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The Poops Of My Life

Posted 12.21.2005 by doniker (1517)
When I was a kid my parents never let us have pets. They kept a relatively clean house and always refused to put up with the mess that animals make; also, my brother and I were bad enough. I always complained that I wanted a pet and couldn't understand Mom and Dad's logic against it -- until now. Today, as an adult in a house full of filthy animals, I see my parents' point of view.

My wife is a big animal lover and has passed this trait to our nine-year-old daughter. To date we have one dog, three cats, two birds, one hamster, and nine goldfish. At one time we had four birds and twelve hamsters. At the time I started to cohabitate with my wife -- about ten years ago, when I was thirty-two -- she had only two cats and two birds, and I think my stepson had hamsters or mice. Other than the occasional cat hair in the butter dish or skidmarks on my pillowcase, I tolerated the mess. (Being in a new relationship, one doesn't always bitch and complain a lot if one wants to get laid.) I think the first time I lost it was when my wife hung the birdcage from the kitchen ceiling and the birds would flutter around, their feathers, food, and fecal matter leaving the cage and landing wherever... sometimes in the dinner I was ready to eat.

But that was nothing compared with my life these days. And it's not only the freaky fecal episodes of the animals that bother me. Growing up, the only time I experienced fecal matter in the house was in the bathroom. Today I experience it everywhere. I'm no angel, and I will admit that living with my gas attacks is no picnic, and that I can destroy a toilet with the best of them; but my wife and my daughter and the all the animals are driving me nuts.

The Wife. A lot of women are shy about shitting and farting in front of others, especially their significant other. I once dated a girl for five years and never recall hearing her fart; I don't think she ever dropped a load. I like that sort of woman. Don't get me wrong -- I enjoy a good tale from a female PoopReporter, but I prefer the woman I live with and fuck to be fecal free. Well, after over ten years together, my wife has no shame in ripping massive farts and leaving skid marks on the toilet seat; and believe me, she can stink up a bathroom as good as any man.

The Child. A few years back I told PoopReport how my wife was always the one on cleanup detail after our daughter dropped a loaf. Our daughter is now nine years old and finally she wipes her own ass; but she will only use wet wipes. Since we don't want a garbage can full of stinky, shit-crusted wipes, we buy the "flushable wipes," and those suckers ain't cheap. This damn wet wipe addiction is forcing my daughter into a life of Shameful Shitting. It seems that nearly every time I pick her up from school she wants to rush home immediately due to the fact that she was been "holding it" all day. She just refuses to use the dry toilet paper at school. I love the child and want her to be happy, but I have certainly survived using dry paper for over forty years... and those flushable wet wipes are expensive...

The Dog. Dixie, our four-year-old sheltie, rarely has an accident. I can't remember the last time she shit in the house -- probably not since she was a pup. This dog can really hold a load and has an iron bladder; I've witnessed her go up to eighteen hours without pissing. My problem with the dog is that she shits ALL OVER the yard. Instead of squatting and dropping a pile, Dixie will drop a nugget, move a foot, drop a nugget, move a foot, and continue this up to twenty times per defecation. The dog spends a fair amount of time outside and when she sees a stranger or hears something odd she will run around like a maniac, galloping through her own shit, mud, and whatever else is on the ground. The dog will then come into the house, run on the carpet, and jump on the furniture and the beds with her dookie-covered paws. What burns me is that my wife has the nerve to bitch me out if I walk on the carpet with my shoes on -- even after I wiped them. The only other thing about this dog is that Dixie is a cat shit eater. I have on occasion caught her with her head in the litter box. We feed the dog well, but I guess kitty poop is a doggie delicacy.

Cat One. Max is fourteen years old, blind, and has chronic diarrhea. The vet told my wife four years ago to put Max to sleep and out of his misery; but the wife just won't submit. This cat can really blast ass -- once he shot a watery load all over the side of the dryer about two feet from the ground. This cat shits and pukes everywhere. He tries to make it to the litter box but often he "craps out" or gets confused. About a month ago my wife spent $700 on a new living room chair that has now become Max's favorite spot to sleep. I have witnessed him use the litter box and immediately head for this new chair, his ass hair crusted in liquid poop. The cat also uses the new chair as a scratching post and has already frayed several threads.

