There must be thousands of great dog turd revenge stories out there. I used to live next to a family whose two gigantic dogs would come to my yard and build their log cabins almost every day. I asked them to do something about it but they were too lazy. They had a detached garage that bordered my property so I started flinging the turds with a shovel up on to the side of their roof they couldn't see unless they were in my yard. There must have been 150 pounds of shit up there before they built their fence. They never said a word to me after that.
Put me down as against it in the USA. There are many unisex restrooms in Korea and it works fine. They have a row of urinals on one side and a row of stalls on the other, no problem.
I'm against it in the USA because women take forever and I don't want to wait in line while a bunch of dizzy hags check their makeup, gossip, yammer on cell phones, change clothes, smoke, fix their hair, shit, piss and god knows what the fuck else they do in there.
I also think the trial lawyer, scumbag, ambulance chasing shysters would have a field day with the owners of said facility the first time there was an ambush rape in the unisex crapper.
I think the embarrassment/shame aspect of it would go away pretty quickly. I have seen plenty of women back their asses up to a urinal at a crowded stadium if the ladies room line is too long and they seem to have no problem with it. It's just an idea who's time has not come yet.
I made a big delicious sandwich on my boat one day when I was out in the middle of the ocean. It had smoked turkey, provolone, lettuce, artichoke hearts, avocado, mustard and just when I finished making it, a damn pelican shit on it. I had to throw it overboard and then a stinking gull ate it. Thats my only birdshit story.
A midwestern clogger named Bert
Lost his phone from the front of his shirt
Poor Bert was unhappy
His cell phone was crappy
It landed in last night's dessert
There once was an Iowan named Rob
He went down to clear out a blob
As he looked in the hole
For what clogged up his bowl
He noticed some corn on the cob
Wow! Where should I begin commenting on this epic???
I'm glad to see that you managed to work the phrase "Inconvenient Truth" into a story about shit and I hope it was intentional because Algore is a piece of shit.
I was wondering how you would have managed that clean up effort by using one square of paper, as Cheryl Crow, another piece of shit, suggests we all do to prevent global warming.
I never heard of an asshole being referred to as a "Fun Factory" but it works for me.
"Time was a moped" Beautifully written. There were tears in my eyes.
A little boy goes to the zoo with his Mom and they see a bull elephant with his crank out and dragging the ground.
The boy says "What's that thing hanging down"?
Mom says "Thats his trunk"
Boy says "No the other end"
Mom says "That's his tail"
Boy says "No, in the middle there"
Mom gets all embarrassed and says "It's nothing, forget it"
The next week, the boy goes to the zoo with his Dad and they see the same elephant, again with a giant 4 foot wood.
The boy says "Dad, what's that"?
Dad says "That's his dick"
Boy says "Mom said it was nothing"
Dad says "Yeah Son, I spoil that woman"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Eat me, it's the only joke I know.
Good story. I have never known anyone who would fish a stinking turd out of a trashcan or a sailor who was still in bed at 0800 but it was believable nonetheless.
TBW, why so sensitive today? I didn't kick your dog, I just said that wasn't your best story. Jeeeeezus H Christ! Sorry.
On second thought, that was the best goddamn story I ever read. I printed it and put it in a frame above my favorite toilet in my house. I will read it until my eyeballs fall out.
Wiper, don't get offended. My comment wasn't forceful. I didn't say you sucked. You don't hit a home run every time at bat. If you don't have a good story, take a day off and just read.
My squadron once went to the officers club at an Air Force base and all the pansy Air Force guys were prancing around with their little colored ascots under their flight suits. We all put ass gaskets around our necks under our flight suits to show them how gay they looked and then proceeded to teach them how to drink. Other than that one time, I have never used an ass gasket.
I'm from the epicenter of redneck, grit, hick production, southeast Virginia, so I know the people you are talking about. Everyone there has a mullet, smokes Marlboros, drives a primer gray Camaro or Charger and says "fuckin'-A" every sentence.I hate them just as much as you do. In fact, I never miss the Jerry Springer show so I can revel in the fact that they are still dildos and that I escaped that colostomy bag of American society.
