If it's brown already, how do you know when the job is done?

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

I understand that, but it's embellishment that makes the story. "I could feel the back of my pants filling with warm goo as I tried to run the last few feet to the toilet" sounds a lot better than "I crapped my pants," for example. I liked this story.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

The Cold War
After not going for a few days and building up tension, the colon pushes, threatening to break through the sphincter, but the sphincter refuses to open to let it through. Nothing really amazing happens, but there is hostility between the colon and sphincter, and one continually disagrees with the other and refuses to cooperate. Things eventually just die off.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I'm glad my parents were matter-of-fact and never told me such myths (nor did they sugar-coat things). Seven and thirteen are common numbers people like to pick on. Watch for them. They usually signify something that is a myth or a joke. Oh, and they are in the Bible too--maybe people see the Bible loaded with seven and thirteen and go with them from that too.

For the record, I'm neopagan. My numbers are 3 and 42.

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[Insert witty banter here]

Also 'twould help if we had standard xhtml tags instead of the archaic deprecated ones. For example, <em> should be <i>, <strong> should be <b>, and <br> doesn't require an ending tag, so it is <br />

... just sayin' (Yes, I know I'm just uselessly rambling and deserve "Lame Comment!").

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[Insert witty banter here]

I drink a juice blend that is cranberry and apple. Am I contradicting things here?

I like garlic and I ain't scared to eat it. 'Tis good stuff!

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[Insert witty banter here]

It could also be phlegm. That stuff smells and tastes weird when it comes up.

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[Insert witty banter here]

I actually agree with CEP this time. Though some people may not like him, he is entitled to his opinion. We should be able to express ourselves, be it positive or negative, without fear of prejudice or stuff like that.

Just for the record books, I liked this story. So what if the main focus wasn't poop? I still enjoyed it.
#
FACT: I didn't mind at all how things were set off like this. It looks to me like it was just to set off asides from the main story to avoid making it so confusing. I like the idea.
#
Good one, Yuvi. Welcome to PoopReport!

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[Insert witty banter here]

I eliminated splash from the equation by lessening the water in the bowl and, as a side effect, filling the tank faster so I don't have to wait so long to double flush.

Inside the toilet, there is an overflow tube in the tank. This leads to the bowl. Inside that tube there should be a smaller tube clipped to it. Simply redirect this into the tank, making sure it points towards the tank and not the lid. Splash is considerably reduced, and the water that would fill your bowl now fills your tank faster.

Just keep a box of matches handy =P I do.

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[Insert witty banter here]

I'm just the opposite. I can play Second Life for hours on end and never have to get up. After holding it for that long, however, the urge hits hard when I finally get up!

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[Insert witty banter here]

Wow, you have some awesome friends! It's great that they were there for you and helped you through your tough shituation.

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[Insert witty banter here]

Million Wipers terrorized many PoopReporters today...

(sequel)
Local sewer overwhelmed--unexpected high flow.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

Perhaps we should bring back the idea of a poopinal. When the stalls are taken, you're about to pop, and there's nowhere else to go...

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

Wow, this contest has really exploded!

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

I usually get rid of hiccups by holding my breath until I can't stand it anymore. When I breathe again, the hiccups are gone.

I gotta tell you Sam, this is a rather interesting writeup. Maybe sometime when I have a glove or plenty of soap handy, I might try that.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

Does she visit Grandma a lot? My great grandma always smelled like moth balls, and I did too, including my poop, after spending a day with her.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

I'm slowly turning vegetarian but I'm not there yet. I get protein from beans (as mentioned, and as TSV mentioned can't overeat) and veggie burgers. I'm still only part of the way there, though. I still like to eat chicken, and I just had a burger earlier, though I usually avoid red meat.

The best thing I know to tell you is to look at the labels on foods. Some things you may not expect have protein in them. Good luck, TSV!

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

I have an HP Pavilion dv4165cl, and it doesn't make me smell, even using it directly on my bare lap. It had that "new electronics" smell that I love when I first got it, but that passed quicklym and never left me smelling. Then again, mine doesn't get hot--it has the Centrino deal so it stays cool. When idle, it produces a mere 6 watts of heat which is easily taken away by passive air movement.

