My guess is Nancy and Daphnie are Siamese twins, joined at the occipital bone...I base my conclusion on the assumption that one or the other was reading another thread, perhaps regarding a colon cleansing product, and the other moved on to this thread. An argument betwixt to the two conjoined individuals ensued, was placated, for the moment, and both decided to post replies regarding the colon cleansing thread. One finished before the other (probably due to using fewer caps) and moved on to this thread, while the other immediately clicked back, causing both colon cleansing replies to get trapped in the interwebs, who quickly tired of trying to figure them out, and deposited them here. Or they are both just idiots.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

***must not comment on stiff***
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Sounds perfectly natural to me. BE damn grateful he didn't bring it in his cupped hands, for christ's sake...goddamn women and their fucking unrealistic expectations.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Normally, I would take offense to being called a "cunt mod"...but I am abnormal, and find it kind of inspirational, especially since I'm a guy ( I think)...generalizations do alot of harm, Shark, and certainly do very little to win over new friends, which is what we, the majority of folks here, are about. I have tried desperately to just leave all this flame bullshit alone. CEP and TT both have had a comeuppance or two in their time here, and are who they are, but they do not represent the PR site as a whole. I leave 'em alone, and I'll leave you alone as well, enjoy your time here, and have fun, or waste your time here and be angry, I guess its up to you.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

but we should pay attention to someone that posts anonymously, right?
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

This has been the best day of my life, I have gotten so many calls from chicks offering to do strange and exotic things to parts of my anatomy I had virtually forgotten about!!! I owe you very big time, LJ!!!
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Herbie, dear, while my moral standards may be "low" in your opinion, be glad that I have ANY at all...

By the way, I've been celibate for over two years myself, but I'd change that in a heartbeat, should the opportunity arise.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go "volunteer" down at the senior center for room checks...maybe I can find an epilectic old lady in the middle of a seizure and...uh....help...yeah, help, thats it.

I almost never think about sex, unless its with a fresh faced, prim and proper, 18 year old British lad....

I agree Postman. In the future, Snowpea, dispense with the words and go strictly with hieroglyphics, it will make for a much more interesting read.

Actually, RC13, its "Two Cats, One Ass....Uhoh, Where's The Other Cat?"

The Spectrosphincometer is simply a bastardized Sphinctomaxx 3000, a Romulan device left behind in the 1947 aborted earth invasion found near Roswell, New Mexico. Originally designed as a tool of interrogation, Gasputin had some geek friends reroute the spectrometer and the required, analyizing equipment through the cermamic knueter valve, rendering the instrument useless as originally intended, but unwittingly, forming the perfect anal skin tone measuring and recording device.

TSV wrote:
"You know, it just occurred to me. Who had the stealth camera that caught this picture without being caught by museum guards. Anyone else notice the "no cameras" sign?"

I did notice the sign, right next to what appears to be a "No Halibut" sign.

PD, I don't think you can have a hard and fast rule regarding loading of the britches and dating, as the variables involved are overwhelming. Is your date trailer trash and did you take her to the Ozark Mountain Chili and Moonshine Festival? In this instance, not only would a first date pantload be acceptable, I would assume it would be required.

IF I'm reading the Lord correctly, his tongue in cheek reference to pants shitting and first dates is a poke at a recurring theme in previous stories he had read...and I appreciate the humor in it.

And you are too much of a coward to let us know who you are and where you live so can beat the living shit out of you for pulling our covers and pointing out our character defects. Or maybe you're just smarter than the rest of us, I don't know, I'm far too inferior and threatened by any answer to even consider pondering it.

"Anatomy of a Fart"

"Checked Your Toothbrush Lately?"

In honor of Di and Guy Urheea

"Trust me, DO NOT Scratch and Sniff"

"My Scent Has Symmetry"

Now that memory seems to have been kick started, I AM the one who found Daphne's penny...

