you have to strain to get out. your colon feels full, but there's no force behind them- you have to grunt and strain for every bit. These mostly turn into million wipers, due to the fact that you never get it all out...
Part2- poop Lasagna. (thanks Larry the Cable Guy!) shit, clean up, pull up pants, pull down pants, shit some more, wipe, shit some more, wipe, etc etc etc.
The gut wrenching stinker. Where you offend YOURSELF. GAWWWD DAYYUMM!!! WTF DID I EAT?! AM I DEAD INSIDE?? Usually involves one or two courtesy flushes- so you don't faint from the stink...
The others all suck too. I rarely get the bung busters- mine are too soft and skinny.
I've been having alphabet poop lately. Mostly shaped like the letters C and S. And wrinkly too, like they came out of a playdough machine with the asterisk shaped attachment. Really weird and a bit scary.
i chose "other" I think this is mostly becuase yes there are alot of bad poops in ones life. But At least most leave you satisfied and with a sense of accomplishment. The one I had 5 minutes ago was very anti climatic. It sort of came out but some didn't, and popped back in there, and now I know its there just waiting... taunting me. I think I will see the last of him in the morning. Maybe I need to eat more veg?
The Million Wiper costs cash money; i go through so many rolls of TP already that I see dollars and cents going down the drain with all that extra toilet tissue.
I voted for the million wiper BUT I also hate the wave dump. You know the one where you think you have shitted your brains out so you jump in the shower and whilst showering the second wave hits so back to the toilet. Not only does the floor get soaked but you wind up getting pissed off because 99.9999% of the time it is just a what I call a "dirty fart". That is a fart with accompanying dingleberries or WORSE._______The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!
Definitely giganto. One time i took a shit, and it was so big and tough it filled up the toilet bowl and got truck tire rubber smeered in sewage waste all over my ass. I almost needed to hire Martha Stewart to cleanup. And god the STENCH. I actualy threw up all over the place during the shit.That made me go into a shitting puking frenzy. Now I know never mix a Porterhouse steak and a stomach virus. My violated nd beaten ass is still on the long road to recovery. I will never forget that day. Neither will my ass.
I deal with liquishit on a daily basis. Nearly every wave of shit for me is liquid. So.... I'd have to say I've grown used to it. The most annoying shits for me were the pregnancy shits. Stopped up, rock hard, little pellets that I had to strain to let out. Not fun. _______Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!
I voted the sticky poop: You know its up there, an impending doom waiting to dirty your bowl. You push! You squeeze! And out comes ...nothing? What?! N! Wait! It's there! You know it came out, right?You look in the bowl and you see...brown yarn? No!!No!!!!! Not the sticky poo!!!!!!!!!Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
It comes out almost the consistency of diarhea, but just thick enough to hold shape (more or less, usually less). You push and push, but all is in vain. There isn't enough pressure behind it to actually bring it out. If it comes out, it's coming out in its own due time, thank you very much. Then it's finally all out and it reeks of rotting flesh, like you bowels have been digesting themselves for the past week. Dear God, have mercy. _______I used to have a hamster that would make its bed almost entirely out of its own little turds with a little of the regular saw dust meant for the job.
Why? I don't know. Maybe poop is a good insulator.
those chewy craps that take 2 rolls of toilet paper are the worst I recommend flushable baby wipes
as long as it gets outs...i'm good! Oh...and i just discovered how butt wipes really work!!! you should try it sometime!
cornjulio, what is a chewy crap? Never heard of that one before.
Postman, that one left me scratching my head also. I guess it must be like a Slim Jim, or beef jerky.
Or maybe its the consistency of a Tootsie Roll.
Firey shit is the worst, it doesn't take a million wipes, but it certainly feels like it.
The worst shits for me are the asshole rippers. Once the escape hatch has been torn, any motion below the waist -- including walking -- is a painful reminder of all the pain and torture of passing a turd with a circumference larger than the maximum circumference of the sphincter. Million wipers are just annoying for a short period of time. An asshole ripper is painful for days._______Yo quiero Taco Bell.
Definitely the flaming asshole... nothing worse than having an ass full of fire after the job is done.
AC just wipe your ass with a piece of burlap and douse it with aftershave. It'll toughen you up.
PD, I think a wire brush would be better, or maybe a belt sander.
I have an other vote, I hate it when every time I stand up I know I won't get 3 steps before it's time to sit again. Takes up to 45 min. to finish. and not very satisfying
The worst shits are the so called Aniticipatory Shits. By example buying a 12 pack of Grain Belt Beer and a bag of White Castles and an order of Onion Chips will result in the most awful aticipatory shit. You fear it from the moment you set things in motion
I'm suprised that no one has mentioned the "squat down next to the stranger's car in the inner city parking lot and let fly while cursing every business within a square mile for having employee only toilets" shit. That was, er, could be, the most annoying shit ever. _______Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.
loud farts wile pooping
floaters are very anoying in fact one night I started farting alot so I went to the toilet to poop and it took me 5 minutes like usual but then I had to flush 7 times it went down then a few minutes later I found out I was not done dumping!
oh my, i have a different answer.
the rock solid crap you've been holding back for too long that's been filling your rectum the entire work day that you know you can't take care of until you get home and have some privacy. and then trying to pee at the urinal like a normal person even though the emptying of your bladder is causing the tip of the mammoth movement you've been putting off for way too long to press against your anus even harder, making it spasm open and closed. then having to fend off a never-ceasing turtlehead for the rest of the work day that eventually rubs up against the but of your briefs, causing a quarter-sized poop stain in the seat of your underwear, and a dooming sticky feeling between your tired trembling cheeks before your are finally able to coax your secret dump-that's-on-the-way-out back into your rectum.
