i had a hard time choosing, even though it's my poll. but i had to go with relief. the fact that i can get rid of a tummy ache just by pooping (most times) always amazes me.
_______
i love poop.

I went with something gross, but since you don't want to hear about it, I ain't tellin'.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I picked the relief although the feeling of poop coming out is second. The fact that neither really happens to me, is irrelevant, but when it does,it's glorious
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I picked relief because I only poop when I have to go really really bad. ahhhh sweet relief!
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

The relief of pooping is one of the most saisfying and rewarding feelings I know. Guess I need to get out more.

Me too, pnutty. That is get out more. Hey we're having a SNL baseball team starting up. Bilge is the pitcher and uh, Bran Lover is cheering and watering with me, Chief is...uhm uh mascot or outfielder. I'm not sure. Nine Inch is short stop, I think. I'm not sure. Anyways. That's what I'm getting out to do. Ha ha.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Tell me! Tell Me! Tell Me! I need to know the gross thing, Bilgernastier.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I like the peace and quiet. Once I shut the door and turn on the fan nothing else exists except for me, the dog at my feet, and the newspaper.

It feels really good coming out, so I picked the first one. It should be a combination of the first 2 though.

I enjoy the sensation of the poop coming out; I also like looking at it afterward, which isn't on the poll. The relief when I'm done is also good. The smell is not something I enjoy; with my nasal congestion it's rarely a factor.

I also like feeling at one with the rest of humanity. If, on average, people poop once a day and there are 6,000,000,000 of us, then 250,000,000 of us do it during every hour. If it takes us (on average) 3 minutes to do the deed, or 1/20 of an hour, then 12,500,000 folks all over the planet are dropping turds at the same time. That's a lot of company. Don't you wish you owned a good toilet paper manufacturing firm? No recession there.

You're right on about that MSG. One of my accounts has us taking paper plate manufacturers trimmings to a toilet paper plant to be made into bum wipe. Even with the recession, this has not slowed down.

As far as the poll, I would choose all of the above if it was a choice. Pooping is a new adventure every day for me.

It was a tough decision between the sensation and the relief. Whereas I personally find that when the sensation is good it is much better than the relief. However, when the sensation is bad it is really bad. The relief is usually good through and through.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Today, I FEEL NO SIGN OF A POOPS. I can only hpoe for the feeling of poop coming out. I didn't vote again. Should I vote again? Is this a digression, Chief?
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Nine Inch, it's sort of like rectal roulette. About one time out of six you're gonna get hurt.

PD, just don't let me be around when you backfire.

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

prarie doggin said;

One of my accounts has us taking paper plate manufacturers trimmings to a toilet paper plant to be made into bum wipe. Even with the recession, this has not slowed down.

PD....I am cheered to not hear that you are taking toilet paper, especially used, to a paper plate manufacturer.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

SP,
I voluntered as relief pitcher so I could get batters with my slider, but I am happy with short stop. I can try and keep people from getting to turd base.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

What really surprises me Chief is that they make these giant 9 foot wide by 6 foot diameter rolls of tp and ship them to Mexico. I can only conclude there are some scary ass big Mexicans down there. (or Mexicans with scary big asses)

Nine Inch, certain times of the month MMC will be playing third base, which will ensure that there will be no one running past you.

(heading for reinforced bunker)

I had the second KUB today. I will wait for the doctor to call me after he finds out I am not feeling the relief.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

What I like most about pooping is watching SP get up, turn, and look to see what she has accomplished...er...I mean, thats what PD told me HE likes about pooping.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Who's that watching from the window?
Who's that watching from the window?
Who's that watching from the window?
It's just Bilgepeep.

Skip skip skip to the loo.
Skip skip skip to the loo!
Skip skip skip to the loo!!
Skip to the loo Prairie Doggin!

SP had a little turd, little turd, leetle turd!
SP had a little turd.
Which was a great big problem.

OK, I gotta go 'cook dinner.'

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Be sure and wash your hands after that one.

At home, taking a dump means spending some quality time with the Koran, one page at a time.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Had to vote "other" because of the lack of "ALL of the above!"

