Same thing happened to me except it was an elephant charging me. It turns out he thought my hawg was a rival elephant. It's a common error.

No time to comment. I have to go get an industrial size barrel of psyllium husk fiber after reading this..............

Stick it in as far as it will go doc, my tonsils have been feeling funny too.

A midwestern clogger named Bert
Lost his phone from the front of his shirt
Poor Bert was unhappy
His cell phone was crappy
It landed in last night's dessert

There once was an Iowan named Rob
He went down to clear out a blob
As he looked in the hole
For what clogged up his bowl
He noticed some corn on the cob

Official language: Crapanese
Religious sect: Shitite Muslim
National Anthem: Brown Eye Girl

Bunga, you can unban me any day now.

Teddy's back and his spell checker and grammar checker are still busted.

I'm sensitive godddamn it.

I'm not insensitive. I'm the most sensitive motherfucker on this site. What the hell?

Another epic tale. You are the Pat Conroy of shit, Gasputin.

Shitman, you are truly an asshole. If I ever caught you doing any of that shit, it would be over for you. Good riddance.

At least he wasn't obsessed with Deliverance. It would be tough to ignore a kid that cornholed tourists.

We need a new sticker that says "desperate perverted comment" for old Teddy. What the fuck, Over?

That was me that bought that puppy. I named him Stinky.

Wow! Where should I begin commenting on this epic???

I'm glad to see that you managed to work the phrase "Inconvenient Truth" into a story about shit and I hope it was intentional because Algore is a piece of shit.

I was wondering how you would have managed that clean up effort by using one square of paper, as Cheryl Crow, another piece of shit, suggests we all do to prevent global warming.

I never heard of an asshole being referred to as a "Fun Factory" but it works for me.

"Time was a moped" Beautifully written. There were tears in my eyes.

Great first effort! Bravo, Sir!

Good story but if a 2 foot turd is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen, you should travel more.

Here is my elephant joke:

A little boy goes to the zoo with his Mom and they see a bull elephant with his crank out and dragging the ground.

The boy says "What's that thing hanging down"?
Mom says "Thats his trunk"
Boy says "No the other end"
Mom says "That's his tail"
Boy says "No, in the middle there"
Mom gets all embarrassed and says "It's nothing, forget it"

The next week, the boy goes to the zoo with his Dad and they see the same elephant, again with a giant 4 foot wood.
The boy says "Dad, what's that"?
Dad says "That's his dick"
Boy says "Mom said it was nothing"
Dad says "Yeah Son, I spoil that woman"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Eat me, it's the only joke I know.

I'll look for a young commie babe with a piquant vagina.

Hey Dumpster, I haven't taken a dump in 2 months but I feel a big one coming on. Can you bring your snake over to my place? Wear waders.

That's quite a report far a couple of freebie rolls of asswipe at Costco. You could probably write a novel if you bought a toilet.

So you started fake story week on a Thursday? This never even approached reality.

Holy shit! I got a great comment! I have to go buy a lottery ticket now.

How about "CatAsstrophy at AB2K's place"

Tried to fart. Oops. Blew mud.

Good story. I have never known anyone who would fish a stinking turd out of a trashcan or a sailor who was still in bed at 0800 but it was believable nonetheless.

Bravo, sir! You are the Pat Conroy of poop reporting. I take back all the shit I said about Canadian socialists.

TBW, why so sensitive today? I didn't kick your dog, I just said that wasn't your best story. Jeeeeezus H Christ! Sorry.

On second thought, that was the best goddamn story I ever read. I printed it and put it in a frame above my favorite toilet in my house. I will read it until my eyeballs fall out.

Wiper, don't get offended. My comment wasn't forceful. I didn't say you sucked. You don't hit a home run every time at bat. If you don't have a good story, take a day off and just read.

My squadron once went to the officers club at an Air Force base and all the pansy Air Force guys were prancing around with their little colored ascots under their flight suits. We all put ass gaskets around our necks under our flight suits to show them how gay they looked and then proceeded to teach them how to drink. Other than that one time, I have never used an ass gasket.

"The distinguished gentleman from California"

That's me.

CEP

I'm from the epicenter of redneck, grit, hick production, southeast Virginia, so I know the people you are talking about. Everyone there has a mullet, smokes Marlboros, drives a primer gray Camaro or Charger and says "fuckin'-A" every sentence.I hate them just as much as you do. In fact, I never miss the Jerry Springer show so I can revel in the fact that they are still dildos and that I escaped that colostomy bag of American society.

Good story! Down with grits!

I was like "this story sucked" but now I'm like "it was OK". You should be like "I need an english class way worse than I need soccer practice". I'm like "done with this comment"

Calling me a klanner is pretty funny considering what I do for a living. Republicans don't hate anyone, they are just tired of illegals demanding things they are not entitled to (and shitting in parking garages). I regret that my comments sometimes turn political but thats who I am. Dave has a delete key on his computer.

