This Poop Report has left a bad taste in my mouth. Eww, I just realized that sounds really gross. It's hard to joke about this person and his acts of turd terrorism. Can we go back to funny/informative? This is like peering into the dark hole of the human psyche. It's giving me chills.
Frankensteina,
Yeah you're right I am not schooled in the art of smearing shit on myself or others, or how it brings sexual gratification. I am also happily ignorant of how necrophilia would feel.
My little boy hates chocolate, weird I know. So last night after he had OD'ed on the rest of the non-chocolate candies all he had left was the chocolate ones. Around 9:00 pm I heard him lock the restroom door. Around 9:30 I realized he was still in the restroom. I knocked on the door and asked what he was doing.
Mickey: NOTHING! (this of course means SOMETHING)
Me: Open this door.
Mickey: I'm uh pooping.
Me: OPEN THE DOOR.
Mickey: Um....okay.
He had taken all the left over chocolate candies and molded them into TURDS! They were neatly lined and melting on the sink. Apparently he had taken warm water and melted them enough to be malleable and formed these very realistic looking logs. It was hilarious. He was scared that I was going to be angry that he had chocolate all over his hand and all over the sink and towels. I was too busy laughing to be angry. Ahhh, kids.
My husband farts so loud in his sleep he wakes himself up. It's hilarious! One time he even got up to check the doors because he was SURE he heard "something". I'm lying in bed trying not to laugh hysterically.
These questions made me do one of those involuntary shivers. It sounds like warts AND crabs. Excuse me while I go scrub myself with bleach and change into my spacesuit. And Dan, GO TO THE FREE CLINIC!
The real irony about Erwin is that he was killed by one of the least dangerous creatures he exposed himself to. With the most poisons bugs and most venomous snakes right in his back yard he goes and gets stabbed in the heart by a manta ray. They let you pet these things at Sea World! I read the other day that some looneys have “taken revenge” and killed a bunch of manta rays. I’m sure Steve Erwin would not approve of that.
So maybe Dave should be killed by one of the safest pooping related activities, wiping.
This is how it happens:
His local market was out of his usual brand of toilet paper so he had to venture into unknown waters and purchase a different brand. It looked harmless and promises absorbency. He hesitates, but being the brave adventurer that he was and relying on the knowledge he had acquired from previous close calls he goes ahead with the decision. He was in his element after all. He knew how to handle sticky situations if they aroused. Just like Erwin the urge for satisfaction came one morning. However, that morning the thing he knew and trusted would betray him. The clear blue water beaconed. After much toil a wave of satisfaction overcame him and he knew it was time to resurface. He was running late this expedition had taken to much time. In one graceful move, rivaled only by ballet dancers, he pulled the TP and whipped. He instantly felt a pain that penetrated to his very core. As he looked at the bloodied TP he instantly realized his mistake. The killer TP was not soft and gentle, but coarse and abrasive. In his haste he had wipe too briskly and ruptured a bulging hemorrhoid. Dave bled out in the clear blue water that day. His fans, friends and family were left to wonder how this could have happened to a bloke like Dave. He had always seemed to be in complete control.
As revenge some of his fans went on a rampage smashing toilets and burning TP, but that’s not what Dave would have wanted.
We don't hate the troops, well most of us. My brother is in the military surving in Iraq. He would tell me some of the things him and his buddies would do and I could only shake my head at the stupidity and imature behaviour. I love him to death, but the fact that he is so young and has been given so much killing power it just goes to his head. I guess reality gets skewed. He still want to act young and goofy, but doesn't realize the consequenses. Maybe some maturity and more ethics training in the military might help. Or they can just hand out Spider-Man comics. You know? "With great power comes great responsibility." Just a thought.
This Poop Report has left a bad taste in my mouth. Eww, I just realized that sounds really gross. It's hard to joke about this person and his acts of turd terrorism. Can we go back to funny/informative? This is like peering into the dark hole of the human psyche. It's giving me chills.