Enough ranting. This is just to show that mine doesn't do that.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

Also, I must add, it's the others who are being all fetishist about it. Go back and see for yourself.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

Someone must like me; mine didn't get lamed. Just to set things straight, I didn't do it just to do it. I'm not the sick person some people make me out to be.

Who am I kidding? I lost this one a long time ago. *slinks off to get mental help*
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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

I'm glad I don't fly. I do vaguely remember, however, flying when I was a really little kid (4 years or younger). There was this little tiny box with a waterless bowl in it. I don't understand how anyone could poop in there.

Hopefully someone cleaned out the toilet and no one suspected you of any more than just pooping. I'm glad you made it back just fine without any more trouble than the mess and smell.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

I think that, if anything, the Asians have it right. I believe squatting is the most natural position for taking a dump. For peeing, yes, I think standing is best for both sexes.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

I was at the Wal-Mart a few miles from Rural Nowhere earlier today, and they have a lot of White Cloud. Feel free to stock up!

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

One way you can get out of this is to look for other forms of income on the side, and gradually build upon them until you have enough outside sources that your are only working 10 hours a week, or even less.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

Isn't that blender the kind that adds air to food to whip it up, though? Either way, it'd hurt a lot, and I wouldn't be willing to risk the subsequent damage from putting my gut in a blender... or vice-versa...

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

Boomerang, I don't know about others, but I'm not accusing you of having anything like that. It's just that some people want pictures like that, and I couldn't see why you'd have them.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

I'm glad I have no dogs, El Fartismo. Cats are so much easier to clean up after, even if they do miss the box.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

That is very, very disturbing. Since I've gotten older, I've grown to like my sister, but in a friendly way, NOT like that! Why would anyone (who isn't nudist) have naked pictures of their family? For crying out loud, try Google or a p2p program!

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

I never went so far as to call her an asshole. I just said that she shouldn't have punished the dog. Her dog gave her plenty of warning before she ended up not being able to hold it anymore.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

I just always grab some TP to use to open the door. I really love it when I get to use a restroom with doors that open out (kick them open) or the doorless ones with twisted tunnels leading to the 'room.

I never thought of the napkins. I'm gonna have to start doing that!

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

Actually, Sam, I don't eat chips. Sometimes I'll eat fries (I guess they are chips in Europe though), but not very often, and they don't cause problems.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

A butt wiping machine would be a LOT better than wiping it yourself! Especially for the lazy people like me.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

At the dollar store I used to work at, the toilet was in the back and only maybe two customers a week would ever ask to use it, so the manager knew it was one of us when it got Upper Deckered. No, it wasn't me, but I would have done it sooner had I thought of it. That manager was terrible.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

Dyson is a genius in my opinion too. I'd love to actually get a chance to use one of his products.
FP, it looks to me like a common diagram of a hair follicle.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

I wouldn't have punished the dog for your own neglect--it was you who didn't take her out. She gave you warnings before finally having to let loose when she couldn't hold it anymore.

Blaming it on the dog, like I read above, is definitely some kind of sport. I bet it was rough having to scoop your own poo! As long as your husband doesn't read poopreport, your secret is safe with us.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

Poop is funny. Laxatives make poop funnier. Stop the flame wars.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

You can come too, Thunderbox. In fact, I wish more people would use the chat box. It's better than nothing. I'd rather everyone IM me, but it seems no one is going to!

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Dammit!

I'd be glad to explain that for you in the chat box, Sam. It has to do with how your guts are made.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Since I'm off tomorrow, I'm taking a laxative after class this evening. And then more later. I wanna get totally cleared out. I'm Shameless now, so it won't be a problem when I have my blowout.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

I like this one mainly because I can identify it. Yes, the writing style could be better, but it touches me inside. I remember holding it for a whole week during summer camp. I remember how I felt that Friday when Dad came to take me home. I remember the relief of a good poop and a long bath. This means a lot more to me than just the quality of the article itself.

My first story was kind of sucky too, ShameFul. You'll get better as you're around more. No need to worry.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Bunga, there are things I'd never post on PoopReport. Ever. That's all I'm saying.

