Of course it's the last part I wash. I would hate to wash my face after having a wash cloth on my asshole.

I do what most men do but won't admit. I soap up the wife's loofa and go to town back there.

I reach past Saturn.

Urectum?

I have a special washcloth for this purpose. It ONLY goes where NOONE else will go or has gone before. I never want someone to say that I smell like unwashed ass so I make damn sure its squeaky clean. #550
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Nothing like a few short hairs on a washcloth to keep others away.

PD, you never cease to crack me up!

Anyway, weighing in on this subject, I haven't really thought about this until it was brought up here. I guess it gets washed when I soap my buttcheeks. Otherwise I don't really do anything special. Wiping takes care of it. Either way, Gilbert never complains.

_______
Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.

I voted other...don't ask me to explain, just thinking about the process makes me bleed.

i pretty much just swipe my soapy index finger through my butt crack. kinda like a credit card.
_______
i love poop.

Strange, but I find that incredibly arousing, Ms Pance. Sorry....been a tough couple years.

How come it's been 2 years without a swipe, Bilge? They finally took away your credit cards?

well, credit cards are very sexy.
_______
i love poop.

I tried a credit card on a strippers ass crack one time when I was a bit short on cash.

"credit cards are very sexy."

The stereotype has always been, wp, that women loved men FOR their money. Has it gotten now to the point where women want to skip the man altogether and just have sex WITH their money?

Think abut how you scrape the sides of an empty pudding cup with your finger, except this time the pudding cup is your asshole, and the pudding is crap.

Mmmmm....Chocolate or butterscotch?

logjam, i'm not the right girl to ask! i don't find credit cards sexy. i was just trying to make Bidge feel better.

_______
i love poop.

Gees, forgive me for being such an idiot, wonderpance. That's so obvious now that you point it out. (And I'm sure Bidge is feeling much better, by the way. Specially now.)

Not that I'm a fecalphobe or anything but I wash my anus a bit different from a few listed here. What I've found works best for me is I have this old Koho hockey stick, really worn, thin blade (some call these a toothpick), anyways, on one side of the blade I've got a heavy sponge glued to it on the other I've got a washcloth. towards the top of the shaft on the stick I've attached a squeeze bottle of shower gel (Paul Sebastian chill brand) and I have affixed a "y" junction tube to take the shower gel from the squeeze bottle down to the exit points I've craftily formed by the sponge and washcloth.

I hold the stick aloft like one might if you were going to take it to clobber someone but I move the blade gently and caressingly over my defiled dumper to make it beautifully cleansed and smelling oh so fresh. This hole process also ensures that at no time do my hands get remotely near my stinky winker but it also firms up my wrists for pickup hockey on the weekends.

"I hold the stick aloft like one might if you were going to take it to clobber someone..."

Bunga -- Sounds like High-Sticking to me, earning you time in your penalty box.

It probably works well on dislodging those nasty little pucks clinging to the edges.

Bilgepump: I voted other...don't ask me to explain, just thinking about the process makes me bleed.

Does 'Poopsie the wipe-cat' need to have his claws clipped again??

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

_______
Chocolate Rain!!!!
I saop up the hand real good, and wash the crack, and then the starfish.
I had a friend ask me once if I washed the inside of me anus, meaning take a soapy finger and give a little ream, not the whole finger, just the flange, and I had never heard of such a thing. Nope.
But I don't forget the taint.

In the shower I take a wet towel, stick it between my legs, grab each end and run it back and fouth like a flossing action. Then I ring it out in the tub. Its quite a chore.

After a b.m., I wipe quite thoroughly, including a dab of Noxzema or the like on the last set of toilet paper to get everything off that I possibly can. I prefer those days when my bowels move first, and the shower is afterward. When showering, I start with my hair, using shampoo; when the shampoo is well lathered, I take a handful, slather it all the way up and down my crack, and leave it. A minute or so further into the shower, I turn around, part cheeks, and let the water stream slosh down the crack and take out the shampoo, which is slightly acid and should have pre-cleaned my anus. Then, when all else is washed, I take the soapy washcloth and perform Choice 1. Sometimes I do slip a soapy finger partway up the anal canal; it feels good. Then, unless I have another movement afterward during the day, I feel clean the whole day.

