Hey Dumpster, Great poop story! Short, sweet, and good use of seafaring and Naval metaphores. Fecal Flying Dutchman doomed to sail the Ceramic Sea for all eternity-Marvelous!

Dumpster, I'm afraid that your Burma shave signage has gotten me so hyped to see your stuff that I found this particular piece a little disappointing. But I hope this, like the first pancake, is not really representative of what is to come once the pan is hot.

How did he get the log out of the toilet water? The paper would have soaked up too much poo water. Did he use his hand? Did he get caught? There are too many loose ends here.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Well, Sam, my guess would be that he mummy-wrapped that sucker with the TP, as he hinted at. But there's one fellow I wouldn't have cared to shake hands with on the way out the door. He would certainly have had to handle some of it in the 'gift-wrapping' process, and that kind of stink hangs around for awhile.

I'm not sure this is covered in Shit Disposal 101, but these ought to be principles: 1) always look out the window before you throw a turd away and 2)gardens do need fertilizing, but not like that.

Offhand, I'd say Brown definitely deserved to be benched.

This would story would have made a great episode of Seinfeld.Kramer or George chucks the turd out the window and it lands near Elaine and Jerry tells her the party is going to be crappy.It would make a great episode of Monk.Monk has to find a sanitary way to get rid of the log.How about somebody gets killed and one of The CSI teams has to investigate.Last but not least Jack Bauer has 24 hours to save the world from The Giant Turd.

So he used wet toilet paper to extract the turd from the water?

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

It says he was a lawyer. He probably picked the turd up with his mouth to keep his hands free to wrap it.

C Everett I thought you were a law and order man, mind you you would know Naval mens tendencies better than the rest of us.

Ricky Nelson wrote a song about a Garden Party but it certainly wasn't anything like this. Good descriptions, doodious content.

How surreal must it have been for the other guests? Everything's all elegant, everyone's on their best behavior, when out of the sky comes a flying turd, trailing toilet paper behind it.

Overall I love the succinctness of this story. But I can't help but wonder: Did the paper unravel as the torpedo made its descent? Did pieces of poo splatter all over? Did they find out who did it? Was he thrown out of Annapolis or did he leave?

This is just another example of how shit is the world's great equalizer. I am mentally picturing Pope Benny pitching a pontifical poo out onto St. Peter Square. Well done.

WHy does everyone always try to get rid of massive turds? YOu can

A) Leave it ther-theres no proof it was you.

B) use plunger/toilet brush to bust it up.

He could have moved it to the bathtub. Then it wouldn't have been discovered right away.

Dumpster, I appreciated the succinctness of this story. Some details, such as what became of him afterward and how exactly he wrangled the huge turd out of the toilet, are much more fun when left up to the imagination.

That was my thinking; plus it was all that I knew! More details would have to be gathered from the source.

As has often been noted here and elsewhere, the truth is stranger than fiction, particularly as regards bodily functions. This story was a quick take that did not belabor the point, and AB2K makes an excellent point. Each reader can take the 'bud' of this tale and make his or her own flower.

Maybe you should get back in contact with your friend and find out the details.

I've known a few officers at Ft. Knox I'd throw a turd at. I wouldn't need a clogged toilet for an excuse; I'd just like to chuck a turd at'm.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

What a great story. That one should've been honored with a picture.
Think I might have the correct sound effect for this story on my computer. Lot of straining..lol.

Logjam, I would appreciate some more detailed criticism. I'm still learning how this works, you know!

I was almost thinking along the same lines as Shatty Cake.

Everyone is having a nice time and making pleasant conversation when out of the blue a super-poo, with its toilet paper cape, flies down and plops on the grass before them.

"Look up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's... CRAP!"

that thing almost took my friggin eye out.you tell your friend i got somethin for him

Sarge, you couldn't have been there, because your rank doesn't exist in the Navy. Now if this had come from CPO Crapnel, my friend would have something to worry about!

Heh eh heh.

An MP's nightstick ! Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa

OoOoOoOoOoO, I feel sorry for his tushy after that >.< I know I wouldn't be walking.

I dont know what to say, other than you cal lok for the Naval Acedemy in KOC at KFC.

He could have moved it to the tank....we call that upper-decking 'round these parts.

Hmm, Colon has a point. But is TT ok in this situation?

That's hilarious! I missed this one while I was on the road and I'm just updating myself. I love the Flying Dutchman thing!

TSV, I always suspected you were a Wagner fan. Thanks for the compliment. I'm so glad you're back here monitoring everything. I have missed you while you were gone!

Well Dumpster, you commented on my first story, so I'm commenting on yours.

As stated above, this is a good start, and better things have come of you. However, I have no problems with this story at all. Your use of naval terms made it all that much better.

I thought of the Flying Dutchman from Spongebob. When faced with one of my own, and a double flush doesn't get it, I try to break it up with a toilet brush or plunger. Just in case anyone wonders, it's one flush to clear the paper and align the turd with the hole in the toilet, and two to take the turd down. Here in this dorm, though, one has to double flush everything as not all will go down in one. These toilets either have really slow motion or their Sloan valves need to be adjusted. In my old dorm the vandal-proof cap was off one of the valves, and opening it up a bit worked wonders. I'd rather have a toilet use a little more force and more water in one flush than to have to flush BEFORE using it and then have to double flush after. It's not sanitary for the last guy's poop to be left there staring up at the next guy on the crapper.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

"Super Poo with his toilet paper cape"

Sorry I didn't read this report *before* Halloween...

Great story. Judge Brown forgot to yell down to the ladies "bombs away" before he dropped his chocolate H-Bomb.
_______
This is Captain Fart, reporting that General Shit is on his way.

"his lower tract was as backed up as a two-stall crapper at the Ex-Lax factory."
Laughed so hard I peed myself. Great imagery throughout.

I wonder if it hit anyone. Did it shatter upon impact? What was the sound it made as it hit the ground?

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Thanks, folks--Glad y'all liked it, as we say down South.

I never heard the denoument of this story. I guess Brown didn't, either.

Maybe this was the opening salvo in the War on Turd Terror.