You have me laughing out loud Bilgenberg and Branfart. I just now have time to look at poopreport as today was not good. Although it could be worse(somebody die),therefore I shouldn't complain. So I shant.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgenpeeper caught me looking at my poop deposit or I should say, the lack thereof.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

The relief, followed closely by the sensation. Relief typically feels like a five-to-ten pound instant weight loss, with an accompanying reduction in waist size of about an inch and a half. The sensation, is in a word, well, wonderful...

I seldom poop anywhere but in my very own porcelain potty but when I must go in a multi-stall facility I dearly love the gagging and retching sounds that come from the adjacent stalls.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I picked the solitude. Nothing like settling down with the morning paper for a little peace and quiet, at least until another family member walks in on you.

I could have certainly picked any or all of the above choices, they all apply! I opted for The Feeling of Being One with Nature: every poop is a reminder that I am alive and everything gastrointestinal is functioning normally (even during the diarrhea atrocity that we all face from time to time). I am never constipated, things move right on through with astonishing clarity. I must have a faster than average transit time because objects eaten the previous evening have been known to appear the next day, especially in the Good Morning Poop (my daily favorite). Have corn for dinner on Monday? Better inspect Tuesday morning's output, for surely there will be corn there!!!
I BELIEVE POOP IS AN IMPORTANT OPPORTUNITY!!!
----Captain Craptastic!!!

I'm pooping today and the relief feels so good. The sensation feels even better. I only voted once.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I think I missed a spot when I wiped earlier as I thought I saw a faint yellowish smudge on my turquoise HanesHerWay just now. I smelled it and I didnt get a stink smell, so mabe it's a stain from another day. I'm glad it is in my cheap undies as I would be pissed if it was in my designer undies. Nothing pisses me off more than ruining expensive underwear.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

LOL @ Captain Craptastic... "the diarrhea atrocity" happens to me nearly every day, and also sounds like a great title for a really shitty movie.
_______
Help for IBS

Oh and I voted for relief, but solitude is a tight second since that's about the only me time I get. Sometimes I'll even keep reading the magazine long after I'm done doing the business, to the point where my butt cheeks and legs go numb.

I must need a vacation... from life.
_______
Help for IBS

Definitely the relief. The feeling of the tension draining from your neck and shoulders, the deflation of a distended abdomen, the breathing easier from the reduced pressure on the lungs. All are the joys of a great dump._______
Look out for Number 1, but don't step in Number2

Dildo Baggins can be a nice guy when he tries. Thanks for trying Dildo Baggins.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I mean PD caught me pooping and told Bilgernathy about it. I don't think Bilgepump did anything gross because if he did,he would be telling. Why aren't youtelling us what the gross thing is, huh? Huh,huh,huh?
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Computer monitors and keyboards are expensive to replace, my dear, so to avoid any litigation from any readers, I'll remain silent on the issue.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Will you tell me on the forums?
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

This morning, as always, I enjoyed the sensation of pooping and the relief of getting it out. I always also look at my product, and this morning it was especially enjoyable because of last night's beets, excellent and fresh. My turds were amazing: a couple were totally my usual light brown and at least one was entirely dark red, but the rest were mixed--brown on one side or end and dark red on the other, or a sort of marbled effect, making a fairly large jumbled pile of oddly mixed red and brown. The water started staining red. I can't remember ever having one that looked so artistic. Naturally, I had to take its picture before sending it out to Mr. Septic Tank in the yard.

Thank you MSG, for the daily news.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

My fecals have been floating for the last 24 hours. Small little elbow macaroni shape in brown soup.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

*note to self* Throw out all boxes of elbow macaroni.

I voted for the relief I feel after, but the sensation of the poop coming out is definitely a close second. I miss it when I do not poop on any given day, (that is rare, because of IBS). Now we are in the process of potty training Baby Shitake, and sometimes she will sit on her potty, while I am on mine. It enables me to teach her to be shameless, and be able to proudly say that "girls do poop" I have to say that pooping is a very important part of my day.

_______
In search of the ever evasive BM

You can keep your macaroni PD. My elbow macories are 1/2 the diameter the the macaroni in your cupboard. No need to worry.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

boil 'em up, they'll plump up nicely, melt a little velveeta on 'em...er..wait...no...don't do that.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

How about a little Olive Oil and Parmesan or Romano cheese sprinkled on top.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I don't think they will plump up any more than they already are. They look Al dente now.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Shitake boy....You mention baby shitake, shouldn't that be "button mushroom"?