Cat Two. Ziggy is an outdoor cat. He only has three legs -- he lost a front leg to cancer about four years ago. He can still kill birds and moles and he gets in his share of raccoon fights... he is a tough old bastard. Everyone in the neighborhood feeds him; he will disappear for up to five days at a time and come home happy and well fed. Since the cat is getting older my wife tries to keep Ziggy inside, especially during bad weather, but the cat will let out this fucking annoying cry and scratch at the door. If that doesn't work, Ziggy has a trick that will surely gets us to boot his ass outside: he will shamelessly shit in front of us. Many a time my wife has insisted on keeping Ziggy inside for his own good, like after he gets his ass kicked by a raccoon. This makes the cat rebel and the rotten prick will walk right up to us, perhaps when we are watching the tube, look us dead in the eye, and blatantly drop a steaming pile.

Last year when we went on vacation we kept all three cats in the basement for a week. My stepson and parents came over daily to feed the cats. Ziggy shat all over the basement regularly and refused to use the litter box. My stepson told us that one day he stopped over and Ziggy made several attempts to get outside. After the cat gave up he lay down on his side, looked at my stepson, and just squeezed out a monster log.

Cat Three. Puss-Puss is only two years old and is still mischievous. My only problem with her is that she will use the litter box after Max paints it with diarrhea, and then she'll sit on the furniture with kitty litter and Max's dung all over her backside.

The Birds. As I said earlier, all kinds of crap flies from bird cages. We started out two years ago with one male canary, and that was tolerable. When the thing stopped singing my wife figured it was lonely. We bought an inexpensive companion -- a male finch. The two birds would fight regularly, so my wife bought another cage in order to separate the birds. Now we had two lonely birds. My wife's solution was to go out and buy a female canary and a female finch. We had to keep the cages at the highest point in the house -- on top of our five-foot-high entertainment center -- because Puss Puss desperately wants a bird to chomp on. So the top of the entertainment center, the television, and the DVD player -- not to mention the carpet -- is always littered with bird shit, birdseed, and feathers. Thankfully we managed to get rid of the finches, which cuts down on the mess.

The Hamster. The funniest and the grossest display in my house comes courtesy our hamster and his infamous Wheel of Shit. I don't know if anyone is familiar with these newfangled cages in which the hamster exercise wheel is enclosed and on top of the cage. The hamster can climb through a tube to access the wheel, which is sealed except for a few air slits. Hamsters are filthy rodents that drop little turds constantly; needless to say, this wheel is crusted with a trail of smeared crap and the little fucker runs and runs and shits and shits. It is so fucking nasty and, especially at three AM, annoying. I just know fecal matter is flying through those air slits. We keep the hamster cage up next to the birdcage because the Puss Puss also wants that hamster for dinner.

I can't believe we haven't caught a weird disease living under these conditions. I panic if I see a fly in the house -- odds are it was just sitting on an animal turd minutes earlier. But I am outnumbered two to one in the household; so I guess I must learn to make all feces my friend, and try and enjoy my household of filth.



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SamDamnit (1191) -- 12.21.2005

Holy Crap! That house sounds like a nightmare. You should move out. I don't say that because of the animals. I am talking about your wife. How can she possibly leave skidmarks on the toilet? I mean; she would almost have to doo it on purpose. You might want to reconsider who you think is leaving skid marks on th pillow.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://groups.myspace.com/THECHURCHOFPOOP

Logjam (2356) -- 12.21.2005

Thanks, doniker. You never fail to make me feel better about my own situation. However, you neglected to complain about the nine shitting gold fish, and that would have made me feel even better.

Bunga Din (1238) -- 12.21.2005

Doniker, I reccommend listening to "Lipstick on your collar" by Connie Francis and substituting skidmark on the pillow, update it and you may have a hit.

