I chose other, because I certainly wouldn't want to shit in the stall next to Mel Gibson. With the way he's been acting, he'd likely stand on the edge of the bowl and shout down into the water to rise his turd from the dead. And of course it might marry my shit and declare that it was going to hell because it was Episcopalian.

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Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.

No, European super models don't shit. They're too stupid to figure out how to operate their assholes.

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Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.

I think this is just another excuse by yuppies to push everything. Time is money and money is their life, and babies have to follow that schedule, too. Hell, these jackasses even induce labor now so that there kids are BORN on a schedule.

And we wonder why so many yuppy children shoot up their schools...

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What if everyone farted at once?

Not once has anyone mentioned the obvious, though. (Or maybe I missed it when skimming that website.) You have two port-potties at a wedding. Decorate them like a bride and groom! Now there's a wedding I might attend!

P.S. I hate weddings, but GGG brought up an interesting point on this issue.

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What if everyone farted at once?

Apparently, it can type, too.

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What if everyone farted at once?

Number one, let me back up GGG. She and Dumpster are very good friends, just as I am a friend of Dumpster's offline. (When I actually have time to call him!) I think's an annoying feature of society that no one thinks it's okay to be good friends with someone of the opposite gender without having some sexual motive involved. Can't people just be friends anymore, or do we all have to fuck like monkeys?

Anyway, GGG, I laughed at this story because of some of the pictures that popped into my head. Especially the rattling fart description with the slamming of the back door. For some reason I got this weird picture of shit bees buzzing around in your colon, complete with sound effects. (Probably the result of the vicodin. My stupid back injury! You think it would be gone after two fucking years!!!)

This story is a prime example of why I don't eat onions. Blech!!!

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What if everyone farted at once?

What? No one likes bespeckled shits? I, for one, enjoy a good, seedy berry. Also, try sesame seeds. They make for a nice, white specked turd.

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Behold! My new farting super power! BRAPP!!!

I'm sorry to hear that, Double Flush.

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If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

Dumpster, I assume that if a girl takes a stall next to mine, she is probably a volcanologist interested in the geochemistry of my gases, and therefore is sitting in the other bathroom with her COSPEC device waiting for results. If I choose the bathroom first, however, she is likely a resident of Pompeii.

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If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

Alright, Dumpster gets a plus one for making me get the dry heaves.
I used to think the shit-eating threads were the grossest on the site. Now I change my mind. This thread has to be the grossest one ever created on Poop Report. The comments on here are. GAG!!!

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If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

What?!? I do not kiss up! My extremely brown lips are stained by some other means... :-)

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If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

Dribble! Plop! Swoosh! Nothing but bowl!

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If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

That is NOT a Baby Ruth!

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If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

My God! The broccoli's still green!

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If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

I'm so sorry about your car!

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I was a category five! Category five, I tell you! Get it right or I'll be back to PROVE IT!!!!- Katrina

Category five shart spoiled my couch.

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I was a category five! Category five, I tell you! Get it right or I'll be back to PROVE IT!!!!- Katrina

I think it will add to the picture to have various different kinds of plungers, as Dave stated above. It will give the idea of a total revolution with everyone picking up the tool at hand to fight for fecal freedom. A see of just red plungers suggests too much conformity, where different colors and models would make the cover stand out.

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I was a category five! Category five, I tell you! Get it right or I'll be back to PROVE IT!!!!- Katrina

Gross! What else can I say? The idea of pink shit flying up from someone during sex gave me the dry heaves. Still, it was a wonderfully descriptive story.

You know, I never understood fucking like bunnies day in and day out. Gilbert and I never have... Oh, I hear Gordon crying. Damnit, I almost got away with that lie!

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I was a category five! Category five, I tell you! Get it right or I'll be back to PROVE IT!!!!- Katrina

Damn, I thought the constant "I have blood in my poop, please help me" comments were annoying. When did PR become a porn site? I am not the least bit interested in how many guys on this planet stick tampons up their ass, how it feels, or if they think everyone else in the world should do it. Go to some fetish site and stop posting sick shit on a HUMOR site. It's not funny, it's boring and disgusting at the same time.

Thus I press thy holy "moderate" button. Once, one time, and one will be the number pressed. Now help me reach the Castle Ahhhhh.

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I was a category five! Category five, I tell you! Get it right or I'll be back to PROVE IT!!!!- Katrina

To boldly go where no man has gone before. Sorry, couldn't resist.