You know how to get me on IM if it bugs you that much.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

PoopReport is plenty of entertainment! Then there's the rest of the 'net. But PR come first, of course.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE HAVE TO TYPE LIKE THIS. SURE, IT GETS YOU NOTICED, BUT IT ALSO MAKES ME NOT WANT TO READ YOUR MESSAGE. PLEASE TYPE NORMALLY LIKE THE REST OF US AND I'LL CONSIDER BEING NICE AND READING YOUR MESSAGE WITHOUT FLAMING IT.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

I like corned beef hash! And tomatoes. I've heard rumor that some foods do stay with you for a while, and I've also heard that everything keeps moving if you eat right. I don't know what to believe anymore. Maybe we should ask Motherload.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

"...eliminating that water wasting double flush" Eeek! They want to get rid of me and my signature double flush! Noooo!

Even with that, I'd still like to give that thing a try. My old toilet really needs some help, and plungers don't always do the job. Toiletta might just be what I'm looking for.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

While it's always a great idea to care, sometimes you might see things that aren't so bad. For example, I had little white balls in my poop, but then I figured they were seeds from the okra I ate the evening before. AFter that one time, I didn't have them again.

David, I feel bad for you. All I know to tell you is to try Motherload's advice. What works best for me, though it's slow, is to just get over the illnesses/infections however I need to, and then take time to re-stabilize. Hopefully in a week or two you will feel better. Good luck, David!

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Poor kid already has enough problems waiting for her before she even knows what's going on, just because her parents are celebrities. It would be much better if they could flush the poop like normal people and get on with the next thing in their lives.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Great idea, turdgutson! You could even use it to heat your house or generate a portion of your electricity.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Call me crazy, but I think some version of the old outhouse would be really good. All you have is a hole--no pipes to clog, no bowl to overfill, just a hole. It doesn't clog or make a mess. It's too bad there isn't some way to have a simple hole like that inside the house without having the smells that come with it. Simplicity can be very brilliant, while at the same time it sometimes stinks.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

That's certainly a new one on me. If I see blood, I can be sure it's just a fissure since it bleeds on and off rather than all the time. It sounds to me like your ring is trying to close around something that's in the way. You should definitely get it checked out before things get any worse.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Well, since this one is derailed already, I'll answer that. I started smoking cigars just out of curiosity (the flavored ones smelled SO good), then it became a social thing, and now I'm addicted. I am legally old enough to buy and smoke them, and so was I when I started. Since I am 19, I can't see why it shouldn't be my choice whether to smoke or not.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

I can do that just with two hands...

A tail, I think, would get in the way too much. I think the bump needs to be checked out as soon as you can.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Bunga, I AM hooked. I smoked at NCSU. I just can't smoke here. I haven't had one in over a month and it's driving me mad. Don't worry; I'm going no farther than smoking. I don't want any drugs at all outside of a good cigar.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Well, Betty Poop, let me answer your last question with a little rhyme:

No matter how you shake and dance,
the last drop always ends up in your pants!

It takes quite a few wipes for me. Most of my poops lately end up being either clean or a Million Wiper.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Burning stuff is fine, but they don't want me smoking because I guess it's to taboo for them or something. I don't see why anyone should care, but I'd never hear the end of it if there was so much as one unlit smoke anywhere on or near me.

I like the different methods for washing the shoes, though I wonder if the smell would stick or not after that.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

If I couldn't get the poop smell out, yes, I'd burn them. I couldn't wear them anywhere anymore, plus I'm a little bit of a pyro.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Honestly, I'd burn the shoes and get new ones. My older ones do tend to smell a little bit, but not like unwashable dog poop. It's definitely time for new ones.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Welcome back, The Shit Volcano! We all missed you so much!

I've too noticed that things are getting negative, and I must confess I have taken part in it, though I'm still looking to keep it on the topic of toilet humor. And, as for the flame wars, we have a forum for that.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

I can think of two scenarios, neither of which I can really write much about. So, anyway, here goes nothin'...

1) Dave is on the toilet minding his own business when a large poop rips him a new one. Some poop gets in the tear and it makes him sick, causing his slow and agonizing death.