Cracktacular (228) -- 12.21.2005

Doniker, everything in your house is contaminated. Get out. Get out now while you still can! I know from living with animals that, although they freely share their shit, we still become hopelessly attached to them. Are you particularly attached to these animals? What if they started to have "accidents" or "get lost?" This solution is harsh, but perhaps necessary.

General Colon Pow (86) -- 12.21.2005

Doniker- when reading your great stories, I am always torn between uproarious laughter and the sober contemplation of the living hell that is your life! I feel guilty laughing, because this is not fiction, but your life.
I am counting my blessings- as my two dogs are very clean- and the only extratoiletrial contact I have with feces, is the numerous cow pies that festoon my property- which can be annoying at night....but even under the worst case scenario are nothing compared to ones house being smeared by feces from several different species!
Oh...and you've GOT to break your daughter of the expensive asswipe habit! Maybe a 12-pat program or something...but for goodness' sake, for her own good! Teach her to do the major wiping with toilet paper.... and use the asswipe for the final wipe- just to get the very last hard-to-get residue. (My goodness, you must spend $100 on those things!)

C Everett Poop (587) -- 12.21.2005

Doniker, I feel much better about my own life after reading about yours. I have two labradors that are spotless and have never had an accident that I can remember, and they are seven years old. Keep up the good work.

CC (not verified) -- 12.21.2005

Oh the pain.I tought Santa had it tough cleaning up after the reindeer.May The Poop Gods bless you during The Holidays.

Courier (not verified) -- 12.21.2005

Doniker, all you need now is a Greyhound. Not the animal but a bus ticket anywhere.

AssBlaster2000 (1117) -- 12.21.2005

General, "extratoiletrial contact" is hilarious.

With regards to cat poop, my cat smears her ass all over two of our carpets, in the computer room aka litterbox room, whose carpet is sky blue and about 30 years old, and the dining room, whose carpet is puke brown, also 30 years old, and that we plan to replace with hardwood soon. The computer room carpet is encrusted with flecks of brown. I don't care, and we won't replace it until we find another place for the catbox. I'd rather have the cat poop on the shitty carpet than our expensive furniture, the good carpet in the living room, game room, and bedroom, or our bed. We trash our computer room anyway. It's our pig room and I think I know the cats know that.

On the subject of birds, I always kept them growing up, and I had a friend whose mom had about 10 parrots. I had parakeets with mini-turds that were easy to clean up. This family's house had poop EVERYWHERE. It was gross. The birds pooped on the walls and everywhere they could, and these were exotic birds who subsisted solely on fruit. One of those crapped on me at a bird sanctuary in Florida, and it was all fruity and full of seeds. This family's living room walls were also fruity and full of seeds.

Julie Childs Evil twin (not verified) -- 12.21.2005

Feed your family a delicious dinner of poodle shit sauteed in cat urine, its a delicacy in France and maybe they'll get the message - enough shit already.

Lahey's shit hawk (not verified) -- 12.22.2005

Your dog goes dumpster diving in the cat box too?? I thought my dog was the only one that goes out of his way to much on cat turds.

The Shit Volcano (3652) -- 12.22.2005

Yes, Lahey, my dogs eat Kitty Roca, too.

At my house it's not shit, but piss that's a problem. My dad's 17-year-old basset, who refused to keel over when he did, has a mental problem and kidney failure. This means she pisses on the floor wherever she wants. My female puppy refuses to be potty trained because the vet fucked up her bladder when she was spayed. Then there's the little terrier I use for a football, who marks every item in the house. This doesn't happen as frequently since I started using him for a mop.

The cats piss on anything the dogs sleep on. Unfortunately they have destroyed two of our chairs that I now have to try and save with a steam cleaner. The female cats in my house are the sprayers for some reason.

I think I'd go insane if the shit factor were added in as well.

