I was born. Then I learned to poop. Then I learned the word "poop". Then I was able to speak and form sentences using the word "poop". Then I got a job. Then I added up all my poops. Altogether, they've weighed 20,358 pounds. I saved every poop since I was 5. I keep my poop in a climate-controlled storage unit. It's all labeled.

I found it on the internet, which is part of the world wide web. It's on there. It's not hard to find. Type in poopreport.com and you'll see it. I'm surprised you don't know how to find it.