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I voted for the stench option, because these days I can produce some serious stench, with amazing hang-time. The fan in the shitter can't cope with it quickly, and it takes quite a while before the room is habitable by humans.
BTW- Ever watched a dog vomit? Their ears go backwards and their eyes roll upwards as they hunch their backs and make a 'Gak!' noise.
_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

That's exactly how I vomit. Usually on all fours too.

when I poop I like to keep it in for like 4 days or so and then have to go to the point where I can't hold it in anymore and then push really hard and not let anything come out and usually by then my poop is huge so it takes me like 5 minutes to get it out and then have tons of relief but i love holding it in.

Dude, go to a movie, or take up chess or something...find some other hobby other than watching the dogs puke....sheesh!!!

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Bilge, from what I understand, dog-puke watching in Australia is much akin to bird watching in England. Aussies can often be seen camping out near dumpsters and behind eateries just to catch a glimpse of a feral dog barfing up a rancid lamb shank at dawn. It is a breath taking sight. Binoculars are a must and often these events turn into full blown tailgate parties near dump sites.

BM, am I close on this?

I vomit on two and hugging the toilet with two.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Hey Chief...no it is baby shitake...has nothing to do with mushrooms...shitake, came from "shit attack", hence is what my IBS provokes, (shit attacks, that is), and my wife started to call me "shitake boy", hence the moniker.

_______
In search of the ever evasive BM

pd,
Pardon me while I wipe the tears of laughter from my eyes. That was one of the best posts I've seen for a long time.
You're pretty close to the mark, but we don't need binos (pronounced by-nose) to watch them from afar. Hell, we like to watch our own domestic pooches hurl their guts in the back yard. Our own Red Cattle Dog ate too many chicken carcasses the other day, and puked a slimy pink-and-white footlong.
His eyes rolled backwards, his ears went back, he hunched his back, and made the obligatory 'Gak!'noise...

_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Since this thread has digressed into a discussion of dogs puking let's go the next step, dogs shitting.
My fiancé and I just moved into her parents house to save money for a six weeks until we move to Seattle. Since we started moving our dog (cocker spaniel) has gone, literally, shit crazy. We still feed and walk her at the same times every day but she has been pooping all over the house. I believe that it is stress related but have no idea what to do about it. This morning she shat in my closet and I discovered it by placing a freshly showered foot directly on the pile. I know I shouldn't yell at her but I don't know what to do. Any advice?

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Keep her outside. Monitor her carefully on rare trips inside. Reteach her in-house manners.

Wear flip flops

Stop feeding her.

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

oh oh oh. Give her doggie downer tablets from the bathroom mirror. I'm sure the parents have some kind of fun medicine in there.
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

The relief is amazing, all that pressure gone. Some times i have to sit there and recooperate afterwards. Legs shaking and all.

Take her to the vet. Animals poop and pee in places where we will see it to tell us that something is wrong with their system.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Relief. I actually hate pooping. Don't like the sensation or the smell. Oddly, though, I find the subject hysterical. Never fails to produce a giggle.

You know, I always wondered if cavemen (not the Geico ones) thought shit and farts were funny. I'm sure, with their diets, there was plenty to laugh about.

Did cavemen poop in the cave or go outside in the Johnny on the Spot?

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Cavemen probably pooped outside on nice days. Inside, at night and on rainy and cold days.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

lazy shits.

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Cuz its cold or rainy? It sounds reasonable to me.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

still.
they were lazy buttholes.
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Then go swimming in the river aferwards sounds nice to me. Or in one of those cave rivers. It would be a cold bath!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

SP, she doesn't poop in the main room or bedroom. She goes into a less used room and poops there. Once, a few months ago, she pooped between the couch and TV. She was sick then and we got her taken care of. She doesn't poop in her kenel either so she's not sick (she did that once a few years ago, what a horrible experience).

We think it is stress related which will solve itself with some training. However, we are moving again in a month (after the wedding) and don't want to deal with it then.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Poor thing. Call the vet, at least, as the vet can order an anitdepressant called elavil for your dog. I was given some for my cat when she was stressing over moving 13 times due to Katrina.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Today, I practiced vomiting on all 4s. After the first 4, I ran out of vomit
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I have the opposite kind of IBS as shitake_boy, so I love not being so bloated I look pregnant or having to lie in bed with terrible stabbing pains and nausea.

