Dave decides to go for a daytrip on the train. While on the train (the Shameless shitter he is) decides to go for a routine shit. In he goes and sits on the jerky throne already covered in other peoples pubes and piss.

While Dave was sat on the throne reading the second book (hopefully of a successful poop series) the train is hijacked by terrorists.

Unfortunately for Dave he went out the night before and had a bad case of the beer shits so didn't think twice when he heard the sound of machine gun bullets - thinking it was the sound of his masterpiece coming into form.

As the train is on its way into a head on collision with another train Dave gets to page 6 and starts to get horrid pains in his ringpiece - due to his screams of pain he doesn't notice the screams of terror coming from outside the stall as random members of the public are frightened to death.

As Dave gets to the end of the book the train crashes killing everyone on board. When the rescue team arrive they break down the locked door and find Dave cramped in the tiny stall, still sat on the throne (as there is no-where else to go in there) with his pants round his ankles, a book in his hands and a toilet full of shite.

Due to the incident and the find of both the abstract art in the toilet and the masterpiece which was the book Dave became a household name and an American legend.

The Falklands War:

As I approach the toilet for a routine dump in what I believe is my territory and have done for a long time, I am shocked when I begin my shit when my arse is under fire. As the first log falls into the water below I receive a cowardly blow as my arse is covered in cold water. In retaliation I turn out another bomb yet recieve another attack. After much attacking and defending I claimed victory when I flushed the toilet and washed away the enemy, making my point that the toilet is MY territory

100 Year War:

I rush to the toilet expecting to destroy it and claim easy victory and claim the WC as my territory but nothing happens. OH NO CONSTIPATION. I'm sat there for what seems like forever and when action finally starts the pain and suffering I feel is not one I was expecting or hoping. I leave the WC wounded, blood dripping from my arsehole. I didn't manage to gain territory after all the time I put into what I thought would be easy victory.

At the end of the day they're only Germans! Just like they gassed people in the war, they can gas themselves in the tiny bathroom. No picking a different one because of the smell.