No one has mentioned the "perennial" turd, the floater that just won't go away.
I once lived in a very rural area where we depended on a septic tank. One winter the tank and field drains were not working well and the commode flushed slowly with no power at all. The ground was frozen and nothing could be done about it until spring.
Someone shat a turd that included a small round chunk of floating poo about the size of a ping-pong ball. This little piece of shit bobbed merrily in the commode for the duration of winter. No one complained for fear that they would be given the task of removing it. It was almost like losing an old friend when the little turd went out with the spring thaw.
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
Chief, I hate to break the news to you , but you fell for the old "painted ping-pong ball in the toilet" gag. Kudos to whomever pulled it off.
Back to the subject, I don't have a most annoying shit, however EVERY shit I take seems to annoy everyone else.
The most annoying shit? The kind where you've just settled on the throne with the latest copy of Sports Illustrated and somebody starts pounding on the door, saying "is anybody in there?"
a HEAVY load pushing to get out over the holidays when i'm visiting my in-laws. i can't dump there; always hold it.
I voted "other." Because disease shits (i.e. IBS/IBD shits) are the worst. Period. And you can't convince me otherwise.
worst for me was getting an URGENT poop urge during a business meeting overseas (i hadn't had a bm in 3 days). i don't know if i would exactly say that i pooped my pants, but by the end of the meeting there were about 4 inches of a huge turd sandwiched between my cheeks, its tip pushing into the seat of my briefs, being stopped only by the chair i was sitting in.
Funk hate Million Wiper! Glowing green radioactive deathshits that cling to your bunghole like spackle and require an entire case of tp to clean can ruin your day. (and your wrists) I've actually sprained my wrist during a 30 minute eternal wipe session!
excessive sniffling
i voted other. i think they are all equally annoying since I can experience all of them in one sitting. this no gallbladder shit is really screwing up my pooping time.
Q: What kind of shit is worst? A: What you get from the in-laws.
AC, the only difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
I'd have to say that the worst shit is, well...
I'm sitting on my bed right now (in Beijing) reading all your posts about what the worst shit is, and I realize that not only have I experienced them all in various ways, but there is a worst way to experience any one of them.
That way would be taking a shit, no matter what kind, in China. You get to the restroom, and all there is, is a hole in the ground. you pull your jeans down to your hips, squat (resting your weight on your knees), and take the shit. no matter what kind it is, it's uncomfortable, smelly, and it's no get-in get-out job. you always risk losing your balance and falling into the actual shit.
liquishit? fiery shit? no toilet paper in public bathrooms. big shit? sticky shit? marble shit? try squeezing while squatting. can you even squat, period?
I've seen some Chinese kids with their asses open to the air. Their parents (when the kids need to go), will just hold their children in the middle of any one of Beijing's most crowded streets, and let them take their shit right there and then. They don't even have to have it squished against their cheeks afterwards! lucky little buggers!
The worst kind of shit, other than the million wiper, is the one you desperately need while stuck in a traffic jam.
On August 10th 2003, the hottest day ever recorded in the UK, I was stuck in an immovable line of vehicles on the M25 (an orbital ring-road circling London, often known as the UK's largest car park). In the 4 hours I spent moving a grand total of about 300 yards, the mercury had reached 102, I was sweating like a sumo wrestler's ballsack in a sauna, I had drunk all my water, eaten all my food (well, a packet of peanut M&Ms), smoked all my cigarettes and was desperately in need of a shit. I could pee in my water bottle, but taking a dump in the car was impossible, and there were too many people wandering around seething and complaining to go discretely over to the verge at the side and drop my trousers. I could only clench my cheeks, try to ignore the agonising griping pains in my belly and hang on like grim death. Eventually, probably because the moisture level in my bowel had changed, the pressure subsided a little and by the time we got moving again, I was actually dizzy from the exertion of holding back the colonic pressure for so long. When I finally got off onto the A22, I pulled into the first available side road leading to a farm, rushed behind a hedge, dropped my trousers and squatted. I expected the turd to shoot out like a ball from a cannon, but instead, despite the pain and pressure, I had to push very hard to make it come out and I swear it felt like it was exiting sideways. The only way I can describe it is like trying to shit a rugby ball. There was agonising sphincter-ripping pain as my hoop widened way beyond the comfort-zone, but as it got to just before the halfway point, it was contracting via it's involuntary pain reflex but the turd was too vast and solid to crimp it in half. I had to heave and grunt, pushing out the remainder, whining in pain until gravity took over and it hit the grass behind my feet, with my poor busted anus feeling how a woman's vagina must feel like after popping out a baby. The turd itself was astonishing, about 12 inches long, as thick as my wrist at the widest point, but within this wide point was a perfect 'breather-ring' where my sphincter had tried but failed to shut, as if the turd had been turned on a lathe and a a groove carved out. It is my lasting regret that at the time I did not have a camera phone, because it was the sort of behemoth that I wished to show my wife when I got home.