2) Some lamer who can't take a little poop humor or someone Dave pissed off somehow plots against Dave, hunts him down, and murders him.

DD, I can see Dave becoming a (the?) God of Poop.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Well, non parlez vous Français much, so I must post in English as well. I'm mostly fine with how the US is going, but at the same time are are a lot of things I disagree with too. As for the "self-hating American," yep. However, it's my own fault that I don't get off my fat ass and do something, not the rest of the country's. At the same time, I have no say in the FCC, FDA, or other government stuff outside of my one vote out of who knows how many. At least there's that, and it makes me feel better when a lot of like-minded people vote for the same people or ideas.

You are all entitled to your opinion. PoopReport is based in the US afaik, and here you can say whatever you want using any media you like. Don't feel like you can't say what you're thinking on the site. Just one thing, it might fit better in our Flames forum than on the front page(s). As much as I've seen fly on this particular page, I'm still willing to see more opinions.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

I thought the Army was grunts, the Marines was jarheads, and the Navy was squids. I guess you could call them soldiers if you want.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Yup, FP is definitely female, according to profiles and prior posts.

Here I am seeing people who chose to be American. I'm American and I wanna be Canadian. Something wrong with me?

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

You forget, I am Jim Foxx, not Dubya. I do kinda wish he would join us, though.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

I agree that this is just too far. It's ridiculous. Millions of "normal" kids are embarrassed enough just by baby pictures alone. This poor kid has more pictures than the rest of us, her celebrity parents, and her own poop to embarrass her. Her parents have ruined her life for her before she was even able to get a chance to do something for herself. Poor kid.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

THE SHITMOBILE! Sorry, I had to say it.

Just, in a few years when I get it, don't do that sort of thing anywhere near my Lexus...

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

It's alright, daphne. I had to settle for a moment before I could say something without flaming Dubya. Also, I think I need to go with a new name (I like Flushy and DF), because Dubya looks too much like Dufya and I get confused!

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Wait, hold up. Why would it be navy.mil.com? An actual Navy email would be yourname@navy.mil, just like NCSU is yourname@ncsu.edu and not yourname@ncsu.edu.com. However, www.mil.com looks like a legitimate source on government information at first look, but I haven't looked too deeply yet.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

SamDamnit!, you can use your grease gun on CEP and yourself if you so desire. Fleet is a brand name for suppositories and enemas that you can find at most stores--even Dollar General carries Fleet. Anonymous8, try squirting in an enema and holding it for about 5 minutes or so (it's hard to sometimes).

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

"even though the goal here in your digestive plant is to actually produce a piece of shit, it should be some good shit." This part made me laugh. Thanks Mrs. Load! (yes I do know she is married)

You did a really awesome job on this--it makes things a lot easier to take in. However, I was wondering-without my gallbladder, could I eat fats and not get fatter?

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Dufya would love to hear Dubya fart on live TV just for the sake of doing it. Poop and farting are funny.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Flushy/Dufya/DF/(got other names for him?) remembers lots of things of that nature, yet he can't remember what he needs ti know for class, nor can he remember not to refer to himself in 3rd person. Flushy is glad to make you feel good, SamDamnit!.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

I don't wash my hands after using the toilet. I don't get pee or poop on them. If you do wash your hands, that's probably better for you, though I feel like being on the dirty side has made me stronger. I'm one of those who doesn't get very clean, yet I hardly ever get sick. But when I do get sick, I get REALLY sick. Maybe I need to start washing my hands.

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Around here, our women poop, and it stinks too.

People have penises and vulvas and that's that. If you see one, so what? I think the guys who are scared of seeing penises are in-the-closet gays or homophobes. I'll openly admit I find the human body to be a stunning work of art (though some of us are more stunning than others) and you shouldn't be so afraid of seeing your own kind.

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Around here, our women poop, and it stinks too.

Does anyone watch The Man Show? They once did a spoof advertisement for a product called Crack Spackle. You can probably find it at Google Video.

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Around here, our women poop, and it stinks too.

What if you are partially circumcised, i.e. just cut off the muscle band at the end?

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Around here, our women poop, and it stinks too.

