A short bio:

A past- assmaster and crapitician extraordinaire, Ass-phalt has appeared on "The Late Show With Conan O'Brien," the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno and on "Tyrannical Turds: Fecal Implications for the 21st Century" at no time whatsoever.

He is an experienced Buttmetrician and the inventor of "Butt Putty," an anti-diarrhea medicine so powerful the makers of Pepto-Bismol have been known to soil themselves at the mere mention of it.

Currently, Ass-phalt is filming the soon-to-be-repressed documentary "Pirates of Ye Olde Brown Eye: Tales of Poop Deck Romance on the High Seas," for the Discovery Channel.

Gender:
Male

Favorite Bathroom:
Snooty, high-toned restaurants, where odors offend

Favorite Toilet:
The original Krapper: Krap on, Krap off, der Krapper

How I Discovered PoopReport.com:

While researching the proper spelling of "butt cheeks" (one word or two? Or is it hyphenated, masticated or otherwise constipated?) at dictionary.com. One of the websites that came up featured "Hippo-Butt's" immortal contribution to cheek-spreading technique.

Member for:
1 year 1 week

Points:
2