if i had enough time, i might just drive to my parents' house and use their toilet, so i chose other.
but if it was really super urgent, i think i would probably ask the neighbor. i would always rather poop in a toilet than anything else!_______i love poop.
This will probably brand me as a gross and disgusting human being but I have actually shit in a plastic bag and placed it in the trash. I had just moved my trailer and knew none of the neighbors, my sewage line had not been hooked up and I couldn't imagine introducing myself and asking if I could come in and take a shit in the same breath. The plastic bag contained even the odor and my line was hooked up the next day.
_______Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
the level of grossness depends on whether you threw it in an inside or outside trash can!
but, i suppose as long as it didn't stink up the place, it wouldn't be too gross for it to be inside. but i don't think i'd be able to stop thinking about it being in the house, even if it didn't stink!_______i love poop.
I thought about putting it in the kitchen trashcan but my wife convinced me it should go in the outside trash. You won't believe how convincing a 4' 10" woman with a 12" razor sharp chefs knife can be:)
Space dock. ( I just found out what that was in the forums, and was just itching to use it.)
_______ The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
This happened to me once, but I didn't know the toilet was broke.We just signed the lease and I was at the house by myself. I really had to shit, so I did, unaware that the water was off. When I went to flush nothing happened so I panicked and used a Walmart bag to fish out my poop. I think I chucked the whole thing under the deck because there were no trash cans around at the time and my family was pulling up in the driveway. I bet I used a half a box of baby wipes and a whole container of hand sanitizer before I could get to a sink._______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
Keep some wagbags around.
C'mon! People! It's just a toilet. 1 hose, 2 bolts, and it's off. For the cost of 10 minuets with a plumber, anybody could go to Home Despot, and buy a new one. Maybe not a Gerber, unless he is around a half hour.
I'd shit in a bag. Actually, I had to do that once. I double bagged the bathroom trashcan, dropped a few paper towels into it and braced myself against the wall with the can in position. Wiped carefully, then I tucked the inner bag completely inside of the other, tied off the outer bag, washed my hands, and dropped the package in the dumpster off the back porch of my apartment building. _______You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....
I'd shit on the floor and blame the dog.
Yep, you know what I voted. But if this scenario occurred "back in the old days", I'd have happily gone out in the back yard, quickly dug a hole behind the shed and slung a couple of bedsheets around it for a makeshift porta-potty tent. Then informed the kids that this is the shitter until the plumber arrives. Of course, I'd then quickly drive to the nearest 7/11... _______The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.
Aren't they 11/7's down there?
I chose other. I would just head to the local Wal Mart. I always wanted to just go there to take a shit and not buy anything.
ASSuming the toilet problem isn't something I can fix myself, of which there aren't many, I'd probably dig a hole in the backyard to crap in and bury it.
Good Scouts "Leave no trace"! _______How I beat IBS
I'd shit in a bag and put it in the outside trash. If I knew which neighbor puts dog poop in my garbage, I would repay them with the shit-filled bag in their trash can on trash day after the garbage truck already passed. Just like they do me. _______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
I once spent about 6 months as an irresponsible 18 yr old with no gas, water or electricity. It got to the point after a month where I actually had the cash to pay the bill, but I wanted to see how far I could push it. I used kerosene lamps. Meals were consumed straight from the can, cold. Showers were taken in the men's dorm of the college down the street. And when I had to shit, it was into a paper bag which was then thrown surreptitiously into the storm drain at the edge of my yard.
Well PD why not just have greasy beer shits all over the litter box and wall and blame the cat?_______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
Nice thought MMC, but I don't have a cat.
I'd go get the survival pot out out the garage and sit down for a nice comfortable dump in the great indoors. These are platic buckets with bag liners....about $10.00 at Wally World.
why not just drive to your local public setting and go there??? There's a McDonalds on the corner that i could walk to, that's my plan in case things go sour!
I would poop in the bag, then take it to the plumber's house, then set it by the door & light the sack on fire, then ring the door bell & run for the hills. That's what they get for putting off my stuff till the next day.
I`d probably dig a hole in the new neighbours garden and dump in that....just to mark my territory and let them know who the boss is.
