I can't leave food on the stove, even if the burners are off. The kids will push a chair up against it and try to see what I'm making. It's too dangerous, so I vote for doing the poo-poo dance until everything's done cooking.

I leave the food on the stove to cook, however, I turn the burner(s) down to 1 before I go do my thang in the bathroom.
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A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

This actually happened to me. I reduced the burner to its lowest setting before running off to poop. When I got back, the food was fine.

Since I was cooking, I washed my hands that time.

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[Insert witty banter here]

poo poo dance? Is that like a rain dance? And if so, do you really want it to work?

Someone needs to discuss this with Rachel Ray on the 'Food Network.' She has about four shows already. Why not--'30-Minute Meals While You Have To Go?'

The poo-poo dance is like the pee-pee dance. It's meant to prevent crapping yourself, just like the pee-pee dance is meant to prevent wetting yourself. :-)

Double Flush, you cook?
You're a vegetarian, right? I fail to believe you would ever eat your furry friends.

This happened to me a few weeks ago, which is why I wondered what other PR's would do.

I had to go with "Take it off the burner", since that's what I did. I danced and danced, but I wasn't going to make it, and I couldn't tell if it was going to be a quick poop or not.

I was making grilled cheese for the kids, and there's a fine line between GBD and burnt.

Is there a video archive anywhere of people doing the poo poo dance. That would be pretty cool. PR should take submissions. "Send up your best poo poo dance!" Of course starting a video archive on a site dedicated to pooping might open a can of brown worms that Dave wouldn't want to deal with. Nobody wants to see a red faced dumpy guy birthing a pooaconda. Or maybe you do?

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Recycle! Reduce! Reuse!
You can close the loop!
You can eat your poop!

Fart Poopie writes:
Double Flush, you cook?
You're a vegetarian, right? I fail to believe you would ever eat your furry friends.
Yeah, I cook. I'm not vegetarian but I like to avoid meat (that isn't chicken or seafood) as much as I can. I don't yet have the willpower to go all the way.

So I want to eat feathery or wet and scaly ones, not furry ones. You're almost right.

Some things just can't be left for more than a short moment. I suppose in that case, taking it off the burner or doing the poop dance would come in handy. You could always clench hard and hope for the best too.

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[Insert witty banter here]

AAP: great comment.

I turn it down to it's lowest setting if its on the burner. If it is in the oven, well, I it can wait. Unless it's a marathon shit.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

I think there are many factors involved. Someone mentioned children in the house, which would be a major factor in stovetop cooking versus the call of nature. If the food can scorch or easily burn (for example, milk is in the recipe) you may be S.O.L. I vote turn down heat or put ona vacant burner, release/rotate/splash then return to kitchen.

It really depends on what you're cooking. If it's a grilled cheese, like with GGG, I'd take it off because it would burn. If it was like, say, pudding where you have to constantly stir it, I'd get my husband to do it. If he wasn't there, I'd have to resort to the poo-poo dance and wait till I could turn the heat off. Most other things though, you could leave them a couple of minutes and they would be fine. Then again, I am a really fast pooper and I usually finish in about a minute or two...no 20 minute craps for me. So I guess I really don't worry about being gone for extensive amounts of time to go poo.

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An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Wow, that's some fast pooping. I imagine your turds going through your digestive track like Olympic luge racers.

I voted for getting someone else to deal with the cooking. I never know how long I'm going to be (anywhere from 5 to 45 min) so turning the burners down or off isn't an option. If it's in the oven (depending what it is)then I'll turn it down.

Gravy. Gravy is a problem.

Yes GGG, butt gravy is the problem here.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Har! I love a double entendre.

someone else can deal with it i hate cooking anyway

I just pull out my the old 10 quart pot, fill it half-way with water and shit in that. And since no poo is complete with a piss, I add that in there is well.

And before anybody asks the obvious question, of course, I wash it. Isn't that why gawd gave us dishwashers>? Duh.
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Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

I just run to the bathroom and take that dump. Whatever happens to the food happens most of the time though I am back before anything burns.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Can you imagine the farts rachel ray lets out? I mean, she is a cow for Christ's sake. That women can clog any toilet.

When I gotta go, I go. I leave the food on low and go into the bathroom, take my time and do my business!