The Dracula Solution To Hemorrhoids

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Editor's note: I don't have hemorrhoids. But after reading this email, I kind of wish I did so that I could try this remedy out.

I know that one of you good people reading this right now is suffering from the pain of piles. Please, for the sake of inflamed ringpieces everywhere, try this out and let us know if it works!

---------- Received message ----------

Date: Wed, 27 May 2009 02:47:16 -0400

From: qi______od@yahoo.com

To: dave@poopreport.com

Subject: general submission

I just want to say this to somebody who cares about buttholes: garlic cures hemorrhoids! I read it in a book of midwifery, and put it in into practice after giving birth. I'm talking overnight relief. You just have to peel a clove and put it in your butt. Nobody seems to know about this -- get the word out!

75 Comments on "The Dracula Solution To Hemorrhoids"

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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Wow! When I read the title, I thought you were going to bite them.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
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me too! I though now how in the hell am I going to convince someone to bite my roid and suck the blood out.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Loocretia Kornmush's picture
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A better title might have been "HOW TO KEEP VAMPIRES OUT OF YOUR CORNHOLE". But I wouldn't doubt that garlic cures roids, it cures everything else. I talked to a guy one time who swore on a stack of bibles that a sliced garlic poultice cured him of facial skin cancer.

Cannabem liberemus!

El Scumbag's picture
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This is very true and goes back in history as a remedy, beyond the Romans to ancient Greece, I believe. Garlic is a natural antiseptic for the fissures and like all members of the onion family, is a stool softener.

In the interests of research, when I was recently troubled by my unwelcome bunghole-guest Sir Clement Pink (see the forums) I tried inserting a garlic clove into my chuffbox to see whether it worked. I cannot say for sure whether it would make the makers of Anusol worried, because it stung like fuck and I had to push it out after a few seconds, subsequently calming my inflamed ringpiece with my miracle pile cream SCHIROPROCT, followed by a suppository of the same. However, should he ever return to haunt my back door, I will be a good poopreporter and bear the initial sting to see if the garlic actually makes much difference.

plop cop's picture
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You gotta be kidding. I've eaten garlic and it is pungent and packs some heat. Piles are a "little tender". You get a garlic clove near my touchole and I'll do bad things, very bad. Scummy, that you've actually put a clove of garlic up your shit chute before and are ready to do it again for the sake of our knowledge, you ARE the man sir, just not the man who I want to be next to with a "fire in the hole" so to speak.

Now that's what a men's room is supposed to smell like!

Professor Packinfudge's picture
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I seem to remember in Japan they believed live eels had the same ANALgesic effect, at least that's I told the missus for watching that online meme of the girl shooting eels out her backdoor.

sittingpretty's picture
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Lol.Funny Scummy. Anusol HC the prescription burns my butt the same way garlic burns. That might help internal hemmorhoids but how does sticking the toes in the rectum going to deliver healing to external roids. I needed a remedy last week. This week it is improving. I was alreading stining real bad last week. I f would have rubbed garlic on my open hemroid our poopreporters down under would have heard me screaming!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Maximus Poopius's picture
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I too had visions of 'bleeding out' a hemorrhoid. Yuk!

I'm wondering if crushed garlic applied like a poultice might not be more effective. You'd certainly get the 'benefit' of all the juices immediately, rather than feeling like there was 'something up there' all the time.

In the interests of following this story up is there a brave volunteer (not me) prepared to spend his/her time sitting on cold walls, lifting heavy items and straining on the toilet to bring out a few love beads in order to try this theory?

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The tiger stripes you left in my toilet are just not acceptable

The tiger stripes you left in my toilet are just not acceptable

phatmanxxl's picture
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Call it "Preparation G"

ChiliKahKah's picture
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Do it Emeril style and pop it on there and say BAM !

daphne's picture
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If I do try this, I'm not telling anyone.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

HowleyKook's picture
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I wonder what that does to the aroma...
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Happy Crappin'
Homegrown Media Network

Happy Crappin'
Homegrown Media Network

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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My dearest darling Daphne. If you try this, and you do not tell anyone, Might you be stripped of the title of poopreporter?