I like that AC....sorta like preemptive revenge.
id shit outside in my back yard when nobody is around
I have had to take a piss in the cat's litter box before (my 17 year old (at the time) sister spent half the day in the bathroom). When I was 8-10 years old, I'd always use the backyard as a toilet. If I was out there, and needed to go, I'd just go to the corner and do my business. So for this one, I just chose the backyard.
One other possibility hasn't been mentioned: Go to the nearest mall or big box store that has a public toilet, and use that. As long as it's not too far away, you can get there and discharge your business without fouling your car or your house. Who knows--it might even be the same store where you are buying a new toilet!
Another question might be: What do you do when, at work, the toilets can't be used (sudden loss of water pressure, etc.)?
I'd go to a store and use their facilities.
I really didn't do a good job explaining the situation. I should have stated that the bowel movement was eminent and needed to be taken care of in a matter of a few minutes or you would have a pants load of shit to deal with.
I haven't lived in a house with just one toilet in years. But I'd shit in a bag if i had too, and piss in the shower squat style. my floor drain is pretty big.
**** a subtle elbow nudge to the Chief ***** ...eminent, or imminent? I believe that Catholic cardinals like to be referred to as "Your Eminence"... Was there some subconscious connection there? A bowel movement having eminence? I thought it was pd that had the Catholic upbringing... _______The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.
Chief, in that situation I would drop my pants, hang my ass over the fence, and give my neighbor a present she soon wouldn't forget.
I'd go to the store, gas station, or office after hours and go there.
I would put saran wrap over the toliet so it could hang down into the toliet but still be sealed the flod it over put in plasic bag and put in the nearest dumpster. (just like when I was little and mama needed a poo sample for the doc)
I am Catholic god dammit.
Here's another idea. Go to the plumbers house and take a dump in his driveway.
Blind Mullet said " **** a subtle elbow nudge to the Chief ***** ...eminent, or imminent?"
My God, I have been out grammar Nazied!!
Or take a shit in an envelope and mail it to him. Postage doo.
Don't feel bad, Chief. You know there will soon be another 15 year old texting AC that you'll be able to rip a new asshole into.
This actually happened to me once--the power was out for several days and we have well water, so the toilets weren't flushing. Just as we were getting ready to go to the hotel (we sure as hell weren't staying in a house with no heat in the dead of a Michigan winter), I realized that I really, REALLY had to take a crap. With no time to formulate or execute a plan, I panicked and deposited my load into the non-functional toilet. Unfortunately for me, my parents, and the toilet, the log was nearly a foot long and impressive in girth and odor. I don't think it would have flushed even if the water was on. I went upstairs and my parents were already getting into the car, and I was too embarrassed to tell them there was a monster poop lurking in my bathroom. The not so happy ending to the story is that when my step-mother went back to check on the house a day later, she followed a strange odor down to my bathroom. The power was back on so she turned on the light, lifted the toilet lid, and...I really don't know what happened after that. All she would say was that she "took care of it", and beyond that, she didn't want to discuss or think about it anymore. She's a tough cookie, that one.
If I were in the situation again, I would probably choose the bag option.
Do you have a cat? Leave a log in the catbox as a form of communion with your cat! I now have a 4-month old kitten whose poops resemble almond roca or mini-tootsie rolls with pebbles. Cute little turdlets!
If I leave the door open when I poop, she comes in and "helps" with the log drop. After the poop is expelled and is floating happily in the commode, she's right there! When I lean over onto one cheek to do the paperwork swipe, she puts her paws on the edge of the toilet seat and gets closer to the action. I can feel little whiskers tickling my butt, an odd sensation, though not altogether unpleasant. Kind of tickles.
In response to the poll question, using the catbox seems OK, but might be traumatic for the kitten and her developing mindset about appropriate places to poop. I'd be just as likely to take a crap outside, though in an apartment complex, that action might tend to get you talked about. "You know what that fuckin' guy in 4-B did? He shit on the lawn in front of the building in broad daylight! And the bastard didn't even wipe! Just left it there and pulled up his pants and went inside! Some people!" ----Captain Craptastic!!!
I wonder what they'd say if you drug your ass across the lawn to clean it instead._______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
we used to live on the 7th floor apartment and the toilet was clogged good for a week... we just went to the grocery store and used the public restrooms there lol. _______Now that's what I call classical gas!