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"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

Maybe we should throw a turd in it and see what happens.

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I have seen the truth and it makes no sense!

Doniker, you made me laugh out loud, so I gave you some credit, where credit is due.

I... I can't say it! I won't say it! Oh, the cramps! Uh... Uh... I need a toilet! Damn it! The door's locked! Let me in before I....

THIS STORY IS FAKE!!!!! (Oh, I feel so dirty!)

Does someone have some toilet paper? And maybe a little Oxiclean for this carpet?

No one can possibly survive eating fermented mayonaise. Mayonaise is one of the carriers of botulism if left out in the sun, etc. You most likely would have died of respiratory paralysis long before you released ass.

However, I am willing to believe that perhaps you loaded up on something you don't react well to (like me and black-eyed peas) to get her back. But I doubt if this is what happened.

It had shades of "The Secret Life of Walter Middy" and I HATE that story! The dude needed to seriously stop being so pussy whipped, and so did you. I agree with CEP on this one (damn this diarrhea!), there are many deep, abandoned mine shafts in the Appalacians.

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Broccoli!

Mine was a flour baby assignment. I didn't do it, of course, because it was probably the stupidest thing I had been assigned since my first grade teacher tried to order me to tell my "mommy" about "poor little C". Both assignments ended in teacher humiliation, but only because said teacher copped an attitude about the assignment after I questioned it's ligitimacy.

No, actually, I didn't question the ligitimacy of the flour baby assignment. The teacher came over to me and said that she wanted me, in particular, to do this assignment, in that condescending way that Oregon teachers always got with me. When I said I wouldn't do it, she tried every intimidating crap trick in the book. (Which of course wasted even more of our valuable class time.) She was sure she had won and my spirit was properly broken.

So the weekend passed and health class came back into session on Monday. All the kids sat, perfectly humiliated, with their little sacks of flour on the desk. My desk was empty. When I was asked why my assignment wasn't turned in, I said, "I'm a canibal. Want some cake?"

Hmmm. Now that I think about it, never did show up for that detention, either.

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Broccoli!

Slow night? Couldn't find a dance partner? Or perhap it was one of those toilet baby assignments in health class?

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Broccoli!

My two cents on the political issue: I am not a liberal and I am not a conservative. (Though every political test I have taken tells me I am a moderate Republican.) I watch and choose what I feel is right for the country. Sometimes it is the Democrat, sometimes it is the Republican. Sometimes it is neither. Unfortunately, in the last two elections it felt as if I was choosing the lesser of two evils in the Presidential race.

(NOTE: To all liberals and conservatives, this refers to the extremes on both sides. Not to your run of the mill Republican or Democrat.)

I have a real problem with ultra conservatives for the following reasons:

1. A lot of them hate minorities and women. (See C. Everett Poop.) When it comes down to it, ultra-conservatives are haters in general. Death to anyone who isn't white! Death to anyone without a penis! Death to anyone with a different religion! Death to anyone who disagrees! I can almost taste the copper in my mouth when I read and hear such violent hatred. One young conservative even slammed a hammer into the side of my freshy painted car because he didn't like my bumper sticker.

2. I am constantly told to watch out for imaginary foes and be afraid, very afraid, of the entire world around me. This is the reason that I am supposedly supposed to give up my right to privacy, free speech, and various other civil rights. I would rather be dead than vote away my rights just because of terrorists. If I were to do that, the terrorists would win.

3. A conservative is always telling me they are here for me, yet, at the same time, gouging me for gasoline and various other necessary expenses in life. If they are here to support the rural American, than why is this administration taking away our dust restrictions, stealing water from farmers, and selling grazing land to developers for a payoff?

4. Many of them are Bible thumping freaks who assume that EVERYONE in this country is Christian. I do not have a problem with Christians. I have a problem with ultra-conservative crooks who claim they are Christian just to get voters. I also have a problem with someone trying to shove another religion down my throat when it is not what I believe.

5. There are some very disturbing conservatives who work in the military. Such people, tainted by such black hatred and rage, should never be given a gun. They are programmed from birth to be this way, usually by their conservative parents, and many of them don't know WHY they hate so much. Plus, when these people get into higher positions in the military, those people like me are never allowed to serve our country. We just don't meet the perfect standards set out for entry. Women in the military are expected to meet the standards of a supermodel. (This is the reason why many of these men accuse a woman they don't like, even a woman they have never seen, as being "fat".) My sister had an unhealthy 6% body fat ratio, yet she was told she was too fat to serve. I have been told by these same fuckers who refuse to recruit me that I should stop whining and get out on the front lines. I would, but somehow I don't have a desire to serve coffee to some dirty old man general, or become a publicity poster child to try to get points for the Republicans. (See Jessica Lynch.)