Nine Inch Log's picture
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If I had hemorrhoids I would try this, and would write up a very detailed report. If it works maybe we can all send a box of garlic to Dick Cheney.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Nine Inch Log's picture
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Oops, sorry about my spelling. On blackberry.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Bran Lover's picture
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Nine Inch, please don't send in pictures though. Thank you.

Story, yes. Pictures, NO!


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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Scummy.....Please excuse my late reply to your scholarly discussion of garlic up the poop chute but I have been out of town attending my grandsons high school graduation.

Garlic has indeed been used as a medicinal since ancient times. Honey, another ancient medicinal, also has antibacterial qualities. I wonder if the garlic were dipped in honey first if the sting would be lessened?

OH yes......thank you for adding "chuffbox" to my ever growing list of UK slang terms, it adds an air of dignity to my cursing and gives me a great deal of respect from my hillbilly friends.

br>_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Russell's picture
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Interesting...
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Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen

Bran Lover's picture
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Garlic is an anitfungal. Wonder if 'roids are related to mushrooms.


_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Bran Lover's picture
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Sigh...

Waiting for the comment to upload, wishing I could stop it....

Nooooo! I mistyped AGAIN! Now, do you speak typo?

antifungal antifungal antifungal.... :D

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Vinegar as well as garlic is touted as a cure-all, I wonder if a few squirts of good vinegar up the old keister orifice would do any good?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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As long as you are not an anti-fun-gal.

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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You are correct Chief, according to Dr. D.C. Jarvis' book "Folk Medicine" vinegar can cure about everything. Claims almost identical to the Kombucha people. Lowering the body PH might improve health. Most of the acid in my diet is from peppers and kim chee.

I disagree with your idea of vinegar enema however. It might pucker your starfish down till you'd be pooping a long brown spaghetti string. Fun for sidewalk art, but impractical for everyday life.

sittingpretty's picture
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Ha ha ha, I will know when I try vinagar enema because I will hear you scream like a girl from the deep south.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Captain Craptastic's picture
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I am relieved to see that my first impression was wrong! I saw the title and thought about a vampire biting and sucking blood from some massively pendulous hemorrhoids. Scary mental image of that! I've heard of ass-licking, but ass-biting is out of the question!!!

Besides, what if the gerbil bites back?!?
----Captain Craptastic!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

prarie doggin's picture
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I wasn't too sure about this story either. Just to play it safe, I'm sleeping on my back from now on.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Sticking garlic up your butt would be unique in that garlic might actually improve the smell of something!!


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Charles Pookowski's picture
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If nothing else, the aroma of your garlic-tinged releases would provide you with a little slice of Italy.


_______
"There was nothing really as glorious as a good beer shit. I mean after drinking twenty or twenty-five beers the night before. It made you realize that you were really alive.”-C.Bukowski

"There was nothing really as glorious as a good beer shit. I mean after drinking twenty or twenty-five beers the night before. It made you realize that you were really alive.”

cynthia's picture
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I've read about using garlic for hemorrhoids relief. Although I haven't tried it yet, I wouldn't recommend it for those who have bleeding hemorrhoids. That would really sting...

Thunderbox's picture
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Instead of ramming a clove of raw garlic up your chuff, I suppose you could use those tubes of crushed garlic as a kind of `roid cream.

The voice of sanity

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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A large scallion would be easy to insert and if you left the green part hanging out it would also be easy to remove. Since they are in the same family I wonder if it would do any good?
You could also do the same thing with a fresh garlic shoot, you could lubricate then with olive oil or a good Italian dressing.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

sittingpretty's picture
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Chief< having a scallion hanging out of the butt looks hilarious in my mind.Lol. Have you tried it. I didnt hear you scream, so i assume you havent tried the vinager enema yet.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

prarie doggin's picture
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Chief, if you use enough scallions, and accessorize you could march in next years Mardi Gras.

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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Chief Thunderbutt, inventor of the salad shooter. You might want to change from scallions to leeks. (or not)

prarie doggin's picture
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Just stay away from artichokes. Ouch.

sittingpretty's picture
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The title is perfect. It leads one to believe that some crazy loon sucks hemroids for a living.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
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ITs strictly volunteer work, SP. I fix vacuum cleaners for a living.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Nine Inch Log's picture
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I can't believe no one has suggested the vinager and baking soda colonic cleanser yet?! Start by pouring some baking soda in the rectum, jump around for a minute, then inject vinager, aim, and FIRE!

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Nine Inch.........A splendid idea for a colonic, it could also be used to extinguish kitchen fires in an emergency.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Bran Lover's picture
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Nine Inch, what are the proportions of this recipe. I want to try it out tonight! Equal parts soda to vinegar?? lol. The kids and I did the volcano experiment last year...

Let's foam at the ass!!!


_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

sittingpretty's picture
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I am not going to hold your hand on this one. I am too much of a ninny to do baking soda and vinagar enema. Chief will do it. Chief likes blow outs.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Well my Dad swears by Garlic, it's been known for centuries for it's healing powers but I never thoght it could cure your Chalfonts St. Giles!! Mind you I have never contemplated inserting garlic up my poop shute or anything else even when the Chalfonts have been bad.
On another note if you are suffernig from a burning ring after a particularly hot Curry or chilly for you guys, natural yoghurt rubbed on the burning area is instant relief!

P.S. This is a Fantastic site just found it the other day Marvellous!!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Thanks for your kind remarks Anonymous Coward, I got a good chuckle from your use of the term
'Chalfonts St. Giles', for all of you readers who didn't understand the reference here is an extract from Wilipedia that explains it; "Chalfonts is one of many variations of Cockney rhyming slang for piles, this is derived from Chalfont St Giles but, as is typical with Cockney rhyming slang, the part of the phrase which rhymes with the derivative is omitted. There is a Viz character named Nobby Piles (itself a euphemism) who uses a range of slang expressions when referring to his hemorrhoids including 'Ooh me chalfonts!'". AC you have identified yourself as a subject of Her Royal Highness the Queen, many of our Poop Reporters dwell in the UK so why don't you sign up and join in the fun?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Poopae Phi's picture
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Its fun to joke about a foaming geyser of fecal mucus but the reality is baking soda and vinegar will make polycarbonate bottles explode- if you have a plump hemorrhoid that turns into a backstop you are going to blow your self right into toxic shock, or firsthand witness what is like to vomit your bowel contents

Internal_arse_lift's picture
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Read this tip too late..... would have given it a go, but i've already had the stapled hemorrhoidectomy.

As operations that involve cutting loose skin up inside your anal cavity and stapling things in place go, it's not too bad.

As a bonus, at least I know my prostrate is ok.

Kalli's picture
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This really works. I read about it years ago in some alternative medicine book and tried it in desperation. Never looked back.
(It seems that it is also a cure for worms too. Yuk!)

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I'm considering this... If all goes well I will report back.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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The day I decided to give this a try we were out of garlic. I reasoned that since onions are in the same family (Alliaceae) an onion would be an acceptable substitute. Does anyone have any advise on how to extract a Vidalia onion from an o-ring? I suppose a leek would have been a better choice.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Wormy Wonder's picture
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I wish i had known this in elementary school when i had an affliction for stuffing things in my butt and a case of the worms!!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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AC....I suspect that you had a predilection for inserting items in your anus although large enough items could possibly lead to an affliction.

Professor Buttstein, grammar Nazi.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

hippo987's picture
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This was a rather interesting experiment...I have had an internal hemorrhoid that likes to pop out and say hell every once in a while, so i REALLY want to get rid of it....so I have experimented with garlic and am here to report my enlightening findings :)
The first time, I just simply cut a clove down to the desired size (pinky finger size) and roughed up the outside of it so the juices would mingle :) I followed the instructions in other articles - inserting only until garlic is just past the "internal anal sphincter". IT BURNS LIKE HELL!...for about 10 minutes, and then it calms down. It is a warm burn though...for me it was at least...but still burned like hell! BUT...the next morning I was feeling quite well, so i continued to insert a garlic piece every night...until...BOOM!

night of the prolapsed hemorrhoid!! - I have been using saline laxatives from the store (beat the hell out of the stimulant pills...and they taste like grape! :D)- however, one night i misjudged the effectiveness of the laxative and my poop had built up just enough solidity to push my hemorrhoid out again...ohhh the agony! so anyways, I decided to make a "poultice" out of a clove of garlic and some honey AND to insert a clove of garlic into my rectum. this wall went as planned, except for the discomfort from the protruding hemorrhoid...*sigh*...but i managed. The clove went in fine, and then i began to put the poultice onto my prolapsed hemorrhoid. THIS BURNED LIKE NO OTHER!...but of course it subsided and i figured everything was okay. NEXT MORNING: I asked my partner to look at my lovely goody goody gumdrop and he made fun of me because it absolutely wreaked of garlic (evil laugh) - no vampires at my house! - he uncovered the lovely thing and he told me it was neon green...and really it felt worse than it had the night before, and I was in pain for the entire day. I went to the doctor for a second time because I was just in just the right mood to aggravate some people and get some candy (pills) so that's what I did. They pushed it back in for me and I got some advil and whatnot for it. Right now it is back in and things are good again...I hope the laxatives keep workign. going into surgery next week because I am just tired of fooling around with it. I have to get back to work at some point REALLY soon :( wish me luck.
POINT: I think garlic can be very beneficial, but CAN be very harsh on the condition, depending on how and when it is applied. I am also using "Healing Hemorrhoids" oil, which really seems to help (MUST USE IT AS DIRECTED! DON'T MISS AN APPLICATION!)and of course have changed my diet to a mucusless diet, which has seemed to improve my condition a great deal. I believe that it is the act of combining techniques and things to beat these suckers into submission, but gently :) I hope this info can help someone. GO GARLIC! I made a batch of garlic-honey-apple cider vinegar medicine today (1 cup ACV, 1 cup raw honey, 8 cloves garlic - all blended into liquid and then set in refrigerator for 5 days in glass jar - take 2 teaspoons mixed into 8oz water daily - I also added 1 TBSP of cayenne pepper - will be seeing if this concoction helps me some after surgery :))

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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Welcome aboard Hip! Your first post is almost a stand alone story. Funny and informative. On your profile, "bulemia just isn't worth it in the end," Most do not recognize that until the heart attack, esophagus rupture, etc. You got off that just in time. (I hope!)

hippo987's picture
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I did indeed get off of it just in time. and thank you for the warm welcoming :) wasnt easy to stop by any means, but that is a whole story of its own. i didnt get away from it without some followers (hems), but at least i didn't experience the worst :)

Dr Scully's picture
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Have we all gone mad? Sticking garlic up our tender 'roid covered asses? I got a hemorrhoid once after a 3-week, hard bloody poop-inducing diet of Sugar Crisp and Mint Chocolate Baileys.
The only thing that helped was buying one of those round sitz baths. You fill them up with warm salt water, they fit over the toilet seat, and then you sit on them.
A hemorrhoid is a prolapsed bum vein, I don't really see what sticking garlic up your ass will do besides being very uncomfortable, sting, and stink like hell. Salt water is an antiseptic too and its better to sit on a bucket of warm water than to put any fingers around something which is horribly painful.

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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Was married to a bulimic. Almost 6 feet tall, she would roll out of bed, and step on the scale. If it said 123, she was happy. 124, upset, 125, uncontrollable anger. The only true "eat all you want, and not gain weight" diet. Have a humongous dinner. (then run to the bathroom) Then seconds, or even thirds, on dessert. (return to said bathroom) The guilt, laxatives, diuretics, stomach acids, malnutrition, take a toll, and started erasing her as a person, and personality.

Like I said, glad you got off and lived. Be very careful, it is a disastrous trap that it is very easy to step into again

hippo987's picture
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Dr Scully,
The reason that garlic is the subject of internal affairs here is that it is a natural way to disinfect and treat the cardiovascular system. it is a natural astringent, and antibacterial/anti-fungal object. It has been used for centuries for countless ailments such as acne and such things that occur from bacteria. It has also shown outstanding results in improving the strength and overall well-being of the veins/cardiovascular system. There just really isn't much that is negative that can be said about garlic, unless you dislike the smell....i personally LOVE the smell. The reason this topic is here is to simply gather information on something really does fascinate me....freaky i know...but i like this topic :) sitz baths are a great way to go for the external hemorrhoids....not too helpful for internal ones, from my own experience. And as I said, the garlic clove up the arse helped my hemorrhoid...the external ones more than the internal one in all honesty. Another thing...a hemorrhoid is not necessarily only a prolapsed vein - an external hemorrhoid is an inflamed, and potentially clotted vein on the outside of the rectum, and is impossible to become prolapsed. A prolapsed hemorrhoid is a vein that is inside the rectum, has become inflamed, and has then managed to get to the stage where it pops out and says hello when you use the restroom - can also lead to a thrombosed-prolapsed hemorrhoid....oh god I am glad I don't have one of those *shivers* (by the way you can tell if you have a thrombosed hemorrhoid or not by the fact if you are able to push your prolapsed hemorrhoid back inside of your rectum, and it is typically smooth and dark colored). And another thing...salt is known to aggravate the situation more often than garlic is, thus I have heard stories of salt-sitz baths aggravating the condition. (typically good results however). Best of luck :) and thank you for the story Squat-n-leaveit - that truly does sound awful. Fortunately mine never got to such a bad stage. I feel sorry for the ones in the world that suffer from it that may never know the dangers of the condition before they invite it into their lives :(

hippo987's picture
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EDIT: about the prolapsed-thrombosed hemorrhoids....it is thrombosed IF it CANNOT be pushed back into the rectum. Just wanted to clarify.

hippo987's picture
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EDIT #2:....hehe...#2....:D.....ANYWAYS!....I went today and got surgery. I really had no choice since I actually developed polyps instead of only Hemorrhoids. I am very happy that I did now. My hemorrhoids and polyps created SEVERE pain over the past several months, and with the painkillers they have given me (even without them actually...) the pain is NOTHING like when my hemorrhoids and polyps would come out when i used the restroom. The polyps would pop out and would pull the wall of my colon along with it, thus causing BAD pain. Anyways, they have sent the polyps off for cancer testing, and now I am laying in bed with a tender booty and some niiiice painkillers :) so we will see how things go for recovery. I have a checkup in 2 weeks with the doctor. I will be updating this as I recover. Best of luck to all those people who are trying to cure hemorrhoids naturally. I really hope that you do! If you can avoid surgery then it is best of course, but if you have polyps, which is a good possibility, then you will not be able to cure these. Anyways, time to pop a pill and go to LaLa Land :)

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
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Ya know hip, it might be time to skip the posts, and do a full story. Inquiring minds want to know. (as soon as you get back from lala land!)

hippo987's picture
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hmmmm well i believe that I have given all the story that there is, just in multiple posts lol. If you have anything that you want me to specifically speak about then please do ask :) i love questions. Anyways, it is day 5 after surgery and I am feeling quite well. I have been reading a lot of horror stories about post-surgery and i feel so sorry for some people :( they are talking about severe pain and blood and all kinds of horrible things :( but I only took some hydromorphone painkillers for 2 days after surgery and after that I haven't been in enough pain to throw a stick at :/ so I'm in minimal pain and I have been on a rather strict liquid diet (atkin's shakes, chicken broth, lots of apple juice and today i started prune juice...and ice cream! :D) I haven't used the restroom yet, but yesterday and today I have been feeling a slight urge to. I took some milk of magnesia just a little while ago to get it going through my system for later, and since surgery i have been taking 2 Colace (dulcosate) stool softeners each day and drinking lots of water on top of everything else. Even on the day of surgery, after surgery, I went to the grocery store for a little bit with my partner and I didn't really have too hard of a time walking and getting around the house. I have taken it very easy. I am REALLY hoping for the best whenever my bowels decide to toot their horn. I am scared actually. Anyways. Hoping for the best. Good luck, as always to others! :)

hippo987's picture
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Update #3:
I am doing VERY well and it is just over 2 weeks after surgery. I have been taking Mralax, which I should have been taking way before now!!! I had gotten constipated again after surgery (horrible thing to have after rectal surgery...) and I went to the ER and they taught me how to properly use an enema (lay on side with knees curled up to hip level and hold on for a minimum of 10-15 minutes...I set a new record at the hospital by holding it in for 23 minutes!!! :D and that really did the trick) then they told me to use Miralax, which is completely safe to use every day for the rest of your life. It is a tasteless powder that you mix into drinks and it simply regulates your water. To flush out my system they told me to get one of the 1.89L (2L) bottles of gatorade and mix 14 doses (smaller bottle) of Miralax into it. Shake it and let or sit for about 10 minutes to let it all dissolve. Then drink 1 cup of this every hour until it is gone. This will really flush you out, in a good way :) after that, just continue to take it once each day in the morning or every other day in the morning, depending on how your body reacts with it. I bought the 60 dose megasized generic version at CVS lol. I will be continuing to use this as I am so happy that I can eat what I want after surgery and not have to fear being constipated, or having any pain after a BM. I have been eating healthy for several years now, as I have lost 135 pounds since January of 2008, but I updated my diet also to better support recovery and anti-constipation efforts :) stay tuned for more updates!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Currently have a garlic up my bun-hole!! I'll let you know how it goes.

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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Almost a year without an update from Hippo...
Hope you are well.

Anonymous's picture
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Everything I write here is essentially copied an pasted from my own searching about this Garlic remedy for Hemorroids.
Possible Cause:

Candida overgrowth is a major cause of hemorrhoids.
To check whether you have candida overgrowth in your body, look at your tongue in the morning. If it has a thick white coating and looks bloated that is a sign. The dampness and candida overgrowth in the intestine also disrupt the normal functions of the bowels resulting in constipation.

Garlic?
Garlic helps to kill off candia and dries up the dampness in the intestines.

"Peel 2 cloves of garlic and chop it into fine pieces. Leave it in the open for 15 minutes to allow the Allicin that destroy bad bacteria to be produced". "In order to protect itself from insects and fungi, garlic enzymatically produces allicin when it is injured only. Further, being a strong oxidizing agent allicin may damage sensitive cells which line the intestinal tract as it has been shown to damage the cells lining the stomach". (So don't go too crazy filling your ass with crushed garlic)

Eating Garlic vs suppository function:
(It wont make it there if you eat it)

"Due to its high reactivity allicin was shown to be completely metabolized in the liver.14,15 If allicin could even make it to the blood (to be delivered throughout the body), studies have shown that it changes into other compounds within five minutes and in the process may oxidize the blood cells causing them to lose their ability to carry oxygen.5,12 Since allicin is rapidly metabolized in human blood and other tissues, it is doubtful it contributes to any antithrombotic, or blood thinning, actions in the body."

http://www.allicin.com/

Hope this helps the debate. I tried the Garlic suppository, I'll report my findings if it works for me.

FARGELIN is the chinese herb in the H- miracle. Ahaha, the secret is out, save yourself a stupid Ebook.

Anonymous's picture
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Pardon my intrusion, I currently have the annoying and irritating roids, but you guys have not covered inserting a suppository or a garlic piece with an extremely hairy cake hole. So I'm wondering how one gets around this problem when it might be that hairy arses also are a contributor to roids including and leading up to infections. Someone please reply.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Sorry, this thread is about the Dracula solution to hemorrhoids, you obviously need to look for the werewolf solution to cure your hirsute cornhole.

In the meantime perhaps you should shampoo your balloon knot after dumping a load. Seriously, a sparkling anus develops fewer roids than a begrimed butthole. I was given this useful information by a receptionist in a chiropractic clinic many years ago and it has helped me maintain a healthy bunghole ever since. Rather than shampoo she actually recommended a mild soap like Ivory.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Wow. This is a great post. And I cannot thank you enough to share the H-Miracle substance. I may have to research this and buy some.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous's picture
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Try Mashed Garlic with olive or coconut oil and aloe vera gel to reduce the sting. Works wonders for roids!!

Anonymous's picture
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Tried everything in this post and had the exact same result. The chopped up made me scream, but the garlic clove was more tolerable. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous's picture
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This is amazing! It worked, I'm cured!