Great comment!
Mrs. Doniker (not verified) -- 12.23.2005

For the record, I don't leave skid marks on the toilet seat. I have hemeroids that bleed, and sometimes the dried blood gets up my crack and I don't realize it's there, leaving a mark on the toilet seat. I try to clean it up when I catch it, but sometimes at night it slips by me. Also, any stinking up of the bathroom I do is totally a payback to Doniker, who often drops his pants, spreads his ass cheeks, and farts at me. Trust me, he has it coming.

Logjam (2356) -- 12.24.2005

Dear Mrs Doniker. Thanks for filling us in with your side of the story. But there has never been any doubt in my mind that doniker (he likes to use a small d, perhaps you can tell us why) is lucky as hell to have any woman who will put up with him. God bless you.

LadyCrohn (12) -- 12.28.2005

Wow. That had to make me laugh. We have 6 cats and a new pup. The pup hasn't had too many accidents and is going through a good potty training regiment. The cats, though.... I don't know which ones do it, but there is one area in our house where the cats like to poop on the carpet. I have to constantly clean it up. And we have two litter boxes than we scoop regularly! One is upstairs, and the other is downstairs....only feet away from the infamous poop party on the carpet. I love my cats, but sometimes I just don't understand their motives.

KeepOnCrappin (545) -- 12.28.2005

We need to add extratoiletrial contact to the PR dictionary.

La Petomaine (71) -- 12.29.2005

Thanks for the hilarious rant!
It inspired a few comments:
In my house, we appreciate the wet wipes and yes, they're expensive, but well worth it! One of these days I may invest in a Biffy.
Mine is also an Animal House. I'm divorced but my ex-husband and I are on amicable terms, so he comes to visit my son, and when he has to go out of town he drops off his immortal cat, Boston, who won't come out except to drink and whose crap I always find cloistered behind something when I decide to move furniture.
I've got 5 cats of my own.
P.E. is 13 years old and has terrible arthritis. He can't climb into the cat box so I put down puppy piddle pads for him. He'll pee right in the middle of the pad but then crap over the edge onto the floor! I have yet to figure this behavior out.
Isis, fortunately, goes outside. But like your cat, she has a horrible, annoying yowl when not released soon enough. Luckily she's too prim and proper to drop a load in front of me. Or maybe she's just afraid of getting her ass kicked?
The other cats are young enough that they usually use the litterbox. Unless they're following the Trail of P.E. before I've had a chance to clean it up.
My dachshund Mia must be a psychic twin with your dog. She also won't stay in one place to finish pooping. She also snacks from the cat box. Then she wonders why I won't let her lick my face!
My other dog Cujo isn't too bad except that whenever we go for a walk, he waits until we are far from a trash can to take a dump, so I have to walk along holding a sack of crap until we find a convenient trash can.
The rabbit, Daria, is a pleasant enough pet, but she poops all the time. How do people litter box train a rabbit? I've never figured this out!
Only the betta fish's poop isn't particularly bothersome. He doesn't need to eat very much so he doesn't poop a lot. Much cleaner than goldfish!
When my birds died, I never replaced them. Beautifully feathered flying shithouses is how I've come to think of birds.
Thanks for the Fun with Pets stories.
But I must remind all you dudes out there who think you'd prefer a woman who doesn't do the doo--
Think how she'd smell if she didn't release it sometime!
Have a crappy day!
La Petomaine

Mein Grossen Sc... (29) -- 12.29.2005

Yep, dogs and cats do this for real.

Caught the neighbor's poodle cross on our lawn one time, poor annoying little git couldn't hear too well, and it was facing the other way, so I tiptoed up to it, stood right over top in a wide stance, and screamed "BOOGAH!!!" Well, you should have seen it. The little blighter hit the deck as though expecting an incoming barrage of artillery. Kinda went down in a spread-eagled fashion. Then, after un-torqueing its asshole a few inch-pounds, it hit the afterburners and bolted for home, erstwhile dropping turds at regular intervals as if trying to distract an incoming missile.

