Chocolate covered?

Oo it must be magic
How inside my ass
I see my destiny
Every time I breathe
I feel you move so deep inside of me
And if the moon and stars should fall
They'd be easy to replace
I would lift up the toilet seat
And you would take your place

Why My Butt Leaks
When I opened up the door
My Butt Leaks
My mud just spilled onto the floor
And I didn't need to see his face
I saw yours
My Butt Leaked and I closed the door
I don't think I'm goin' commando anymore

Everyday I wake up
I thank God that you are still inside of me
Opened up the door to which
So many people never find the key
And if the sun should ever fail to send its light
We will burn a thousand candles
And make everything alright

Why My Butt Leaks
When I opened up the door
My Butt Leaks
My mud just spilled onto the floor
And I didn't need to see his face
I saw yours
I saw red then I closed the door
I don't think I'm goin' commando anymore

I've been hurt
And I've been blind
I'm not sure that I'll be fine
I never thought it would end this way
Oo it must be Depends…….

"I don't think car seats are primary concerns with 16/17 year olds... she wasn't thinking any differently than most teens"

And this is why teens shouldn't have babies or drive.

------

I know Jessica is taking alot of heat for being so ignorant, but at least she told the story as it really happened.

I took alot of heat years ago when I wrote a poopreport and included that I drank and drove.

I guess we all do stupid shit at times, I just hope Jessica is now making better decisions with her child and life.

Twinge in my browneye in the morning sun
I feel stabbing cramps in the pouring rain
And the moment that I wander far from the pot
I wanna feel you on my thighs again

And I come to you on a summer breeze
I’ll drop my load and then softly leave
But there is something I need to know

How deep should one wipe?
How deep should, deep should one wipe?

I really need to learn
cause were living in a world of poop
Daily breaking them off
When they all should let us know
It is done by you and me

I believe in you
You know the door to my very stall
You’re the light in my deepest darkest hour
You’re my savior when I get the shits
And you may not think
I care for you
When you know down inside
That I’m going to poo in you
And its me you need to show

How deep should one wipe?
How deep should, deep should one wipe?

I really need to learn
cause were living in a world of poop
Daily breaking them off
When they all should let us know
It is done by you and me

It just strikes me that Mickey is the kind of person that thinks he is better then everyone and constantly insults anyone and anything that isn't "cool" in his mind.

I have always disliked this type of person and realize that they only act this way because they are either heartless bastards or are hiding the fact that they are being or have been verbally or physically abused and are only taking out there anger on others.

I have no use for this type of person.

I apologize if I put a negative spin on this product.
I figured that the people that truly need this product are people that don't have a decent diet. This is why I tried the product, eating the way I did.

If I had a good, healthy diet, why would I need a colon cleanser?

Just because I don't use the expression "God Damn" and because I don't like it, I'm not a prude.

You and everybody else can use GD as much as you like and you don't need to apologize to my stupid ass.

It is more of an insult to sensor yourself for me...this is America damn it!!

I hated the Meggy Dees thing in the earlier stories as well but just let it go.

Your moderator status is going to your head.

I don't know....I just can't see how anybody could seriously (or want to) sit down and spend 2 hours consuming "one large head of boiled cabbage, three containers of rehydrated onions, fifteen pickled and boiled egg whites, one bulb of sautéed garlic (on the cabbage), one can of sauerkraut, one book of match heads and a four-pack of Steel Reserve 211 malt liquor."

Now if their was a few pounds of corned beef and/or a juicy pork roast in the mix your menu could be tolerable......

I quit reading this story after the part about “loading some chili with laxatives”.

Real or not, I am surprised that this was posted and is being made light of as if it was a funny thing.

Poisoning food with any type of drug or substance can be damaging or even fatal.

Who knows how many idiots will read this story, get the idea to also put laxatives in someone’s food, and injure somebody?

Mexican food outcome = assblast. Urban legend.

Website regarding shit, NewYorker becomes legendary.

Abuse colon habitually, achieve PoopReport notoriety.

interesting story and alot of interesting comments.

the comments really show the characters of the set of PoopReporters who did in fact comment.

