Your favorite bathroom reading material is

// 98 Comments
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Newspaper. It can double as asswipe when there's no TP!
6% (39 votes)
Magazine. Wow, pictures and shiny pages!
23% (152 votes)
Book or novel. My dumps can take some time.
16% (110 votes)
Anything as long as it has words.
34% (227 votes)
Nothing. I get in and get out.
22% (147 votes)
Total votes: 675

98 Comments on "Your favorite bathroom reading material is"

loaf pincher's picture
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It doesn't really matter with me anything will work. i prefer magazines. i hate to admit this i have even red some pages out of my wifes crappy scifi/love novels she has left aroound. It was entirely my fault i was not prepared and her bathroom was closer than mine in the time of urgent need.

fartqueen's picture
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I will read just about anything while sitting on the crapper.I've read such things as shampoo,conditionar,body wash bottles,pretty much anything that has words on it,and in reach when sitting on the toilet_______
fartqueen

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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(sigh) again my choice is left off the list.

I read tea leaves while on the throne.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

e-diddy's picture
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Yeahhhhh i need stuff to read. Ive been known to read shampoo bottles, instruction mauels anything...

Chuck's picture
l 100+ points
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For me the bathroom is a purpose driven room, not a reading lounge. Get in, do it quickly, get out.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I like books with lots of pictures, especially Doo-It-Yourself manuals.
_______
Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points
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I used to read stuff. I liked to take the Sunday paper in with me. But in todays busy world that luxury is just not afforded anymore. Whatever happened to those wondeful Sunday morning dumps along with the Sunday paper? They were the best! If you stayed in long enough your legs would fall asleep. Now of course today you do that and you could throw a clot and have a stroke or heart attack. Sigh I miss the good ol days!
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

muddywaters's picture
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Actually, I have this magazine-sized book containing maps of each state. Mine is somewhat well-used, but each year I get a new one from the Harley Owners Group. The book's home is right on the toilet tank.

muddywaters

Clog Jammer's picture
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Have you guys heard of the Bathroom Reader? They have a bunch of books full of neat facts and stories (unfortunately not all poop related). They also all have different lengths so you can read depending on your poop length of the day.

GottaGoGirl's picture
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Thunderous! I have worried about the blood clot problem, myself! If I forget and read too long, my legs go to sleep, and I freak out a little bit. Better to get in and get out.
_______
Hey! Don't touch my wenis!

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I usually don't read anything on the pot. But I don't necessarily poop and run, either. I may linger, but it's contemplative without reading material.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points
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I'll read just about anything whilst evacuating the rectal refugees. Its the only time and place where I get any time to read, so I make the best of it.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Fangoria.

Horror rocks.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Holly's picture
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I don't read in the bathroom at all!!

Toots N. McCrack's picture
l 100+ points
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I voted for nothing-- no time. If I have to take a dump, it's ready and all gathered up and takes about 30-45 seconds. If not for the stench, I could pretend my bathroom visit was just a long piss or a tampon change.

_______
'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

Postman's picture
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I read on the pot because it's the only quiet time I get all day. If you get the chance to totally get lost in your own thoughts- take advantage of it.

Turdmaster's picture
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I do my business and leave. I don't enjoy hovering over a public toilet where god know's whose bum has sat before and at home I'd rather go back to my computer as soon as possible to post comments about it.

Pantload's picture
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Who can read when your guts are spilling out of your rectum?


What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I don't usually read on the bathroom simply because I don't spend a lot of time on the toilet. Occasionally, if I'm constipated, I'll end up reading shampoo and cleaner bottles, but that is the extent of my reading while pooping.

Tormenting spiders is more my style. There is a heater vent right in front of my throne and daddy longlegs sometimes nest in there. It's fun to reach out with something like a corner of toilet paper and tap them ever so slightly. They spin like crazy trying to scare me away. Much more evil than reading.

_______
Behold! My new farting super power! BRAPP!!!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Poop Prowess's picture
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Hell,i'll read just about anything within reach.I'll read shampoo labels,toothpaste labels & i do an occasional crossword puzzle if i'm on the crapper long enough.Hell,i have even read the back of my maxi pad pack.

Mary Queen of Scats's picture
l 100+ points
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I'm with TSV.

Except I prefer to get the spiders running and point them out to my cats (they're very helpful when I'm on the toilet as they consider it a perfect time to rub up against my legs and try to jump in my pants).

