There once was an old guy named Martin
Who ate his glass eye like a Spartan
He watched his poor ass
But the eye did not pass
So now he is glassed up & fartin'

2nd (but less favorable) entry:

IT WASN'T ME

SILENT BUT DEADLY

Isn't that doniker's line, CEP?

the_shitman, who was properly banned from Poopreport for describing the disgusting acts of his turd terrorism, meets Dave in a public washroom.
Dave is shocked to see the_shitman in the midst of a terrible act of turd terrorism and realizes he has come face to face with one of PR's worst enemies.
Without hesitation, Dave lunges at the_shitman with full intentions of knocking him to the ground and holding him there while he calls 911 on his cell.
Unfortunately, the stink from the_shitman's "artwork" stops Dave mid-lunge and he is thrown back like a nuclear blast.
the_shitman jumps on this opportunity and starts applying his medium to Dave - the ultimate canvas.
Dave does not die here. Oh no.
Dave dies a few weeks later from Cholera.
Complications arose after Dave became extremely dehydrated and suffered severe hypovolemic shock.
He had mistakenly attributed his symptoms of dehydration, nausea, muscle cramps and diarrhea to a few nights of drinking and dining on his favorite curries.

It would "sem"?
Is that short for semen?
That's egg on your face turd.
You're being lamed all over the map.
Your spelling is going downhill, too.

Teri, come to Canada.
You'll have the added scent of bacon on those cheeseburgers.
What's wrong with beef, cheese & bread anyway?

Are there any closer airports to the West Coast that smell like cheeseburgers? I'd love to go there because that is one of the best smells on earth.
Especially driving past Burger King where they pump out the flame broiling goodness for all to smell.

I was going to say "Couldn't you just light a match?" but then I thought of the risks surrounding that.

Me. Always so safety concious...

I said not in public but around my S.O.
Once in a while I will fart in public, but not so much that I would describe myself as a public farter.

At a party the other night, I went and stood beside my sis-in-law, farted and then blamed her. I would have gotten away with it if I wasn't giggling so hard. This was in front of a bunch of people I had just been introduced to. I don't know what made me do it.
Beer, maybe? Probably.

Once there were two gents competing
To see whose prose was best succeeding.
It triggered my bowels
To purge out the fouls
And left my poor brown starfish bleeding.

Dave has the most points because he has a common name and gets all the cred for others that posted as "Dave". See the 8/24 comment here.

I'm changing my name to Bob. No, Dave-Bob.