Wonderpance, I cut and pasted this out of Merriam Webster dictionary on line:

Homo; ho-mo(adjective)1: of, relating to or characterized by: boy watching poop come out of other boy's butt 2. Boy puts penis in other boy's butt.

Bunghole, you should embrace your right wing extremist, capitalist, union busting, homophobic, xenophobic, patriotic, animal hunting tendencies occasionally. Nobody will hate you for it.

Bunghole, I am a homophobe but I do occasionally think about camels, particulary those sexy bactrian ones.

Bunga, if you had a truck, you could have just put the dog in the back, gone back to Gail's house, hosed off the dog and given Gail the pipe all afternoon. You need a truck.

Bunga, anyone who throws used needles in the trash, where they are almost guaranteed to poke the guy who empties it, is an asshole. I would have bought the sharps receptacle and bashed his skull in with it. Society needs to stop catering to every special interest group and start bashing skulls.

This will never happen to me. I would drop my pants and blow mud on a 4 lane freeway before I shit my pants or my car.

I fly for a living but I despise commercial air travel. I would almost rather walk because of situations as the one you describe. I once sat next to a Korean man who spent the entire flight yanking out nose hairs, admiring them for a minute, then flicking them on the carpet. The disinguished flying cross is normally awarded for heroic flights in military aircraft but I think you might qualify.

Wow, two stories in a week about people passing something the size of a Quaker Oats box or bigger out of their asses! I would hoist the bullshit flag on this but the details like the smell of gunpowder in the air are something that no phony would make up. I can only conclude that the human bunghole is amazingly elastic. This is an educational site.

DCKpoop, you are a colostomy bag and so is your daddy, your lawyer and all the citizens of Connecticutt. Your comments suck too. Eat me.

KOC, If you can take a quaker oats box in the back door, maybe you could make some money in adult films. Just a thought.

I always thought that the toilet graveyard was the front yards of all the shacks along Hwy 17 from Elizabeth City NC to Savannah GA. They all seem to have 3 or 4 serving out their retirement years as flower pots. One place I remember had them lining the driveway on both sides, with a few tubs and major appliances mixed in (for ambience I assumed)

Gross. Too bad this story didn't occur in Singapore so they could take this piece of filth out and execute him on the spot. My tax dollars are probably still paying this guy's cable TV bills in the slammer.
C Everett Poop

Cats are repugnant animals and why anyone would keep a pet that shits in the house is a mystery to me. Good luck with your butthole trimming and shit box emptying.

Jesus H Christ. I got about 1 paragraph into this drivel fest before I said "fuck it". How this made the front page I'll never guess.

So, we have finally run out of topics........... It had to happen.

So it makes you feel like an outsider when more people vote for a real man and leader than a phony gigolo with a faked war record? Figures. Just be glad Bunga didn't ban you.

Dodger, don't be a buffoon. If something is in a Hollywood movie, it is just that. Doesn't make it true or false. I am also familiar with Wookies and Terminators from the movies but that doesn't make them true. Lighten up.

Poopa Donna, you could find another use for your colon, like getting your boyfriend to drill you up the tailpipe.

I would have shit in the perfume bottle and filled the turd bottle up with tap water. Make those Paki lab techs earn their pay.

This has to be fake. Nobody is that dumb. Get a bigger toilet or at least use a damn coat hanger like everyone else (except me because I have an American Standard Champion Toilet)

There should have been a comma between human and dog. Chinese are feral humans who eat dogs. That's what I meant anyway.

I can hold any solid turdular matter indefinitely. It's the occasional explosive liquishit food poisoning type ass pressure that has very rarely caused me a problem that must be dealt with immediately (see my "Escort Required" story. At any rate, I will never shit my pants while I have the strength to pull them down. Who cares what the Chinese think anyway? I have seen those feral-human dog eaters shit in public countless times myself.

Good story but how does one eat a dirty roadside water dog?

Deja Poo, I have your Hague right here, dangling in front of my nutsack, you gutless piece of shit.

I struggled to get through this pointless, rambling rant and I still don't get it. Aren't there any funny stories today?

Thanks for the lame comment sticker Bunga. I was waiting.

Ah, the joys of coming from a family where the mother thinks nothing of blasting her powerless to escape kids with concentrated toxins and carcinogens in a closed area the size of a phone booth...........

I sometimes wish I was white trash........

Alas

Deja Poo, take your weak ass political hype over to the flame forum.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Women are such idiots. $500 for that?????? My $70 boots that I have had for 20 years could be submerged in shit and would rinse right off.

Standing by for my lame comment sticker.

Fake.

Wow! Good insight into the load of cement between the ears of the average female. I wonder how much water has been wasted by running faucets to mask the sound of what everyone knows you are doing anyway. Hell, nobody was even home. I'm going to eat lunch as soon as my stomach recovers from this story.

So how many illegals do you actually stop? My guess is around zero, based on what I see in my state, CA. You BP guys are a broken bureaucracy. I know this should be in the flame forum but our border patrol is useless. The Mexicans have better security on their southern border than we do. At least you can clog a toilet so that's something........