(blushing) yeah, Wedgie took me out on the playground and we pretended to be credit card reading machines.

Can't watch The View without a TV...oh damn...wrong thread...

I am the sum and product of all improbabilities.

I can do some goofy noises through a toilet paper core...it entertains the shit out of my dog.

Realization dawning on his face, Bilge recognizes something is amiss. The PR guys seem to be planning a barbeque, or tailgate party, or some such get together, and he realizes he has been passed over. Slowly, with a heavy sigh, he sets down his bottle of Jergen's, and the wad of kleenex he'd been clutching, and reaches for his .44 Magnum....."ITs time to do some huntin'" he mutters...trudging toward the screen door, pants still, unfortunately, below his knees....

No worries, Ms Pance, he said HUGE TITTIES...you are safe. (runs away screaming like a little girl)

I have no idea where you, or that comment came from, AC...but I should warn you, that Daphne is a 423 lb, 4'3" bull dyke, currently on loan to us from the former Republic of East Germany weightlifting team. She (?) is part of an ongoing test regarding celery, cabbage, and grizzly bear (Ursus arctos horribilis) growth hormones. If you want to picture that in a thong, by all means, who am I to judge...just stay the fuck away from me...

Ah, Dumpy, I just knew you'd be back!!! But wearing a cyber-dress, and spouting how wonderful you are??? Rather crass old man..but then, thats to be expected. I am glad to see your public humiliation didn't keep you down for long, and your back to your old self...well, sort of. Where do shop these days?
Still drinking the good stuff? Those pumps are lovely...show off your calves very nicely.

No need to apologize to her, PD, she regularly boils carrots, listening with delight as the little tubers scream in pain...frequently carving the very heart out of an artichoke...beheading lettuce...she's a She-Hitler...vegetable genocide master. The oven? God man, you do NOT want to see that...

If you're anything like me, Thunder, its from manhandling my trouser anaconda...its a fucking workout.

I'm glad you did, pnutty, cuz I'm not looking up your assma

Main source of energy? Methane...duh.

A.C., My friend, you are in luck. My friend, David Oreck has the solution for you, and it only weighs 8 lbs!!! With the upholstery attachment you should have no trouble at all sucking out those stubborn, trepidatious turds by the root!!
With the HEPA filter, you also keep the air cleaner and healthier!! Act now and we'll send you a mini room purifier at no cost, you heard me right, no cost, to you!!!

In my loudest Lary Craig voice, I would be reaching underneath the stall, screaming for whomever to have lovely rough mansex with me, because I'm a senator from Idaho, dammit!!

That last comment coming from the almost 300 pound unemployed alcoholic...the irony....

Thank goodness for that, Anonymous, because we probably wouldn't give a rat's ass what you had to say anyway....

I usually just ask " So...you want fries with that?"

I nominate cats for all categories, just cuz you knew I would, I don't disappoint my fans

What day does hunting season start? I'm a SMART red blooded American male, and I'm thinking there are an awful lot of lonely red blooded American females that day, that could use some attention from ol' Bilgey. Hell...I might even bring Hamster....

GGG wrote:
"God, it was good! But I'm not sure it was worth it"

I'm not sure if she's talking about me or the damn soup....

Besides, everybody who's anybody on Poopreport knows that GGG lusts after me, not Dumpy....jeez...

Does it have 3 sea shells?

Pants? Whats pants?

I'm so anal, I wash when YOU poop!!!

Had that operation you recommended so highly, CEP...Your testimony was all I needed. Oh, and it was the Special Olympics...

Every morning, in the shower, just after wetting my cheeks, so its good and moist sounding...only once has the sound been an actual "event" rather than "This is a test of the emergency Buttcast system...had this been a real emergency...etc"

DND, pay no nevermind to the naysayers regarding your oft repeated vein draining...the first rule in comedy is repetition can be funny...er...I mean, repetition can be funny, but some times, repetition can be funny, and occasionally, repetition can be funny.

