Excellant story!!! I luahghed so much, only because I related so well!!!

I love this story, and how you told it. It works much like a Hitchcock thriller, focusing on the more subtle features (the look at you across the street, the shaking of the leg), trusting that we know the gory details and don't need them spelled out. (You might want to reconsider the fiancee, though.)

That sucks. Walking home with a load in your pants has to be one of the most horrible shituations for anyone.
-Pill Pooper

Couldn't he go into the elementary school? Or behind the bushes by the elementary school? Poor kid.
The lady would have probably let him use the bathroom if he hadn't said he needed to poop. Think about it. If someone knocked on your door and asked if he could pinch a stink loaf in your house, would you let them?

I would have crapped right on the ladies porch after she shut the door.

let that old bag have a taste.

i don't think the kid actually told the lady he had to poop. remember, the author was just imagining the conversation, he didn't actually hear it. he probably just asked if he could use her restroom, and she assumed he had to poop because if he had to pee, he could do it anywhere. if she even thought about it, maybe she just didn't want a stranger in her house.

you know, i don't know if i'd let someone in my house to use the toilet. i'd like to say i would, but i would also have a problem with letting a stranger in my house. all the crazies ruin it for everyone else!

Haha I would have pulled down my pants and let it go on the bitch woman's lawn.

Good story though!

I think a poet once said it is better to have one log in the bush then 2 logs in your pants.I remember a time when I was a kid my buddy had 3 choices.He could try to run home and probably shit in his pants.He could go in the alley behind the bar and probably get caught or go in the bushes behind the fire house.He crapped in the bushes.The kid should have made in the bushes and wiped his ass with one of his buddy's papers or shit in a paper and left it on the porch.The news is shitty most of the time.

If a young man had the nerve to ask me to use my restroom, and he had been with our regular paperboy, I most certainly would have let him in the house.

Then again, anyone with the guts to ask at my house with the Gator barking behind me would have certainly had to poop bad enough for me to help.

I only wish he would have shaken the crap out on the "no lady's" yard.

Again, a great story! So far, this has been a good week for stories. Keep'm coming......hugging bunnies since 1969

NUTS! I though this was gonna be a revenge story! " teach YOU to say no...(grumble grumble grumble)" Oh well, it was good anyway! Man, have I been there before!

I realize, after reading my comment that many people not only don't have protection dogs, but many people are afraid and alone. I didn't mean to sound opinionated.
Then again, if it's the friend of the kid who delivers your mail? You know, we're all going to get older. I fear becoming that afraid of people. Sorry if this is morbid.
It really was a funny story......hugging bunnies since 1969

oh wammy

That was funny as hell, i understand the laughter you went through while the whole thing happened.

Ha ha ha!!! Poor kid! I have not had this happen to me, but saw a friend of mine do something similar. He didn't have anything to shake down his leg though. The kid said the smear in his shorts was chocolate.

BTW, Coach Crap. "It's better to have 1 log in the bush than 2 logs in your pants." Hilarious! You made my day!

daphne, you make a good point. if the kid was just at my house with my paperboy, and assuming i knew the paperboy wasn't some kind of hooligan, i probably would let him in.

i was thinking more about what i'd do if a complete stranger i'd never seen before asked. then again, even if it was someone i'd met (like this creepy guy who lives across the street from me that stopped by my house not too long ago and kept staring at me) i still might not let them in if i get a weird vibe from them.

i also don't want to be that afraid of people. but maybe if there weren't so many people who do bad things, i wouldn't be!

Two good points have been brought up.
1st- Most people wouldn't let a stranger into their home to use the bathroom, or at all.
I have to go back on what I said earlier and agree with this. It doesn't matter if it's #1 or #2 if I don't know you.

2nd- Timmy was the woman's paperboy, and, having been there moments before with him, the woman should have let Timmy's friend in.
Maybe the woman didn't know Timmy very well, and didn't feel comfortable letting him or his friends use her bathroom. She is justified in refusing, I think, but he should have still gone to the School or behind the bushes in the first place...

Perhaps the woman was encouraging our hero to use the lawn, and all the TP still hanging from the bushes and trees from last Hallowee'en?

I'm going to have a big mastiffy dog every day of my life. I don't want to be afraid when I get old and crotchety. I just want to be old and crochety......hugging bunnies since 1969

You mean you aren't there already, Daph?

This is why even though I am often running in a neighborhood full of houses when the unstoppable urge hits, I never stop and ask them if I may come in and use their toilet. I know they would say no. I just poo in their yard instead! (OK, I'm kidding, I don't poo in their yard. I look for a port-a-potty, or use a field if I'm out in the country.)