Pnutty, "washed the inside of me anus". Are you from Dublin?

Use your right hand to dribble soap in crack.
Use left hand to vigourously lubricate.
Allow a little water to lather.

Use your fingers to clean the immediate entrance/exit.

Then when you feel it clean ... Wash your hands with dettol / savlon / etc ...

DO NOT SHAVE NEAR OR AROUND the Anal/Butt crack region....
The Anal hairs allow for a constant buildup of gases to escape gradually.
Cuts near the region can haemorrage so dont risk it.

One last piece of crap .... Do it regularly.

Analysed and Published

PD,nope, My typing and proofreading sucks.
But it does read kinda cool.

Well I tend to keep it as clean as possible, but when I shower, I usually wash everything else first, then wash it bare-handed, it's nice and clean and I don't have to worry about using my loofah on my face after it's been there (I use body wash instead of soap, and the loofah works better with body wash than a washcloth).

Pumice stone on a stick, baby...the only way to go.

Um, that's my apricot facial scrub bar, Bilge.
_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

OOOPSSS!!!

can I get my pencil out of there?

First thing that gets attention in the shower is my dick. The last thing is my asshole. If I let it have its way, my dick would be the only thing lathered up and "scrubbed" during a shower, (and that has happened a time or two.) But my poor asshole makes no demands and waits patiently for whatever it can get -- whatever's left, basically. It takes all the shit I can give it and just keeps asking for more. What a friend.

And like a true friend, he is always there when you need him.

Yeah, just like you, Bidge, and Bunga. Life just wouldn't be as sweet without assholes.

I'm all teary, thanks Logjam, I think I'll go and spend the rest of my evening watching the past weeks "THE VIEW" that I recorded on my DVR or maybe I'll just browse Oprah's bookclub picks.

I have this sudden urge to just run up to Starr Jones and give her a big hug.

Bilge, I'll go with you. If we hold hands we might make it all the way around.

Nah, PD...its gonna take all 5 of us, Dodger, LJ, Bunga, you and I...but what a bonding opportunity!!! I'm getting a little stiffy just thinking about it.

Who is going to take the rear position?

I will, I'll take one for the team...you guys have done so much more than I have, the least I can do.

Very brave of you. Any idea what she had for breakfast?

__Get the temp. right, bend over, pulling apart the butt cheeks, and let the shower do the rest (and it tickles!)

_____
i just cant work this one out????

I go back to the outdoor toilet and you haven't lived until you go out to the toilet when the temp is =25 degrees. In high school
we used to sing: Sitting here broken harted,
Came to shit and only farted!

The Baron wrote:
...and let the shower do the rest (and it tickles!)

This reminded me of years ago when I'd routinely take baths. When I was finished, I'd pull the plug and then remain in position while the water level slowly inched down. OOoooo. It produced some exquisite sensations, especially when it got to brown-eye level. Thanks for jogging the memory, Baron.

LJ, did you ever try pulling the plug with the brown eye directly on top of the drain?
Double OOooooo.

Ever since losing my baking-soda sub to a powerful drain vortex, I've never again let anything of value drift too close.

I've voted "other". I use the hand-held shower sprayer and point the jet stream right at my bungport. Spray it out good. It also feels good on my poor tortured ring. The past year has not been kind to it.

LJ- I remember that same sensation in the bathtub while the water level went down. Yikes! Brief, but powerful.

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

I go counterclockwise: Left arm pit, crotch, balls and ass, right arm pit. Germ phobe that I am, never do worry about where that bar of soap has been the next time that I use it. Neither does my wife. Why is that?

When I use the soap directly back there, it usually winds up with several hairs stuck to it. Well, that soap might as well be a bar of Kryptonite in Superman's shower. No one goes near it.

By the way GG, why do you hate your right arm pit?

_hmmm yes... the hairs are a problem, a big one for me, I like to bite yesterdays hairs off the soap, as a prelim. to showering.______
i just cant work this one out????

It is sort of like a lion marking his territory. Nothing says "that's my soap" any better than it looking like a black brillo pad.