Hey Kstalder and the rest of your BP guys? What the fuck is with all those useless checkpoints up on I-5, I-8, and I-10? Maybe if you guys actually secured the border, my state wouldn't be loaded with a billion Mexicans and they wouldn't be on the freeway. Maybe you guys could lay down the Penthouses and bottles of lotion, get out of your air conditioned Expeditions and do what we pay you to do instead of clogging toilets in Tucson. Just a thought.

BTW, there is no border in Tucson.

You should have given that bitch a dirty sanchez for having that ignorant pinko sticker on her car.

I'm glad the product tested wasn't double ended vibrating Kong Dongs. We might never have heard from Sammy again.

Mr Dodger, I am truly a black and white kind of guy. The middle ground is for pansies. Take a stand.

CEP

All smokers are revolting shitstains with no regard for anyone else, as I have stated in the forums.

FACT: this story blows.

Samdamnit, why did you need to create a new identity to post this story about shoving things up your ass? It is perfectly acceptable in your party.

I think the whole thing is fake anyway.

Damn MOB! You were right when you said you don't deserve a hot chick. Better keep her away from Navy guys or she will be gone forever. Good story though. Why didn't you just opena window and let the bats out? They are totally harmless.

Do you have any naked pics of your princess sister?

Stop laming me. I am a genius, obviously.

A guy is driving his car to a PETA/DNC/Gay pride rally. Samdamnit, in the passenger seat leans over to perform a lewd act on him, distracting him and causing him to swerve into a porta potty. The porta potty falls over on its door, spilling the contents of a full crap tank and knocking out a citizen who was inside taking a crap, causing him to drown in a pool of human shit. That citizen was known as Dave from Poopreport.

Dungdaddy, having never been to a gay parade, I can't comment intelligently on their uniforms.

I guess you all busted me. I truly am a flamer. I'm going to drive my Miata down to the mall now and shop for tank tops and thongs.

Sounds fake to me. Who the hell looks at other guy's cranks and estimates their size at the urinal?

I don't get the Cheney reference. Are you a fat, single, lonely democrat? I would understand that.

If you make six figures, maybe you can afford a class on spelling and punctuation at the local community college, assbreath.

To me, there is nothing cute or funny about this story. Best case, these kids are retards and should be institutionalized. Even baby spider monkeys wouldn't smear shit all over themselves and they are the stupidest primates. Worst case, these kids are future degenerate perverts in training. Next they will be pulling the head off the class hamster and then they will be caught with a freezer full of human body parts like that Dahmer idiot. If they are lucky, they will end up somewhere in the middle, like Doniker.

Thank God (or Buddha or Allah) for vasectomies.

I would have gotten a gun, shot them both, and buried their bodies where they would never be found. Seriously.

That didn't post right. I bet you loved President Lewinsky and Peanut Boy. Either way, you suck.

Nice comment about your president AB2K, very typical of you gutless leftists. I bet you President Lewinsky and Peanut-boy.

Tydirium, sarcasm is the humor of the witless. Try again and this time, think before you post.

Dumpster, weak comment. I get paid by the taxpayers so they don't have to live on warships for 14 of the last 18 years like I have. I don't do what I do for money, unlike parasitic ambulance chasing shysters.

I hate to say it but I agree with Doniker on this one. This is grosser than gross. Then I made the mistake of clicking on the link and read the disgusting blog bit about the pervo who wanted to have sex with the "opening". Why not just stick your hawg in a jar of shit? SICKO!!!!

BTW Dumpster, I'm waiting for your rebuttal to my tirade against lawyers on the flame forum. Or do you agree with me?

Let me be the first to hoist the bullshit flag on this load of hogwash. If it is true, there must be some paperwork; dispatch sheet, incident report, treatment record, etc. Scan it and post it. Otherwise, Dave should put this on the phony story section.

Gross.

This story has probably already made it around the world on every scat pervo whack off web site. It has never happened to me and I hope to keep it that way.

Name calling and race baiting are weak substitutes for good writing.

This should have a huge flashing banner at the top that says "WARNING, you are about to waste 3 minutes of your life reading drivel"

Everett, WA is the home of the mighty USS Abraham Lincoln so this turd factory might have indeed seen a few of my finest. It is only a coincidence that I chose CEP for a screen name.

CEP

Very informative and it reaffirmed my long held belief that women's brains are composed of 100% concrete. Flushing plastic down a toilet???????? Jesus H Christ...........

I have seen some camels that were hotter than both of my senators here in the Democratic People's Republic Of Kalifornia.

Hey Infidel, I don't have your bunghole sprayer but I have a nuke with your name (Mohammud) on it.

Are you saying that one can inhale the entire volume of a fart and when you exhale, it will be fresh clean air? I don't buy it.

Post a picture of that monster if you are so proud of it.

C Everett Poop

Women should not be allowed to write these kind of stories. The image of a hot chick squatting in a bush, dropping a load, is unsettling to those of us that worship the female ass and refuse to think of it that way.