When you enter a public restroom to take a dump and it is crowded, your real thought is

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68 Comments on "When you enter a public restroom to take a dump and it is crowded, your real thought is"

GottaGoGirl's picture
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I don't use urinals, but I might hide out in a stall for a few minutes before pooping, hoping some of the people would get lost.
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Hey! Don't touch my wenis!

ShitSpewingAss's picture
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I can't believe that people don't do what I do (stand at the urinal). Holy hell, that's serious shit. (pun fully intended)

Chuck's picture
l 100+ points
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I had this situation happen to me this weekend in New Orleans. While finishing my jog near the hotel, the urge hit me. I thought the lobby bathroom would provide quick and anonymous relief. All three stalls were occupied and this turd was bubbling. I hopped the elevator to the tenth floor, ran into my room and released the previous day's offerings. My vote was for "out of here". You can't rely on someone in the stall rushing himself.

Stripper Poop's picture
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I dunno, I don't usually poop in public bathrooms unless it's at work, but work is like my second home and all the girls have seen each others twats a million times so seeing each other poop just isn't that gross anymore. But even in a total emergency status in other public situations, I'll hold my shit if I have to, to avoid letting other people hear/smell my stinks in live auido. I'm more of the kind that will walk into a bathroom with three ladies in there already, walk out and wait for all three of them to exit. Then I start my poop. If others come in mid-poop it doesn't bother me for some reason. But you can't start a fresh poop with people around.
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Strippers Poop Too!

Strippers Poop Too!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I have trouble going when there is a crowd, stalls or no stalls. Holding it could delay the process for a couple of days. So when I need to go, it is important to go, and go now. If I get plugged up, then I plug up the toilets. A plunger or better yet a Toiletta will be needed when I plug up a toilet with a three day wait. When you see me come in, get out of my way, open the stall and clear the room.

Anal About Poop's picture
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Women's restrooms are never not crowded (I know that's a double negative). Besides if you have to take a loud and stinky dumb no one will know where it came from since all the stalls are occupied.

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I didn't really find something resembling my reaction on this list. I'm neither ashamed nor delighted to enter a crowded bathroom. But I'd err on the side of 'no big deal,' rather than anything else.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
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I think to myself everyone put on your special radioactive glasses do NOT look directly at the brilliant flash or try not to listen to my 15 to 20 megaton explosion. It could damage your hearing among other things. I wonder sometimes if my stench has ever rendered someone impotent or worse yet STERILE. I hope not but hey if I ever did well what else could I have done????
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

Pooper Dueper's picture
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This is one sick site; I will definitely be back!

Fart Poopie's picture
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I went with "grin and bare it." It's not particularly fun to poop in a crowded bathroom, but you doo what you have to doo.

Pantload's picture
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It really depends on how bad the need to evacuate my bunghole is. I voted grin and bare it because if I'm crapping in a public can I am probably choosing between the toilet or a pantload. Which is more devestating? That's what I thought.


What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

Anal Retentive One's picture
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Gotta wait until someone flushes the potty and turns on the dryer...

shitwit's picture
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I had to go with grin and bare it too. Everybody poops! C'mon!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

pooping machine's picture
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um i will poop wherever, whenever. if i have to go i have to go. there's no way im holding that shit inside my body.

Jeri's picture
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I look at my options. Has the first stall been overlooked? Is the far end one open? I've even (I hate to admit it but when you gotta go, you gotta go!)taken a doorless or broken latched stall that others are not using. Sometimes mothers with young daughters or others will be talking and I will take advantage of their diversion and move on in. Several days ago at an airport I took a stall that others were avoiding due to no toilet paper, pooped and then asked the occupant in an adjacent stall to pass me some under the partition. WORKS EVERY TIME and it saves time. It may not be the most sanitary approach but it keeps my bowels moving which is especially important since I'm way from home so much. Besides, that's what showering and bathing is for. Time is wasted waiting and prepping that could better be used for pooping!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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This is hilarious!! When I first got married last year I would go to my mother's house to let the beast out. One night my brother-in-law was in the bathroom forever and we had a house full of company, but I was a trooper. I held it. He was in there for so long that I began to sweat bullets, and then I got the chills. I whispered to my mother that I had left something at her house earlier that day, and had to go get it. Iwent to my car, but couldn't sit down completely. Shit! How was I going to drive? I rushed back in to ask my mother for a ride. I'm not a very religious person but I called the name of God in every language that I have ever heard: Lord Jesus, Oh God, Oh Allah, Jehova, Yawhey, and Jehova jira...(just to name a few)
Needless to say that I peeled the paint and raised the tiles with that weapon of mass destruction. From that day on I have "dropped the kids off at the pool" wherever I may be.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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i like to poop

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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That's nice.