In my IMs and with people I know, I've answered a lot of sex related questions. No one has had a problem with my answers, so I must be doing something right...

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Around here, our women poop, and it stinks too.

I think IBS is from stress and a bad diet. Ever notice how it clears up when you change your life for the better?

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Around here, our women poop, and it stinks too.

I like that idea, SamDamnit!, though I never have a problem with someone sleeping in my yard unless it's me, which is perfectly fine. I don't get "visitors," nor do I live in Nevada... oh well.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Well Andree, I don't like KFC either. There are local places I like (Smithfield's, a small chain in eastern NC, and a place in Clinton, NC called Souther Style), and I also like Bojangle's. I can't speak for them all, but the KFC in Clinton is not somewhere I want to be, and I'm a pretty big guy.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

How, other than scratching, might someone deal with the itch? I've tried rubbing with rough TP and then flushing it and washing my hands.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Some parents put their kids in ballet classes to teach them balance, flexibility, etc. I think it's a load of bullshit, but you are welcome to take it however you like.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

The Upper Decker is awful, sharty. I think that should've been an option. I've had enough trouble of my own with a particularly large logjam in my own bowl, and an Upper Decker is the last thing I want at this point.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

After a particularly large poop, sometimes it does stay open. As the unofficial resident sexpert, I can tell you that your hole does stay loose and open for a while after stretching it, but it will shrink back. Maybe this is what you are experiencing.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I agree 100%, CC. If someone gives of himself/herself like that, why should they have to give up everything else too? If nothing else, they should get more. Sure, they get paid and they get help paying for everything else, but still, shouldn't they at least get to do what they need to when they need to? Pooping is one of our basic needs, and it should be a basic right for EVERYONE to be able to start and finish a poop in peace.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I remember playing with tops on the kitchen floor. Boy do I miss them. I might have to make a trip to a toy department sometime.

Fart Poopie, while I do feel comfortable talking about anything, I still need to be wary of AssBlaster2000, Bunga Din, Dave, and other moderators.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Thunderbox brought it up. I prefer to talk about poop humor or, in the forums, non-poop-related flames. Masturbation is not one of my bigger topics.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I agree with Motherload. I've seen for myself that my poop definitely indicates changes. Dave is right too. I have floaters, sinkers, LiquiShit(most of the time), and lots of stuff in between, and I don't even care. My body itself really isn't changing all that much. I'm still fat and about the same weight all the time, and my overall feeling is the same. I must be doing something right; I'm maintaining well.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

LOL Thunderbox. That was a typo. I do most things right handed but can use either hand if I so desire. And, to answer your question, I masturbate with either hand.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I would expect your stomach acid would break it up, making it into shit soup or puke diarrhea--again, not a pretty picture. South Park is a really good show in my opinion, but some things that they portray are obviously fake.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Well dp, do like I did. Just get in there, drop your drawers, and do it. That's how I became Shameless--I just walked in and did it.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I always flush twice when I poop. It's a long way to the kitchen!

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I've noticed that in the small area where I live (the one away from Raleigh, just moved back), it is "oodles of noodles." But go just a little bit away from here and it is "ramen noodles" or "ramen noodle soup." So weird.

Dare I add to the festering pot of crap and say I only eat burgers every now and then. Once a month, if that. I generally eat a vegetarian diet plus chicken, seafood, and bacon. Every now and then I will eat beef; this is a fairly rare occurance though. That said, I'm still obese. I am 6 ft tall and weigh about 250 lbs. I wear size 38 jeans that I stuff my butt into, and my belly hangs over the front. Surely it isn't my diet. It's probably my American "Why do it if you don't have to?" way of thinking.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I have no problem with you, doniker. IM me sometime.

I feel as if PoopReport is about the only place I can talk about a really good shit (which I haven't had one worthy of telling lately). I do have a couple of others I can talk to, but very few.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

That's quite an awesome bit of pooetry there, Anonymous Coward! it's a great addition to the other works here. Have you considered registering? You're a great writer; we'd love to have you aboard.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

C'mon Dave, post something. Anything. I want to see you roll over to 10000 and have a party for you.