I was like "this story sucked" but now I'm like "it was OK". You should be like "I need an english class way worse than I need soccer practice". I'm like "done with this comment"
Calling me a klanner is pretty funny considering what I do for a living. Republicans don't hate anyone, they are just tired of illegals demanding things they are not entitled to (and shitting in parking garages). I regret that my comments sometimes turn political but thats who I am. Dave has a delete key on his computer.
Bunghole, you should embrace your right wing extremist, capitalist, union busting, homophobic, xenophobic, patriotic, animal hunting tendencies occasionally. Nobody will hate you for it.
Bunga, if you had a truck, you could have just put the dog in the back, gone back to Gail's house, hosed off the dog and given Gail the pipe all afternoon. You need a truck.
Bunga, anyone who throws used needles in the trash, where they are almost guaranteed to poke the guy who empties it, is an asshole. I would have bought the sharps receptacle and bashed his skull in with it. Society needs to stop catering to every special interest group and start bashing skulls.
I fly for a living but I despise commercial air travel. I would almost rather walk because of situations as the one you describe. I once sat next to a Korean man who spent the entire flight yanking out nose hairs, admiring them for a minute, then flicking them on the carpet. The disinguished flying cross is normally awarded for heroic flights in military aircraft but I think you might qualify.
Wow, two stories in a week about people passing something the size of a Quaker Oats box or bigger out of their asses! I would hoist the bullshit flag on this but the details like the smell of gunpowder in the air are something that no phony would make up. I can only conclude that the human bunghole is amazingly elastic. This is an educational site.
I always thought that the toilet graveyard was the front yards of all the shacks along Hwy 17 from Elizabeth City NC to Savannah GA. They all seem to have 3 or 4 serving out their retirement years as flower pots. One place I remember had them lining the driveway on both sides, with a few tubs and major appliances mixed in (for ambience I assumed)
Gross. Too bad this story didn't occur in Singapore so they could take this piece of filth out and execute him on the spot. My tax dollars are probably still paying this guy's cable TV bills in the slammer.
C Everett Poop
3 lames is a little excessive. I don't give free passes for irresponsible behavior. Someone with a real emergency might have died while this dumb broad tied up the paramedics to take a crap.
Yes, its a real shame that insensitive assholes like myself post negative comments on unemployed, possibly pregnant single women who live with their Mom and waste the time of doctors, nurses, paramedics and ambulance drivers because they have to take a shit. Sometimes politics has to enter into the realm of shit stories and I felt this was one of them.
I would bet ten million dollars that no bill will be paid on this scam unless it is paid by medicare, which means the taxpayers, which means me.
Stories like this just piss me off. I also don't think Octo-mom is cute or interesting. She is a parasite and a nut job who lets the taxpayers pay her bills.
Constipation has got to be worse. If I go two days without carving a miniature Obama, I feel like death warmed over. On the other hand, I can have butt piss for days and feel great, as long as it isn't a symptom of something worse. In fact it feels good to empty the old gut once in a while. Just stay near the carving studio so you don't generate a poop report.
Cats are repugnant animals and why anyone would keep a pet that shits in the house is a mystery to me. Good luck with your butthole trimming and shit box emptying.
So it makes you feel like an outsider when more people vote for a real man and leader than a phony gigolo with a faked war record? Figures. Just be glad Bunga didn't ban you.
Dodger, don't be a buffoon. If something is in a Hollywood movie, it is just that. Doesn't make it true or false. I am also familiar with Wookies and Terminators from the movies but that doesn't make them true. Lighten up.
Wow! Shitload of comments for a mediocre story. I got the alesium reference right away because Russell Crowe says it in the opening scene of Gladiator.
This has to be fake. Nobody is that dumb. Get a bigger toilet or at least use a damn coat hanger like everyone else (except me because I have an American Standard Champion Toilet)
I can hold any solid turdular matter indefinitely. It's the occasional explosive liquishit food poisoning type ass pressure that has very rarely caused me a problem that must be dealt with immediately (see my "Escort Required" story. At any rate, I will never shit my pants while I have the strength to pull them down. Who cares what the Chinese think anyway? I have seen those feral-human dog eaters shit in public countless times myself.