Bilgepump, don't make me smack you with my cane and then lob my bottle of Geritol at your head with my arthritic elbow cracking like a bag of broken crackers.
Damn kids.....;).....hugging bunnies since 1969

I don't think you're crazy for thinking this is still funny, Timbob. I wrote a story about "My Best Friend's Pudding" which has similar events. Well, similar in that we were both laughing at our friends running down the road with crap in their pants. How many people have you told this story to? I told her "Shitty Day" story to her husband a few days after they first met!

Daphne, you poor dear. Doesn't it hurt to hug bunnies with your arthritic elbow?

you know, ms. bushes just made me think of a point i forgot to bring up earlier. i'd be far more likely to let a woman i've never met into my house, than a strange man. in fact, i probably wouldn't even think twice about it. unless she was clearly unhinged or something.

Today, in honor of this story, I almost walked right into a private Catholic High School to see whether anyone would stop me if I said I had to poo. I lost my nerve, though. Maybe next time.

These days, In the Bushes, it's harder to go into a school, even if it's just to use the bathroom. If you were to walk into any of the schools here, you would have to go to the administration office, explain your situation, and hope they give you a temp. visitor ID badge AND have someone escort you to the bathroom. They usually just escort you OUT of the building unless there's a bathroom in or next to the office, though.
They've tightened security quite a bit here the past couple of years. It's just as well. At least my kids are that much safer.

This poopreport happened years ago, though. So, unless it was summer, there's no reason why this kid couldn't have tried the school.

one time i pooped my pants at school, I was 11 and i didnt have the nerve to tell the teacher. so i ended up getting yelled at for having bad hygiene. feces 4eva

That was funny! Although I can't write like a million words on it like other people can, I can say "Poor guy." It's funny because I've heard stories like that about my friend's grandparents and things like that but I haven't heard stories like that out of school, so it's good it's not just me and my friends who talk about wierd things like this. Thanks for telling the story!
~Little Piece of Poo~

Wow, that sucks. I really feel bad for the kid. And if I were him, I definitely would've gone on the grass. Who says no to a kid who's gotta use the bathroom? I've let drunken football fans use the restroom at my house plenty of times because I'm compassionate that way (and I screen them, too...I only let the ones in that weren't too drunk and weren't weird looking)

one time my brother pooped himself in preschool because the teacher wouldnt let him go.He came home with a plastic bag full of pants undies and shit.

Yes, it does. I'm glad bunnies are soft so I don't have to hug hard.

Toilet Tuck, you couldn't believe how many people have come to this website telling us a story like that. I made up my mind years ago if someone did that to one of my kids, then there would be some serious turd terrorism.

We at poopreport neither condone or endorse turd terrorism......hugging bunnies since 1969

toilet MUCK, thank you very much.

...uhm...Hi you don't know me... but can I forcibly squirt my hot shitloaf somewhere in your house?

no? why not?

guffaw...priceless...

oh man thats funny as hell. i feel bad for him but them again if it were me i would not have let him use the bathroom !

I have always lived in an apartment. When workmen come to fix things and ask to use the bathroom, I always let them. I may not be so agreeable if I were to live in a house and a stranger comes knocking. Then again, if I have seen the guy before with someone I know, I would certainly let him. Don't forget we have all been in the situation of great emergency when we beg to use a restaurant toilet without haven eaten there!

I don't know if I would have let someone in to stink up my bathroom either, but I don't quite feel bad for him either. If I were him, I would have taken a nice steamy squat on her porch.

That's why it's nice to have two bathrooms. One for your use and one for visitors.

The other option would have been to let him do his duty, wipe with a newspaper and then deliver it the customer you liked least.

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

good story, well written
*Elphaba))

Perhaps she simply didn't understand the severity of the situation. Few of us are shameless enough to admit we're about to crap our pants!
My brother once pushed me into a mud puddle the size of a pond and I had to walk home with the mud drying on me. Imagine the feeling of walking home with diarrhea running down your legs and squishing between your cheeks. Poor dude!
Have a crappy day!
La Petomaine

I can't imagine having the nerve to walk up to someone's front door and ask if I could use their bathroom. Tim's friend was obviously in distress for awhile leading up to this, so why didn't he find some bushes back of the elementary school, or even head back home as soon as the urge first started?

That being said, the genius of this story is how it is written. So many of us cruder narrators go for the grunt-by-grunt description that literally shoves the reader's face in the pot (not that that's not funnyashell sometimes). Timbob, on the other hand, employs the minimalist approach. As Logjam noted, "It works much like a Hitchcock thriller, focusing on the more subtle features (the look at you across the street, the shaking of the leg), trusting that we know the gory details and don't need them spelled out." This is actually the way I like to read about sex--the more that is left to the imagination, the more fun it is for me as the reader.

It is a shame that Timbob was evidently a "one-shit wonder." I liked his style and would enjoy more of the same.

I agree Dumpster. I too like the style - an absence of the hyperbole and over-dramatisation that characterises some stories we see.