Beer, good beer, bad beer, draft beer, beer with greasy Krystal or White Castle hamburgers, beer with Taco Bell... the results are the same. There is a unique stench with a gravy-like viscosity.
Any overproof alcohol usually led me down a terrible path. Arak (milk of the lions) was my worst but I also had a crap from drinking 180 proof Rum that basically turned everything inside me to liquid and burned like gasoline on the way out.
Gotta agree with Bunga...Everclear was the worst.
Everclear..ugh...(shudder). A shitload of Raspberry UV turns your poop (and upchuck) green, no matter what you mix with it. _______It's YOUR cat, YOU get his poop out of my sink!
Guinness gives me the most shocking squits - fetid arse tar flows into the lavatory shortly after!
What if you don't drink normally?
BTW--Crunchy, the above almost sounds like a Poo Haiku.
Jagermeister is considered a liqueur but it's hard liquor to me and one hell of a laxative. Just the anticipation of the first shot starts my bowels a rumblin'. Had a bad day? A few shots of Jager will melt it (and your bunghole) away!
What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?
Mmmmm, Jagermeister........ I'm familiar with that spirit.
I chose beer because certain beers put the worst tax on my digestive system. I can handle the little wine and bourbon shits, but not the beer shits. They're unforgiving.
Could it be that you are most affected by what you drink the least?
_______.....hugging bunnies since 1969 www.daphneszoo.com
"The Dumpster (2406) -- 03.23.2007 What if you don't drink normally?"
Are you saying you drink abnormally?
Umm...ingesting rubbing alcohol will not give you the shits. It will kill you first.
Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!
Stuff like this turns me off to alcohol consumption more than those cheesy school videos any day... If I were to vote in this poll, I'd vote for rubbing alcohol, which is the only kind of alcohol I've ever consumed in my life. _______...and they all lived crappily ever after!
For myself, alcohol usually does the opposite and bungs my up. I think this is because alcohol dehydrates people and this leads to hard shits. Or so I would think. After reading a lot of stories on PR, I've come to realize that a lot of people get the squirts from it.
I think the only time I've gotten the shits from alcohol was during happy hour in a Florida seafood place. They were offering VERY strong margaritas and I downed two of them. Almost instantaneous pyroclastic eruption! Gotta love that tequila! _______Behold! My new farting super power! BRAPP!!!
Hard liquor always constipates me. But in a strange twist, the only beer that I can drink, without having loose bowels, is Pabst Blue Ribbon. For some reason, Miller beer, loosens me up the most. ______ "Thunder in March betokens a fruitfull year" .Or is it "Thunder in March, frost in June"?
Oh, yeah, I forgot about the Everclear Effect on the Bowels! I once marinated a bowl of cherries in Everclear and we ate the cherries and someone dared me to "drink the brine". I did. I could have made flaming sharts come out my ass by getting too close to an open flame! _______Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!
It's even worse when you inject it into an orange or watermelon. _______It's YOUR cat, YOU get his poop out of my sink!
Oh, I voted for wine (in large quantities)-- it's got the most sugar/fruit pre-mixed in with it. If you drink hard with fruit juice, it does the same thing....not pleasant.... _______'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)
beer everything is good in moderation but i tend to over do the beer on real hot days and then i am on the shitter sweating my ass off and blowing my ass out
THE ALCOHOL THAT GIVES ME THE SQUIRTEES IS MICKEYS. I LUV MICKEYS BECAUSE IT GETS YOU RETARDED BUT AFTER YOUR DONE YOU FEEL LIKE A BUMBLEBEE IS BUZING OUT OF YOUR ASS.
I get the shits, if I DON'T have a beer. _______SamDamnit! The Emir of Crapistan
Well beer is by far the worst case scenario, i will go for beer in this case any time, wanna get it worse ? try the beer/coffee combo.
I think any kind of white vermouth will do the job, especially if it's warm outside... ouch the memories...