Then visiting my wife's parents the damn cat kept yowling and howling. We all thought it was because the cat was in heat and couldn't find any action. But as it turned out, on one of my many trips to the litter box to shush the cat, the sonofabitch was up on its forelegs, with it's single hind leg in the box, trying to push out a continuous mass of shit that must have been a foot long already!

Anonymous Coward, since I can't think of anything clever (not verified) -- 01.04.2006

LadyCrohn--I read recently in a pet magazine that you should have at least one litter box for EVERY CAT! For SIX cats, you should have, ideally, 7 litter boxes! But where on earth can anyone tuck SEVEN litterboxes?!? Also, why not just put a litter box ON TOP OF the "poop party"? Just wondering. :)

L Wrong Hubbard (216) -- 01.06.2006

Okay, that is vile. I used to live with my brother, his wife, their 2 dogs and cats and tortoise... The hair was the worst. EVERYWHERE. Animals belong in the wild. I feel your pain man

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

The Dumpster (2510) -- 01.09.2006

Doniker, reading your posts is like listening to Conway Twitty: I know there is always somebody out there with more woman trouble than I have!

Keep it coming, buddy!

LadyCrohn (12) -- 01.10.2006

7 litter boxes in one home....do you realize how much litter would be necessary to purchase? Wow. My cats get along pretty well with 2 boxes. We recently bought an animal replent spray....seems to work fair enough. There are only two issues...you have to respray every 24 hours and it seems to repel humans, too.

And I agree, where would I put all of the litter boxes? I mean, I don't think I have enough rooms to put 1 in each. Goodness gracious.

NoPoop4You (1) -- 07.08.2006

I just read this story, and I have to say I can completly agree and understand everything you have to say. I live in a house with 5 indoor cats and one indoor/outdoor dog. Everyday without fail, I step into at least 1 nice cold hidden pee spot in the carpet that squishes between my toes. I get to play log dodge with the MANY piles that the dog leaves all around the house (but mainly in my 6 y/o daughters bedroom). I live in a mobile home, so I get to smell cat piss in every room because I have a charming feline companion that pisses into the A/C vents (located on floor). And the litter box... conveniently located right by the washer and dryer, I often get a nice pair of undies on in the morning that have specs of cat litter in them because wifey-poo dropped them "accidentally" into the litter that gets dragged onto the floor after kitty gets done sharing the scent of love. But the fun does not stop there!! I can no longer use the bathtub in my house because another one of my cats decided he wants the luxury litter box, thank god I have a seperate shower with a closing door (my cat poop free zone - YAY!!!). And just like you Doniker, the wife refuses to get rid of the animals!!!

daphne (3325) -- 07.08.2006

I have 2 guinea pigs, 2 dogs, one large, and 4 cats, and our house doesn't smell in the least. With the exception of one cat who will pee on Gator's dogbed about once a month (which I fill with cedar chips), they are all house trained.

We have 5 boxes that were very easy to hide. Where there's a will, there's a way.

I think that your cats and dog pee in the trailer so much because their scent is now saturated the floor. With the exception of tearing the carpet up, you may be doomed.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 07.08.2006

Cool. This was the very FIRST story I commented on. I was "Anonymous Coward Because I Can't Think Of Anything Clever".

Doniker's list of woes is an interesting commentary of the degrees of stuff with which people will live. I have friends who, like L.Wrong, believe animals should NEVER be allowed in the house. Animal lovers can never have these people over, since the guests will invariably have to resort to their inhalers.

Then there are homes like doniker's and NoPoop4You's, which is like mine when I was growing up: coming down the stairs in the morning and stepping in a cold pile of crap (we had brown carpet). In addition, our dog would steal the empty cat food cans out of the trash (he'd lift any lid, or just dump it over), and he'd take the can somewhere in the house to lick it clean. People would come over and there'd be cat food cans littered around.

My mom didn't clean any of this up, and I was a kid; I didn't know I was supposed to, since no one told me. When I married my husband, he came from a NO PETS background, and it's been an interesting development of what we consider an acceptable pet-ness in our home.