I voted for grin and bear it because when one must go, one must go! I do, though, employ the courtesy flush if the daily download may be loud. I'm kind of shamelfully shameless.
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

loaf pincher's picture
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fake the pee i hate shitting in large crappers with an unknown crowd not that i am shameless it's the fact you never know what is in store for you with that many people my luck the guy in the stall next to me would have an accident and end up drydocking a chocolate banana on my boots

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I'm with TBW. I really couldn't find my option on here so I voted for the last one, which came the closest. I don't care if the bathroom is full or empty. The bathroom is there for shitting and pissing. Why should I get all weird and nervous about it? I didn't sign the Shameless Shitting Manifesto to act like this! Come on, people!

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Behold! My new farting super power! BRAPP!!!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

poopin 24 7's picture
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in elementary school there were these girls who would sit outside of the stalls to find out who was going #2 and then they would harass you about it all day long. it was horrid for a little first grader. now i usually wait for people to clear out before i dump the motherlode

turdfan's picture
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Yea, I'd say "the more the merrier." However, I may feel a little remorse if it was nice and quiet and odorless when I came in, and then I cut a real loud fart and stunk up the place.

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I would rather have a crowd, than just one other guy. Most likely, some one else will make more of a ruckus than I will.
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SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Darla's picture
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Jeri's idea works. I used it last week at a Royals game. More than 20 stalls in a crowded restroom, but one was not being used for two reasons. First, it was only half-high off the ground and probably intended for a child. (At 31, I'm still a child at heart!) Secondly, there was no toilet paper. I sat down, took a moderately complete crap, and then tapped on the stall partition to my left and asked her to hand me some toilet paper. It was all I needed and I probably saved 10 minutes of waiting for one of the other stalls to open. The only drawback is that at 6'l", only the very back part of my thighs touched the seat and by spreading my legs as wide as the stall's limitations would allow, I was only marginally comfortable. However, my bowels come first and the comforts of the accommodations are a distant second.

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points
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Peel the paint and make 'em faint.
It's not like someone's going to point at you and say "Oh My God! Is he actually taking a crap?"
As long as I don't have some kid looking under the dividers at me (happened at work), or some idiot trying to rip the door open, I'm O.K.


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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Hamster's picture
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I go with TBW - 'no big deal'. But I don't like actually having to wait for a stall - I have done, but I sometimes use the urinal til someone comes out, or I just get fed up and decide to wait, rather han stand around.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I voted "the more the merrier" because I enjoy being where others besides myself are in the act of pooping. I do not mind others hearing me plop and fart, and I like hearing them do it. If the room is not so crowded that I'm keeping someone else from pooping, I might even stay an extra minute just to hear the sounds. A couple of times I raised my butt off the seat a few inches so that the sound of my turds hitting the water would have greater projection--it works!

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
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As I have said many times before the more the merrier. I have ripped ass in the mens room at a broadway show and literally stopped conversation of course I was polite and said ahhhhhemmmmmm just clearing my throat! The same goes for dumps the bigger and more crowded the bathroom the more I enjoy the captive audience!
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