Ah, the joys of coming from a family where the mother thinks nothing of blasting her powerless to escape kids with concentrated toxins and carcinogens in a closed area the size of a phone booth...........
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Women are such idiots. $500 for that?????? My $70 boots that I have had for 20 years could be submerged in shit and would rinse right off.
Wow! Good insight into the load of cement between the ears of the average female. I wonder how much water has been wasted by running faucets to mask the sound of what everyone knows you are doing anyway. Hell, nobody was even home. I'm going to eat lunch as soon as my stomach recovers from this story.
So how many illegals do you actually stop? My guess is around zero, based on what I see in my state, CA. You BP guys are a broken bureaucracy. I know this should be in the flame forum but our border patrol is useless. The Mexicans have better security on their southern border than we do. At least you can clog a toilet so that's something........
Hey Kstalder and the rest of your BP guys? What the fuck is with all those useless checkpoints up on I-5, I-8, and I-10? Maybe if you guys actually secured the border, my state wouldn't be loaded with a billion Mexicans and they wouldn't be on the freeway. Maybe you guys could lay down the Penthouses and bottles of lotion, get out of your air conditioned Expeditions and do what we pay you to do instead of clogging toilets in Tucson. Just a thought.
Damn MOB! You were right when you said you don't deserve a hot chick. Better keep her away from Navy guys or she will be gone forever. Good story though. Why didn't you just opena window and let the bats out? They are totally harmless.
I don't have any health problems. Whether or not that makes me a self centered prick, I don't know for sure. I do know that I would rather be a self centered prick than a person who shits in parking lots and bus stops.
A guy is driving his car to a PETA/DNC/Gay pride rally. Samdamnit, in the passenger seat leans over to perform a lewd act on him, distracting him and causing him to swerve into a porta potty. The porta potty falls over on its door, spilling the contents of a full crap tank and knocking out a citizen who was inside taking a crap, causing him to drown in a pool of human shit. That citizen was known as Dave from Poopreport.
Nothing abnormal about smearing shit all over your self, your sibling, the house and then licking it???????????????????????
Let's take a poll and see how many poop reporters have ever even come close to anything like that. My guess is that it will be these 2 kids and Doniker.
To me, there is nothing cute or funny about this story. Best case, these kids are retards and should be institutionalized. Even baby spider monkeys wouldn't smear shit all over themselves and they are the stupidest primates. Worst case, these kids are future degenerate perverts in training. Next they will be pulling the head off the class hamster and then they will be caught with a freezer full of human body parts like that Dahmer idiot. If they are lucky, they will end up somewhere in the middle, like Doniker.
Dumpster, weak comment. I get paid by the taxpayers so they don't have to live on warships for 14 of the last 18 years like I have. I don't do what I do for money, unlike parasitic ambulance chasing shysters.
I hate to say it but I agree with Doniker on this one. This is grosser than gross. Then I made the mistake of clicking on the link and read the disgusting blog bit about the pervo who wanted to have sex with the "opening". Why not just stick your hawg in a jar of shit? SICKO!!!!
BTW Dumpster, I'm waiting for your rebuttal to my tirade against lawyers on the flame forum. Or do you agree with me?
Let me be the first to hoist the bullshit flag on this load of hogwash. If it is true, there must be some paperwork; dispatch sheet, incident report, treatment record, etc. Scan it and post it. Otherwise, Dave should put this on the phony story section.
This story has probably already made it around the world on every scat pervo whack off web site. It has never happened to me and I hope to keep it that way.
Everett, WA is the home of the mighty USS Abraham Lincoln so this turd factory might have indeed seen a few of my finest. It is only a coincidence that I chose CEP for a screen name.
Very informative and it reaffirmed my long held belief that women's brains are composed of 100% concrete. Flushing plastic down a toilet???????? Jesus H Christ...........
Great boyfriend! Where do you find a man who has ulcers, hemrhoids, can't hold his liquor and shits himself in church? I'll send all my single female friends there.......... FAKE!
Women should not be allowed to write these kind of stories. The image of a hot chick squatting in a bush, dropping a load, is unsettling to those of us that worship the female ass and refuse to think of it that way.
I have no need for this device because my shit smells like rose petals with a hint of lilac and rosemary.