I voted "other", and here's my technique. I wash what's left of my hair first, then use the excess shampoo and lather to pre-wash the bung zone by hand (no washcloth). The region is usually in pretty good shape to begin with anyway, hygiene-wise, but the pre-wash clears the way for moving in later with the wash cloth for the final cleaning. Also, I use the body wash in a bottle so there's never a hideous, hairy bar of soap laying around.

Yeah, pd; those bars of soap get to be pretty vile. I use the body wash in a bottle so there's never a hideous, hairy bar of soap laying around. I voted "other", and here's my technique. I wash what's left of my hair first, then use the excess shampoo and lather to pre-wash the bung zone by hand (no washcloth). The region is usually in pretty good shape to begin with anyway, hygiene-wise, but the pre-wash clears the way for moving in later with the wash cloth for the final cleaning.

Thanks to my Ivory Chia Pets, everyone else in the house uses body wash.

Prarie. Ivory Chia Pets!! With the writer's strike finally over, I would have thought you'd be saving these jewels for David or Jay, or for whatever show it is you work with.

F**k those guys, I'm sticking with PR.

I voted "other." I always use my left hand, and simulataneously spread my cheeks and wash my anus with my soapy fingers. For some reason, it often tends to start itch about that time, so I use my middle finger to rub it "round and round" which is the only way I can find to scratch the itch.

I still wouldn't get in front of that behind.

Oh, and that's a Delta 747 she is in front of in the second picture. That's why she looks smaller. Shit, maybe it's Delta Burke.

Who is Star Jones? (And who gives a shit?)

she was one of the original chicks on The View. now she's mostly famous for losing a lot of weight and being fired from The View.

i think she looked better fat.
_______
i love poop.

_______
Jimbo I see. She's a black female clone of the "Sub" pusher (I can't remember his name - I'm suffering from CRS - Can't Remember Shit)that lost 180 (or thereabouts) pounds eating nothing but sub sandwiches. I've always wondered why he is considered so great for losing 180 pounds and not for being as dumb as a rock for gaining it in the first place.

that's Jared. the difference here, though, is that Star Jones lost the weight through gastric bypass, which she wouldn't admit to for a long time.
_______
i love poop.

_______
Jimbo BTW what or who is "The View" (and, at the risk of repeating myself, who gives a shit)?

To get back on track, I voted for-it's the last part of me I wash.
As for Star Jones, Why is she just wearing slips in both pictures? Her name is just as dumb as Juice Newton.

Those aren't slips Frank. They're recycled tank parachutes. The military stopped using them years ago.

seedlover, are you not from America? or do you just not own a TV? The View is a show with like four ladies, one of which is Barbara Walters, who talk about their "views" of the world. Star Jones' replacement was Rosie O'Donnell, who has since been replaced by Whoopie Goldberg.

if you don't know who any of those ladies are, we're through.

oh, and nobody "gives a shit." if you read earlier in this thread, people were referring to Star Jones as though she was still a large and lovely, and i had to correct them. 'tis my nature.

_______
i love poop.

by the way, i don't know any of this because i watch the show--i don't. my mind is just a vacuum of useless pop culture trivia.
_______
i love poop.

Uh, Wonder is your mind a vacuum or a sweeper?

i don't know. do i?
_______
i love poop.

_______
JimboOh, I think I've got it. "The View" is one of those daytime options to "Soaps", like the Harpo, oops, I mean Oprah show. I apologize, but I don't turn my TV on between the morning news/weather/stockmarket opening and the evening news/stockmarket close unless it's the weekend and there's a football game or a NASCAR race involved. Just your old, ignorant, redneck, male, chauvenist. I did hear however that Hillary Clinton went on the "Somebody(?)" show to bemoan her feelings when hubby "Slick Willy" had a cigar smoking session with Monica. Maybe she can get together with Monica and they can stage a catfight on the Jerry Springer (if he's still around) or one of the other Jerry Springer clones. So much for my opinion of daytime TV (and politics).

Ah r a iggorint rednek tu, an ah thank thet sedluvr dud iz hilarus. he shud b prezdent. ezkuz me ah godda du ma sistah agin we be nedin da welfar mone.

