i chose the first one, but i suppose i would probably change my undies if i got anything on them.

i don't think i've ever forgotten to wipe after pooping. but there are times when i get the feeling i might have forgotten to wipe after peeing. see, as a woman, you're supposed to go front to back. i don't do that. what i do is wipe the butt first, and then wipe the pee hole with fresh TP. so, i think sometimes after i'm done with the butt, i forget to go clean up front. when that happens, i'll just wipe again to make sure i feel clean.

_______
i love poop.

I say the same as Wonderpance. Ditto as I picked the first one. I'm sure Bilge will pick the last one. Come on Bilge, Come play outside with us.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I opted for other since I always stand to wipe anyway. If I leave the bathroom without wiping I will notice soon because my cheeks will roll together quite well from the lubrication. I never wipe my schlong, half the fun of peeing is giving it a vigorous shaking after the deed is done.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Forgetting to wipe is one of those things that shouldn't happen. It's like forgetting to chew when you put food in your mouth, forgetting to start walking when you reach the bottom of the escalator or forgetting to stare when a girl with nice mangos walks by. It should not happen.

It's nice mangos, PD.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Wipe? Huh? People actually wipe after they drop a deuce? When did they start doing this and why wasn't I told? Did I miss out on something? I'm so confused.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Wipe....duh.

That's what I said SP.

You said 'cans', PD.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Who would do that? Only a mentally challenged person or somone reaaaally drunk would forget to wipe their ass.
Chief that is so gross, yet funny! My hubz says if you shake it more than twice you're playin with it. So does that mean you fall into the category of chronic masturbater?

How many times per hour does one need to masturbate before being considered "chronic"?

I have never forgotten to wipe. I have, on occasion, forgotten to put my pants back on. That usually only happens when I'm in a public place.

So that was you Posty? I thought it looked familiar.
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

"It" being what, exactly, Brannie?
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Why his dingleberries of course. Unmistakable.
(Postage stamps on them.)
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Postman, you are supposed to use rolls or sheets of toilet paper, not stamps.

Pnutty, I thought it was if you shake it more than three times you're playing with it. If its only twice then I have a problem. Anyway, I never forget to wipe. If I am going to hop in the shower or something, I choose not to wipe.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

How does one forget to wipe? I can vaguely imagine a scenario: Waiting for an extremely important phone call, I feel nature's call and go sit. Last turd drops; phone rings. "Oh, man!" I say, "there's Mr. Whozits!" Quick like a bunny, I hop off the throne and waddle quick time to the phone, yank it off the stand, and yell, "Hello!" The ensuing conversation is so engrossing that I totally forget that my trousers and undies are at ankle level and my butt is beplastered with the leavings of my most recent defecation. Finding it uncomfortable to stand for a long call, I sit on the [couch, bed, easy chair, bar stool, you name it) and suddenly, feeling myself slide moistly on the surface of the seat, I remember. I had failed to wipe . . .

Having imagined all this, I still can't imagine forgetting to wipe. If a phone call comes at that juncture, either I let it go, or I stick a major wad of tp on my sticky butt before I go to answer it. I don't simply start operating as normal with a poopy bottom.

pnuttycorn said, "Chief that is so gross, yet funny! My hubz says if you shake it more than twice you're playin with it. So does that mean you fall into the category of chronic masturbater?"

I am willing to change my post pee procedure but so far have had no luck finding a young lady willing to take over wiener shaking duties.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How could it be!?! Forgetting to wipe?!? As soon as the loaf is pinched, I am reaching for the TP. Just lean forward and over to the left a bit for easy access. You can do it!!! Jump in the shower afterwards if there is any doubt whatsoever about anal cleanliness. A wet paper towel also works well enough. Watch out for the lipid-laden greasy turds, clean-up after those can be a slow and difficult process, with many opportunities for that Breakthrough Moment ("Damn, fingers in the poop again!"). Forgetting to wipe leads to itchy, scratchy ass crack after the poop dries out. Not to mention the smell!

"Get that Freshly-Pooped Feeling All Day, with Dulcolax!"

----Captain Craptastic!!!

And let's never forget about the Atrocity of Diarrhea!!! You can fell the thin trickle of yellow drizzlies running down, how could that sensation be ignored?!? Explosive diarrhea with accompanying backsplash is impossible to ignore!!!
----Captain Craptastic!!!