SmellyBunghole's picture
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I think women's bathroom's are worse than men's when it comes to crowds. Women really don't want other women to know their dropping a load. I've been in busie bathrooms (casinos, bars) and you KNOW the girl next to you is trying to make a fudge patty...she'll fuss and move around and not make any noises or poop until #1: the place clears out, or #2: someone flushes. I know that's when I let my p-bomb drop. Some how there's a sterio-type for a woman to shit. My husband thinks this is rediculas, he says that men just go in and take a shit and leave (hopefully washing thier hands first). He said the whole place sounds like a symphony - with every one farting and grunting, etc. I wish it was sort-of like that in the ladies room. No shame, No blame! One time when we were coming home from eating at Red Lobster for Lunch- that to me is an instant colonic - I had to go really bad, so my old man pulls into a McDonalds (no way was I making it home). I ran into the bathroom, not a sole in sight, but while I was going - and Believe me I couldn't stand it myself - I heard the bathroom fill up. One voice (young girl) said "Oh MY GOD, It smell's like Dad in here" and another said "shut-up, some people can't help it".. when I came out of my stahl, there was a line of teenage girls, waiting for the bathrooms..Here's there was a bus load of them, they were going to a swimming meet somewhere. I was redfaced with shame as I washed up and left....

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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Great comment Smelly!! Although entirely shameless myself, I can understand your embarrassment here! If it helps at all, my years of experience of using the unisex toilets on trains tells me that ladies are just as likely to leave odious smells behind as then men.

EmergencyPublicPooper's picture
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hi public pooper. i only poop in public when it is an emergency...and when it's an emergency it is usually liquid diahrea. ALL POOPERS READ THIS ADVICE......always cover the toilet water with toilet paper before you let your lava flow. this stops the uncomfortable feeling of water splashing up on your butthole.

Di Verticula's picture
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My sister-in-law will hold it all day until she turns purple because she will not take a crap at work. That's ridiculous. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go! People are merely human, after all. What's the big deal? So, you stink up the employee's public bathroom - so what? If not you, then someone else surely will! Be happy and proud you can even take a shit the normal, healthy way. Holding in a crap simply to save yourself from embarrassment is immature and it just ain't good for regular bowel production.

shitake boy's picture
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I voted for "grin and bear it". I am a shameless shitter, (formally shameful in my early childhood years). I totally agree with the notion that when you got to go...you got to go. Besides, when you are in a public bathroom, the other people in the bathroom are total strangers to you anyway. You are already anonymous when you walk in. I used to be afraid to shit at work, but being and IBS sufferer, not shitting at work is not an option. My bowels come before my pride. My co-workers know about it, and after all, we are all adults here, no big deal. If I am questioned about a long stay in the rest room by by boss, I remind them of my IBS, and move on. They do understand. No need to hide a perfectly normal bodily function, we all poop.
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In search of the ever evasive BM

In search of the ever evasive BM

nursepoopie's picture
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Well, If I have to go, I will just go. Also,I don't use a urinal.I mean there are times when I just cannot wait for the bathroom to clear out, so its go then or buy a new pair of pants!

One Who Knows's picture
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Wooooh! Jeri and Darla's idea didn't work for me. My friend Barb and I were in the ladies room at a pro basketball game. By coincidence, both she and I had to crap. I had to go worse because I was holding four days' worth. Barb sticks her head in one stall and immediately turns around and says "I refuse to sit on an uncovered seat and there's no toilet paper for wiping." Well I've never worried about sitting directly down and my thought was that the occupant on my left could just pass me some under the stall partition (the stall was at the end of the row and against the wall). Wrong, the first occupants were a woman and young child. She said her daughter would probably need all the paper left because she had had a messy crap. I waited for the next occupant and she sounded like a teenager. First, it was hard for me to get her attention, and then she sounded snotty when she refused to hand me a couple of pieces. By the time the third user came in, Barb was already done and tapped on my door to see what was taking me so long. She brought me some toilet paper, and while I was grateful, she let me know that we were missing some very important game action. But I don't think that was my fault!

Hamster's picture
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If the restroom is busy, presumably there will be quite a few other people taking a dump, so why is there any need to feel any embarrassment? As the shitake says, why is there any need to hide the act anyway? If you feel a bit embarrassed at first, this will fade as you repeat the experience. Anyway, a little embarrassment will do less harm to your body than holding in a shit for hours.

shitake boy's picture
l 100+ points
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Thanks for the backup Hamster...I am not ashamed of my human need to shit a couple of times a day, regardless where I am when I do it...