Be it a friend, lover, wife, relative, whatever...if you really care for a person you would accept and understand if they have IBS or any medical problem.

To end any relationship because of someone's health issue is probably one of the lowest things someone could do to another human being.

But hey...the world, and mainly the United States are full of egotistical, self centered pricks...so what else can I say?

I picked newspaper but 50% of the time I just sit there and end up reading the shampoo bottle or the tube of toothpaste.
If I'm really bored I will take out my wallet and count my money.

I have a newspaper rack in my bathroom but the newspaper in there is like 2 months old...I always forget to put the new paper in there.

Randy Jackson: "Look here dog this story was fly but it was an amateur effort".

Paula Abdul: "It was good. You are on the right path to become a successful PoopReporter".

Simon Cowell: "This type of story has been done to death. It was boring boring boring."

This guy's race has nothing to do with his actions.

Too many people in today's society knowingly do stupid things out of laziness especially if it doesn't effect them because they know 9 times out of 10 the only punishment is a slap on the wrist.
Too many people just don't give a fuck about anything but themselves.

"Then I put it in the windowsill in the warm sun to ferment."

wow....I somehow missed that line. If this story isn't fake you are nuts. Bacteria grows mighty fast in mayonaise. Your lucky all you got were the shits.

For your next story drink some Drano and tell us what comes out of your ass...

man oh man do I ever want to rip apart this pile of hogwash, but I will stay kind.

First, it's hard to believe that you would drive over 1000 miles every weekend.

Second, you commented that you took these trips because " I really loved her".
If you loved her that much you wouldn't have thought that "The sound of the remains of their Roy Rogers sandwiches smacking the pavement was bliss."

Third, I can understand why your wife divorced your immature ass.

My favorite Elvis song is "Suspicious Minds".
I whipped up this parody about Elvis's last day on the throne:

Suspicious Turds

by Elvis

My crap is caught in a trap
It won�t come out
I don�t really poo too much baby

Doc, Why can't you see
What those drugs are doing to me
You don't believe a word I say?

We can't go on together
With suspicious turds
And we can't build our dreams
while I�m so backed up

So, if an old friend I know
Drops the kids at the pool
Would I still see suspicion in your eyes?

Here we go again
Pushin� and gruntin�
Can't you see these tears are real
I'm crying

We can't go on together
With suspicious turds
And we can't build our dreams
While I�m so backed up

Oh God let me survive
Or dry the blood from my bung
Let's don't let a good thing die

When honey, you know
I've never crap again
Mmm yeah, yeah

Elmo loves you.......hug Elmo.

just piss in the sink....it's quiet.

Now I see why you cut the story short.

You really ran out of there crying, or the janitor made you his bitch.

Your lame attempt at salvaging your story is just that...a lame attempt.

That's it? Where is the rest of the story? What happened next? Did you kiss his ass and clean up the mess or laugh and leave the restroom?

And what man shops for another man at the Hallmark store? Fairy.

This story was a load of bullshit. It reminds me of that Poop story from a few years back when the kid shit himself in a public bathroom at the airport and a stranger bought the kid new clothes and helped him clean up.

First off, how the hell can you remember all these little details from something that happened 23 years ago?

And secondly, if a stranger in a stall at a rest stop asked me to go get him some underwear I would ignore him and walk away.

and third, if I shit myself in a stall I would never involve a stranger for assistance, especially at a highway rest stop.

A dildo does reek..like rubber. And after it was up a stinky orifice it reeks even worse.

I remember the days when I was young and would get all excited about pretty girls. Now I am older, jaded and don't give a fuck about them.

Sure, it's nice to look at a young beautiful woman but that thrill is so short lived anymore for me; reality sets in quickly because at my age unless I have a ton of cash, drugs or fame no young hot bitch is going to give me the time of day.

Fuck off Felicia !!!!!

Since the baboon was "jerking off in your general direction", you should have let the baboon finish, and cum on your face.

Then you would have had a good story to tell.

This story sucked!!! What is so special about this??

Man eats big meal.
Man gets gas.
Man has to shit in public place.
Man finds dirty restroom.
Man drops load.

