Here's a fantasy pooem for all of us who wish our spouses were Shameless Shitters:

There I stood shaving my face,
When my wife strolled in at her usual pace.
She said “I hope you don’t mind a little smell,
Those beans last night haven’t settled so well.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said with no concern,
“As soon as you finish, it’ll be my turn.”
Immediately I heard a fart like a boom,
Then the smell started to fill the room.
I said “that wasn’t a ‘little smell’ Sweetheart.”
She said “I’m sorry but that was only a fart,
And I’m afraid it was just a small start.”
Sure enough, as I heard a turd splash,
I really wanted to make a mad dash.
She soon wiped and flushed and said “your turn Dear”,
But when I finished she said “we may have to re-paint in here.”
Later we laughed a lot and I now wonder whether,
That dinner of beans brought us closer together.

Hey, this pooetry is really fun. Here's another one:

Here I sit, cheeks spread just right,
Waiting to start my morning delight.
At first there’s just a thunderous fart,
I must wait a while for the big show to start.
As I sit trapped in my smelly fog,
My thoughts are on birthing a big brown log.
How I would love to look down and judge,
The amazing size of my load of fudge.
After a minute or two something takes hold,
As I feel some big turds sliding out my hole.
I sit and reflect on how pleasant it’s been,
Before I begin to wipe my bottom end.
I shake the pee from my dick one final time,
And hope the rest of the day could be this fine.

I've been seated and let out a mighty fart,
Now I can't wait for the main event to start.
If the turd can match the great prelude, I'll be a relieved and smiling dude.
As I sit here now in a smelly fog, I can't wait to look down and see a huge brown log.
My day will be off to a wonderful start, and I'll remember how it started with that big ol' fart.

I never found fault with any of it except the real cheap, slick stuff. For some reason, my wife used to buy that stuff years ago. I told her it was like wiping my ass with a banana peel.