Plus the party would get my mind off of this week. It's the week from hell.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I'm so glad someone came to help out again. I have a question already!

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Let it be known to all that on this day I am officially declaring myself Shameless! Just earlier I marched myself in the bathroom where others were. My usual toilet, the handicrapper, was taken. I proceeded to go into the stall with no toilet seat or locking door, dropped trou, let a noisy explosive shit, and made all the noise I wanted unrolling the cheap 1-ply. I counted down and flushed, then said "aww crap" and flushed again, just for effect. I took a chance and went shameless, and it felt good! SHAMEFULNESS NO MORE! DUFYA IS FREE!

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Though crapping yourself is a routine story, this one is different and I like it, and it's a great first story. Welcome to poopreport!

On the buses on my high school, anything left on the seats would have stayed there. The buses were swept out everyday, but anything not on the floor was left where it was. My favorite seat on the bus was the one right by the door; I'm not sure why. I do remember though that it allowed me a little more room for my long legs. Once I turned 16, I drove and have never ridden a school bus since. But some crazy things happen on NCSU's Wolfline buses (like a city bus system but for campus).

Not a poop story, but I remember in 5th grade I peed myself and then had to ride the bus home. Luckily I was able to hide it with a shirt tied around my waist, but I still left a wet spot on the bus. For those of you who do the forum thing, I'll make a short PeeReport out of this.

Again, welcome to poopreport, girls dont poo.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Regrading the shampoo ingreditnes, I like to stand in the shower and read the bottles and pronounce all the words, which is why I can pronounce them all now pretty well. For those interested, here are the ingredients of Garnier Fructis fortifying anti-dandruff shampoo, as per the label: Pyrithione zinc, water, sodium laureth sulfate, cocamidopropyl betaine, dimethicone, cetyl alcohol, hydroxystearyl cetyl ether, sodium chloride, cocamide mipa, pyrus malus (apple) fruit extract, fragrance, carbomer, sodium methylparaben, DMDM hydantoin, niacinamide, pyridoxine HCl, propylene glycol, saccharum officinarum (sugar cane) extract, phenoxyethanol, methylparaben, ethylparaben, butylparaben, isobutylparaben, propylparaben, citrus medica limonium (lemon) peel extract, camellia sinesis leaf extract. I do remember some really really long M words on other shampoo bottles; anyone willing to dig those up? Also, one on Coast body wash that stands out is wheat germamidopropyldimonium hydroxypropyl hydrolized wheat protein. Yay big words I can pronounce!

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Wow, DungDaddy, that sounds like loads of fun. Just don't get caught by the wrong people, or they might waste their time searching you just to find innocence!

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

i must also say this isn't your best work, but it does interest me because I lived in a USA apartment near Frankfurt for a couple of years while my dad was in the army. I remember that for my 3rd birthday I got my own German beer mug.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

The Dumpster said: In fact, how about "Comments that Brownnose Anybody Ahead of You"?"

I can dig up some posts like that for myself too, so I like it. Some people need to get posting because I really don't want to end up just under The Dumpster... at least not so soon.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Gaseous G: I don't let it stay there and fester. I have one of those hand showers that you can aim at anything so as to rinse it off. It simply runs off cleanly right aling with the water. And yes, I'm the only one who uses it. It usually smells like the cleaners I use.

I've been too shameful of my parts to have a peeing contest, but it would be fun to have one from, say, the 7th floor of the building I used to live in...

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

1) I like to pee a distance from the toilet/urinal and write my name on the ground. Also, in the shower, I see how high on the wall I can pee (then rinse it away). 2) None, unless you enjoy shooting LiquiShit out your ass cannon on a regular basis.

I look forward to some others' responses...

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Can I add the obvious here? Pink taco.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I was surprised as well with which bathroom matches who. It's quite surprising.

I can pronounce Cyanocobalamin; no problem with me. Cyano would be easier to type, though. Nickname, perhaps? Mine's Dufya, for example.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Wow, Motherload. You give us an awesome story with a mini-story later that is just as hilarious! You've just joined us, and I already like you and your kid. Also, your name goes so well with this story. Great job!!