Big deal. Boring weak short story.

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 12.13.2007
"I have to say...Doniker, you are by far the most miserable person on this site."

YES...I WILL AGREE WITH THAT.

"The guy added humor to make it read better. I think it reads better adding little unreal points to it rather than have it be boring."

I WOULD RATHER HEAR A FUNNY STORY THAT REALLY HAPPENED THEN A STORY WITH FAKE ELEMENTS ADDED TO MAKE IT FUNNY.

I HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT FIFTEEN STORIES THAT I NEVER SUBMITTED TO POOPREPORT BECAUSE THEY JUST AREN'T FUNNY OR GOOD ENOUGH. I COULD EASILY ADD SOME NONESENSE TO THEM AND SENT THEM TO DAVE...BUT I DON'T WORK THAT WAY.

someone sure had alot of time on there hands to sift through this old thread and post "lame comment" or "great comment".

If you have that much time to waste come over to my house and do something constructive like my housework or yardwork.
I will keep you busy.

You should change your handle from "TruckerBob" to "FuckingSlob".

Hot Sauce on French Toast?

I know I always say that people shouldn't be so shallow and be sympathetic to other's medical problems.

But I will admit that in this case, I don't blame this girl. She was horny and looking for some meat; and once you tainted your genital area with poop it was surely a turn off for her.

My advice to you is to start dating girls that aren't so hot; it's a mean thing to say but the less than hot chicks aren't so fast to dump guys.

To the comment:

"gotta love morons (not verified) -- 09.27.2007
Hey Doniker! Joke's on you. I WAS BEING SARCASTIC by answering the question, douche-face. You took the time to comment on it. HA HA!"

BULL FUCKING SHIT.

It is hard to believe that both cab drivers would risk there licenses by not making those babies sit in car seats.

You said:

"The local police didn't care much about kids not being in car seats, and at the time, neither did I."

This statement shows that you have endangered your child's life before because apparently you were pulled over for not using car seats.
Why a cop wouldn't care shocks me.

You would have really felt bad if you had a car accident and those babies when injured or killed. But then again teenage mother's are usually pretty ignorant...I feel sorry for the baby.

Sailors, naked old man, young teenage boy, enemas.....enough said.

I don't know, if I was this kid and some guy was paying this much attention to me in a public bathroom at an airport I would be in fear that he was a pervert and was looking to molest me.

I think in reality you were upset because you didn't get to see him "standing at the sink, naked from the waist down" and that you missed the thrill of washing and fondling his soiled underwear.

thanks for the "lame comment" sticker.

it brings more attention to my post.

you should have written a story about life with the girlfriend that is drunk most of the time.

I am sure that would be more interesting than this drivel.

When I started reading your story I figured I would ask you if you looked hot, but even if you do I don't care anymore.

Even a hot chick reeking of farts and shit is a turn off to me.

Very fake.

and if not, who cares about all these boring details about sticks and towel paper rolls and containers?

Putting paper towels down the toilet will clog up you pipes for life.

Funny thing Sam, as I read your comment it explains how I and many others here feel about YOU.

I have never cared for your presence on PoopReport; you have always been rather irritating and unoriginal.
I also feel that perhap you are somewhat jealous of my fame and the attention that I do get and try too hard to be the new controversal "bad guy".

Also, know where you stand before you feel that you can call the shots on what will happen in "our system".

OK HERE WE GO.

"doniker, I'm curious; do you EVER have ANY positive feedback for anyone at all?"

OFTEN. DID YOU SEE MY COMMENT ON YESTERDAY'S STORY "CABIN FEVER"?

"Or do you just like to think you're a badass by criticizing shit stories on the Internet?"

NOT A "BADASS" AT ALL. JUST GIVING MY OPINION.

"You say poor Ryan?"

YES HE HAS TO LIVE WITH YOU.

"Do you even remember my first story?"

NOT REALLY.

"I seem to remember stories of yours that are way more "disgusting" than mine."