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In search of the ever evasive BM

In search of the ever evasive BM

Frequent Traveler's picture
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It's not that I don't particularly like crowds, but as a frequent traveler, alone and in my early 30s, I just abhor seeking out the one or two open stalls in the 20 and 30 stall bathrooms. How many times have I sat down, taken a shit, and then found there's no toilet paper? How many times have my moods been impacted by the gross sound of a large fart and a smelly dump hitting the bowl at almost the same time on both sides of me? How can a person not see diarrhea (dry or wet) splashed over the back of the seat or sometimes on the floor just below the bowl as I'm sitting and trying to avoid contact with the eyes peering in through the door crack and asking if I'm going to be long because their child has an emergency? It's my space and I just want to shut everyone else out. Also, twice in the past week I've been seated and treated to a wretching noise as a person in the next stall is puking, or worse yet, trying to puke. Bet that's a nice smell for the next lucky occupant. The more users, the more problems and my greater inclination to find an alternative restroom.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I have no problem pooping with other people in the bathroom. If they do it why can't I.

vegetarian pooper's picture
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I like poop coming out as much as food coming in

one time I went to write pat air force museum in dayton
and I had to poop bad..there were lots of people I got the poop out but then my 7 year old nephew craweled under the stall and stole the tp then I chased after him with my pants still down and I tripped on the floor and evryone was laughing like a hyena I have never been so embarased in my life!

I like poop coming out as much as food coming in

hayley's picture
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I just grin and bare it. I can not hold my poop in. It is too uncomfortable a feeling for me. I always have to poop in the mornings when I get to work. Usually the employee bathroom is full of co workers. Someone always hears my turds plooping into the water or my occasional fart. I am kind of used to it now. I just can't hold it in all day .. plus pooping when I have to keeps me regular.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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My first thought is how am I going to clear out all of these fuckers? The answer comes within seconds of sitting.

sittingpretty's picture
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When I go into a public toilet I hope its empty. If it's not I hope that my sounds and smell will be quiet. I'm a shameful shitter.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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If the bathroom is full when I enter it is usually empty by the time I leave.

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

youngpooper's picture
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i remeber one time i was coming home from soccer practice with my mom and i had to crap really bad, we stopped at mcdonalds, i had like liquid shit, i get in to the bathroom and theres 2 stalls nobodys in the bathroom. then as soon as i sit down 3 people come in and all they can hear is me blowing ass everywhere, one guy gaged and hes like, man i saw that kid come in here, he had to go!. im never eating taco bell and white briefs before soccer again lol

POOTUBE's picture
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Hi Turdburgers, there aint nothing like the smell of turd in the morning (Apocolypse now)I have to be honest I enjoy the domination of a good dump, the smellier the better, when some on walks into the John after me I want the poor bastard to almost taste it

Anonymous8798799's picture
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I went with just grin and bare it. I like hearing my own farts hit the bowl, and my ass is smooth so it feels good baring it from time to time.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I stopped by a nearby Home Depot a couple of days ago and felt the urge, so I went in to the restroom to do it. No one was there when I went in, but as I was sitting down, two guys entered in quick succession before I had even begun to poop. I went ahead with my b.m., of course, and the guy to my left did likewise, plopping softly but unmistakably while I did the same. I was done first, so I left. A pleasant and typical session.

shitake boy's picture
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I am always pooping in public bathrooms now. I go to school four nights a week, and almost always within an hour after dinner break, I am in the bathroom pooping. I really don't care who hears me shit. The walls are so thin there, that I am sure they hear me poop from the ladies' room as well. If you are human, you poop. Besides, my school is an allied health professions school, so I am sure this is no big deal to anyone. One of my friends at school has IBS like I do, and she always asks me if I am ok, when I get back to class from taking a poop. She will go so far as to tell me when her IBS is kicking. Nothing wrong with it.

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In search of the ever evasive BM

In search of the ever evasive BM

Anonymous guy's picture
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I used to be able to go a whole day without takin a dump in school but this year was diffrent. The 2nd half of the school year in the mourning I ALWAYS had to poop but I cant poop when theres some1 else in there. when theres some1 there I would leave and go to another bathroom. wen no1 was there i would poop but then wen some1 would walk in I would stand up and act like im peein in the stall. Man i really hope this doesnt happen to me this year