When i get completely loaded off of whisky, i usually have the squirts 2 or 3 times within the first hour of waking up, and maybe once more later on in the day
this is like saying i'd rather do heroine than take a hit of pot. in fact, you're right. now go drink rubbing alcohol and never take a sip of beer, evar.
"Stuff like this turns me off to alcohol consumption more than those cheesy school videos any day... If I were to vote in this poll, I'd vote for rubbing alcohol, which is the only kind of alcohol I've ever consumed in my life."
For me it's Martini, whenever I get wasted off martinis, I know it's gonna be a long and hard 'labor' the next day.
funny, i've had arak and i didnt get the shits, but the people i was with said mix with water. everclear shits are bad, but apple pie shots at 180 proof make me shit storms. probably vecause most of the apple pie alcohols are home made...
Two that will always do it....
Camo, a truly vile 40 oz that I've only seen in Michigan. Pictured here: http://40ouncebeer.com/40/camo40.html
No2, Steel Reserve. Somethign about that high gravity lager... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steel_Reserve
The quote at the bottom says it all "Due to the high alcohol content and low price, Steele Reserve is widely consumed by alcoholic homeless people. In a 2003 effort to curb the problem, the city of Seattle banned the sale of Steele Reserve and other high alcoholic drinks in areas with a high concentrated amount of homeless. In 2006, Seattle expanded the band to a wider area of the city."
Ha ha, what can I say, im a low budget drinker!
i thought sparks was pretty bad.. but i'm rethinking things and have to say that strohs (another beer that is only available in mi, so i'm told) makes me rumble more than anything else.
_______all aboard the farty train to pooterville..if you can't shit at my house, we aren't friends
Dirty Martini's=Dirty Ass
Poopcrayon, Where else other than our great state can you get a quality fire brewed Stroh's? :) I've avoided the strohs, but schlitz has the same imact as Strohs on me. Strohs isnt cheap enough for the low budget drinker I be ;)
strohs was the cheapest at the bar last night. i think the painted lady might actually have schlitz, but i think i would drink that only as novelty... where in america's high five do you live?
do i know you?!
I can drink gallons of beer without getting the runs, but throw some tequila in there and I'm a leaking faucet.
i have to say Jagermeister. i drank three shots last night, and i have a dirty yellow/brown licrish smelling liquid squirting out of my bum, @ the speed of sound.
I rarely drink alcohol, but a couple of nights ago I had a gin and tonic before supper and a large glass of wine with supper. Unaccustomed to that much, I walked carefully. I got to the hotel and went to bed. At about midnight I got up to pee, felt a rumble pressure below, sat down, and actually had a b.m. in the middle of the night, which hasn't happened to me for years. It wasn't much--a couple of plunkers and some soft stuff--but it was real, and I had to do it. The next morning I had a b.m. at my normal time (early), and it also was soft, about a 5 or even a 6 on the scale. I attribute this unusual timing and consistency to the alcohol.
MSG, I drink to the max, and as I type there is a G&T to my side. The liquor is a great lube. Get yourself some Fitou red wine, see what happens. _______Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!
I have been drinking to excess for the last fifty years so I don't have any way to tell if it effects me or not. I am extremely regular and have very smelly BMs.
Some of you mentioned Jagermeister. I have a friend who clerks in a liquor store. He was recently approached by one of our Tennessee good old boys who said, "I'm looking for a drink that I can't remember the name of, it sounds something like Gagabastard." My opinion also.
_______Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
i'm writing this mid dump, after a heavy night on the carlsberg, and i swear i could strip the porcelein with whats happening right now, phew!
There was a cheap beer in the midwest called Blatz. As the saying goes......Blatz gives ya the splatz.
Blatz gives you the splatz and also can send you directly to an alcohol rehab. People like to drink but they never think about the possible negative outcomes of their behavior.