_______
Jimbo Let me apologize again. I just realized that my last post had nothing to do with the original line of thought, i.e., washing your butt. Then again, in the Clinton metaphor, it may be considered covering your butt.

Seedlover. The great thing about Google is that you can go quickly find out about things -- like daytime TV shows or NASCAR -- without having to actually watch them. Of course, if you do that you can't then offer up your ignorance as proof of your impeccable good taste. But it does make you come across as better informed.

Bidge, wen ur dun wit ur sista, send hur over heer to mah traler. Mah sista done got hur peereeud.

_______
Jimbo Sorry I don't see Logjam's point. If I don't care about some things Logjam suggests I go to Google to find out more about the things I care nothing about. Seems like a waste of time to me. If I don't care why bother Googling the subject?

If you don't know or care about The View or Starr Jones, that's fine. But then why the fuck ask, "Who's Starr Jones?"
And do you notice that everyone but you can figure out how to enter text ABOVE the line. I know you may not care, but it's driving me nuts.

Wonderpance (403) -- 02.18.2008
by the way, i don't know any of this because i watch the show--i don't. my mind is just a vacuum of useless pop culture trivia.

We should team up. As another repository of useless trivia, between the two of us we would kick so much ass at Trivial Pursuit we'd be unstoppable!

Jimbo Already said I wasn't a know it all so maybe logjam would tell me how to enter text ABOVE the line. Also how to find out about anything you don't know without asking. Nothing personal intended to logjam.

OK Logjam I think I figured out the ABOVE the line thing that is such a pain in your ass. I've also read some of your other posts and can see your anal retentive tentacies are abundently clear. Go on and run up your point total but to what purpose? It doesn't change the fact that you are acting like a posterior oriface. _______
Jimbo

seedlover (or is it Jimbo?) asks:
Go on and run up your point total but to what purpose?

Basically I do it to try to scare the shit out of newbies like you. Clearly, it isn't working. At all. And that makes me like you, sort of.

Now, let's clear up your name. At first I thought you were responding to Jimbo. Now it appears you are Jimbo. I suggest you either go with seedlover or Jimbo, but not both. But I should tell you that as names, they both stink. I suggest "PainInLogjam's Ass."

_OK Logjam, the site has me a little confused, I started as seedlover on another line of thought and somehow the Jimbo (after I registered) got into it. Anyway the site name wound up as seedlover but signed off as Jimbo (I'll try to work that out). Sound confusing? It does to me. Anyway I think I got the ABOVE the line figured out. As far as your suggestion for a new name all I can say is bear with me and I'll let you know what I come up with (although I use Jimbo alot, I can see it's not the most original handle out there).______
Jimbo

I think there was a problem with the Jimbo already being taken. I am now Jimbocc. Hope that clears up the problem._______
Jimbocc

LJ, remember that little cutie you were banging when you were stationed in Europe? Heeeees here Daddy.

Who's running up a post count now? Can you please tell us when you take your next breath, and blink, and stuff? We are all on the edge of our seats, Jimboccseedloverredneckwhateverthefuck.

Jimbocc. I like it! Lot's of progress today, wouldn't you say?

Now one last thing. You aren't yet ABOVE the line, but BESIDE it. That's why everything you write has a tail at the end. There should be a text box above the one you're writing in which is where you enter your words of wisdom. The box with the line in it is for tag lines, which I personally hate but some users seem to get a kick out of. Wonderpance, for example, with every post reminds us: "i love poop." You might want to remind us that: "I could give a shit about The View."

That's all for today. See ya tomorrow, son.

Son???? He's your progeny, LJ? Damn, I'm sorry I was so hard on the guy. I understand now.

Well, that's what prarie claims, and prarie seems to have a handle on everything. (Plus the name "seedlover" was clearly meant as a message to me). But don't go easy on him just because he's mine Bilge. He's got to learn to survive in the real world standing on his own two feet.

Roger that, Chief, I'm on it. Oh damn, that would be one more post on my count, wouldn't it? Damn....I so do not want to be like those post counter freaks, the very people I rail against. I shall stop posting forthwith.

Hey guys, maybe we can e-mail each other before posting, and combine all of our posts into one on a rotating basis. Cut 'em down by 66% or so.