We live a bit too far from town to drive in should the urge arise, and I think holding a crap in is like playing Russian Roulette with your ass. Plastic bag for me and a surprise for the garbage man.
_______.....hugging bunnies since 1969 www.daphneszoo.com
I think the plastic bag is the best way to go by far. Most people seem to agree as it has the largest number of votes. I wonder if the votes for the garbage disposal in the kitchen sink are for real? If they are, ewwwwwwwwww!!
Knock knock (Daphne) Who's there? The garbage man (Daphne) Aww shit! (Gator) Rut-ro
probably shit in a big garbage bag. Not that my load is that huge but because i dont know where to aim.
I would fix the toilet myself, really how hard can it being a plumber is a job that any1 can do.
SAS.......There is a lot more to plumbing than you seem to realize. Having the right tools is also important. Do you have a commode auger handy? You might need one.
I've actually been in this situation! I pooped in the toilet and used my little drink umbrella to pick it out and put it in my neighbors dog run. I felt sharing was the thing to do and it made his dogs very happy! I love dogs so I did not give them the drink umbrella!
Chief, with all due respect, that link had a picture of an ass auger, not a commode auger. A commonly misused tool.
go out side best option free it go free the natural way
After the Northridge earthquake, my plumbing, chimney, and other assorted house parts were annihilated. I still had to go to court the next day. My opponent, residing at a fancy hotel with working toilets and room service, whined and wanted to go back to his hometown, in wimpy fear of aftershocks. I told him, and I quote, "If I can shit in a bag in the back yard and make it to court, so can you!"
I would shit in the woods behind my house. All the fucking hispanic futbolistas seem to think these same woods are their toilet (instead of using the county provided crapper just down hill from the soccer field), so I would just crap in the place that they like to stand.
On the other hand, fuck face seems to be channeling Teddy. Maybe I would shit in his backyard instead._______Yo quiero Taco Bell.
LMFAO. You guys are all hilarious and all of those sound like great ideas. I don't think I've ever been in a situation where I've had to use something other than my toilet.
Though I remember this one summer when a few of my friends came over to go swimming. We are all getting dried off after our swim and when I got inside the house I heard someone cry out "OH F*CK!" I hear water splashing and incoherent, panicked babbling coming from the bathroom.
I knock on the door and ask "Are you okay in there?" Recognizing my face my girlfriend whimpers "No."
I ask to come in and she unlocks the door. I slip in between the doorway and shut it behind me to step on one of the bathrugs soaked in water and poop!
I look at my girlfriend, holding a toilet paper-mached plunger in her hands. "Sorry!" she said, turning beet red.
We managed to get the toilet unplugged and I threw the bathrugs in the wash. My girlfriend mopped up the floor. Got everything done just before my dad came home from work.
I thought that was hilarious!!!
I would go to the nearest store and use their toilet
AC What if the nearest store is fifteen miles away, you're almost out of gas, and the poo is peeking out of your hiney already? Come on, just shit in the bag and feel the relief.
There's a 24 hour laundry mat down the street from me, I would just walk there to use the can, its well maintained and usually clean in there.
I voted to "go ahead and pile it in for the plumber" cause that one made me laugh.
phats.....I assume by your comment that you are not a plumber:))
In one single dump, I may have undone the life's work of both Einstein and Lavoisier. I created more matter than I consumed.
I had the opposite problem PD. I didn't make a post Thanksgiving poo yesterday so I was expecting a grogan of extraordinary size today. I was disappointed when I extruded only a small dumpling this morning. I can only conclude that I am full of shit.
sure thing chief, I know better.
Our toilets were out of service during this years ice storm caused electrical outage, lasted THREE weeks, so I had a bright idea... use the water left in the pool to flush! It worked, of course, but left an interesting greenish chemically smelly toilet. We had a poop brigade because I had a "one toilet flushed three times a day" rule for awhile! And of course, any guesses for who got to be last, and get to flush it??? It's amazing what we women can put up with... So my answer was other.
McDonalds is always a safe place to publicly dump.
Probably safer to dump there than to eat. Good advice there AC.
STARBUCKS- everyone poops there! Or I'd go to PINK DOT next door bcuz they let me use the toilet all the time anyways.