Moderator's note - I decided to let this comment through to pass a note to the person who continues to submit these lame, ill-veiled comments with links to his alcohol treatment center embedded in them. (I'd mention the name of the rehab, but that would only give this teetotaler what he wants.) Look alcohol rehab spammer, you can keep on submitting your attempts to link to your clinic, but I'm not going to let the links through. This is a site about poop humor. If you don't have anything relative to contribute, then don't contribute. Period. And for God's sakes, you should know as a rehabber by now - if someone really wants to quit drinking, that person can find information on the web about rehab centers his or her self.
Vodka, especially some cheap kind that comes in the 5 gallon drum, is absolutely worst. It burns and has that sharp stench to it...PDB
Some of our foulest brews here (like Toohey's New and VB) have been known to give me the screaming gassy shits, which is probably why I avoid 'em like the plague. The kind of instant gassy buildup which plays the dare game (I dare you to fart), and the results are so unpredictable that I would wuss out, and go sit on the throne, just in case. Mind you, these 2 that I mentioned would probably be the most popular beers in Australia, even if they do taste like liquid swarf. Just for the record, VB is supposed to stand for Victoria Bitter, but lots of us reckon it stands for Vile Beer. Its also known as Jabroni Bitter and Defendant's Beer.
_______I don't bite my nails, 'cause I don't like the taste of whats under 'em.
BM, I would be the last to question beer wisdom from a fellow from the country with the highest per capita consumption on the planet. However, beer was designed to pass out our dicks, not our asses. It is what the male body was designed around. Perhaps the over consumption of cheap beer was accompanied by the eating of some not-so-user-friendly foods. Perhaps a vegemite sandwich?
Actually PD, the country with the highest per capita beer consumption is the Czech Republic, unless things have changed in recent years. I always understood Oz to be somewhere around the 3rd or 4th position. Then again, I've never met an Aussie bloke yet who didn't drink beer like their life depended on it. I take my cyber-hat off to the fellows, and realise that compared to most Aussies, our own drinking ability in the UK (with the exception of perhaps the Scots) makes us look like weak-livered wankers.
Oh, and for me, it's bitter or real ale that gives me the worst shits. Theakstons Old Peculiar is a particularly bowel-damaging brew. And Fullers ESB. And Youngs Winter Warmer (which makes the shit smell of rotten eggs that have been fermenting in vomit for a month). Guinness is nasty on the guts too, making the poo blacker and richer (possibly due to the iron content), but thinking about it, I'd have to put my vote on Old Peculiar. It is very appropriately named.
Lager? Don't make me fucking laugh.
A session on ales like Old Peculiar, Coniston Old Man, Skullsplitter etc don`t give me bad shits - just powerfully smelly and interspersed with raucously violent farts.
Guinness doesn`t count as it`s classified as a foodstuff, not a beer.
Lagers, apart from some German and Eastern European brews, are just downright gay and should not be drunk at all.
I stand corrected. Those ex-commie Czechs are a bunch of beer swilling, chain smoking fellows as I recall. I guess you Aussies need to grow some hair on your asses and take that title back.
On another (foul) note, I seem to remember drinking a Theakstons masterpiece called Old Fart. Has anybody else heard of that one? My personal favorite? Midnight Sun Coffee Porter, tapped directly at the brewery in a 2 liter growler. (Tbox, please tell me that's not a gay beer)
PD, if it`s called a porter it must be fairly dark, couldn`t possibly be a lager and therefore is not gay.
Sounds tasty to me. But again being a porter it`s just a ball hair off the classification of a foodstuff.
Oh, I forgot about proper West Country scrumpy. Not Scumpy Jack or any of those other fake fizzy pishy ciders, but the proper thick cloudy stuff that looks like the urine sample of a sow with cystitis and tastes like they'd not bothered to remove the birdshit and twigs from the apples before fermenting it.
A while ago, while in Cornwall, I made snakebites from some of that stuff and Tennants Super (TB, I trust you'll agree that the old blue tin is not gay). I remember nothing past the third pint until I woke up in a pool of puke on the floor, when my head felt like it had been invaded by mating badgers and my colon was squirting Mulligatawney Soup. Evil stuff.