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I'm odd too. I write and wipe left handed, but I can do most things left handed. The only think I really can't do left handed is throw a ball or write. Other than that, either hand is good. Also, I've noticed my dominant typing hand is the left.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Huh? What's this about me being locked in a room? Is that why I can't get out of here to go to class? AAAH! Please let me out!

We'll miss you, The Dumpster! Try to make the best of your leave from PR.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I don't have IBS, or so I believe, but I have noticed that certain foods affect me like that too. Anything "Mexican" runs right through me, while he Chinese buffet gives me mad gas and Japanese food just makes me feel full. On top of all this, foods high in grease content seem to slide right on through. Seems grease is a nice lube for the guts or something.

Not to harp on the points system, but this one will give me 666 points. AAAAH! Someome please post something I can reply to ASAP so I'm no longer evil!

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Not happening for me. There is no White Castle within 50 miles of 27607. In fact, the closest one is in Nashville. I ain't drivin' to Nashville just for gnarly poop.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Those ideas make good sense to me. Also, with moving a lot, could some of the air in the house travel up your butt? On top of that, might you swallow some of the air there?

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Welcome Beer Shits. I'm glad to see some new people joining us.

You are a natural poopreporter. This is much better than my first story, and it's a great PR addition. Very very good job on this one!

What is White Castle? All I know is that it's a restaurant. Raleigh doesn't have any. Could someone fill me in?

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Girls bathing suits don't have legs on them, so they are pretty easy to do like that. I've seen girls go off in the distance, pull it aside, squat and pee, then come back. With shorts, however, you might not be able to pull them aside so easily because of the extra material for the legs. It would get all bunched up and wouldn't be willing to move aside.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I'd nominate it if we were voting for what to put in another edition of The Journal of Ass Production.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

What could be worse? Alive fish or a dead one? I don't knbow!! That makes me ever so mich more thankful for American urinals!

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I hardly watch TV anymore. I have your basic antenna, connected through a chain of RF adapters for game consoles. The games are mainly what I use the TV for. However, if I had cable and a TV card in my PC, I might use the PC as a DVR.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I'm all for the upper decker! The point is that the victim flushes and gets an inrush of shit to the bowl instead of water, possibly through two or three flushes. The best part of it all is their reaction. If nothing else, it can create total confusion for the victim, knowing he or she flushed and yet the toilet is full of poop. Also, if the poop is chunky, it might clog some of the holes that water flows through into the bowl. And it smells really bad. If someone upper-deckered me, I'd HAVE to get them back. After getting over the initial shock and anger.

And for the BMW deal--I'd rather get a stable job with good pay and THEN go and buy a brand new black Lexus with everything on it.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Or maybe she's marvelling over your bathroom, TBW. I know I am.

This is just proof that women do shit. It really sucks that these women got food poisoning, but I'm glad they were able to get over it and that the pageant could continue.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Oh! I gotta add something. ANY soft drink whatsoever in eastern North Carolina is "co-cola." Any of them. Does anyone else know where being "in the short rows" comes from? I do. I also understand the concept of peanuts and Pepsi.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

GGG--Yes, same goes for most bathrooms, but the one in this dorm is set up really weird. Perhaps I can get pictures some time.

At the moment, the handicrapper is the only desirable one, even though today it sports a new sign (might take a picture if requested). The other two don't have a toilet seat or don't lock.

I have no problem with the handicrapper being higher, because I have long legs anyway. As for dangling, Dumpster, I just try to be careful with that.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

TBW quotes moms' overused line: "Always wear clean underwear because you never know when you might be in an accident."

I never understood this. If I'm in an accident, chances are I'm either going to make in my pants or end up getting bloody. On top of that, emergency crews don't care either way, they've seen MUCH worse things than dirty underwear. Chances are, if it's serious, there are worse things on you to see. Does anyone understand why mothers across the country use this line?