I've put some poops in the garbage disposal before, once when my wife mega-clogged the only toilet we have (that woman can drop a pound at a time). I really don't recommend it, because it takes days to get that crap smell out of the kitchen. The first time we turned on the disposal I almost barfed. The smell was intense.
My house is about 2 blocks from a gas station. I'm not shameful; I'd go there and poop. If it were in the middle of the night or something, I'd actually use the catbox and cover it REALLY well with the cat litter, then scoop it up into a bag the next day after it dried out a bit. The cat litter would probably cut down on the smell quite a bit.
_______An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!
I'd drive to my parent's house or go to the nearest convenience store. They always smell like sh*t anyway.
I would go in the bathtub if it is an emergency. Can push it down with the toilet brush and water, and just scrub down the bathtub after with bleach.
And whenever you poop, pee comes with it!! That would be awkward to get into the bag with that extra liquid in there.
I hate public restrooms (unless in a swanky hotel - none near my home...), and I hate my neighbors. This is why I keep diapers handy, I can shit while sitting in a comfy chair. It's a relatively clean process just folding the load into the diaper, wet wiping the residue, wrapping it up and whipping the finished package over the fence.
Sir Spamalot....You may feel free to spell your words out completely, we are mostly adults here and the occasional child is probably precocious enough to realize that sh*t actually means shit.
Dung Genius Crab....Save yourself some money and whip your poop over the fence in a plastic bag rather than a diaper. Do not be surprised if your irate neighbor occasionally returns the favor.
My mother does the same thing, Crab Man. But then she's 73 years old and has Alzheimer's._______Yo quiero Taco Bell.
What the hell Crab, why don't you just cover your furniture with that clear plastic shit like my grandmother had on her furniture. You could just wipe it clean with a cloth. Come to think of it, I always wondered why my grandmother had her furniture covered. It couldn't possibly be..... Not granny........... (visual coming to light) I gotta go throw up now.
I chose shit in a bag, but after very careful consideration.....Whatever happened to putting a turd in a bag, lighting it afire, and taking off....generally to someone you disliked? I figure that is what I would do if I were in said situation! LMAO
I change my vote....I live in a very rural area of NC.....my closest neighbor is over a 1/4 mile away. I do believe I would just use a trash bag, a 5 gallon bucket, a wall to lean on for support, and quite possibly the toliet seat for more comfort. Not only that I would tell the plumber who in our area would be a day or two late, what a fucking douche bag I thought he was. And make him reattach the toliet seat. OR....we would use the toliet and just pour water from the 5 gallon bucket into the toliet to make it go down from the creek if we had no water, but if we had water we could just use the tub. But those of you whom live in cities I feel for you...No creeks or rivers to gather water from, or big pasture or forest for cover.. Guess if our toilet broke and we had to wait on a plumber it wouldn't be that big a deal. Not to mention, like someone else said, I'd just fix the damned thing myself. lol.
ZipLock bag and then to the freezer, stashed between the peach ice cream and fish sticks. It'll keep. Sound's gross, but believe you me, there WILL come a day when you will WISH you had some frozen poop for some very special occasion.
Right you are, Butt-o-Mite, but I keep mine between the frozen hasbrown patties and the pre-made burger patties. Its how I learned to pay attention to what I'm doing. _______ The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
I used to keep mine stored with the frozen chocolate pudding until that fateful day I made a tragic mistake.
Tell the truth, ChiefThunderbutt, was that really a "tragic mistake", as you claim, or a surprisingly delightful discovery? You can tell us, you're among friends...
Unfortunately I stashed mine in the back of the fridge next to the Chinese takeout, and a leftover baked potato. An ugly turf war broke out, but the lo mein prevailed. I'll deep freeze the troublemaker next time.
Did no one else think to go to the closest gas station/store and use theirs?
Genius, did you bother to read any of the other comments?
Use a diaper if you got any! if not make one :)
The concept of freezing or refrigerating your poo is not all that foreign to me. We have a freezer full of red biohazard bags chock full of urine specimen cups, CoolWhip bowls, margarine tubs, and diapers full of poop. We keep the samples for a week or so in case we need to run additional tests on them. Surprisingly, the fridge doesn't stink as much as you'd think it would. The bags contain the smell pretty well.