6. I am tired of getting campaign letters and flyers from conservative candidates who list me as Mrs. Volcano. It is assumed by the conservative lot that all women over the age of 18 are married or else there is something wrong with them. I am tired of the insulting, demeaning manner in which I addressed by many of the popular Republican candidates because I have the audacity not to have a penis. I will not vote for someone who constantly tells me that my place is in the home looking pretty and taking care of some man.

Now for those bleeding-heart ultra-liberal fuck-bastards:

1. Most are apathetic pieces of shit without a brain in their heads. They talk big of all the wonderful things they want to do for this country, yet no one ever shows up to do it. Most have better things to do, like watching TV or being politically correct.

2. Moderates like myself are called "lazy" or "stupid" by ultra-liberals. This happened a lot during the Kerry campaign, which is one of the reasons I hate that man. (That, and he only seemed to focus on the fifty-five plus set and the hell with the rest of us.)

3. Ultra-liberals have this obsession with raising standards in schools. Sure, this can be a good thing, but their constant unattainably rising goal in the American public schools is causing decay of our children's education. Children are now not allowed to run on the playground (or have recess at all in some places) and I have met children who were expelled because the principal decided their writing was not politically correct.(Though religious conservatives are doing a number on the schools as well. See the Creation/Evolution issue and Abstinence Only programs.)

4. Ultra-liberals are whiney bastards. Half the time, the other side gets into power because these immature idiots take their ball and go home when the going gets tough. "If Bush gets elected I'm leaving the country!" My late dad (a liberal moron) was furious when I refused to go to Canada if he left. I told him my reasoning, yet he never got it. (For some of his annoying gems, go to thekickingdonkey.com. If it's still up. God I hope not!) If something happens to this country, you stand up and fight tooth and nail, not run like a scared puppy and hope for the best!

5. Everyone said the economy was much better during the Clinton administration. Perhaps it was for the Baby Boomers. Unfortunately, for the rest of us it was hard to get a job at all what with all this new fangled certification that no one could afford. Ultra-liberals are often ex-hippies, all over the age of 50, who seem to forget that there are other age groups in this society, none of whom were getting any aide. If you think I am wrong, than ask me what I did for a living.

6. Tre Arrow. Look him up. I don't think I need to say more.

Ultras on both sides are bringing down this country's economy. The liberals have made jobs unattainable with their ridiculous standards and the conservatives make it worse by outsourcing. Prices continue to rise, because both sides of the table are so corrupt, and no matter how hard America works we can NEVER pay the bills. However, we are called lazy by these jackasses who were born with a silver spoon in their mouth. We are told we should not get any benefits by the conservatives because we just aren't working hard enough (a two-parent household working to full-time jobs APIECE doesn't sound "lazy" to me), and the liberals just throw up their hands and whine ("Well what do you want me to do about it? I'm just a lowly Democrat"). I would say that the ultras are so busy bickering among themselves that they really don't care about this country in the first place.

First and foremost, though, it is the ultras who don't shit. THEY ARE TOO BUSY SPOUTING IT!!!

Okay, back to the story. This rant is over.

You are invited to step forward and express a point in an Off Topic discussion on the forums. Or make an example of yourself. Again. (You know who you are.)

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Broccoli!

That had me laughing, Dumpster! A truly classic pooem!

I don't know where Bunga is now. Perhaps the shit demons living in my pipes ate him.

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Broccoli!

Recently some raw food enthusiasts have decided that chewing your food is bad for your health. You are supposed to stick your food in a blender and grind it into a paste, then drink it. Apparently this is more natural and helps you digest your food better so that you get more vitamins and nutrients from it.

These people are beginning to suffer from muscle atrophy in their jaws. (This is NOT a joke.) Now health food stores are marketing products that these nutcases use to exercize their jaws so that the muscles stayed toned, because they are not using the damn things for what nature intended in the first place.

There have been many disgusting studies out there as well. Apparently, tofu causes brain damage. It turns out that the idiot scientists didn't look at the OTHER parts of their control group's diet. Everyone on the study turned out to be consuming tons of aspartime, making the study nil and void.