_______
What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

Bad kitty! Bathtubs are NOT litterboxes!

barenaked's picture
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The restroom is the only place that I or the wife get to sit down and rest. We both have stacks of magazines and books setting in both of our restrooms. Recently we have been "dooing" a lot of sudoku puzzles on the throne.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Wipe with those sudoku puzzles when you're done. The damn things are so popular with the yuppies one of the materialistic bastards would probably spend $100,000 to hang it on his wall.

_______
Behold! My new farting super power! BRAPP!!!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Pantload's picture
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Excuse my ignorance, but what's a sudoku puzzle?


What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

GottaGoGirl's picture
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If you don't know, you don't need to. Although, it IS a popular pastime.

It's a puzzle that uses patterns of numbers. No math is required; it could be animals or shapes, as long as there's 9 symbols to arrange into the puzzles.

It a brain teaser.

Postman's picture
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I would just as soon spend my time on the shitter not thinking. No puzzles, just trashy magazines or newspapers.

Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points
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____PALMS___
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

poopin 24 7's picture
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I'll bring in a novel with me... not because I take that long so much as that its the one place where I can actually have like a sanctuary. "Toilet meditation" has become a family joke but no one dares interrupt me while i meditate :)

Postman's picture
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I would recommend reading the newspaper while perched upon the bowl, especially if you're constipated. Whats going on in the world today will scare the shit right out of you.

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points
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I will read the local newspaper, Reader's Digest, "Uncle John's Bathroom Readers", novels (A few chapters at least)


_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Anonymous Coward's picture
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My six-year-old daughter and I were at the Amtrak station. Three stalls, open. I would NEVER sit down on one of those toilets, and without a door, mind you, but Leigh, got on up, peed, and came and whispered in my ear by the sink to look at the girl on the toilet. While I didn't go directly and stare, I could see that she had her pants all the way down, had been there for a while, and with her laptop on her lap, she was doing something on it. About 30 minutes later and with my aunt's train late, we went back to that restroom as I could no longer hold my bowels. While I was on the stool, Leigh was trying to make sense out of some of the graffiti posted. I wasn't about to explain some of the words, carvings and art, but among the assortment was ToiletStool.com and PoopReport.com. I guess it's always important that we update/diversify our reading material!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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We sure would love a picture of that!

The poopreport.com reference, I mean, not you on the toilet.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Fudgepump's picture
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I don't require reading material because I don't linger on the toilet. I sit long enough to complete the mission: no longer. There are certainly more comfortable locations for reading that don't leave you with numb legs and rectal prolapse.

Responsible Parenting, Inc.'s picture
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AC Mom: granted, the reading material suggested is good. However, you said you would "never sit down on one of those toilets" and yet you let your daughter, and you ended up breaking your own rule, and sitting down yourself. I'm not sure that is responsible parenting! The toilets at places like Amtrak and Greyhound are gross and I know I wouldn't want my six-year-old seeing some skank sitting on such a toilet, laptop or not.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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Fudgepump is right on here. If you are ready to go when you get there, there's no point in lingering afterwards - and a toilet seat isn't exactly comfortable is it? I'd rather sit almost anywhere really. If you've nowhere better to read or contemplate that's a bit sad I think.

Teaching By Example's picture
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Responsible Parenting says: "I know I wouldn't want my six-year-old to see some skank sitting on such a toilet, laptop or note." I see nothing wrong with using such an incident as a teachable moment. "Hun, you wouldn't want to sit directly on a dirty toilet seat like that would you? I'm sure you'd want to put some toilet paper down first to sit on" is more of a non-judgemental and easily understood statement. It's no different than when my daughter and I go by a car accident and I reinforce the importance of buckling up. Getting too accusatory and negative with a child doesn't always redirect behavior the way we anticipate.

Bettie has the runs's picture
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If no good reading/wiping material is avalible, I just call someone up and have them read to me...I think my Grandma is getting suspicious with the whole " Grammy, I need you to read to me so I can go to sleep." cliche.

By the way, I wonder if the flush could pass as a snore?

I'm here to prove that girls poop.

Realistic's picture
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What's wrong with Responsible Parenting Inc. not wanting her daughter, 6, to see a woman, in an open stall bathroom sitting on the toilet? Who's to call a person a "skank" just because they sit on a public toilet. Could it have been an emergency? Could they have toilet paper underneath them that doesn't readily show? Did they wipe the seat off first before sitting down? Yes, I'm cleaner about myself than to sit directly on a public toilet seat at a train or bus station, but I also have good friends who are successful people and parents who think nothing of it. I have two daughters 6 & 10 and an 11-year-old son. The last thing I want them to worry about is using public bathrooms. They need to gain confidence first and then they can make their own decisions about how to handle public toilet seats. As far as reading material, my oldest does take his lap top in with him when he shits on his lunch break at school. We should be thankful such multi-tasking is going on and at such a young age.