I DIDN'T MEAN THAT YOUR STORY WAS DISGUSTING. YOU ARE DISGUSTING. I AM A 43 YEAR OLD MAN WHO HAS BEEN WITH ALOT OF REALLY GROSS WOMEN AND I DON'T RECALL ANY OF THEM EVER SUCKING DOWN MASSIVE QUANITIES OF SLIM JIM FOR BREAKFAST AND ENJOYING THE GAS AFTER EFFECTS.

"And here's a tip: this site is about shit. If it disgusts you, maybe you shouldn't read."

I'VE BEEN HERE FOR ALMOST 6 YEARS. I REFUSE TO LET SOME NEWBIE GIVE ME A "TIP".

Sorry, but I got turned off, disgusted and bored before I could finish this story.

I have been with alot of nasty chicks in my life but I still got really grossed out by your tale of eating 6 Slim Jims for breakfast and then smelling your Slim Jim gas later.

Poor Ryan.

Sounds like DungDaddy actually may have a fetish for little old ladies.

For the record I remain a "softie" for old ladies.

Dave are you so out of material that you are posting stuff that belongs in the colostomy bag?

If this person has the time, knowledge and energy to write this to you, she surely can search the Internet to get this info.

It's been a lame week on the PoopReport Front Page.

Hello all.

This story sucked.

Strangely enough, 2 thoughts came to my alcohol pickled brain (that's for you Bunga) while I was reading this story.

But when I reached the comment section my thoughts were already posted:

"Do you have any naked pics of your princess sister?"

and

"You had to poop. The toilet was taken. You hurried. You pooped somewhere else. Wow. I've never read such a riveting story on PR before. Keep up the good work, Champ."

Either you douchebags are starting to think like me or this "poop site" is getting to fucking predictable.

Cheers!!!!!

To AB2K:

OK I guess I do care if I get banned. What I was really trying to say was that if I can't be myself what is the point of posting at all?
I feel that I have grown over the past 5 years and only post a small percentage of what a really feel on PR; mostly because flame wars are old and the brutal postings will just get deleted anyway.

And for the record I haven't gone haywire on any other forums for at least 2 years now.

To Bunga:

You have too much time on your hands. I don't need your "AA Sponsor" type advice, help and analysis. I have been through AA, Alanon, counseling, etc. for my addictions and the addictions of family and friends.

I'm glad you succeeded and have changed your evil ways. But as you know only one person can change me, that person is me of course. I don't want to change at this time....but thank you for your concern.

"Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 10.01.2006
When will someone BAN Doniker and C. Everett? All either bring to this site is hatred and prejudice. Neither are funny."

FUCK YOU...YOU ANONYMOUS COWARD. WHAT, YOU ARE SO WEAK YOU CAN'T EVEN SHOW YOURSELF?

GETTING BANNED....BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN, DON'T CARE.

THEIR ARE THOUSANDS OF WEBSITES I CAN ABUSE, AND I HAVE AND WILL.

DAVE KNOWS WHEN TO PULL THE PLUG ON doniker AND WILL, IF HE SEES FIT.

AGAIN, FUCK YOU.

"i lost almost 30 pounds at this camp from simply not eating anything from the mess hall."

The average weight of a 12 year old is about 100 pounds. You expect us to believe that you lost about one-third (or 30%) of your body weight in eight weeks?
Five years ago my weight was 275 pounds. I went on a 1500 calorie a day diet and it took me SEVEN months to lose 45 pounds (or about 16% of my body weight).
If you ate next to nothing your body would have retained fat because your metabolism would slow down dramatically.

"I remember watching the very shape of his body change -- imagine losing a hundred pounds in twenty seconds! His belly shrunk and his pants expand."

So here you are saying this kid's weight doubled in just 8 weeks? He became a 200 pound kid and 100 of it was just his gut of fecal matter? And it only took twenty seconds to exit?

Please.

THIS HAS TO BE...BY FAR..THE MOST FICTITIOUS STORY TO EVER HIT THE FRONT PAGE OF POOPREPORT.

It is completely unbelievable that a healthy 12 year old boy could hold his load for 2 MONTHS.
First off, he would had to have been in extreme pain. Secondly, I know that when I can't shit I have no appetite at all. Finally, when he fell asleep and relaxed his body, his impacted colon full of shit most likely would have just "fell out" of his asshole.