People through history have come up with stupid ideas. In the 1940s and 50s people actually drank radioactive water with the false idea that it was "natural" and cured all ails. Most of these idiots died of radiation poisoning or cancer.

Please look at what we have done throughout nature. I personally am not a squatter, simply because bathrooms are not set up for it and, as Dave stated elsewhere, my joints are not conditioned from years of practice. However, as others have pointed out above, humans have been squatting for centuries.

Don't believe the words of a few men who don't like sharing their toilets with a standing woman, because that is what this study is REALLY about. I will continue to stand to pee. I have done so for years and had no related health problems.

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Broccoli!

Sometimes dreams are simpler than you think and have nothing complicated or super-symbolic involved.

For example, just a few days ago I had a dream that my parents were throwing a big party in the house and this one woman went into our downstairs bathroom and shit herself. She had this enormous ball of shit and long, black hair stuck to her ass and she just stood in there desperately trying to clean herself off while she cried like a colicky baby.

I had to go to the bathroom really bad, so I ran to the other toilet next door. Unfortunately, the floor was covered with shitty sheets and I couldn't possibly pull my pants down to shit in the clogged toilet.

After a few minutes I woke up and suddenly realized I really DID have to go to the bathroom.

The meaning of the dream: you've gotta go but your can't do it here so wake the hell up.

I would say the meaning of your dream, SDP, is to not hold your poop in. Otherwise, you will end up with an explosion of the ass not unlike... Well, a shit volcano!

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Broccoli!

Camel sex. Did he get one hump or two?

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Broccoli!

People, you do realize this is NOT the Mythbusters' site, right?

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Broccoli!

Shit-powered cars would be a great thing but at the moment I don't think it is viable. Honestly, how do you attach a politician to your car and expect him to STAY there!

Anonymous Coward, what we need to stop is people with no sense of humor. Or perhaps someone who doesn't get the point of a website after people have tried for years to explain it. This is not a poop eating website, nor does anyone here condone eating poop. That's disgusting!

Do you know the definition of someone who hears something over and over again and still doesn't get it. STUPID!

Censorship is for idiots who cannot handle regular society, needing to live in some utopian world where everything is clean and sanitized for your protection. Now go back to wiping with your three seashells and leave us alone.

For target shooting, grab a plastic coat hanger and stick it in your bathroom fan. Turn it on and grab onto the hanger. Then whenever your ass is in range fire one off. See how many points you can score. In the bowl is a three point shot. Skids on the seat, but in the bowl, equals one point. No points for floor or wall splatters. If you can hit the cat as he runs screaming from the room you earn 10 points, though.

Reading this again (my mom was curious) I recall a funny story. Too short for a Poop Report feature.

I was eleven and we were riding Amtrak across the country. Unfortunately, during our ride on the California Zephyr, the air conditioning in our car broke. We were in the middle of the Midwest in late July. The train crew decided to allow us sleeper passengers to use the crew car if we were overheated, so we enjoyed it.

The crew car was one of those old ones from the 1960s and had a couple of toilet stalls in the downstairs. Now toilets on Amtrak today all have tanks to store the raw sewage. But this car (pre-Amtrak era) had a bowl with a flapper that opened out onto bare track. There was this big sign on the crapper that said, "Do not flush while train is in station."

Temptation for an eleven-year-old, especially one of my angellic standing, is too much sometimes. So I took a huge dook and waited until we pulled into some station in Iowa. The train hummed to a stop and then I heard a bustle of passengers and luggage tenders outside the car.

Taking a deep breath, I pulled the lever. The toilet wooshed to life with a burst of toilet paper, water, and shit. All spilled out through a circle of sunlight onto the track and platform below.

"Hey", screamed a baggage tender.

I ran like hell. Never knew exactly what happened after that, but I did glance out another window to see the baggage tender and a couple of crew members scrubbing their uniforms off with a spare towel.

I have learned from encounters with these sort of people that they often are very prudish on the outside. They hold back their sexual needs for an unnatural length of time until something in their minds snap. Suddenly gross things, such as girls pooping, or the like, become sexually attractive because these former (and current) prudes have forgotten what it means to be aroused by normal things.

This has happened through history, to males and females. Suddenly everything starts looking like a good fuck. As an example, there is a theory that sex starved sailors saw sea cows at mermaids. When you cut off your natural urges, whether denying actual sex, masturbation, or both, it cannot be good in the end.