Thats not a bad idea, PD, between the 3 of us, we have a combined total of about 600 comments for the month...I feel like a bandwidth hog.

Lets go green.

What an idea! Everyone should ask, what's your posting footprint?

We're offering for those wishing to reduce their carbon footprint a way to PURCHASE credits towards additional PR bandwidth at no cost to the environment. Simply click HERE.

Maybe we could expand it to tp credits. That way those of us who need a lot of tp to get the job done, can buy the credits from the likes of Sheryl Crow, and not have to lay awake at night worrying about how we are destroying the planet.

Great link, Bunga! I was just thinking the same thing! Well, I'd already forgotten what the topic was while reading this runaway thread. I'm not bitching, I'm actually kinda amused by it.

Go ahead, fellas. Continue your conversation about..... what? I forgot. Damn.

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

There must be 50 messages about other things and nothing about the poll question. Let's get back to it.

Why?

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

If we went back to the original topic, the comment mods would have to lame many, many posts for being off topic, and I know that they are, in fact lazy, and promote this kind of derailment, for there own selfish ends.

And that really pisses me of, Bilge. Rarely are people on topic anymore. Again, I think it's the influence of wonderpance. She's interesting, don't get me wrong. But she knows too much for her own good.

Can't put all the blame on Wedgie...the people are sheep, and follow the herder.....yeah, ok, I'm guilty too.

Yes yes, I agree. I'm with you on that. What ever you say.

it's true, Logjam.

Dodger, i hope you're strong in the Sports and World Events/History kinds of categories. i'm fairly good at educated guessing, but Trivial Pursuit questions can be really tough! even in the easy ones like 90s edition.

i'm not sure it would be fair for us to be on the same team, though. most of my friends don't like playing Trivial Pursuit with me as it is!

Jimbo, when you go to post a comment, there's some text in the box already, yes? you want to start typing before ALL of that text.

oh, and i have one small correction to my original post on this thread: turns out, it's my middle finger, not my index finger.

_______
i love poop.

But everyone knows that feeble souls like us have no discipline. Just look at all the silly posts we've put up over the last couple days. We need leaders who can step up and show us the way by example. We need deciders.

There she goes! Basically flashing herself. Who can concentrate?

i was merely trying to bring us back on topic as someone (ridiculously, i agree) requested.
_______
i love poop.

Dearie. The topic was not "Which finger does wonderpance use to swipe through her sudsy crack in the shower?" (Though I'd be all for making that the topic.)

I'm proud of you, LJ, you weren't swayed, you broke away from the herd with that last statement...I'll follow you anywh...uh...wait, no, that just doesn't sound right.

I should confess that I'm as guilty as wonderpance of trying to derail the topic. I tried a couple times to interest people in what I did in the shower, but no one bit.

Hey, why dont we sacrifice just this one thread and let it take on a life of it's own. With Dave's permission of course.

Because without rules, prarie, it would devolve into chaos. People would be saying just anything that came into their minds. Like, "Hey, did you see what was on The View today?" Or "I like to wipe my ass with cats." It would just get totally out of hand.

i really think we've already passed the point of no return.

we've discussed this before (thread derailment), and i think the general consensus is, who cares? we're having fun, and nobody's flaming or anything. if people still want to comment on the original subject, no one's stopping them. but we will probably ignore them and continue with our derailment. such is life.
_______
i love poop.

"Nobody's flaming"?? Is that a slight on my pink tutu??

I don't know prarie but have you also been posting as Sassy Sissy on the Tampons in the Ass thread, if so the answer is YES.

Ok, fine, PD, your flaming...better? Jeezuz, some of these relative newcomers act awfully childish...I'm going over there in the corner and out and suck my thumb...at least I think its my thumb.

I am going into the corner also. Bilge is in one, so that means there's one or two left.

Where the fuck is seedlover/Jimbo/Jimbocc? I'm desperate for an intelligent conversation.

Wonderpance(410) -- 02.19.2008
i really think we've already passed the point of no return.

This reminds me, Kansas is another band that is like Boston, same song recycled over and over and over, except they use synths.

hmmm...i don't know why you and Bidge gotta be goadin' me.