This imaginary vision you saw of this kid shitting, dropping a hundred pounds, and seeing his body shape change is a total farce. You have been watching too many cartoons.

I am ashamed to be associated with this lame attempt at PoopReporting. I thought this sight was about "The Intellectual Appreciation of Poop Humor".

"I would have told her I poop on the wall because I am a performance artist.When I poop on the wall it is a form of venting.I am getting rid of all the shit it my life.It is also artistic expression.I am throwing shit at the wall and want to see if it sticks.I also do it to tell fortunes.If none of the shit hits the fan you will have a good day.That would have made her day."
-----
No, that would have brought the Family Services Agency knocking at her door to conduct an investigation.

You apparently don't have children and/or you are just a childish dumbfuck.

I feel that if anyone but The Big Wiper wrote this it never would have qualified as a Front Page PoopReport.
This is such a weak forgetable post.

At this point The Big Wiper is so popular and well liked any drivel he pumps out will get posted.

I on the other hand am waiting until I have a good story to tell before I submit again.

Stop pushing so hard Wiper, you will get writer's hemmeriods.

"Probably turned Doniker on since it involved a woman, a bathroom and crap."

I'll admit I got a tingle in my jock when imagining Motherload's bare ass unloading.

"I was shitting blood and because when I stuck my finger up my bum, all I felt was raw, bloody flesh."

this is where I stopped reading. Yuck!!

wow...the comments on this post have really blown me away.

this is a great post...very original.

after reading the comments I see everyone sees this in tale in a different light.

So what if this dude is having an affair Bunga...you sound jealous. It's probably more fun then sitting on the computer all day trying to stay sober.

I personally don't care for seeing people shit...even if it's a hot chick. I can drool over her while I bang her.

this is PURE FICTION.

this story contains the generic formula that is all poopreports rolled in one.

It is so textbook poopreport that it can't be real.

If it is real I must be completely pooped out and have seriously heard it all.

hey crappercritic, you are starting to reveal things about your life (that you are young and a boxer). I guess I am starting to get to you, sucker.

Too bad you can't fight your way out of a wet paper bag...only your pencil sized arms, limp wrists and white little fingers can fight with a keyboard, your so gay.

yes pussies are meant for fucking, crappercritic.

you want to fuck me?

Name the place and time and I will be there. too bad you will be too scared to show up. You pussy.

that's funny crappercritic. Because if you were a true George Carlin fan then you would have realized that my nickname "doniker" was created by George Carlin. If you have ever heard his routine about the "500 dirty words you can't say on TV" you would know how I got my name. Doniker is one of the words. Look it up. I am sure you can find it on the Internet, or save up your pennies from giving head to old queens, you loser, and buy his CD. When he is listing the names for a penis he says, "Dick, dork, doniker, wang" and of course many more. I would find the link and post it for you but since you are a loser with no life with plenty of time on your hands you can look it up yourself, unless you are too busy endlessly pleasuring yourself because you can't find a boyfriend to suck your wang.

Assblaster, you don't think I am an awesome Poopreporter? You are in the minority. Not to toot my own horn but I know for a fact that many people enjoy my work.

If I was nice to everybody and hid my true feelings, would that make me a better PoopReporter in your eyes?

Ain't gonna happen.

I am not against you AB. I have always enjoyed your posts and I think you are a good person. You have the guts to be yourself and not submit to the stereotyping. When you discribe yourself and your lifestyle you remind me of my friend Carol, and she is a great person.

Well as I have told Dave and many others my "out of hand" days are long gone. It is no fun being on the outside looking in and only having limited access to PR.

Time heals all wounds but yet I may never be forgiven for my past mistakes.

I don't come on PR or any site for the sole purpose of busting balls, it's just that sometimes things turn out that way.

AssBlaster, haven't you told this story like 10 times on the forums? Get some original material already. I wouldn't have even made this comment but I only did because you are always there to jump on the "doniker is a menace to PoopReport" bandwagon when the opportunity arises, and I currently feel the juvenile urge to fight back.