Someone asked about cavemen pooping in the cave. Apparently they did, at least at times, because geologists exploring the caves found it (they can identify types of poop, or poop fossils called fecaliths, according to the donor). One intriguing find: In at least one cave they found a layer of ashes from campfires, together with some human turds; underneath that a layer of cave bear droppings; and under that another layer of human leavings, ashes and poop. This showed that humans had occupied that cave both before and after the cave bear. It must have been cozy, with a certain earthy feel and smell (barefoot, most likely). I'm glad I'm alive now rather than then.

I once watched a PBS special about the Anasazi in which fecaliths were discussed. It seems that these dried turds must be rehydrated before some of the tests can be run on them. The only bad thing abou rehydrating a turd is it pretty much restores its original aroma. Ah the sacrifices that dedicated scientists must make to further our knowledge of ancient man. I think the Anasazi ate a lot of beans, phew!

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I'm sure Gak and Tor sat around the cave trying to outstench each other while the wives ran around with clumps of grass held to their noses. The original Dutch oven probably took place under a mastodon hide.

Ha ha haaa!
I can just picture Gronk and Shad (remember that show?) asleep under aforementioned mastodon hide, Gronk wakes up and drops guts.
Noise wakes Shad, and those huge eyes of hers pop open.
Gronk giggles and pulls mastodon hide over Shad's head, laughs out loud and says "In million years, this joke will have name of place not even existing yet!
_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Sure it is relieving but I often think about my poop's final resting place. I envision the warm pile floating away only to find its spot somewhere in nature as a nitrogen rich plant food. Unrelated, I have a ritual of saying, "That just happened" after a heavy drop off. Useless crap, I think not.

I love what the smell of my shit does to other people, especially when it's in a restaurant or other place where food is served.

Shit Lover, do you shit right out in the dining area? Most restaurants do have restrooms, you know.

Dear DTI,

I would greatly love to be promoted? to the position of investigating dried caveman poo. I have no sense of smell, but I should think that the position should pay high dollar anyway. What do you think?

I also heard you have a great baseball team.

Thank you for your consideration.

Bran Lover, Poo-hD.

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

I'll probably get in trouble with the higher ups (PD and Chief), but OK, Bran, you're promoted.

Your first assignment is to go to those caves in France and start looking for Fred and Barney poop.

As far as pay is concerned, find me a Fred Flintstone turd and we'll talk about wages.

Bran, with no sense of smell, you're the logical choice to send to France for anything. You can pass cheese shops and gleefully step over the tourists gasping for air. You can laugh on the hot crowded subway as your nose is pressed mere inches from a straphangers hairy armpit. As far as the promo, I'll double your wages if you can find a caveman turd with some corn in it. Triple if you find Skittles.

Oh Postman, in your haste do you realize you just promoted BL above you?

That's okay. I don't have a passport and I hate airplanes, so I'm happy to stay right here in the good old US of A.

I plan on driving down to the great Southwest and exploring the caves around Clovis, New Mexico. I still say American made turds are the way to go.

I only fly first class. Where's my ticket?

P.S., how do I deal with customs when I am toting a dried up caveman poo back to the US?
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Beings that I'm the silent partner of DTI and head of human resources and public relations, Postman, it is my job to promote, hire, and fire. Bran, you can do the digging and I will do the scientific tests on the scat. So make that two first-class tickets to France< PD.

Ok ladies, I scored 2 first class tickets on Zimbabwe Air. I was unable to get a non-stop, but they promised me that you would be fed well on the two bush stops in......well I can't pronounce the names. You'll be allowed 2 pieces of luggage each, or one piece and a field dressed animal of under 50 pounds.

I'm Ready!!!! You ready, Brannie? Let's go rehydrate a fecolith! I'm so excited, that can't wait. I finally get to meet the Bran Lover! By the way, PD, you didn't tell us out of what airport in the U.S. we are departing from.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

It's a brand new airport in Tennessee!