Chief, you are so witty! And I'm not being sarcastic. I guess all that weiner shaking hasn't affected your *ahem* head.
By the way my mind lives in the gutter.

Forgotten to wipe? That can't happen - that's what I have servants for! Heaven forbid I lose them and have to operate on my own, though ...

"Groom of the Stool" might not be such a bad job if it paid well, you get to spend quality time with royalty and only have to work a few minutes each day. I imagine you would be on standby in case the royal arse got the spews but work would generally be light.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Do people really sit to wipe anyway? If you don't stand, how does your mom get in there to clean you up?
_______
lookin' for poop in all the wrong places...

I always sit to wipe; cheeks are better spread that way.

I have never forgotten to wipe my ass, but on occasion have been in a public restroom that was clean out of TP. So I've either had to waddle over to the next stall to get TP, use paper towels, or wash my ass in the sink.

fireholewoman,welcome. And believe me, we've all felt your pain.

Fireholewoman... Was it "clean out of TP" or "Out of clean TP?"

I stand to wipe and I never forget. How could anyone forget to wipe?

I am anon.

I generally wipe as much as possible, then run water over toilet paper and wipe again. Just to be sure.

I like that. "Constitutional." Sounds so European.

My "other" is to remove my underwear, (while they are clean), and take a shower.

Of course, if I'm in public I can't do this. I sit back down and wipe.

"Constitutional" reminds me of any old man.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Im surprised that "I never wipe" got 11%. How can you not wipe?

Laziness.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I have wondered about the not wiping, also. Cannot get my 11 year old to wipe his ass, I have no idea how he does not have constant pain. Never flushes the toilet, either. My 7 year old never flushes, either, but I know who the culprit is based on the presence or absence of toilet paper. I have no idea where both of them got so lazy as far as flushing goes.

AC.....There is a cure for kids who refuse to flush, it is called beating their ass. It is out of favor in the modern world but worked miracles on my generation. Perhaps we need to return to the "good old days".

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

ChiefThunderbutt for president. I hear you loud and clear. When my old man had something important to tell me, he'd tell me with his belt and as a productive member of society with no crimes, drug use, or sex tapes on my record I thank him everyday.

I am with you here Chief. I am not saying hit your kid for every little foul up, but if it is necessary to spank a kid to get your point across, so be it.

Hell, I am only 29, but if I was raised today, my parents would never get out of prison. I am not complaining though, I deserved every ass whoopin' I ever got. I would hate to see how I turned out had it been any different.

I didn't deserve every beating I got. I didn't deserve every punishment I got either. Whipping kids is a sensative subject for me.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I think sometimes a good whack on the butt is the only option left if a parent has tried everything else to enforce the rules. The problem is that many parents just don't try too hard to think of everything else. For example, these two kids who don't wipe or flush. I would be willing to bet if they had to go a month without tv and had to clean the bathrooms themselves that they'd start flushing. And wiping.

I didn't have to whack my kids very often, thank God. I always hated it.

In fact, I think some of the time a parent spanks is because he or she is pissed off and does it to relieve his or her own frustration, not to properly punish.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I remember the "good old days," I do not remember needing to flush.

I thought my 9 year old was forgetting to flush...then we realized he has terrible floaters that refuse to sink or dissolve.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

I should think that if a kid doesn't wipe, he stinks. Say something to him like "Phee-ew! Smell the poop! Jake (or other name) must be here." If the kid doesn't smell, maybe his poops are too hard, and he needs to be drinking more water or eating some fiber cereal or whole-wheat toast to soften up his poop, especially since if it stays too hard, he'll have problems later with constipation, fissures, etc. I'd bet that, if he smells too bad and gets made fun of, he may start to wipe in self-defense. (I trust he has been taught how to wipe.)

Well, to be honest, if I use the bathroom and realize I forgot to wipe myself, I pull my up my pants and underwear enough to cover my sweet nothings, but make my return to the bathroom without allowing my undergarments to touch the skin so as to prevent protential soiling.

Therefore, it looks really weird, as I am literally pulling my underwear away from my crack or am walking bow-legged to keep my underalls from making contacting my intimates.

Undergarments are the most essential part of my wardrobe, to be honest and if I dirty my underalls, it makes me feel self-conscious and disgusting for the rest of the day.

I wish I was joking.