But back to the story: I love all those things that one does while alone. Mr shitwit and I have become so comfortable that we do all those things around eachother and sometimes forget when we have company over or when someone else is in the car too. We really spoiled our first child with all the rudeness. Poor kid has gotten in trouble in preschool for belching at the lunch table, he got put in a time-out in school recently for farting at another kid and then saying: "I pooped up your nose."
Hey powersoak-
I did let one rip in church, a very loud one, during silent prayer, seated on a long pew in the very center of the church. I was 4 years old. My grandmother was next to me and she was mortified! All the parishoners looked at her and then at me. Some of the men smirked, but the ladies were just too uptight to stop scowling at me. My grandmother leaned over and hissed: "Why didn't you save that for later?!" I couldn't stop giggling after that. In just a few seconds the smell emerged and people were covering their noses and fanning themselves. The priest stopped his sermon and pointed his long bony finger at me and said: "OUT OF THIS CHURCH AT ONCE!" My poor grandmother nearly wept as she led me out of the church in utter shame. When we reached the door the priest added: "I will be outside after Mass. I am going to have a talk with you, young lady!" After Mass I had to wait for him to say buh-bye to all the parishoners before he came over and smacked me across the face - right there in front of my grandmother! I almost kicked him in the balls I was so humiliated that I got smacked in the face by a priest. Who cares if I just ripped ass in church and everyone else heard it and smelt it (and for those sitting in the same pew: felt it too). I was more horrified that the wack-job priest just hit me in front of my grandmother. But you know how karma has a way of setting things straight. Many years later he got busted for child molestation on nearly 30 boys over his career. Who's sorry now, Father?
Does anyone else think it might be due to more poops "just inside the backdoor?" Like there's another crap on deck that just didn't get evacuated? Another possibility?
I believe schools should employ the following practices and protocol:
1. Code brown: when feces are shed in a place other than a toilet. The code is called over the loudspeaker, the location is given, the surrounding areas are immediately evacuated, the hazmat team goes in and clears the damage, when the shituation has passed people can be called back in.
2. Expanded curriculum: a lecture (for one course credit) on the use of toilet facilities, proper hygiene, restroom ettiquette, tools and techniques to employ in various shituations.
A lab (for 3 course credits) putting the above into practice.
3. Poop sensitivity and awareness training: professionals give workshops and lectures to teachers and students about different cultures handling of poop, explanation of pooping related trauma, and promoting stewardship of the high school restrooms.
4. Certificate of study: (this would be for extra credit, or advanced placement credit, pending approval from Regent's board) One semester spent abroad in 3rd world countries, pooping like the locals. One semester working at a local fast food joint, cleaning restrooms. One semester at a waste water treatment facility, seeing what gets flushed. One semester working in a hospital or elderly care facility, wiping ass.
5. Say no to drugs: as part of the DARE program, the program could be expanded to cover laxatives and assmints. "Friends don't let friends give other friends ex-lax." "Today your friend shit his pants, tomorrow it could be you."
Employing the above guidelines and curricula should produce a well-rounded, solid student of character.
My uncle with autism also has to take something called Lactulose (which we also used to give to our old chronically constipated cat, at the recommendation of the vet). There has been LOTS of research done on certain foods and their effects on people with neurological issues (like autism, etc). Yeast and wheat and anything with gluten are big offenders in the colons of said people.
I've also read that Miralax is also not supposed to be used on a regular basis, but as an emergency shit inducing measure it is OK to use sparingly.
Best of luck with your son's health and happiness. You've been a fantastic mother and it shows!
Years ago we bought a blow-up doll for my brother in law, her name? Felicia.
_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!