Chief, did you clear out the last of those swamp maples from behind the trailer park. Don't worry about the stumps. The plane should clear them.

Chief, do you plan to be at the gate to see Bran and I off to search for fecoliths. I'm expecting some spending money for us both. We need to shop for uh... testubes. yeah... testtubes and drinking water.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Shouldn't we also have some bourbon for sterilizing things? Actually vodka is better. I'm taking an orangatan and my one suitcase with fur pelt dress, so I can get in the spirit. (So you know what I am wearing SP, we DO have to dress alike, you know.)

I'm thinking like a cave woman all ready.

Sittingpretty, I will pick you up in my Pinto hatchback. We have to drop off a package to my cousin Juan on the way.

Tennessee, here we come!

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Look out world, here comes Bran Lover and sittingpretty, dressed to caveman nines to go dig up ancestrial poo! Don't forget the the vodka money Chief. We need to sterilize...our uh instruments. Yeah, we do need to sterilize our instruments. Oh and we need a book to keep our "logs" and Poopreports.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I feel like Thelma and Louise!!!
(I get Brad Pitt.)

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

I get Bilgepump!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

How did you come out on the wrong end of THAT deal, SP?

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Well ladies, you are going to get some celebrity company on your expedition. You're going to have to fight over who gets to shack up with Danny Devito, and whom with Gary Busey. Either way, those army surplus oiled canvas pup tents will be nice and cozy. (ask Gary to sing the "there's a skeeter on my peter" song, around the campfire. He's a riot on two legs.

Chief said the Presidents Club lounge will be open at the terminal, and drinks are on the house. How do you take your white lightning? Plastic milk jug, or Fresh Step pail? He also has some crispy snacks. God I wish I was going.

I will take mine in a thermos. I forgot to mention, I need to take my sweet little feline butt wipe, Thelma Louise. You need to cough up the pet fee, PD, for the first class cat carrier on the plane. Who is Gary?
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

And why do we have to go through Africa to get to France? Start selling all those poopy drawers You have received to fund this trip. Have a bake sale. Something to produce moolla, PD. Put postman to work and generate some cash flow for this trip. I don't like bush meat! And there are no toilets on this Zimbabwa airline. What the hell!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

And I'm not sleeping in no greasy tent with Danny or someone I don't even know. I want a bed and breakfast. That is just too much suffering. A pup tent that's greased up with vaseline is not what I had in mind when I agreed to take this trip. I don't know about this set-up. I smell a skunk.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

That's not a skunk. It's just Gary. He's been out boozing all night, but he promises to open the window if he has to hurl.
SP, I'm getting the feeling you aren't ecstatic about this trip. Ok, I'll see if they have a trap...er carrier for Thelma Louise.

wow...Gary Busey AND Danny Devito? Two huge steps up from the ol' Bilgepump. You're a couple of lucky gals, Branny and SP.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Ladies, I have almost raised enough money for your supplies. Give me another day or two to sell the rest of my cauldron of "secret recipe varmint stew". There will probably be some left over that we can put in a thermos for you. Not only is it nourishing but it can also be used as an effective insect repellent or as a glue to patch any wing cracks that may develop in your Zimbabwe airliner.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

WOW!!!
A foodstuff, an adhesive, AND an insect repellent all in one!!!
Chief, you're sitting on a goldmine there, my friend.
All you need is a savvy marketing agent to advertise and distribute your product.
A name for it?
How about "Thunderbutt's Multi-Functional Goop"?
Surely the others can think of something. Any suggestions?
_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Unfortunately BM, no matter how good the product, without Billy Mays to pitch it between the hours of 2 and 4 in the morning, it is destined for obscurity.

I would love to see the faces of airport security when they take the cap off that thermos. SP might have her mugshot on CNN.

SP, how the hell does a thermos know which things to keep hot and which things to keep cold?

Take a stool softener

zzzzzzZZZzzzzz...

What? Huh?

Who opened the THERMOSSSS???

NOOOOOO!!!!!!

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Sittingpretty are you ok? You passed out.