_______
i love poop.

Yeah, leave her alone, you two.

Wedgie wrote:"hmmm...i don't know why you and Bidge gotta be goadin' me."

To answer, honey, you are so damn sexy when your confused/mildly irritated. Actually, I love the sound of Tom Scholz guitar work, and envy his electronic genius.

Bidge, I read your last post quickly, assuming of course that it was a reply to me. God, I've been working all week for a compliment like that, and just when I thought the moment had arrived -- wooosh. I'm confused, I'm irritated, in a tizzy, really. Guess I've gotta find a different shtick.

Wedgie maybe damn sexy, in that state, but you, sir, are entirely irresistible!!! That tizzy you do is unparalleled.

Sorry, Bidge, but this one doesn't count. I had to beg for it.

well, my furrowed brow has been known to incite a boner or two.

but Logjam's tizzy is almost enough to make me pop a boner of my own!

and i'm glad we're in agreement, Bidge. i don't wanna make it sound like Boston is my favorite band, though. i really only like their first album (which is one of the best rock albums ever!), but Foreplay/Long Time is one of my favorite songs.
_______
i love poop.

Logjam in a tizzy; wonderpance with a boner. Prarie in a pink tutu. Bilge following orders. When you got up this morning, could you have imagined this? It's like Horton Takes a Poo.

The master of improbabilities at work.

I've got a wedgie.

I've been following this derailed thread every day and I just keep laughing my ass off~

By the way - Boston and Kansas have been among my favorite bands for most of my life! Ms pance - rock on, girl!
*head banging and doing the devil horns*

I love the classics, as you can see from my borrowed signature from Rick Derringer:

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Alright. Enough derailing. We've forgotten that MSG, the topic generator, is a teacher in real life. We're probably driving the poor guy crazy not keeping on lesson. Uh oh, here he comes...... wassthat? You want Logjam and Bidge to go outside and clap the erasers? Bunga and Prarie to wash the blackboard? Pance to empty the pencil sharpener?

Alrighty then.

Get to work youz guyz, and stop bonding. Right this now.

This is a serious discussion about how you wash your asses, not an excuse to pass notes and - HEY - flip paper airplanes at the moderator. That almost hit me in the eye, you little bastards.

Fuck it. Bond. See if I care.

I'm going to the principal's office.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

OK, coast is clear!!!!!!!!! Rick Derringer is pretty good, he toured with Johnny and Edgar Winter last year, I think they had clean asses, they sure played clean, mind you Johnny's gettin pretty decrepit looking and sits on a chair for most of the show. I wonder, is an albino's shit the same colour as a regularly pigmented person or is it white like those weird poodles?

"...............I better not hear any derailing or I'm coming right back in there..........."
_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I think she's hanging outside the door. Shitwit, why don't you reverse her drawers, I'll cover for ya!! Bidge, do you have the tacks for her chair, and where the hell is Dodger, is he still letting the air out of her tires?

..... picks up cell phone.... dials.... BEEP BOOP BEEBOOP BLEEP...

"Hello? Principal Dave? Yes, they're derailing again."

"Uh, no. I have absolutely no control over what they're doing......What? Hmm. No. I think they're probably putting tacks on my chair again."

"Yeah, they ARE getting worse. Last week, that Bunga Din took all the ink tubes in my red pens and switched them with the ink tubes in my blue pens.............Yes.........I KNOW I'm OCD about my pens - you don't need to tell me that I'm OCD about my own pens - and he knows it too, that's why he did it."

"I'm not sure. The last time I peaked my head in the door, I almost got a paper airplane in the face."

"Well, Dave, that's your problem, too. We're unionized, you know. That includes health care, and you voted visual in last quarter.........."

"Fuck that. You call the parents."

"Ok."

"OK!"

"Whatever. Is that bottle of bourbon still in the bottom left-hand drawer of your filing cabinet? Good. Ok. See you then....."

click

Kids.
_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I will not derail
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Mrs. Gilden
2nd period English

Mr. Jam, I would like to speak to you about your sentence structure and punctuation. Please see me after class.

I will derail not.
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Oops.

I will derail not.
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I will derail not.

LJ, about those thumbtacks currently embedded in my bum.