I have a nice slice of apple pie in the fridge that's begging for a dollop of Cool Whip, but I'm afraid to open the damn thing now.
Go To A nearest shopping Mall and I shit in the Toilet Their.
Go to the gas station lol and get some snacks on the way out :) (this may or may not be from experience ha)
Maybe just go out and poop on your front lawn. I bet the neighbors will never bother you again._______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
Take your dog for a walk in the neighborhood park, and as an act of communion with your beloved doggie, when Fido squats, you do the same! You dog will never look at you the same ever again.
Then take Fido for a special treat. Find the feral cat colony and let him enjoy some tasty cat turds (you don't need to do this also, unless you want to). ----Captain Craptastic!!!
I would simply eat mine, it's got a rich creamy taste and is similar to almonds in flavour, no point wasting it throwing it in my neighbours garden or pushing it down a plughole.
Just go in the backyard! Geez! The "garbage disposal"?????
LOL, prarie doggin, but if you didn't place any poop pops in your fridge, there is very little to fear, except for the diaper your pie is wrapped in.
i really had to crap and my wife refused to get out of the bathroom. ultimately, i went into the second bedroom and crapped out a huge log into paper towel. bounty is the way to go. i cleaned myself with baby wipes and dumped it all in a bag. it ended up being a present for my wife.
City people... 30 minuets' drive to the nearest "public" toilet. I can not see another house from anywhere on my property. I can pee on a different tree everyday for months before hitting the same one twice. I like, even prefer pooping outside. Frightens the bears. (perhaps gives them an inferiority complex)
go to the gas station
Honestly, I probably would hold it in (I have a sphincter of steel that usually can handle situations like this pretty well), but since that's not allowed, I chose other. I live in a suite-style college dorm, so I'm imagining that the private bathroom attached to the dorm is the one that's broken. In that case, I would simply go use one of the public bathrooms by the front desk, just like I usually do when I have to take a dump. No big deal.
dude, go to the gas station and use their bathroom or the nearest mcdonalds, starbucks, etc.
Go to the nearest McDonalds, gas station, etc. & use their toilet.
I was going to say nearest store but then got to thinkin' ...if time was really short, I could use kitty's litter box!
Sounds like a visit to the corner gas station is in order, but word to the wise...BYOTP Bring your own Toilet Paper. That is not somthing that can be safley assumed to be present.
I would hoof it on down to Lowes Hardware store (or Home Depot), drop a deuce in the clean, pleasant, free public toilet, and then pick up a NEW TOILET and/or toilet fixin' manual. No need to wait on a plumber or poop in the bathtub people. That's like running out of food and cannibalizing your family instead of going to the store.
I chose other. My dad lives less than a mile away, and I have no problem using his crapper.
I once received a crank phone call from a little girl:
She asks me, "Is there a John at your house?"
Thinking she was asking about someone named John, I said "No".
She then says, "What do you do? Poop in a Dixie Cup?"
As for having to "do my business" in the absence of a toilet, I would poop in a Dixie Cup, so to speak, but prefer to use an empty soft margarine or Cool Whip bowl, then snap on the lid and double bag it before putting it in the trash...but that hasn't happened to me yet, fortunately.
GenuineNerd how can you be wasting good tupperware like that! Deplorable._______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
Alternate facilities will depend on how far you are from civilization (i.e. businesses). McDonald's, supermarkets, gas stations, etc. I live in a populated area, and there's a hospital, a Sunoco station, and a supermarket all within less than a mile from my house.
I'm with MMC on the tupperware thing. I would most likely use a Chinese takeout container for my shit though, as that's probably where it came from anyway.
Years ago I had a neighbor who would steal my Sunday paper. I wish I had shit in the paper, rolled it up neatly, put it back in the tube and returned it to the great outdoors. After she unrolled that in her house she would probably have been cured of her thieving ways.
Portable toilets are ideal in areas where there isn't access to a plumbed toilet, such as a construction site or a campground. Some portable toilets come enclosed for privacy, others are just a free standing toilet shell that fits in a prepared space in an RV. Whatever type of portable toilet you own, one thing is for sure: it must be cleaned.porta potty rental prices
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