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Huh? Wha...what happened?
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

What is this stinky muck all over me? C H I E F!!!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Sorry there SP, I tried to wipe it off you, but even the Shamwows wouldn't soak it up. You'll just have to go anyway and let it wear off. I got your seat changed from first class to one right next to the bathroom so the passengers carrying rotted bush meat wouldn't be offended. We don't want to start an international incident, and have Bill Clinton have to go out and rescue your stinky ass. Being the compassionate person I am, I ordered extra barf bags to be placed by your seat. Bon Voyage Sis. Call me from France.

Chief, what is that sticky stuff in there anyway? I've got three Shamwows that are glued up into a giant ball. I tried to kick it away, and now its stuck to my foot.

Agh! I cant believw I have to go all wet and sticky. This s**t stinks! I want my vodka NOW!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

No problem there Sis. I already took care of it. I have arranged to have a nice bottle of Lagos Lightning waiting for you. They promised me they would stash it next to the engine exhaust to get it up to the optimun temperature for you. Chief just met your pilot in the airport bar, and he said that stuff is in great demand, and you should be able to trade a few shots for some bush meat or widgety grubs on the flight. He also extended an invitation to you for a tour of his cockpit. (bring the booze)

How did I get myself into this mess! Who signed me up for this adventure? I had better find some really good fecaliths because bush meat and widgity grubs is not on my DIET!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Sucks to be you Sittingpretty. You stink.

Why are these flies buzzing all around me? PD, what have you done?

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

But SP, they are naturally probiotic, certain to help with getting you regular.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

It is me drawing the flies, Brannie. I don't know what the crap was in that thermos that broke all over me. I'm sorry that I got you into this mess,Brannie. How long til the first lay-over, I need some soap and water. I think the guys pranked me with this thermos trick.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

What? Fecaliths probiotic? That's just gross,Bilge. It's a good thing I like scientist work or I would have bailed out of this planewreck along time ago!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Not the fecoliths, honey, the bush meat and widgity grubs.

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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Agh! Bushmeat and widgity grubs! I don't think I can eat that. I can't! I won't! What is a "widgity" grub anyway
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Now do you see why I didn't want to go on this trip?

SP, widgity grubs are large juicy maggots that live in trees in the bush. They are a delicacy, and I'm sure most of the passengers will have snack bags full of them. Just look for the paper bags next to the seat that appear to be moving. Since you are a proper 'Nawlins gal, why not see if the cabin stewards can whip you up a widgity grub po' boy. I'm also sure there's a witch doctor on board who can help you with your odor problem.

SP, in order to promote friendly world relations, maybe you could provide some crawdads for your new friends, teach 'em how to suck on the heads.

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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

i think what I loke most about pooping is the way my anus feels once I have pushed out a poop, it is almost a relaxing feeling, I am so glad I poop almost every day.

No, Bilge. I have OYSTERS RAW! That's what I will show them how to eat. Matter of fact, I had a juicy oyster po-boy for lunch today. Ha!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Brannie, do you care for some raw oysters? They're good and salty. Yummy!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Brannie! Brannie! Aaagghh! Something is crawling on you!!! *screams**chaos**sittingpretty beating on the window** screaming Mama, I want to go home!!***
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Dear President Clinton, it is with deep regret that I must inform you that two of our female reporters have been taken captive in a third world country. One of them apparently needed to be restrained and sedated. Do you think you can borrow that jet again? Yeah, yeah they are hot ladies also. We are quite concerned about them as their work here at DTI is piling up. Do you think you can have them back by 9am on monday? One of them is quite stinky. Do you have a shower on that jet? You da man!!

Sincerely,
PD esq DTI

Mr Doggin,

I`ll rescue them with my jet - but only on the condition that I can "have relations" with both of your interns.

Yours in anticipation,

Bill

PD, is that a trick question. How does a thermos know to hold in chief's stinky icky concoction. It couldn't do it cuz the thermos blew up as I'm covered in what looks like poo!!! What the hell!!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

If I catch that hillbilly Casanova jetting off to rescue any more hot babes, I'm gonna ring his gullet. The last time that truth twisting bastard told me he was just going out for some Chinese.

Hillary

He did go out for Chinese. He just didn't specify that he was going out for Chinese hookers.

Waiting with baited breath for the continueing series of "The Fecolith Chronicles"...

Brannie, you are too quiet. Pass me the vodka, please. When are we going to ever get there, Brannie? PD, sent us the long way to France, you know. I have to pee!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17