If I'm alone in a toilet blessed with loads of urinals and I'm well oiled, I'll try and piss in each urinal, working my way along and stopping mid-flow as i move to the next one. It's difficult when drunk and extremely embarrassing if someone happens to walk in while you're shuffling. Trust me.
A shit fiend was rumoured by some
To have tattoo'd a turd on his bum.
So great the resemblence
He had laser amendments
As he couldn't wipe the right one.
An electrician was testing a rocket
And foolishly touched a live socket.
The charge was so high
His bollocks did fry
And promptly he shat in his pocket.
A retort for the man Bunga Din:
Its taking part that counts, not the win.
But t'th'challenge I'll rise
'til my fateful demise
I'll rhyme in my style with a grin!
_______ A turd in the hand is worth two in the bush
Haha Dumster - not bad, although the 'once in a while' line... hmm ;)
Assblaster - yeah that was my favourite line in the poem too!
"There's this jockular fellow named Dumpster
Who's a talented, literary poo funster.
His turds in girth
Are the finest on earth
And, some say ressemble Herman Munster."
"A gentleman called Jacques from France
Had a curiously awkward poo stance.
Instead of sitting to shit
He's stand up a bit
And leave his water-bound log flumes to chance."
"A weary old lecher named Watt
Took a whore on his twenty foot yacht.
Too lazy to rape her
He made darts out of paper
Which he leisurely tossed at her slot"
Haha no problems, a good blast of the brown wordage indeed!
By way of retort, could I add:
“The arse of a chap called Ignatius
Was both poignantly large and a-spacious.
As a man of few words,
He would talk through his turds
Which neither was subtle nor gracious.”
Apologies, that was off the cuff in a very short space of time!
Thanks guys, especially Dumpster for picking up on the underlying subtelties of the piece. It was actually meant as you thought; the metre was slightly off-skew at certain points as the poem itself wasn't meant to be 100% formulaic and detailing a pretty offbeat subject. I didn't think about putting it to song, but thanks for your recommendations! Sam I think would be unwilling to put it to a hymn owing to his lack of interest in this effort!
Nevertheless, I enjoyed writing this one. I'm sorry SamDam didn't appreciate it - that's the way it goes I guess. C Everett - I think we have contrasting styles of writing and appreciation, which is fine, poems will never be universally acclaimed or otherwise; that's the beauty of them as an artform IMO - different appeal to different audiences.
Back to Dumpster - my poems don't take long to write - this took about an hour (just over in fact - concocted during a lunch break).
And I'm happy to resort to some more crudeness if you like, so with out further ado:
"A cheery young golfer named Crock
Gave his tee shot a hundred yard sock.
This doesn't sound far
For a bloke who shoots par
But twas done with the end of his cock."
OMG DF you're such a geek!!!! :)
_______
You can't polish a turd