And PD, yes Old Fart is a good 'un. I've only had it in small bottles though, one or two at a time, so I'm unsure what effect a big gutful can have on your arse. I'm guessing it won't be very nice though.
Tbox, the Arctic Rhino porter is very dark, and is brewed with a handfull of coffee beans which gives it just the right hint of coffee flavor as an aftertaste. The brewery opens up in the afternoon for tasting and purchase of growlers (or refilling if you have empties). They also have other tasty beers such as Panty Peeler Belgian Tripel brewed with coriander and orange peel. That one might be gay though. Maybe we should start a poll on beers.
I have a 3 hour layover in Anchorage next month (unless Mt. Redoubt blows) and I will have my taxi driver take me over to the brewery and my favorite Cambodian restaurant for dinner. I should be in pretty good shape when I board my next plane.
That`s my idea of a layover. In 1992 I did a road trip through Alaska with a friend from Fairbanks and an Icelander. We had some great sessions on good beers (some very poor ones as well) in Homer, Seward, Chicken, Circle (we had to supply our own there), Fairbanks, Talkeetna and all over. The hire car was the filthiest I`ve ever seen a car, inside and out, by the time we returned it. Stank like long dead vermin as well. I pitied the hire car girl.
Anti-oxidants and heart health be damned, but, I suck down a jug or two of good Dago Red, its look out scout...I'm headed for the shitter._______Sorry---I farted!!
I love bud light, I could drink it all day every day without really getting drunk. But I tend to eat when I drink and the combo is volatile. Steel reserve is by far the most stomach wrenching, evil shit producing beer in the world, right above olde english 800. Actually, I think 8-ball is canned shit because it tastes like ass from the start.
gotta agree with poopcrayon - it's Stroh's. Of course, I'm remembering this 25 years on, but I drank a lot of Stroh's (and other brands) in high school, and it never failed.
LBK.....The reason you can drink Bud Light forever without getting a buzz is because it only has an alcoholic content of 4.2%. You could save yourself some money by drinking a glass of water after every three or so regular beers. I, unfortunately for my figure, like full flavored beers with lots of taste. Beer in America has improved immensely with the advent of microbreweries. I fell in love with the taste of real beer during my overseas travels with my Uncle Sam.
The original question of alcohol and poop really needs some clarification. I think that different beverages demand different foods for accompaniment and this has all the effect on your poop and or farts. If I am having a glass of red wine at other than mealtime I feel bound to eat a chunk or two of cheese with it. Beer demands pretzels or some other salty snack which will cause another aroma entirely.
Hmmm, that's a pretty comprehensive list. I've actually started drinking mickey's and probabaly drank about 24 or 30 since friday and have remarkably solid shit. Which is by and far a pain in the ass. If I keep drinking mickey's and eating the limited fat, small meals I've been eating, I'll be the drunk solid turd man before too long.
That would make one hell of a super-hero- Drunk, Solid-Turdmaaaaaan!!!!!!!_______The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.
That's what I was going for Blind Mullet. It does have kind of a catchy ring to it, doesn't it.
A turd that solid is certainly going to catch your ring on the way out!
LBK...Mickeys? Steel Reserve? Whats the matter, couldn't find any rubbing alcohol or cheap aftershave to drink? My philosophy is that if you can't afford to drink something decent, don't drink at all. Don't worry LBK buddy, Obama will turn the economy around and you'll get your job back and be able to afford a bottle of Old Spice or Brut to swill._______Here I sit, my cheeks a flexin' , trying to give birth to another Texan!!
Hey huge asshole, I still have a great, high paying job, can afford decent beer, but I like mickey's ( I haven't drank steel reserve in over a year) and I have other things to be spending my money on other than beer. So "oh DO fuck off, you humourless twat!"