The Dumpster (2510) -- 07.08.2006

How timely! Today, Dumpster accidentally discovered on his screened porch four little black kittens. I can ony surmise the breeze blew the door open just enough to let them in, and then blew it shut so they couldn't get out.

Now, I haven't had a pet since my beloved old cat Star was lilled by dogs about 2 1/2 years ago. There is some peace in this, also some freedom, but also some loneliness. Little Dumpster really loves animals, and has a lot at his mom's house.

So do I keep any or all of these kittens? Right now, they are safely ensconced in my upstairs bathroom, where there is really nothing for them to hurt.

I will get up in the morning and decide what to do. LD will love it; Hermione will love it; and I just need to decide if that is enough to make me love it, too.

Any advice will be welcome.

_______
Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

Double Flush (582) -- 07.09.2006

Dumpster, I would keep the cats. At the same time, perhaps go around and ask if anyone lost some cats. If not, love 'em! I really think cats are great pets, and as you mentioned, Hermoine and LD would love it. If no one claims them, keep them.

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Logjam (2356) -- 07.09.2006

Dumpster. Too late for advice. Whether you like it or not, you now have 4 black cats. It was over the moment you took them inside the house.

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 07.09.2006

Awwww. Kitties! :] I would say keep 2 of them so they'd have a playmate, and find a nice home for the other 2. 4 cats is a LOT of cats.

In fact, where I live, if you have more than 2 of anything, you're considered a rancher, and the authorities can make you get rid of the pet overages.

2 cats can be a lot of fun, but keep at least one!

AssBlaster2000 (1117) -- 07.09.2006

2 cats is a buttload of fun. I say keep at least 2 and if your house/property is big enough just keep all 4. I would probably be tempted to get more but we don't really have a good space for another litterbox.

The Shit Volcano (3652) -- 07.10.2006

Dumpster, it sounds like you have been blessed by the kitty fairy. She comes in the night with a sack full of kittens and leaves one of the doorstep of each deserving kitty fan. Sounds like she really likes you!

Seriously, keep the kitties. They'll deal with the mice, keep your feet warm in the winter, and are a target for all sorts of horrible torment when boredom strikes!

_______
"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

The Shit Volcano (3652) -- 07.10.2006

PS to GGG, if you think four cats is a lot of cats, try seven. The kitty fairy REALLY likes me!

_______
"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

The Dumpster (2510) -- 07.10.2006

The mother cat showed up yesterday morning, and I gave her two little girls back to her. The two little boys are going to live with me and LD.

Since these cats are basically wild, with no human acclimatization at all, I spent yesterday getting them to eat tuna fish out of my fingers, without eating my fingers. (These boogers are little, but they have some TEETH!)

Although they are both boys, one of them is provisionally named Dumpster, and one Hermione. Dumpster is the outgoing, trusting, wide-eyed one, who gets all up in my face and meows a lot. Hermione sits over on the edge of the bed, silently scoping everything out from a distance, until he is ready to pounce.

_______
Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

Violet (not verified) -- 07.19.2006

My goodness...we sound like in the same boat but no cats. I have a 7 yr old female dog and a 1 year old male pit. We now have 4 pups. I have 4 hamsters also. Who cleans all the mess? ME! It sucks. I love my animals but I would appreciate the help when my husband comes home from work. The 7 yr old female is my dog. She is a wonderful dog and doesn't piss or poo in house. But I let the male dog go outside in the morning...and then we let him back in, then take my husband 2 work and come back and the damn dog had pissed all over my bed.

The Dumpster (2510) -- 07.19.2006

Both the dog and the husband would be in the doghouse, if it were me, Violet.

Poonanza (52) -- 09.20.2006

Oh man. My friend had this rat-terrier chihuahua mix, who would poo all over the house. I shit you not, we didn't feed it all day after we cleaned, and still we found 12 turds by the fireplace when I came over after work. She'd piss in the kitchen too. That whore would TEAR the house to shreds. Literal shreds. And she couldn't weigh more than my dick.

