I average one and a half poops per day. I guess that makes me a bi-sexual.
_______
SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

If you did not know whether you hit the deer or not, you did not know if you only wounded it or not. You should have gone to check on the deer. A real hunter does not allow the animal to suffer. It is your duty to put it out of it's misery. Even if you accidently killed it cleanly, it is irresponsible to leave the dead animal out in the woods. By doing so, you lose all moral standing. You just wasted it's life for no reason what so ever. You are lucky that those other guys found the deer.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan
Join The Poop Reporter's Lounge

Lola never did find Bill's keys.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan
Join The Poop Reporter's Lounge

When smelling moth balls, how do you get their little legs apart?
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan
Join The Poop Reporter's Lounge

Put your pants back on, Turdgutson.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

C. Evelyn... No fair; making two posts in a row.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Madam, you are a basket case. I can not believe you keep repeating this obnoxious ritual of clogging the toilet. Get a grip on yourself. There are other poopers in the world.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

I don't want my workers to go on strike, so after work, I am going to buy them all a round of beers.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

I would reach in, grab the turd and write "BUY A TOILET BRUSH!"
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Fecal
Emergency
Management
Agency
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Good idea, Wiper. It could be called CRANKENSTIEN!!!!
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

I'm glad that I am not afraid of penises. I would have to throw out my entire porn collection.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

If the bleeding penis guy has not gone screaming in to the emergency room by now, he does not deserve to have a penis, much less reproduce. This is evolution at work, folks.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Prince of Poop

QUICK! CALL THE SECRET SERVICE! OUR PRESIDENT IS HAVING A MEDICAL EMERGENCY EVERY TIME HE GIVES A PRESS CONFERENCE!!!
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Prince of Poop

You dirty hover/squatters are the ones the make the horrendous messes in public bathrooms. Just sit down, dagnabbit. It aint gonna kill you.

_______
The Late Great
SamDamnit!
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

I think my original title was "Bunk Funk". It was kind of lame. "SamDamnit! Saves Camp" seemed too self glorifying. I thought "Sodden and Gommorah" would be too long. I'm glad that Dave comes up with the titles for these things. Mary Mary did come up with one that Dave ended up using. It was called "Whirl Poo".

_______
SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

An enthusiastic canine does the trick. They are very thorough with that tongue.

SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

"And yeah, don't be tempted to just post crappy comments to build your post count... we will see them and delete them and hate you for it."

UH OH!

SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

I gave birth to a bouncy baby bouy, this morning. He bobbed around in the crap hole like a real trooper. I am so proud. I named him Dungey.

SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Lat night, I talked Mary Mary in to eating some french fries and a fajita pita instead of her usual sprouts and nuts. This morning, she dropped a bomb that made the dog squeal and cost me a whole book of matches. The honeymoon is over. Her farts no longer smell like roses. For once, I am not inclined to sniff those panties.

SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

*GROUP HUG*

HEY! Who just grabbed my ass?

SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

I would like to state for the record, that I did not touch that man! The photos of me lifting up my blue dress, to expose my panties, was just a tongue in cheek tribute to the great J. Edgar Hoover. I am not gay....... not that there is any thing wrong with that. I do however believe that we need a law that keeps shameful shitters from marrying the shameless. As it says in the Excretiastes 2

"Woe on to the shameless that besmirch the shameful. Let not the two reside together under one roof."

SamDamnit!
President and Commander and Chiefof Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Children are great as long as the mewling little cabbages belong to some one else. I would not want one in my house. They would break all my toys.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

I'm throwing up!

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

What's the matter.......cat got you dung??

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://groups.myspace.com/THECHURCHOFPOOP

Mr. Poop.
I was referring to the Spanish American War and the Kennedy/Nixon election. The bad laws I was referring to, are as follows:

It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://groups.myspace.com/THECHURCHOFPOOP

I'll refrain from responding to the political comments. My reason for being there, was not the focus of the story. One of the underlying themes of The Poop Report, is that we all defecate, regardless of anything else we do. I rather like that thought and sense of commonality that it inspires. We are all fundamentaly the same. I mean; what is more fundamental than the fundament?

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://groups.myspace.com/THECHURCHOFPOOP

No wonder so many drug addicts have that constipated look on their face. I always thought they were just concentrating on keeping their shit together.........so to speak.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://groups.myspace.com/THECHURCHOFPOOP

Thanks. Dave. Now I am picturing some one who just had a painful poo. He is bent over the bowl, wagging his finger at it, and saying...

"BAD DOG!"

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://groups.myspace.com/THECHURCHOFPOOP

I tie it in a knot..........sorry. It depends on the bowl and seat size and configuration. Sometimes it takes no effort at all. Other times, I feel compelled to rein in the stallion with a gentle tug at the base of the shaft or a downward press at the same spot. I suppose the mood of my spam javelin is also a factor. An extremely cold toilet seat can make the whole process rather easy. I have yet to experience coitus interuptus caused by a spastic colon. That would present some new problems, not the least of which, would be how not to become a human fountain.

I apologize, Ms. Poopie. I am not used to the farier sex being so jingoistic and ignorant.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Mr. Poopie, I am not self hating. It is most of you other Americans, that I hate. Most of the civilized and uncivilized world hates you too. Some of the reasons are the jingoism, empty patriotism and hubris that you exhibit to the rest of the world, as well as on internet postings.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan