Wow! What else could you have done besides raise a middle finger to the passing motorists? You stuck it to the man that day.

What an ordeal, Pinworm.
Perhaps you learned a lesson from this. When you go on these trips be sure to have Immodium and Toilet Paper with you.

A new scientific discovery.Explosive diarrhea can melt snow.We can save alot of money on snow removal this summer.

I'm always in fear and always have TP in the car. If the snow was that deep you should've squeezed the sphincter with all your might and dug a little hole to reduce splatter!

Yikes! It reminds me of the time I was working nights and, in my haste to get things done, thought two cans of pringles and a bottle of Mountain Dew would make a good dinner. Luckily I had access to toilet facilities.

This is why Canada need not fear invasion, the citizens are planting land mines up there.
Great Story, Pinworm!!!!

I wonder what it would have looked like from the air? Good tale of shamelessness.

Wow! That story was incredibly enjoyable, especially the Rockwell/Pollack sentence. You really described the scene perfectly. I am surprised, though; I would have thought the donuts would have had the opposite effect. In any case, your employer sounds horrible. If you hadn't known you'd then have to sit in a stinky car, I would have been all for the pooping in the company car.

You know what... Even if you did have TP with you, it really wouldn't have mattered. And I don't even think immidium would have stopped a train like that.

The best part is you shit on Canada.

It's too bad you had absolutely no cover whatsoever. If I'd have been in the same situation, I wouldn't have thought twice. I'd have crapped in the snow ANY day over crapping in the company car. Just think about how embarrassed you would have been then!

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

I think I would have still crapped by the car as cover and just told the others that they were going to have to put up with it. My Poor Pill Pooper.
You know, your story reminds me of part of Stephen King's novella, The Long Walk. Do you remember how he chronicled how the main character had to take a shit in front of everyone? Same reaction from the others.

Well, the perfect ending of this story would have been you mailing it to your boss with the receipts of the thefts (missing entries) right in along with it.

I look forward to your next entry.........hugging bunnies since 1969

Are Pinworm and Pill Pooper the same person, or was that just a typo, Daphne?
Anyway, I guess you could be right, pill pooper. I rarely get the squirts like that, and I've never eaten donuts for breakfast, lunch and dinner 5 days straight. Perhaps Immodium really wouldn't help much. The t.p. might have helped to save his sock, if he hadn't splattered all over it.
Where's Megadump? This would make a great artpad!

How embarassing.

Pinworm, I've enjoyed all your stories so far. Thanks for the laugh.

Now that's defephobia in it's truest sense. 80 miles from nowhere and hammered by "death cramps." When dawn came the next morning, I wonder how the locals explained the mysterious 'crap circles' in the field?
Great story, eh!

Thanks! I have changed my life significantly since then. I now carry immodium with me whenever I travel, and I never eat anything too strange while on the road. There is a roll of TP in my car.

As an epilogue (or epi-LOG), when I got back behind the wheel I drove to the next stop and bought some anti-diarrhea meds..but the storm had passed..I was totally empty.

I have also since left Canada, and now live in Arizona. I have yet to shit on the USA, but I still have to travel alot by car..especially between Phoenix and Tuscon. Instead of diarrrhea-ing in the deep freeze, I might just take a stab at diarrhea-ing in the intense heat.

Diarrhea knows no borders...unless you are talking about the time I had diarrhea IN a Borders bookstore.

No, Fartpoopie, as you wrote,

Are Pinworm and Pill Pooper the same person, or was that just a typo, Daphne?

You are completely right. I just wrote the wrong name in. I really meant to write Pinworm. I think I had just read a comment from Pill Pooper and was thinking that name instead of the right one......hugging bunnies since 1969

Oh yeah, Pinworm, if you're ever in Yelm, you can use one of my three toilets. I promise......hugging bunnies since 1969

I think the lesson here is thank god for socks.

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
http://ppkindustries.blogspot.com

I'm surprised that your poo didn't freeze on contact, since it was so cold. Good story :P

Hey Pin, id ya ever get up to Lake Havasu, look me up!!! Roadrunner Sanitary Supply
1600 West Acoma #45
Lake Havasu City, AZ
I'll hook ya up with all the tp you can jam into your vehicle!!! And a johnny mop!!!

I congratulate Dave-O on his clever play on the Canadian National Anthem in the title of this article!

Sly, Dave-O, sly!

Bilge, you're a brave man, putting your address on the internet.

I think I'll give it to my sister.

Work address, shameless plug, and if some psycho comes to kill me, or shit in my store, more power to him, I guess.

I am from the wonderful nation of Canada and have spent a lot of "loonies" at the coffee monopoly you talk about. I wouldnt necessarily blame the donuts..the coffee there is a an instant laxative. I have stopped drinking it because because 10 minutes after finishing my large double double, the rumblies take over and I must find a toilet ASAP. Rumor has it they lace the coffee with nicotine or licorice root..apparently both are very addictive... that being said, I am very surprised that more Canadians arent dropping trou in our pristine wildernes.

Good, maybe when my sister comes over to preach her story about 2012 being the end of the world as we know it, you can smother her in toilet paper. The world would be a much better place if she were not in it.

TSV, I have a Pow-r-Plunger with her name on it...this thing is awesome, 8" accordian baffles on it...unbelievable suction, got my wife one just to take the pressure off me!!

Well, at least it'll pull the shit out of her, because she's full of it.

Pinworm, you may want to look into acquiring a bumper dumper from Uncle Pooper. I have owned one since 99. This thing is built solid to handle solids. It has taken the “El Gigante” on numerous occasions.

Have to agree with Pill Pooper:
"The best part is you shit on Canada"

With 2 feet of snow, why didn't you quickly make a depression into which you could squat-n-shit in relative privacy -- a snow angel, so to speak?

Here's an illustration:

http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?iobpgnyjnu4

I suppose it could have been the coffee from that place. It has strange properties. When I would drink some, my next piss would smell like coffee, not piss.

The small donut bits known as timbits are also well known by us Canadians who may have overindulged in these confections will lead to Timshits. A story well told, 2 bums up!

This is my first day as a new member of the poop report family and as this is my first story I have read, I must say I feel as though I may be home.
I look forward to the opportunity to share with the poop report the volume of stories from my past that will hopefully entertain and educate.

I bet that made one hell of a shit-sickle in that cold temperature!! Did the shit keep your ass from freezing, or did you need to chip the shit-sickles off yer bum before getting up? Poop Shooter

Good story, Pinworm. You are a sturdy man, though. I can't imagine living in weather that cold, much less shitting in it.

I had a similar experience with some motorists coming up behind me when I was using the great outdoor bathroom. I'd be surprised if the exceedingly white reflection of my moon didn't cause temporary blindness (or maybe they just wish it had!)....

Bunghole, maybe you and Rat Droppings should have a "blind me with your moon" contest, since you're both convinced your asses are brighter than the sun.

And who, pray tell, would serve as judges? Whoever the panel members, they'd need some shades for sure.

As far as my ass being brighter than the sun, at least some part of me is bright...

Well, on that same vein, I wouldn't have been embarrassed at all to shit in the snow. You wouldn't have been able to see my ass. Yes, Dumpster my ass is both as white as, and as pure as the driven snow.
_______
"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

My favorite song of all time:

"Moon River,
Wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style,
Someday."

There's a great episode of "All in the Family" involving people singing this song to let others know they're on the commode (I can't remember why). Where is TBW, our resident expert on Archie Bunkerisms, when you need him?

RD, no one is embar-ass-ed, the point is who really wants to shit in snow? And you want us to believe you're pure as "the driven snow"--hmm??? You who knows all about the "porno star-- brown starfish bleaching methode? Hmmm?? Too much reading or the result of real-life XX-perience?

If I know whereof I speak, will you too spill all???

There needs to be a "Ladies Room" section on this site, accessible only by you lovelies, for the exchange of such info.

Meanwhile, us guys could retire to the "Gentlemen's Lounge," and basically discuss who the hottest female posters are. I have my own list, but I'm not sharing it with any of the ladies. Cigars, gentlemen?

Dumpie, don't you just love it when the ladies fight over you? I'm dumping first. No, Me! Well, if this doesn't, erhmm, seal the deal....

Yes, it's true, Bunghole can play the accordian....

But wait, there's more... On the forums under a new post and soon in a t-shirt (maybe).

And for the general unwashed populus, there are no gentlemen, with the exception of The Big Wiper, Cracktacular, Ass Phlegm, (sometimes Bunga--but not really) and Dave on this site.

So is Dumpster just not the equal of the veteran ladies' men you just cited? The ladies aren't fighting over me; they're fighting to see who can get into the bathroom the quickest.

Awww, Dumpster. You didn't read the post. I didn't refer to a ladies man, I referred to "gentlemen". Big difference. Besides, I can hold my water and brown silk ilk with the best of them.

I wasn't lying about the accordian, though.... Enough to make your polka-lovin' grandpa yell, "heeeyawww" or whatever it is they yell in Stewburg.

Okay Bunghole I confess all. I actually had my entire ass bleached. Not just my o-ring, but the entire ass. How else did you think it got that white? I learned that little trick from back when I was a porn star. Didn't you know they kick you out of porn if your brown-eye is actually brown. The standards of porn are such that you must maintain a pink-eye. (and I'm not talking about conjunctivitis)
_______
"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

RD, I'm not Catholic and I didn't Really expect a confession. Butt, now that it's out what must one do to maintain permanent pink-eye status (other than washing and wiping well, of course)?

Pink eye-hehehe sounds actually like the camera lens they would use in that industry. Anywho, hope you didn't take offense. Just having some fun with my poop pals.

But really--if you tell me you play the accordian too, well, I just don't know what I'll have to resort to. After all, Dumpster is the witty, intelligent, perverse male factor that makes you just want to slap him the living hell out of him or give him a fine howdy doo....

Bunghole, no I do not play the accordion. If you'd been in the band instead of cheerleading like a cool girl in high-school you could be like me and play the french horn and be a geek. You give TD wayyyy too much credit calling him a pervert the kind you want to "slap the living hell out of." I think of Dumpster as the "brotherly," "witty," "intelligent," "nice-guy." You know the kind you let take you out and then don't give "it up". But here's the kiss of death, I think he's "harmless". ((((oh shit, I think I woke the giant...why aren't these rat legs longer...Blaster, Daphne SAVE ME!!!!!)))))

_______
"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

My Sweet RD, I was a nerdy cheerleader in high school. I took clarinet for two years, but didn't do the marching band portion.

And TD isn't a pervert (at least I don't thinks so, and I won't give him that due unless he wants it). I called him perverse meaning the 3rd & 4th definitions in the dictionary: Marked by a disposition to oppose and contradict. Arising from such a disposition.Cranky; peevish.

And did I figuratively mean I want to slap the living hell out of Dumpster? Well, no. At least not a couple of minutes later after the exasperation subsides....

I'm just getting Dumpster ready for the dating circuit, because there are lots of conniving females who can/will give him a run for his money and he needs to beware of---well--females like me but unattached, of course.

RD, remember when you first joined here and I asked if you and I actually know each other? For awhile I thought not, but now, I'm not so sure. You write: I think of Dumpster as the "brotherly," "witty," "intelligent," "nice-guy." You know the kind you let take you out and then don't give "it up". But here's the kiss of death, I think he's "harmless".

This is exactly what you would write if you are who-I-fear-you-are and you were trying to push my buttons. I'm getting a little spooked, here.

Anyway, for the rest of you, sadly, RD is exactly right, whether she really knows me or not. Dumpster is the type of guy the girls invite home to Sunday Dinner with the folks; Bunga is the type they slip out the window on Saturday night to have fun with.

And Bunghole, as for me re-entering the "dating circuit," how could anybody ever replace Hermione? I mean, you've seen her picture, after all!

And after all that time and effort I took to that "bulk" up your rep, Dumpster.... You just had to post a "touchy-feely, I'm a harmless guy you'd take to Sunday dinner" post.

What an ingrate. All the single lady readers between the ages of 28-48 were ready to ask you out, sight unseen. But, do you think they will now? Not unless it's to Sunday dinner with the folks with you doing the cooking...

Sorry, Bunghole. I guess I was trying to adhere to PR's "truth in posting" policy.

Thanks for the vote(s) of confidence, but frankly, at this point Dumpster would run screaming in terror from any "single lady" who wasn't old enough to be my mother. If and when that changes, I'll let you know.

Meanwhile, moving on to other topics....

TD, we'll see if I'm who you think I am at the PR convention. There Bunghole and I will flirt our brains off with you. We will literally be pushing each other out of the way to get to flirt with you. And still, at the end of the evening we will both leave with Bunga, our husbands be damned. Sorry, that's just the way it is. We'd love to change it, but it's a fact.

_______
"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

Why did Dumpster, who had been eagerly packing for the PR convention, just put his suitcase back in the closet?

RD writes: "And still, at the end of the evening we will both leave with Bunga, our husbands be damned."

Cower-Bunga!

He evidently already is.

"He evidently already is" a dejected Dumpster retorts with empty suitcase in hand.

...With empty suitcase back in closet.

Moving on to other subjects....

Wow, miss a few days, miss a lot. No cowering here, in fact I'm ready to take on all cummers...or at least facilitate in that regard.

Well, Bunga, it looks like you have the field to yourself, as usual.

Dumpie, acting as though he were really-butt hurt, puts his suitcase in closet until the PR convention.

Rat Droppings and BITJ (spoken-for ladies), and many more females who are actually available and looking, wander as they wonder about the luscious maybe-kinda-sorta-wannabe-alluded-to available Dumpster.

Bunga, ever-lusty semiquasi gent, makes himself, somewhat-kind of-wish-he-could (in some instances available to the neighborly Canadian lasses) to.... mediate.

Meanwhile, I see the relation between the weird and somewhat ambiguous "Is that you behind those Foster Grants?" tee-shirt and that of the new, improved Poop Report tee.

Ok, hold on and go back.
I'm still hung up on this asshole bleaching business (I hear some places do vaginal bleaching too). Why does it really matter what color your hole is? Why, damnit, why?! Isn't it bad enough we have have to deal with being idealizing as body-hairless, 5'6" 105 lbs, perfect faced beauties with 36 double E's? Now we have to worry about our assholes being the right color?!
I give up!
*throws out make up brushes, leg wax and grabs a doughnut*

Hey, FP:

Bunghole bleaching is truly an adult film thing or something that people with overly body conscious hang-ups feel is necessary to achieve physical perfection. It’s really nothing more than what (at least I consider) a poisonous pedagogy anomaly.

Actually, I've seen this mentioned as a "growing fad" in a news story. There was a particular salon they featured, but for the life of me, I can't remember what it was called. I'll see if I can find it... and hope I can distinguish between the porn sites and the legitimate sites. I'm pretty sure googling "anal bleaching" will pop up some undesired results.

Ok, the salon was the Bees Knees in Australia.
Here's a link:

link

Australia is considered cutting edge for alternative everything.

Speaking of alternative has anyone out there seen some of the European Ikea commercials! Trippy. Talk black leather meets pig nose/mask.

bleaching one's anus sounds terribly painful. But the story was great i have one involving a 3 hour full speed thrash from jersey to boston. the driver (my room mate) ate fajitas at friendly's, poor form. He ended up taking a dump outside an abandoned shack somewhere in connecticut. While i sat there smoking cigarettes and listening to the radio for a good 20 minutes he unleashed such a variety and probably volume of poulltion that the crying indian from that old PSA would absolutely beg for mercy. I'll never forget those smells and sounds, haha thanks for bringing such a pleasent memory to the forefront of my mind pinworm

Thanks for all of the above, but Dumpster's heart belongs to only one woman, the oh-so-lovely-but-oh-so-legalistic Miss Hermione.

***

"But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?"

We'll see, guys; we'll see.

Whatev Dumpy,

You are a sweet teasecat from hell. Any straying thoughts are now halted to the quick... Just know that I've lovely Scandinavian flag beachwear awaiting in my closet. *sigh*

Oh, and I didn't mention that my middle name just might start with a "J". But no matter. I lova good cup of bitter hemlock.

After reading these comments regarding ass bleaching I was going to say bullshit it doesn't happen. A few weeks ago our national Canadian newspaper ran an article about the hottest new plastic surgery which is "labia reduction". Seems a lot of women want their genitalia to look like porn stars genitalia (probably the lamest use of the word star). The physician also mentioned doing a hymen replacement procedure which is also very "cutting edge". I have my own opinions, if your beef curtains interfere with pleasurable intercourse by all means the surgery would be a benefit to you. If you are doing this to "fit in with the crowd" just take a much closer look at the crowd, they aren't people I'd want to fit in with.

Maybe AssPhlegm can drum up a fake Ziggy cartoon that says "Love is never saying...Honey, get that pussy fixed would ya".

And here I was embarrassed when my friend had to explain "Brazillian Wax" to me. This is worse. Oh, to return to ignorance.

Bunga, the way you say "beef curtains" is so sexy and it really does a lot for my self esteem too. (((barfs)))))
_______
"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

Labia reduction, anal bleaching, hymen reconstruction... it's all quite ridiculous, the last one in particular (seriously, it's just going to break again anyway if you plan on staying sexually active... what a waste of money).

No. I think I'll save my pennies for good ol' laser hair removal. It would be nice not to have to wax my legs again.

I can think of much better ways to spend my money. My wife does not care what color what my o-ring is as long as it's clean. waxing would be cool though as I hate shaving.

_______
Poop Shooter!

I never understood why guys don't just wax their face. It would be easier than shaving every morning. lol

F.P., who said anything about "face"?

_______
Poop Shooter!

Being Canadian, I know how much is sucks in the winter. I applaud you for such a feat.

Well, I lived in Canada more than half my life. Call this a hunch, but I'd say Timothy H. store with it's now price raised (used to be a twoonie) 'donut bits' never fails to make an impression. In this ase it seems to be an impression on the tundra...