The English poets are always the best!

'Cropping and a-lopping
Every surplus dropping.
Complete, with garnish,'

Mr. Butterz: What artisic ass flourish. Excellent.

a.a.b.b.c.a. Another interesting and innovative rhyme scheme from the Poet Laureate of PR. What I'm really looking for, though, is an a.b.c.a.a.c.a.a. scheme, which would be perfect for a poop poem!

GEB-- I read this to a be-bop beat; great fun!

I find it interesting that the log was characterized as female. Not complaining, but why the choice, GEB?

AB2K,

I was simply using the convention whereby seagoing vessels are usually referred to in the feminine rather than the masculine gender...

Dumpster, the form was actually derived from the classic limerick a.a.b.b.a although I neglected the limerick metre in my offering.

I'm going to try and rise to the challenge you've set me with a.b.c.a.a.c.a.a but it won't be an easy task. I like a challenge!

_______
A turd in the hand is worth two in the bush

Eliot, I am sure your "c.a.a. c.a.a." pooetry will be another masterpiece!

One of these days, we ought to get Dave to let us host a "nasty limerick" competition.

This looks like a piece to frame and poot on the bathroom wall.
You're a master, Mr. Butterz.

Cheers FP and TD... :)

Nasty limerick comp sounds like a great idea!!

_______
A turd in the hand is worth two in the bush

A limerick competition said Butterz
A raised eyebrow and then Dumpster mutters
If he thinks he can win
His heads all a spin
And the man is likely plum Nutterz!

A retort for the man Bunga Din:
Its taking part that counts, not the win.
But t'th'challenge I'll rise
'til my fateful demise
I'll rhyme in my style with a grin!

_______
A turd in the hand is worth two in the bush

For me and for some strange reason this hinted of 'The Raven.' Oh, I know it's not exactly the same rhyme scheme, but it seemed a tad Edgar Allen Poo-ish to me.

Nevermore?

For me and for others (hard-core),
A limerick-fest would for sure
Be the knees of the bees,
But Dave may say "pull-eze,
Like the raven I quoth, 'nevermore.'"

I dropped my pants and ran to the bowl
Just in time I positioned my hole
For into the bog
There fell a great log
At least the width of a telegraph pole

TBW, as to Edgar Allen Poo, remember Di Uhreea's great send-up of "The Raven" in Mad Libs III?

C Everett Poop is certainly quite a wit
He doesn`t think that women ever take a shit
But what on earth would he do
If a lovely girl he knew
Laid a massive grogan and beat him up with it

Thunderbox has a talent for rhyme
With a grasp of absurd that's sublime
I have just one complaint
And that's that it ain't
Necessary to cram so damn many syllables into each line.

You`re right Dumpster, I`ve got too much time on my hands at work this afternoon - bored and waiting to go home.

The poets here all speak what's true
Exploring the depths of our pooh
It's given me hope,
And helped me to cope,
When I'm pushing so hard that I'm blue

My previous poem should be void
With no info, the readers annoyed
Might you ask "Is it true?
Why'd the push make you blue?"
'Tis the pain from my hemmorhoids.

If only I could
write as well as you folks do
I would contribute.

But as it is now,
I am not as quick witted
as the rest of you.

Before I forget
I should mention poop here since
this is a poop site.

Poop.

Oh yeah, by the way,
I'm not good with lymerics.
I hope these will do.

I love to eat figs.
There is only one problem.
They go right through me.

They make me go fast
and pull out everything else
so my turds are huge.

My pipes are now clogged.
The plumber won't come today.
Damn, that fat bastard.

I will save money
so that I can go purchase
a better toilet.

FP, you want to post those on Poo Haikus.

I forgot about that section!
Thanks TD.

So, what about it, Mr. Dave? I say it is time for another contest, and "Best/Worst Poop Limerick" sounds like an idea. Contest #4 was about "Poo Haikus," although it apparently ended somewhat acrimoniously. Subsequently, there was Poo Haikus, Revisited. Both of these garnered lots of interest.

However, the haiku is a much more disciplined, cerebral form of poetic endeavor than is the rollicking old limerick. With its bawdy, often scatological, history, the limerick really ought to be the official form of PR pooetry. And, as you can see from the dreck published above, everybody (including Dumpster) seems to think, rightly or wrongly, that he has at least one or two good limericks in him.

For limericks, there appears plenty
Of talent for Dave-O to vent. He
Need only crack
The starting-gate back
And there goes Contest # 20!

I very muchly enjoyed the initial pooetry and most of the subsequent rhymes. Not contributing today though, as you literary guys just make fun of me because I think a meter is 39 inches.

_______
See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

PS, you and John Holmes can worry all you want to about your 39 inches, but we literary types are concerned with the somewhat oxymoronic-sounding "metrical foot." A limerick is a five-line poem in a metrical foot pattern of 3.3.2.2.3, and a rhyme scheme of a.a.b.b.a.