I say LBK, I hadn't realized you were from the UK. _______Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
Oh yea. Hell, my family tree leads to british royalty. Who gives a fuck that they went bankrupt and had to sell the manor and shit to the villiagers, they were still royal. South Alabama, England. Look it up.
Beer will do it occasionally, but equally as oftne beer leads to constipation too.
Wine will not affect my shitting at all, but will make the most astringent, dry-lime-and-sulfur, eye-watering farts ever.
Hard liquor creates the jet-propelled shit that makes my backhole geyser like the diet-coke-and-mentos experiment. I could shit through a screen door and leave no particle that would be obstructed by the screen.
My guess is that Gin, Vodka, or Everclear (gasp) is strong enough to kill off all the beneficial bacteria in my gut, similar to the week-long chemical smelling scoots I always get from taking antibiotics.
Gotta be Kronenbourg... I get the squits every day after drinking a few of those. Weird, 'cause I can drink Stella, Bud, Old Peculiar, Guinness, Sneck Lifter, Brains (whatever) all day and my ass is fine, but 4 pints of Kronenbourg, and I spend most of the next day on the shitter.
Beer is the worst with greay food. I've been shitting for 6 hours.
Let that be a lesson to you, eat something more colorful next time, no more greay (grey?) food!!
OK. Here it is. The secret recipe for "Strip and Run Baked" punch.
1 Large can frozen limeade. Dump it in. Fill same can with everclear. Dump it in. 2 bottles of beer. Dump them in. Stir, ingest....
You will awake in a strange place, (with even stranger people) and hear stories that you... Peed from the peak of a church steeple. Crapped in a tuba. Had your tallywhacker tattooed. Etc...
Beer, specifically wheat beers, and worse when paired with greasier foods like fast food burgers. Right now I have the shits from drinking 3 pints of milk over the last 4 hours.
I was once participating in a poker game with a group of drunken pals when we ran out of drinks except for half a bottle of green creme de menthe, I finished it off and the next morning produced a wonderfully green log. It contained so mush sugar it felt like I was shitting ground glass.
Alcohol never gives me the shits. I just get black out drunk off one shot and apparently puke in people's cars._______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
Black out drunk off one shot?!?!?!? It costs me a small fortune to get that sloshed, and along the way I unwittingly offend people, fall down, climb back onto the chair, and post stupid things here._______The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.
Speaking of alcohol and it's effects, check this fool who thinks its a good idea to go shopping for more booze: http://www.break.com/index/drunkest-guy-ever-goes-for-more-beer.html_______The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.
I don't drink but maybe once or twice a year so I guess I'm a light weight. Reguarding the video, I can't believe they finally got my asshole exhusband on video._______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
MMC, "blackout drunk off one shot" is more widely known as a cheap date. Certainely a desireable trait for a young lady in these tough economic times.
Yeah when one margarita costs $3.50 it's best to get totally shitfaced off it and move on to doing better things. Like tripping and falling in the parking lot, walking into cars, and screaming WOOOOOOOO!!! out of the side of the Jeep as we drive away._______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
Ahhh baseball. Off to Safeco field to watch the Mariners play. (and probably get beat) Great time to have a beer, or 10. The price however shocked my Scottish sensibility. "Bill Gates could not afford to get drunk in this establishment!" I told the purveyor of the much wanted brew. Now, however, I could add, "but MMC could."
if bowels slow, whiskey will fix that in no time especially with greasy food
I spent the day working on a bottle of Jagermeister... the next morning I woke up and did a poo bigger than all the poos I did in the past year combined... IT FUCKING CLEANED ME OUT!
Steel Reserve offers double jeopardy.
First, within a couple of hours of drinking this cheap-but-effective swill, it generates some of the most intense, acrid granddaddy-of-all-farts flatulence of any beer-like substance I've ever consumed.
Second, each of those farts carries a low but significant risk of being a Hershey Squirt. Happens just often enough that I get nervous every time I feel the familiar, greasy sensation of a 211 Fart building up.
And yes, this is my every-day beer. At least I don't have to worry about constipation any more...
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