Reading that article, had me putting my keyboard away so i could collapse on the desk in tearful laughter. Holy wow. The first two cat stories? Holy wow.

philo fartbaum (not verified) -- 09.21.2006

Holy shit DOniker - send me your address so I can mail you a sympathy card. Your household sounds seriously fucked up. Senile, blind, shitstreaked three-legged cancer cats - that's too fucking weird. Skidmark leaving woman, kid with wetwipe addiction - I feel your pain man.

Hate chihuahuas (not verified) -- 09.21.2006

Poonanza,
Them damn chihuahuas are shirt factories. My dad got one, and the little sonofabitch shit and pissed everywhere. I offered to give him $100 if he'd let me shoot the little rat bastard, but he wouldn't. It was the nastiest house dog you'd ever want to see. Couldn't teach it anything either. It was just fucking stupid.

philo fartbaum (not verified) -- 09.21.2006

Shirt factories??? Do elucidate further upon this phenomenon.

Poonanza (52) -- 09.21.2006

I smell a franchise.

And no, my friend couldn't teach her anything either. I love animals, but I hated her. I find the inbred tiny breeds to be idiotic in general tho.

The Shit Volcano (3652) -- 10.11.2006

That's funny. I own a chihuahua and she has been paper trained since six months old. In fact, she refuses to go anywhere but on her puppy pad. She has been housetrained at a much earlier age than any of my other dogs. You must have gotten a defective chihuahua. Better send it back to the shirt factory.

_______
"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

Becca (not verified) -- 12.02.2006

Wow...that's alot of shit to deal with on a daily basis.

healthy 1 (1421) -- 12.02.2006

Wow Doniker, all of that shit would make me grumpy.

As for the cat/ scratching post, I can relate .

God bless animal lovers. It sounds like you have a pretty full house.

Good article.
_______
Watch out for the deadly F4, though he's been gone since '53, he will be back.

DungDaddy (1364) -- 12.21.2006

I knew when I read, "50 filthy animals," that there would be a comment coming from Daphne.

The Thunderous ... (653) -- 12.21.2006

Ah nice to see the old lady likes ripping farts and taking dumps with the best of them but I happen to agree with YOU if shes my girl I would PREFER she not do that in front of me but if you can stand it then its true love.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

runninggrrl2 (170) -- 12.21.2006

Ugh, shelties are notorious for eating "tootsie rolls" out of the litter box. My parents have 5 shelties and FINALLY got rid of the cat they had. Those stupid dogs used to fight over access to the cat poop. The worst part was that my parents let those dogs French kiss them....yeah, tongue and all. NASTY. I'm glad my dog doesn't have that habit and I'm also glad I'm sane enough to not let my dog lick my tongue.


_______
An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Miss Simone Scat (570) -- 06.15.2007

I am still laughing. Thanks!!!!
Producing waste since 1967

Toots N. McCrack (160) -- 06.15.2007

'extratoiletrial contact'
YES! That's the perfect word for it! That's been my life for almost 30 years.... many, many species' feces worth.... But properly contained and not in crucial sanitary places in my home! Talk to a trainer!!!! There are techniques that can be taught so that your non-human companions will eliminate appropriately. May take a little time to enforce, but well worth the effort!

_______
'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

The Shit Volcano (3652) -- 06.19.2007

I was reminded of this story when I came home today. We have seven cats and I usually take care of their litter box problems. Today I dreaded coming come after four days of the cats alone in their kitty room. Surprisingly, there was only one mess to clean up and absolutely no cat barf. I turned to the cats and asked what was wrong with them. They only stared.

That only mess was from one of our cats (I haven't figure out which one) who has taken to spraying the cat box. Why? I can't figure it out. Cats are so fucking weird!

_______
Behold! My new farting super power! BRAPP!!!

Chuck (283) -- 06.19.2007

doniker, I think Al Bundy feels sympathy toward you. Hang in there big fellah.

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 04.15.2008

Three years later and your story is still inspiring all to stay single and clean.
Leykis 101

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