Oh yeah, Doniker, but it was prescription stuff—a prelude to a colonoscopy. I had to drink ONE GALLON of this nasty stuff that tasted somewhat like the soap did years ago when my mother stuck a bar of it in my mouth after I let a cuss word slip. A co-worker underwent the same procedure about a month prior to mine and gave me a bit of a warning so I would know what to expect. He said that the raging squitters begin about 20 minutes after the first drink. I felt it coming, but as all good Poop Reporters would, tried to hold out as long as I could without giving birth. I lasted about 30 minutes.
The first explosion was actually a couple of good-sized turds. If one could measure ass velocity the way the muzzle velocity of firearms is measured, it would have set records. In fact the first two turds hit the water with such force that the splash rivaled the one Shamu makes at Sea World. Upon the bowl inspection, it looked as if Shamu gave birth to twins.
There were no more solids after that. The instructions called for the user to DRINK THE ENTIRE GALLON. I ended up with the gallon of that stuff on the counter beside my shitter as there was no way I could go very far. The whole idea was to clean out your guts entirely. In fact, the instructions announced that there should be no solid material spewing forth at the end, just a ‘slightly yellow liquid’.
I have no idea what the name of this stuff was, but I am sure other Poop Reporters have either heard of it or tried it themselves. When you finish the ordeal, I’ll bet someone could shove a flashlight up your ass and light would come out of your mouth.
To top it off, the next day after the procedure the doctor gave me an actual photograph of the inside of my colon. I had it laminated and carry it in my wallet. It was ivory-colored and very smooth. I’m sure it’s the first time that it has been clean since conception!
NOTE: Have plenty of good, soft toilet paper on hand. DO NOT eat pumpkin seeds the night before as they act like little razor blades when exiting a tender asshole at high velocity. Do not try to fart when away from the toilet.
Paul Looter
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Ask PoopReport: Spring Cleaning
Paul Looter (16) -- 05.26.2003
Oh yeah, Doniker, but it was prescription stuff—a prelude to a colonoscopy. I had to drink ONE GALLON of this nasty stuff that tasted somewhat like the soap did years ago when my mother stuck a bar of it in my mouth after I let a cuss word slip. A co-worker underwent the same procedure about a month prior to mine and gave me a bit of a warning so I would know what to expect. He said that the raging squitters begin about 20 minutes after the first drink. I felt it coming, but as all good Poop Reporters would, tried to hold out as long as I could without giving birth. I lasted about 30 minutes.
The first explosion was actually a couple of good-sized turds. If one could measure ass velocity the way the muzzle velocity of firearms is measured, it would have set records. In fact the first two turds hit the water with such force that the splash rivaled the one Shamu makes at Sea World. Upon the bowl inspection, it looked as if Shamu gave birth to twins.
There were no more solids after that. The instructions called for the user to DRINK THE ENTIRE GALLON. I ended up with the gallon of that stuff on the counter beside my shitter as there was no way I could go very far. The whole idea was to clean out your guts entirely. In fact, the instructions announced that there should be no solid material spewing forth at the end, just a ‘slightly yellow liquid’.
I have no idea what the name of this stuff was, but I am sure other Poop Reporters have either heard of it or tried it themselves. When you finish the ordeal, I’ll bet someone could shove a flashlight up your ass and light would come out of your mouth.
To top it off, the next day after the procedure the doctor gave me an actual photograph of the inside of my colon. I had it laminated and carry it in my wallet. It was ivory-colored and very smooth. I’m sure it’s the first time that it has been clean since conception!
NOTE: Have plenty of good, soft toilet paper on hand. DO NOT eat pumpkin seeds the night before as they act like little razor blades when exiting a tender asshole at high velocity. Do not try to fart when away from the toilet.
Paul Looter