I could go on, but what is the point, unless Dave approves the contest?

Dumpster, I don't care how you pronounce it THREE does not rhyme with TWO, and A does not rhyme with B. UGH! I knew a dude with a metrical foot, he lost his in a car wreck, so they put one of them fancy bionic feet made of some space age metrical material. It was neat.

Oh, and I used oxymoronic on my zits when I was a kid too. .......and you always think your smarter than me. HA!

_______
See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

PS, I repeat my earlier allegation that you, sir, are an utter Philistine.

"However, the haiku is a much more disciplined, cerebral form of poetic endeavor than is the rollicking old limerick."

Then why is it so hard for me to come up with a limerick, but I can shoot out Haikus easily?

granted they're crappy haikus... but still...

:)

Psst--everybody else--the joke on Philistines is that if they don't know what you're talking about, it simply proves that they are one!

FP, you are clearly an intellectual person, at home in the arid pursuits of higher academia, unlike guttersnipes such as Butterz, Bunga, and Dumpster, who have a direct line from their colons to their cerebellums.

Go back to your sake and brie, my friend. Us proles will stick to our Stout and sausages, and crank out the worst logs, and the worst limericks, you can imagine.

"derogatory term used to describe a particular attitude or set of values. When a person is called a Philistine (in the relevant sense), he is said to despise or undervalue art, beauty, intellectual content, and/or spiritual values. Philistines are also said to be materialistic, to favor conventional social values unthinkingly, and to favor forms of art that have a cheap and easy appeal"

If only you knew me ole boy!! Ya know, you don't have to try to stupify or outwit everyone at all times here. I think it's great you know all the fancy ass terms for poetry. I don't, and really could care less of the symantics of all of it. does that mean I do not like pooetry.... hardly.

I think you better read your own friggin wikipedia definations before flaming derogetory comments towards others (me in perticular) that are so far out of line. It just makes ya look silly in my opinion.

Sticks and stones.... awe, screw it, wasting my time talking to rocks!

_______
See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

Darn it, Dumpster, I can't always tell when you're being sarcastic. :)
I'm going with my gut feeling...
Thanks for the compliment. It made me giggle.

PS, I see you have acquainted yourself with the contemporary definition of a Philistine, as articulated by you above.

Nothing would give me greater pleasure than for you to demonstrate, both by your behavior and the substance of your comments, that Dumpster is wrong in his assessment.

Pleasing you is so far down on my list of things to do, sorry for the disapointment.

Can you find nothing better to fixate upon than ragging on me for no aparant reason. This is a poop humor site, not english literature 101. Or did you forget somewhere along the line and think this is a totally serious domain of yours. This is not your classroom.

_______
Poop Shooter!

Sorry, my friend; I thought we were having a humorous exchange. I am truly sorry if it was offensive to you.

Now, for those who are interested, can we please move forward to Contest # 20? Dave?

As Dumpster marks Poop Shooter down for a -D and reports to the principal his insouciant behavior regarding the lesson, let's all heave a big sigh of relief that no one is armed with a detached colostomy bag as reported in my poorly received premiere as a BMNewswire reporter.

Dumpster, let this stand as a warning, Poop Shooter has comported himself with class and good humor here, 2 things you may want to ask whether you have done so lately. Your troubles with Hermione are carrying over here, fix those before taking your frustrations out on your friends and supporters.

Bunga, I have also been given a BM newswire assignmemt, and I have a bad case of "writer's block" regarding it.

But it is clear that the site is developing a case of Dumpster fatigue, so when I finish my report, I'll probably go search for Logjam for a while.

I understand there is a new metrical foot section at all Payless Shoes. Styles range from Rhyming to Non-Rhyming to Blank. Personally, I cotton to the new Iambic Pentameter Running Shoes.

You are atrue transcendentalist.

transcendental meditation is a unique venture. a whole lot of hoopla to obtain a result very easily achieved through much simpler means. That Mah Haragi dude made zillions of dollars off of an aincient principle that was free to all. UGH!!

_______
Poop Shooter!

PS, you are right: This is NOT Dumpster's "classroom." In fact, as was once said of Fat Albert, Dumpster is like a holiday from school: No class.

I'm sorry.

_______
faece out!

Well, TD. At least you recognize it. That's one step in the right direction. :)

There's another blank Jamie post. Can we do anything about that?

Just checked Jamie C's profile and he stinks of waster... apparently he finds the site arousing...

_______
You can't polish a turd

I always love " journey of poop" stories.
Poop on!

-Poopgirl

Proud upon the throne I sit
Sweat beads on my brow a bit
Flexing now I groan a curse
My jaw is tightened, my lips pursed
When comes to me that awful relief
I've dropped the bomb that caused such grief
Once caused my stomach tied in knots
Now my pain lies in the pot
Gladly I tear off a square
To find that there is nothing there
A clean break, how great the chore
Defecation, nothing more