I don't believe it's coincidence that several days after this mammoth shit, I started to develop 'roids and have suffered with them ever since.
The fire crap because when you walk out of the bathroom at the office and your face is contorted from the pain and you have beads of sweat on your forehead, office mates know you have just had a rough ride.
The worst type of shit comes after drinking a large fruit and veggie smoothie. After that, one proceeds to sit on the toilet and shit until it feels like they are literally going to pass out and die, leaving their intestines itching on the inside.
I believe the worst kind of shit is the one you don't have. The stubborn bastard log that just likes it in your guts so much that it doesn't want to leave. The one that festers for days and days, and just refuses to leave home. The cannibalistic turd that consumes other smaller turds, growing fatter and fatter, and hurting you more and more. The grogan that has gone way past its gestation period, and you almost need to deliver it by Caesarian. You heave, you sweat, you tremble, and you begin to wish for an epidural. You feel that your spine must surely part company from your pelvic bones, as this nasty great poop-equivalent of an agoraphobic Sumo wrestler fights to stay indoors. Yes, I believe that this is the worst kind of shit. _______The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.
I have a feeling it is going to be the one I have tomorrow; The pizza I was cooking looked a bit....bare and I got carried away with the chillies I put on it. It burned to eat it and now, 2 hours later the gut burning is just starting. Not looking forward to tomorrow.
I agree with El Scumbag...the worst kind of shit happens when there is no bathroom in the vicinity._______Here I sit, my cheeks a flexin' , trying to give birth to another Texan!!
This morning, I had a combination of four options: The Liquishit, Million Wiper, Fire Shit, and Bunny Poo. I had some bad pizza last night and this morning, I woke up to a horrible stomach ache. It started with Bunny Poo. I know when I have that, Liquishit is coming soon. And a minute after the Bunny Poo, it hits. The Liquishit just spills out. On my pizza, I like to douse my slice with red pepper flakes and spicy sauce, creating the Fire Shit. Oh that was just delicious. Finally, after ten minutes of straining, pushing, the Sweats, and tears, the Monster Poo was out. Then came the Million Wiper Shit. I used most of the roll. It was so sad. My house was built in 2007 and all the toilets are green. Meaning they don't flush as much as older toilets. So I had to stand there, smelling my own scents, and flushed three times. I promptly went into fetal position in bed and tried to forget what just happened.
And that, I believe, is the most annoying shit. The Combo.
Do you get a discount with the Combo?
Only if you Super Size it.
_______ The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
The sticky shit by far. Some of them are so bad i have to wipe to the extent that i draw blood, at which time i'm forced to stop because i don't want to wipe shit in my cuts lol.
The most annoying kind of shit to me is the one that suddenly and unexpectedly comes bangin' at the back door when you're in the middle of doing something like, say, taking a shower. _______It's too bad that ignorance isn't painful.
It would have to be the sticky shit. But the type where you finally manage to wipe your ass clean after using a whole roll and then just when you think it's all over, you feel the need to squeeze out another and the whole process begins again.
I had an issue this week. I went to take a shit and it was so big and hard that I felt like I almost had to reach around and pull it out manually. I was sweating like a bitch as I passed what appeared to look like a baby's arm. Now, and for the past few days, I remember that baby because I've got a ring of fire. More fiber for me I guess. OUCH!
NNA, you think the arm was painful to pass, just wait till the baby's head starts coming out.
I had to vote other because my kind of shit is the worst. I get all of the above except the big tree stump or branches. No I get little bitty hard broken twigs mabe 2 cm long. I push and push but it just sits in my anal sphincter driving me nuts. The only way to get it out is to wipe for eternity with sticking my wipe on my finger up there to find it. Then there's the sharp little diamonds that dig into my rectum wall just inside the inner sphincter all dry and clinging to the mucosal wall. Again no kind of fancy pushing will unleash it. I have to find a glove and water soluble lubricant so I can digitally dig it out. It hurts like mad. Anytime I have to dig it out, I think, is my worst poo. I get the million wiper every toilet visit for poo spit that is so minimal all it does is dirty me. Nothing drops in the water. That's 2nd runner up. _______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
Thank you SP! "Poo spit" has been added to my extensive ass vocabulary! I knew there was a reason I came to this site! _______I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!
You are welcome, TSV. Anytime._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
I'm on morphine and pain killers due to chronic pain and I assure you the Asshole tearing type can be the worst. I've had some that were to big to actually exit. Bleeding etc,. . . Thank God for Enemas. I take stool softener to avoid these. Now its all rabbit turds which are far better although they have a tendency to send up a small splash of cold water directly onto my anus.
McArthur- this one isn't that annoying, but still annoying. Just when you thought the shit is gone it goes up again. "I SHALL RETURN"
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