Back to the topic. I've never been in an airport bathroom that I remember. I was really young when I flew, and I only recall a few fleeting glimpses of being on the plane itself. I still think it's an awesome idea to make airport restrooms, or any for that matter, bigger and cleaner. At a busy place like an airport, there needs to be the capacity for everyone to be able to get in and out quickly, and it should be clean too, because everyone has a right not to have to wade through another's filth. This is a very great gesture by the airports.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I usually go for the handicrapper. I'm not sure why. I suppose it's habit, as you mentioned. Also it's the first stall one comes to upon entering, and there is a view of the door through the cracks in the stall. I'm a Shameful Shitter, and this allows me to watch when people leave so I know I can get on with business.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

True, GGG, but it really annoys me when the roll is squashed and I can't roll it myself! Back when I had my two cats, I just installed it backwards, and everything was fine. The cats were declawed (which I completely disagree with, but not my choice), so the paper wasn't damaged by its "flipflipflipping."

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Welcome to PoopReport My Pink Button! I read your blog when it was linked a while ago, and I got absorbed into it. You have such an interesting story, and at the same time I feel bad for you. It makes me feel so grateful that my guts still work fine. It's too bad I don't remember when I was a baby and had to have a section of my intestine removed due to some sort of blockage. All I have to remind me of it is a large scar across my tummy.

I don't see a gross factor, because nothing is gross to me when it's merely a discussion. I'm happy that you can still live life the same way as before, aside from a B.M.

Happy PoopReporting! I'm sure you'll be a great addition to our community here.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I've tried to find where the storm drains around here go to (though they are makred for some lake or river), but have never made it to the outlets. It would be lots of fun to crawl inside a storm drain outlet, granted it isn't raining, and have a look. Just remember the one urbex rule--leave nothing but your footprints.

Also, I'm not mad or anything, but I'd like to note that I'm 19. Not young enough to be a kid, not experienced enough to have any sense in my head.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Women can also pee standing without the use of such a device. I leave it up to you to find the instructions, so as to not so prominently show my fetish.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I stand nearly straight (I have bad posture) and put one foot up on the toilet, then reach in to wipe. It's a lot better that way than plain standing, and I can't reach sitting unless I go in from the front.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

As far as Dave getting your messages, he is away until July 5 (today) so he'll probably have a lot to look at when he gets back.

Welcome back, Dave!

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

There are Sonic restaurants here in NC too. While a little bit expensive sometimes, they have really great food. Also, I like the carhops who roll out on skates to your car. That's just awesome.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I'm a little like GGG. I always have Wikipedia ready to go. Some articles there are skewed/slanted, but usually I can get the information I want. If that doesn't work, well we've all seen the Google bar in Firefox.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Totally laptop! In fact, I'm on the toilet spewing LiquiShit as I type this! With WiFi and the Internet, i never have to read the same thing again. I'm usually at PoopReport though.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Mens rooms in the US do not have ass gaskets as far as I have seen.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

LOL Dumpster! I was saying that I feel his pain; I understand his dislike for the electric eye.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I smell The Shit Volcano erupting with another political rant that I will totally agree with...

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Wow, DD. Do you just hate Pontiac cars? I recall only a few references, which only served to keep the story flowing.

Just incase you hate Chevrolet too, I drive one of those.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Sadly, I think I'm alone.... can I get a copytight on this act of bringing modern day reading material?

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Well, we've derailed another story talking about the fact that females do infact poop.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I really dislike my roomate. Luckily it's only a 5 week session for him. I get rid of him at 9am in the morning. Boy am I ready for that. Had it been a regular semester, I would have moved by now.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Please do, The Dumpster. I'm really looking forward to reading it!

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I never mention stuff happening when Clinton or Bush were President. Well, I do, but I don't mention the presidents.

I too thought of cow sex for a short moment. This is an awesomely written story. And can I get some of that medicine?

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I don't know about the hairless part, at least for me, but we're definitely primates. I can easily see the reasoning behind that experiment.

Perhaps I should try it. I have never had a pellet poop. It's usually got plenty of LiquiShit with it.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

North Carolina has good fish, being on the east coast and all. Plus, good stuff comes out of the rivers too.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Here we go again...

Girls do poop. It's true. Everyone poops. EVERYONE. Including females.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Just use the TP to make a Manpon. Problem solved.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Why can't they make a stall that doesn't have half an inch of peeping space between every panel and the door?

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I'm a fat ass, and I'm always squeezed together in any position.

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