Tho' what happened was really quite comical,
It was worthy of a Poop Report chronicle.
The eye slid down his throat,
But now that old billy goat,
Is being fitted for an ass-crack monocle.

It's beautiful Daphne. I printed it, collated and bound it. Whenever I need some good toilet reading material, I grab the hand truck and haul it into the bathroom.

I have WCD (wise crack disorder)

"Clean your eye" she would always remind him.
"I swallowed it" ol' Martin just chimed in.
In short time it did pass
But got stuck in his ass
And now he can see whats behind him.

Logjam, I'm sure it's just an honest mistake that you put Bilge's phone number in your post.

I understand that in parts of India they worship rats. I imagine those huts take a lot longer to build.

Herbert, girls poop

They poop in toilets, they poop on planes.
They poop on sunny days, they poop when it rains.
They poop in the woods, they poop in their pants
They poop on hills that are covered with ants.
They poop when its cold, they poop when its hot
They poop on the rim, when they miss the pot.
They poop giant logs, or ones like a mouse
Why, Herbert they'll even poop at YOUR house.
Get over it Herbie, or one will poop,
A steaming brown turban, right on your stoop.

Dr. Seuss

Courtesy flushes can be dangerous. A stopped up bowl can creep up and surprise you in a heartbeat. We are, however, all equipped with ass radar which should go off the instant cold water hits cheekage. This guy must have had the reactions of a tree sloth to have gotten his BVD's full of shit.

Corn powered cars, busses and ships,
Corn pudding, corn dogs and even corn chips.
It's found everywhere,
Even in Shoffy's hair.
So whats wrong with corn in our shits.

You got a hell of a strong arm to throw that.

Yes, Turtle Head Wax.

"One bad ass molecule"

Stinker toy.

Dianalfloracrakide.

I have just downloaded the latest version of microsoft shittycomment 2008. It has alerted me that Eoz's comments (Is that Zoe spelled backwards?) were in fact shitty.

Yes, but they are referred to as Sir Tapeworm.

Not another rectal exam. My scoutmaster just gave me one last week. He said just a few more and I will get my second class badge.

Just one more question Ma'am. You didn't happen to collide with an Immodium truck?

Columbo

Uh, Bilge, that accusatory finger has a bit of soap suds on it...

You're right Chuck. I'm going to vote for an upgrade to mild poverty for this family.

Mrs. Gilden
2nd period English

Mr. Jam, while your report was well written, the book you were supposed to read was "The Little Brown Skunk". Please report to my office after class.

Thanks to my Ivory Chia Pets, everyone else in the house uses body wash.

I do what most men do but won't admit. I soap up the wife's loofa and go to town back there.

In Daphne's defense, she isn't taking grizzly bear growth hormones. That was Roger Clemens (allegedly). She's taking the growth hormones from the Grizzly Bear Cactus (optunia polyacantha v. trichaphora), which is preferred by the veggies.
Oh, and AC that isn't a thong, just a pair of panties stretched to their limit.

Struttinghip, I live on the other side of the creek in Jersey. Just call me next time, and I will come over and take credit for the monster when the plumber comes. For guys, something like that is a badge of honor. By the way, I like that you started your story with a limerick. I have one for you. I hope you like it.

"You got a problem" the plumber told her.
Kelly's turd was the size of a boulder.
He looked like Brad Pitt,
Hanger-hacking her shit.
And left with it slung o'er his shoulder.

Is there some way 4} can disappear?

I guess her "sleeping like a log" turned into "sleeping with a log".

AC, why put your body through all that stress. Just melt the chocolate, mix it with the milk and dump it directly into your pants.

Then again, if they were war survivors they might be diving for cover.

I would like to insert my opinion. Like it or not, it is how I feel. First off I am a law and order person. Without laws, we would rapidly decend into a feudal, Afghan type society. Public restrooms are exactly what the name implies, PUBLIC. They are put there for the convenience of the public, for use as designed, and the area behind the stall door is just as much the public's property as the rest of the room. I have seen many a private bathroom closed to the public because of abuse, as well as public ones. As a matter of fact New Jersey has half the hiway rest stops it used to have, and many of these are closed at night.
I have absolutely no problems with someones sexual orientation, or religion. As a matter of fact, I dont have a problem with someone trying to get a date in a public restroom, as long as the follow up is taken to a home or hotel. The vast majority of the public wants clean rest rooms so they can do their business with a bit of decency, and I think a person making a mess or defacing property is more guilty of abuse than someone tapping on your stall. After all, if you're not interested, a polite "fuck off" will solve the problem. I don't align myself with Republicans or Democrats, Catholics or Protestants, gay or straight on this issue. I prefer to align myself with the party of common sense.

Just another lousy day,
Toilet full of fecal spray,
Pinch or wipe, I cannot say,
My hand a mess either way,
A change in diet, I hope and pray,
Will keep the 'rhea somewhat at bay,
Until then, I sit and linger,
And wipe the frosting off my finger.

I have never felt the urge to take a nap after I shit, however people near me often appear to be out cold.

Least like, and most like wouldn't make a difference to me as long as it made for a great stall story. My choice would be Ralph Kramden. I can hear it now Hamana, Hamana, Hamana.....Whaaaaaaaa.

I guess if you are no longer a virgin, then I must be a real slut.

So much for the wrinkled starfish.

I think it is time to give credit where credit is due.

It matters not whether it yours or its mine,
He's inspired many a quality rhyme,
Just remember who "took the hit"
And ate his own familys shit,
Mr Shoff, you're a legend in your own time.

Ok you asked for it!

Mrs. Shoff was busy "Decking the Halls",
When she heard her mans desperate calls,
He was stuck upside down,
Surrounded by half his hometown,
As they hoisted him out by his balls.

CEP, can we get a report on your next poop? I would be interested to know if it comes out of one hole or two.

Wiper, I had envisioned the Shoff's as older, slightly overweight mid-westerners. Your last line killed me (and a few of my other personalities). Here is one back at you.

On a fridgid night much to Shoff's chagrin,
In his own cesspit he fell in,
He said "Its not quite the norm,
But its really quite warm,
So I think that I'll go for a swim."

Thank you, Daphne. This one is for you, then I'm going to sleep.
The Aftermath:
Tho' he looked like a wet teddy bear,
Shoff was none the worse for the wear,
Though he showered quite well,
And got rid of the smell,
A month later he found some corn in his hair.

Tho' the blockage was not caused by him,
Ol' Shoff cleared it out, then fell in,
He was covered in the goo,
From a years worth of poo,
And a tampon was stuck to his chin.

An Iowan named Shoff once did slip,
Went face first in his own septic pit,
The fireman said,
As he hosed off Shoff's head,
"He's lucky his ass didn't fit

That would have made him the $6,150,000 man and he would have gone over budget.

Thank god we dont share a land border with Africa. Im sure we Americans would be demanding the "imported stuff".

Sorry, I wasnt logged in. May I get my point. Pretty please.