GottaGoGirl's picture
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"Ladies and Gentlemen, we'd like to take this opportunity to give you a friendly reminder of the topic at hand: Reading Material. Thank you for your attention, and have a pleasant day."

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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Sorry, GGG, but I really want someone to explain 'open stall toilets' to me. Are there really public toilets in the USA with no doors on the stalls, so anyone who enters gets a full views of someone taking a shit? Most people I know in England wouldn't use a stall with no lock on the door - never mind no door. Really sorry, but its mindblowing to me! Reading doesn't really affect me - as I've said earlier, I'm not there long enough to open the magazine, or whatever.

Ruthie's picture
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Hamster: Ask and you shall receive. Me and my brother were talking about the open stalls situation just last weekend. He came to see my softball game (over the season our team will play in more than 30 parks throughout our city) and most of the athletic facilities have open stalls for both mens and womens bathrooms. The reason, apparently, at least according to my parents when they came to watch me play years ago, was due to a large amount of vandalism being done and police arrests for transients, drug use and other types of immoral behavior. A couple high-profile cases have involved elected officials and others with respected professional jobs. They meet in the stalls during the day or late night hours when the parks are not in use.

Just over 20 years ago I remember my mom was upset when my brother came home from his first day of junior high and literally ran for the toilet that I was using. He ordered me off, saying that he was going to explode. He had been holding his stool in all day because the restrooms at his school had no stall doors. I remember my mom asked his teacher and she was told it was to cut down on vandalism, smoking, and students just hanging out in the stalls after they were given hall passes. Two years later when Jordan started high school, the situation was the same. Each boys stall in the 2,000-some student building was doorless with the exception of three stalls in the athletic complex, a restroom that, by the way, was kept locked during the school day, and was only opened for the patrons of athletic events. Because I'm one year younger than Jordan, I was afraid of the situation I would find. I got use to going at least twice a day at school, but found that both the middle and high schools had stall doors for us girls, but the stalls were only about 2/3 as high as those you found in other public places and the taller students could peer over the partitions and violate the privacy of others.

Something that I don't see changing in our country is the fact that those really needing to use the bathrooms for their intended purpose continue to have to compromise their privacy because of the actions of the few that abuse them. It didn't then and it doesn't now quite seem fair.

By the way, at my softball games, when my husband attends and brings our six-year-old daughter, he will take her two miles to a K-Mart when she has to go potty. Yet another example of "paying the price" of inconvenience because of idiots, criminals and related violators.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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Thank you Ruthie for your very comprehensive answer! I agree that once again the actions of afew spoil things for everyone else. I'm looking forward to coming to do some touring in the USA in a couple of years or so. I will head for K-Mart too I think!! I'm also very good at holding it in if necessary - a legacy of school days too!!

turdfan's picture
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Yea, I agree that a little privacy is nice, especially when you are a kid since I think kids are more shy. When I was a kid attending summer camp, the boys latrine consisted of a long line of toilets with not a single partition, let alone any doors. I sometimes tried to go in the middle of the night, but invariably there would be at least one other kid in there even then. I don't remember pooping the whole two weeks that I was there, but I must have. I guess I tried to suppress the memory. Fortunately if I was in that situation now, I don't think it would phase me one bit. I believe I've finally joined the ranks of the "shameless shitters."

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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Turdfan - sounds gross to me. I thought I was a shameless shitter till now. But if it means shitting in front of random strangers I'm not! Granted I'm only on the pot a minute or so, I like to savour that minute of sublime relief away from the public gaze!

Anyway, I've heard of a few people who haven't dumped whilst on a two week holiday - maybe you were one of them!

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Playboy magazine. That way, people won't have to know that I am going to take a dump. They just think I am going to knock one out.
_______
SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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SamDamnit - good one! You remind me of an old boss of mine who was a true blue Conservative and an old public schoolboy. He had to buy a copy of one of our red top rags that pass as newspapers, to read a report in connection with our work. I remember him telling us that he also bought a copy of Playboy to hide it in.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Of course, if tea leaves aren't available, I'll often just read between the lines.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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Bilgepump you are too subtle for me! Please explain!!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Um....no.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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'Um ... no' - thank you Bilgepump for your very illuminating response. Happily I can live with the fact that I'm slow and dense at times. Now I realise there is also a cultural difference between us.