Mostly, its not, though.

Once again, my answer isn't included...I grab the cat by the scruff of the neck, curl the tail underneath, reach behind, with said cat, while reaching between with empty hand (cupping the sack, avoiding the vasectomy), and vigorously, agitate back and forth. Pull the animal away, for visual examination, turn it over, and repeat. Apply a "swirly" or two as necessary, to the cat, to clean, and allow to air dry for next time.

ah rekoniz dat gy he gode tu da sam colidj az me ah blev he wuz soomuh cum loudy he shor rits purdy dont he

Anomalous Coward is trying to encourage Dumpy into the porn industry...that ain't right, I'm not done watching yet.

I had to vote 4, since "Type 8 shaped like Baby Jesus smelling of Frankincense and myrrh, capable of turning other cheeks" wasn't on there.

I so want much stinkier poop. I want folks retching three days after one of my B.M.'s.
Since I'm not likely to go down in history as one of the world's movers and shakers, let me at least claim the most rancid butt chunks known to mankind.

No offense, certainly, to Mom or my Canuck friend, Bunga, but AB2K is my choice. Like many others, AB was one of the first to reach out to me and welcome me, instruct me, show pictures of her wedding to me, and truly become a friend, which I have a done a poor job in showing my appreciation for. Hopefully this vote is a step in amending that transgression.
Love ya AB2K!!!!!

Ok, I've been pondering this for like, 17 hours, now and this is my theory:
Shells do cover buttons, it is a bidet/toilet combo.
Shell 1 activates a perfect vacuum seal between customer and "deposit box", and also activates the oh so gentle vacuum "coaxer" as I like to call it.

Shell 2 , upon completion of the evacuation cycle, dispenses, at a medium high, but not uncomfortable pressure, a finely perfumed shampoo/conditioner, to clean the area, and treat the hair involved, followed by a warm( 3 degrees above the sensed body temperature), gentle rinse.

Shell 3 then activates a gentle and again, slightly warm, dryer, not blowing directly at the orifice in question, but rather, creating a gentle swirling breeze you may associate with the old Candlestick Park in San Francisco, completing the dump cycle, and leaving the patron fresh and ready to face any defrosted cryogenic villian that may cross paths with said patron.

Mystery solved, and I am building one tomorrow.

The 3 shells obviously represent the holy trinity, sans redundant morass. Bi-vernacularly, the image gluteous,post-fecal, remains 'twixt hither and over there someplace.

TSV stole my line...I prefer babies, say, around Gordon's age, preferrably kept in a very small cage, so as to impede movement, and keep muscle tissue soft, and juicily tender...
But cats will do in a pinch, as long as I haven't wiped with them.

Who's Tom Cruise?

My apologies for thta last comment, I was being a turd....oh hell, it just doesn't stop!!!

I can't go without for more than three days before I start freaking out...I'm so regular I set my watch by bowel movements...maybe I'm a little anal....JEEZ, thats funnu, I crack me up...oh see there, I said crack, did it again...damn..I'm funnier than shit..uh oh...hehe, there I go again...ooops..."go" get it???

you are.

(c'mon, that surely should get a great comment tag!!)

I re-read the contents of this particular thread again, and I'm still trying to figure out where anyone would be upset....except of course where LJ discusses my regularity...but I got over that.

In Logjam's pants, while he's in them, may bring rather harsh consequences...

what?

HAHA!!! Nice find Ms Pance!!!! I totally agree with you, the bungport makes a poor stolen stash spot....once I tried to hide a Hummer (the original BIG one) there, and got caught almost immediately. The Depends I was wearing at the time almost fooled the coppers, but I farted and the vehicle protection alarm went off, thwarting my nefarious plan.

I shit, therefore I am, LOUDLY!!!

Hey Dumbass, what the fuck does that have to do with ANYTHING??? I swear you get more retarded every day.

oops, nothing to see here....move along