No, this is not meant as a flame for King or anyone, just an explanation why there are so many guys (and girls) out there who seem to think that someone taking a shit is sexy. I do not personally find the function of crapping a turn on to any degree, but I also don't stuff my sexual urges into a little box either.

No, this is also not meant as a support for shit fetish people either. As has been stated by many people before, if you are on this site for fetish purposes you have come to the wrong place. Please leave.

Whew! Took me a while to moderate this one. How many sick fucks did we attract to this particular thread? I am very disturbed now. It sort of gives me the jester in the closet feeling.

Nice to see some AB2K poop reports. Had you been mean to your ass or something? Sounds like a little revenge there. Especially if your ass normally behaves itself.

I'd answer that but I don't feel like it right now.

Besides, do you realize how many different germs are on a 1 dollar bill. Yuck! You could end up with butt herpes or something!

I suppose you drink piss to help improve your grammar?

I have done the bare-assed run several times.

Normally when I have to wipe real bad the cardboard tube is not enough. It is usually a single-wipe deal. And in a lot of those public bathrooms it's one of those foot wide cardboard deals that is stuck way up inside a specialized dispenser.

Going unwiped or wiping with socks just seems absurd to me. Yuck!

As for asking my neighbor for some, usually they pretend I'm not there. Most of them are members of the FRVA (Future Rape Victims of America) and they are afraid of everything, including someone asking them for some butt wipe. They probably even shit with their hands clasped against their chest. So that option is usually out of the question.

There have been a few times I have used the "ask" option and been successful. Usually it's because they've overhead me say, "God damn, janitor" or something.

Come on, Dumpster. The challenge has been made!

Wrong? Did someone let Holy Shitter back on?

Bunga, thanks for the personal insight. You are very brave to post this on the front page! Congratulations on getting clean!

Now, to answer a question others have asked:

On the smoking thing, some people, not all, have an addictive personality. Some drive in their brain that gives them a need to have something to depend on.

My dad was a chain smoker for 30 years until he quit in 1992. In the place of smoking he took up eating and became a binge eater. Eventually he was eating up to 8,000 calories a day and he gained 200 pounds. He stopped for a while, replacing his addiction with work, and worked almost twenty-four seven for one of those stupid network marketing companies. When he developed a heart problem related to his habits, he was forced to quit his "job" and returned to binge eating full force. When he was hospitalized for a relapse of heart trouble he had ballooned from 260 to 400 pounds. He died in October wondering why his weight wouldn't drop as he stuffed his face full of the grossest food I have ever seen.

The saddest part about it was that whenever anyone talked to him about stopping he turned into an instant asshole. "I like eating!" "I can stop this whenever I feel like it!" "You're such an asshole! Leave me alone!" "I don't need help! I need people to stop harassing me!"

If you must have something to depend on, look for something less damaging to your system. Like chewing gum or collecting pencils or something. Addiction kills, whether it be beer, food, drugs, or cigarettes.

Shooting up with urine?

This must be how urine therapy people do drugs.

It pee not poo, if a doctor tests your urine at a physical to diagnose a problem, wouldn't that mean that the "problem" is putting something nasty in it.

Again, just because it's pee and sterile doesn't mean it's meant to drink. Have you ever wondered why your pee is yellow? Think about this before you put it in your mouth.

My basset mix has been drinking her urine on a twice daily basis for five years. I know because I have watched her. She is now dying of kidney cancer because of what the vet calls an "unexplained stress on the urinary tract". I have not told her about the urine drinking habit.

Yes, in extreme survival situations people have sipped their own urine, but only for the short term. According to the survival books I have read, there is a method for extracting the liquid from your urine by building a makeshift evaporator, and I have tried this in my backyard to see if it works. It does. Nowhere in the books/files does it talk about drinking the actual urine, which, according to a few of these sources, can cause uremic poisoning and dehydration.

And no, It's Poo Not Pee, I am not brainwashed by modern doctors. I am not into modern medicine because I think doctors have become drug dealers rather than people who treat illness and help maintain health. There is a stupid pill out there for everything and each of these damn pills will eventually poison your liver.

On the other hand, some "natural" cures get out of hand. People starve, poison, and/or torture themselves for the sake of extending their lifespan. Keep in mind these are not people with fatal diseases, just health nuts who fear old age and death. Surprisingly, many of them end up with cancer or drop dead from a heart attack long before they would ever be considered "old".

I have met a few people who are over 100 years old. None of them ever drank their own urine or went on one of these severe "healthy living" plans. In fact, none of them were vitamin junkies, raw fooders, vegans, or even vegetarians. None of them ever went on any sort of weird diet either. (i.e. Atkins, the Paleo diet, etc.) None of them hit the gym daily either. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not against vitamins, exercize or vegan/vegetarian diets. So don't start.) Their secret to life taking care of their bodies and NOT WORRYING ABOUT DEATH.

My sister is 30 years old and slowly killing herself on a raw food diet. She was nearly hospitalized two months ago for severe anemia and she is showing signs of dementia. Both problems are related to malnutrition. Now that's healthy for you.

Except for Dr. Paul Recher, I have not heard one intelligent, arguable comment on this subject from urine therapy supports. I have seen a lot of mispellings, bad grammar, and angry words. I have received a few threatening e-mails laced with lots of cursing and comments about my mother. Total lack of maturity or brain function seems to be prevalent among these particular commentors. (I have encountered similar violence and stupidity from Atkins dieters who don't like to hear the facts about their practice.)

I have always wondered by a certain group of health nuts feel the need to become violent and nasty when someone disagrees with them. My sister is the same way, even as her body shuts down around her. These type of people remind me of right-wing evangelical Christians who bomb abortion clinics or Islamic extremists who lock women in closets. Health has become this type of person's religion and that is extremely unhealthy.

If you would like to debate the issue intelligently, then by all means, leave your commentary in support of urine therapy. Just offer more than bad grammar, insults, and the same crap propaganda that I have read in every urine therapy article/pamphlet.

Ah, yes, the classic shart. I would say this one was about a category 3. Here is the sharting scale for future reference:

1- A little goo seeps out around the anus. It covers very little area in your crack but is enough to make it itch and feel slippery.

2- Goo covers your crack. Some minor damage to underwear but (unless you are wearing thin panties) nothing seeps through the cotton.

3- Underwear is completely trashed. Some staining on the interior of your pants is possible.

4- Underwear completely destroyed by your foul gravy. Pants are also stained, some stain reaching the exterior of your pants. This is getting into the realm of really embarassing.

5- Both underwear and pants are destroyed. Major stains on the exterior of pants. A 5 may also result in damage to shirts, socks, and shoes.

Many people would classify 4 or 5 as official shitting of pants. To tell the difference between a pants shitting and an actual shart, a shart is a mess created by a single fart. There are no other pushes or farts involved in this and no chunks exit the anus. If the above does happen, it is a regular shit-yer-pants event.

I hate people who comment using bad grammar. We should all hold such people down and inflict three thousand paper cuts to each of their faces.

How many people out there come on this site looking for advice on bloody poop?!? And how many of those people don't listen to advice offered?!?

(takes a deep breath)

GO.... TO.... THE.... DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And learn how to read! Maybe you wouldn't have to ask the damn question in the first place!

Listen to Fart Poopie, people! I'm tired of saying it over and over again. GO TO THE FUCKING DOCTOR!!!!!!!

Have you ever noticed how horribly angry these piss drinkers get when you tell them you won't practice it, too?

Sort of like a cocaine addict getting pissed when you won't try his drugs.

Hmmm.... Makes you wonder, doesn't it, wonderingrose.

I am the Shit Volcano, and I will continue to comment on this subject as long as you kooks keep writing me angry letters. Addicts!

Oh, come on! Four inches?!? My middle finger is longer than that!!!!

I stopped using tampons because no matter what absorbency I bought they still leaked. I guess my pussy is shaped funny.

I hate it when I respond to a comment that gets deleted. Then I look like a stupid asshole.

You guys seriously need a hobby.

I've never had liquid Pepto turn my tongue black but now that I think about it the chewable tablets sure did. My teeth turned black, too. Blue poo, however. Never had it. Want it, but never had it.

Oh my fucking god! I hope no one believed this one. I've been shit on by a cow before and (aside from being totally disgusting) it never even left a mark. Cow pies are soft and sort of liquid. There is no way it would have broken that cat's neck. Even if it did really happen, are you sure the cow didn't accidently step on the cat beforehand? That would have crushed it for sure.
Either way, I am a cat owner and I agree with Milk Chocolate. It was funny right until the end.

Are you sure it's the bathroom that stinks and not the pizza?